I'm a single guy and have been for a while . I've had a few relationship where chastity was involved but for whatever reasons they have ended . *I'll start this part by saying that I don't have anything against Pro Dommes ,hell I've seen a few myself and had some good sessions with some of them so it's not a moan about Pro Dommes* At some point earlier in my journey I would get loads of messages (on other sites) offering to lock me up for a fee . Some of them were up front and stated that they changed for their services up front ,however, others weren't and after a few messages where they inferred that they were looking for a relationship it turned out they were just looking to hold keys for money after they had "got me hooked" or so they thought . Over time I got to see the usual patterns and while I hoped "this lady" would be different , I could predict what she was going to say next and sure enough soon she was going on about me locking up sending her all keys and her tribute (note none of them ever talked about gradual build up or safety in case of emergency or doctors visits etc) . I got a message from another chastity site yesterday and I didn't reply because it was "one of them " and went straight to "contact me via my email if you are interested" at the end of the long cut and paste message . Like I said at the beginning this is not a moan about pro Dommes and it's not a moan about genuine Dommes who have hold keys for tributes . It is a post about the "chancers" who think that I'll just hand over money to a complete stranger and hand my keys too . I guess it's similar to ladies recieving "kneel bitch!" Messages from supposed Doms who demand the lady submits to them a complete stranger via message . Anyway I'm posting this because I haven't had "them type of messages" for absolutely ages and had a chuckle at myself when I saw the message and how I would have got myself all excited at the prospect a few years ago but now know these type of messages from strangers and now I have grown in myself to be more careful and not engage them . Maybe I'm getting too cinical and a bit jaded lol . Any other people get them type of messages ?
It's also not a "woe is me" post either , It's a lighthearted look at a bit of my past since i've been in this lifestyle (which is scarily a few years now lol) . And it was this site all them years ago that got me into the real world when I was very new and green and where I met my first Mistress who is still a good friend of mine
About a year or two ago there were non pro dommes willing to hold a key. What they all said at one time or another was that the guys only wanted them to do chastity their way and sooner or later disappeared because about 90% who start chastity end it after the initial excitement wears off. When a girl is willing to be a keyholder for free, she needs to get something non monetary out of it like really being in control her way. Unfortunately, it never seemed to work out and now it is very rare to see a non pro offer to hold someone's keys. I cannot blame them. Unfortunately you will have to date a lot to find a key holder. The days of free dommes seems to be over. Even if there were a few, you would be competing against thousands of men for her attention and those are high odds. I can understand your need since a power exchange is at the core of chastity play just like in BDSM. Sure you can whip yourself, but it is not the same. I know because for a brief time, I did BDSM solo. I wish you the luck I had. I do not know if this has anything to do with it, but all of my dommes are bisexual. One left her husband to marry her girlfriend. My wife's girlfriend ended up marrying a submissive man who I cuckolded for 25 year, as did my wife. It also can be as my wife says which is that after having sex with me, they all turn gay and want to beat me. I wish you the luck that I had.
For the right person I wouldn't mind paying a fee ,however, my post was about people who were only interested in money rather than the kink ,if that makes sense,. There are genuine and lovely Pro Dommes out there (I know a few) who love the kinks and the extra income that comes from it is a bonus. I'll give you an example of one of the times I had it here . The lady messaged me saying she was looking for a full time relationship with both vanilla and kink world's combined . To me this sounded brilliant because here was someone wanting to be full time with me (assuming she liked me when we met up for coffee etc ) . I replied saying that sounded great and maybe we could meet for coffee and chat somewhere of her choosing . Her reply was "I would want you to serve me for 6 months as a client at my chambers at least twice a month then I will decide whether we are compatible or not ." At £150 an hour ,and I guess she would want more than an hour at a time because no doubt "she would need extra time to get to know me better and not to rush" (thats me being cinical here we didn't get any further in the conversation) . So I was polite in my reply and wished her luck in her search . Unfortunately I used to be a magnet for ladies who seemed to be looking for a quick buck or saw me as a "cash cow" . Other ones after a message wanted me to "send her money for her to reply" or "pick something from their Amazon wish list" before they would reply again ,you get the picture While I'm still single, if I find the right Pro Domme who is fairly local to me and I will gladly hand over control of my orgasms to her and pay her fee (self locking is no good for me it just doesn't feel that right and feels like I'm doing it for me ,if that makes sense, ) until I meet my future partner .
Yes I see there's lots of me who "want it their way " whether it's chastity or BDSM in general and after the initial excitement wears off either change the goal posts or move on to the next Domme etc . It's the same for some female subs too with some "Doms" only really wanting a quick f*** after saying all the right things to them ,then moving on to the next female sub . Or they will tell her "yes I want a monogamous relationship " then after they have had their way with the lady they will say " well I want a Polly relationship ,like it or lump it " kind of thing .
Damn I missed the 3 minute edit timer while I was editing my last post !! Theres no really "free" keyholding or BDSM in reality because we are taking them out to dinner or movies ,or maybe giving flower/chocolates/wine .or maybe doing housework etc for them so we pay in some way or another anyway (thats not a moan or rant that's a general observation about the realities of life in general ) and if you are in a relationship then it goes without saying that you pay in other ways whether financial or physical . @Vinny thanks for your reply , like I've said before , I love your posts and following your journey in the present day and from your past too .You are one lucky guy
I agree there is always a price to pay and as you say not always with money. The wonderful mistresses and key holders are there to make sure we pay that price, were would we be without them ? I think its a great honour to be allowed to serve and pay what ever or however we have to
I definitely sympathies about your situation. I'm sorry but I can help you if I could I would. I've always had my wife as my KH. I guess in luckier than I thought