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Have you had a similar experience/ am I broken?

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by Wonderwomanssub, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. When I first asked my queen to lock me I had a very different idea on how our chastity lifestyle would be conducted. Originally my hope was to bring her into my world of kink/porn so it would be something we could enjoy together since I would be giving up any self pleasure. I had read so many blogs of other couples that went down this path and their sex lives were quite sensational. It seemed to reignite passion and intimacy into their lives again and it made for some wild times. Oftentimes however it seemed like many of those couples sex lives were always on the more progressive experimental side even before chastity so they were bound to step out on a limb and be more adventurous anyway.

    I suppose this is the type of sex life I hoped to be leading with my mistress. Boy was I wrong, I must have tried to top from the bottom for two years straight after we started caving me but my mistress stayed strong and only indulged in what she wanted which was mostly vanilla. It drove me crazy but one thing that persisted was her desire to have things the way she wanted them and not what I wanted. Slowly I started to become less annoying about what I wanted and I started to obey her wishes. As she continued to deny me what I wanted my respect grew for her abilities as my mistress. While my hope was that she'd shape into a leather wearing crop carrying mistress she was sculpting me ever so gently into her slave servant and she was by far winning the battle.

    Truth is, at the moment and probably for the next two years we have very little time to spend with each other because of my work schedule and her school schedule. We also have a child and that cuts down on any privacy before his bedtime too. So instead of being my mistress's sex toy I am her servant boy and although I will be teased with the hope of sex or play there is no physical teasing, just visual and verbal, occasionally I'll get a spanking if she feels like it. Mistress prefers to only orgasm a couple to a few times a month and I'm now only allowed 1 every 3 weeks at the very earliest. I was quite unhappy about the way things we going for the longest time but then it's like something switched in my head. This was also the same time as we agreed on my longer 3 + week lockups. The weird thing about this is that I'm actually content with where I'm at, yes I'm sad that mistress isn't allowing me more sexual contact with her but it's not what she wants and anymore if it's not what she wants it doesn't really matter it's only what she wants that matters to me, It's only what she wants that's I find arousing whether it be sexual or not. Mistress has me doing more chores and work than ever before on top of my full time job and I'll I ever want to do is more for her and I love her for it. I don't understand why I've had this change of feelings and how I'm finding her nonsexual desires and wants from me to be almost as enjoyable as the sexual wants and desires. Is this what being broken is? I'd love to hear if anyone else has had a similar experience to mine. I mean don't get me wrong I'm frustrated as ever not getting the sexual play that I would like but her wants and needs are like an overpowering aphrodisiac that I just can't help but want to please her and make her happy. I never really thought that the non sexual side of chastity could be a turn on for me but she has me wrapped up around her little finger and she's knows I'll do anything at the drop of a hat for her. Anyone else experience this?
     
    Keuschling likes this.
  2. This is exactly what being broken is. My wife has taken away my manhood one day at a time in a dozen subtle ways, from making me pee sitting down to having me shave my entire body to forbidding me to touch my penis to pegging me whenever she pleases. This is the essence of our female-controlled marriage, which is what I've always wanted. She has made me so completely submissive that there is no need to cage me. I needed to be broken and I am, totally.
     
  3. The only thing similar I can compare it too is something she brought up that was a hard limit when we started. The whole dress up and maid thing. I told her I wasn’t interested in being anyone’s servant yet alone a maid. She too was of the same mindset.

    Fast forward months in, and after another hard limit of discipline came crumbling down. She had sent a meme of maid service. I was going on 3 weeks lock up and everything she sent seemed like a good idea lol. Eventually I asked her if that was something she wanted. She said yes. I told her I would give it a try.

    Although I still had some issues to work out with it, I eventually did it, uniform and all. I felt silly and ridiculous. Then I started cleaning. I can’t describe the feeling, but began to get excited with every chore I had finished. Every act of service became erotic. Knowing I was doing something out of my comfort zone and knowing this was making her happy was getting me physically arroused. By the time I was finished with the house and waiting for her to get home, sitting there in this silly uniform, I was a dripping mess....from cleaning for crying out loud.

    I have since made some alterations, I bought normal cotton dresses instead of the French maid one...wasn’t very practical for cleaning, and I skip wearing the heels. I don’t do the full on make up anymore either, but if she wanted me to get back to that I would. Anyway, life has gotten in the way, and a real schedule hasn’t been made yet, but I’m working on it and hasn’t been forgotten.

    The point is, this road changes very much, we veer left and right, and not on the exact path as we had thought we would take. Discipline, maid service, cuckolding (she has no desire but I told her she has options) were all hard limits and not something I was interested in, yet here we are, and I still think this is going perfect because her happiness excites me.
     
  4. That is how the wisest wives do it. They establish a hard limit then gradually nudge you beyond it. The essential message is: You will do whatever I say because I know that you will be happy doing it. My wife also has no interest in cuckolding but has options. She says she will not use them but I accept that she likely will eventually and that I will be happy that she does.
     
    Wonderwomanssub likes this.
  5. Why do you describe it as being broken? That is a negative perspective. Wouldn't thinking of it as being reprogrammed be better?
     
  6. The only thing similar I can compare it too is something she brought up that was a hard limit when we started. The whole dress up and maid thing. I told her I wasn’t interested in being anyone’s servant yet alone a maid. She too was of the same mindset.

    Fast forward months in, and after another hard limit of discipline came crumbling down. She had sent a meme of maid service. I was going on 3 weeks lock up and everything she sent seemed like a good idea lol. Eventually I asked her if that was something she wanted. She said yes. I told her I would give it a try.

    Although I still had some issues to work out with it, I eventually did it, uniform and all. I felt silly and ridiculous. Then I started cleaning. I can’t describe the feeling, but began to get excited with every chore I had finished. Every act of service became erotic. Knowing I was doing something out of my comfort zone and knowing this was making her happy was getting me physically arroused. By the time I was finished with the house and waiting for her to get home, sitting there in this silly uniform, I was a dripping mess....from cleaning for crying out loud.

    I have since made some alterations, I bought normal cotton dresses instead of the French maid one...wasn’t very practical for cleaning, and I skip wearing the heels. I don’t do the full on make up anymore either, but if she wanted me to get back to that I would. Anyway, life has gotten in the way, and I haven’t made a maid schedule yet, but I’m working on it.

    This road we are on veers left and right, but takes us to the destination that we originally want...her being happy. Hard limits are gone now, discipline, maid service, even cuckold (has the option). Not anywhere near where I thought we would be when we started, but her happiness turns me on. So here we are. So I don’t think you are broken...just evolved differently than you had planned.
     
    KellyFive likes this.
  7. It's hard to know what my wife's endgame is if there even is one at this point. I made it hard for her to be creative because I expected so much from her in the beginning, she's continued to enjoy chastity regardless but it wasn't as fun for her at first as it could've been because of my behavior. So in a way I'm getting what I deserve in regards to the lack of sexual contact. We've never had a contract or discussed hard limits although I really wanted is to have a written contract. The only contract there is is a verbal one which consists of me staying locked and doing whatever my mistress says. The reality of our situation right now is that there's not enough quality time for each other and that's dictating our lives at the moment. When life calms back down she might have more of an endgame when she has time to think about us and where she wants our FLR to go. She is a lot smarter than I am so I could be completely wrong and she has a plan. She is also one of the most patient people I know so I know she can just sit and wait for the situation to be just right for her to make her moves.

    Nonetheless I still can't believe that the bulk of my arousal has been from working my ass off doing chores to impress my mistress and make her happy and how happy I am under this level of control from her.
     
    Keuschling likes this.
  8. I never meant it as a negative, I suppose I look at the term "broken" and mentally refer it to something like breaking a horse or a dog to attain a desired behavior and not that my "stature" as a male is broken. So yes in the end I do mean reprogrammed
     
    Keuschling and MadamBelle like this.
  9. The road can change at any time. There does not need to be a end game here. You don't have to try to figure any thing out. When you step into this world

    what you wanted and what happens is rarely what happens. If you give her the key and the control, let it be. You are finding out that when you focus on something

    other then the sex, you find a new dimension that you didn't know was there. If you call her your queen and you are doing what she wants you to do. Your not

    broken. Any thing that I do for her from spots on a skirt to mind blowing O's are always pleasing to me. Enjoy her pleasure as if it is your own, Because that is what

    makes it worth it. Remember that you are locked up and asked for it. the quality time doesn't have to be sex. This is where some one else is first. Let things unfold

    and how you feel right now will make sense as you go forward. Work your ass off, it only gets better!
     
    Keuschling and Wonderwomanssub like this.
  10. Thanks for your input, everything you said really made a lot of sense to me and I plan on continuing to work my ass off for her. I now see my mistake was making chastity too much about sex instead of her wants.
     
  11. Quite right. Reprogrammed is a better term, certainly for what my wife is doing to me. But when you're on all fours being pegged by a 10" strapon, having been anally milked twice that day, it does feel like you're being broken.
     
    Wonderwomanssub likes this.
  12. From what I read on these threads, there's significant frustration among denied/caged hubbies because their wives don't seem as interested in controlling their cocks as they do in having them controlled. If it's a male fetish -- and for so many it appears to be -- then it's unreasonable to expect that females will dutifully play their part. Were I a woman, I would find it tedious to keep my husband locked, keep a calendar, etc. If you're a true submissive -- and, again, not all of the caged hubbies truly are -- you let your dominant wife call the tune and you dance to it. In my marriage, I am not allowed to suggest anything. I follow orders and am grateful.
     
  13. I think a lot of couples at least that I've read about compromise with each other in regards to the sexual play typically associated with chastity. That's what I was hoping for when we first started on this venture. I was thinking if I do all this stuff for her then she will peg me. I was also expecting to have daily t&d sessions with her. I got pegged once after begging relentlessly for it and to this day she has never uncaged me just to tease me and lock me back up. It drove me crazy and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't do these things. What it came down to was me pushing her to do these things, then it wasn't fun for her because it wasn't her idea and I was making it about but thinking it was about her because I did a couple of things for her. Looking back I know I was wrong in my assumption that chastity is a compromise in loving couple relationships. Yes many couples live chastity this way as a game but it's not the essence of real chastity and female domination, it took me a long time to wrap my head around that. Then my next hurdle was that she doesn't want sexual attention as often as I would like to give it to her. Again there are tons of couples on this site and it seems as though guys here are pleasuring their dominant partners orally on a daily basis. With my mistress's libido being a bit low and there being next to no time for us I should not have been surprised that I am only allowed to pleasure her a couple to a few times a month. As I said this had been a real hurdle for me because I take it as rejection and take it a bit personally even though it doesn't have to do with me. I am a very sexual and passionate person so it's been hard for me to have such little sexual contact with her.

    I feel like I've finally seen the light and I understand that I have been selfish up until recently. I now understand what I have offered my wife and I have to live up to that obligation. You're right in regards to the majority of males here not being true submissives I would say that used to fit in that category but this last month has seen a major change in me. I'm not perfect but I obey her wishes to the best of my abilities. I'm finding erotic pleasure just by making her happy anyway possible (non sexual). This has been a major turning point for me.
     
    Keuschling likes this.
  14. I can imagine. Once you give up complete control to your wife, everything becomes simpler. I would live no other way now,
     
  15. OK I gotta play devils advocate here and take a different view point. First let me clarify my background. My wife and I have an FLR of sorts that just evolved organically after she locked me up. For us lock-up was entered into as a sex game. Lock me up, tease me such that I would try to get hard, unlock me and PIV sex. As we started playing with longer lock-ups I found that it really gave me this powerful focus on making my wife happy. So one day I made the bed. We never made the bed. Why bother, you're just going to sleep in it again. She came home and saw the bed and said "I like this". Things just snowballed from there. Now I cook, clean, shop and do the laundry. She orders me to perform tasks and I do them. She texted me this morning after dropping the kids off "I'll be home in 10 minutes. I want two eggs over easy and a turkey sausage ready when I get there". I dropped everything and went and did it.

    All of the above is to just give you a sense that we have a lot in common. I think the complaint that "she doesn't do enough" is common. It's common in and out of chastity. Reading your original post though I get the sense that your frustration runs much deeper than that and I believe some communication is in order. One of the things my wife and I do is sit down together about once a month and right a list of three things I love about chastity and three things I wish I could change about our relationship. I think you need someway to check in with your partner where you can step outside your traditional roles of dominant and submissive. It's also not enough to just complain. You've got to be prepared to offer solutions. Introduce a game you'd like to play that has positive outcomes for both of you. Listen to what she likes and enjoys. I found it startling for my wife to tell me she likes sex much better now that she can roll over and go to sleep after cumming and not worry about me. I don't think simply putting your head down and scrubbing the floors is a solution.

    I do agree that pleasure in the service to your Mistress is a big part of what we signed up for. I agree it is about her, but I don't agree that it's only about her. A submissive has needs to.
     
  16. I absolutely agree with what you're saying and there is a lot of value in what you said as well as what @demale@demale and @alan1987 said.

    There is deep-rooted frustration but mostly with myself. I pushed her too hard in the beginning and I took away a lot of the fun for her because she always felt like she was needing to step up her game. She still liked chastity so we continued but it was in a very minimal vanilla level of interaction and she stopped trying anything new. I grew frustrated and didn't really want to continue chastity, we even got in an argument about it and in the end she wouldn't allow me to quit she just wanted me to trust her and allow her to call the shots. That was like a restart point for us and it's been a slow growth since then where I tread lightly and encourage her growth as a domme as much as I can. The reason there is such a lack of growth in our FLR right now is because there is literally no time. Even if we didn't have a child there would still be no time, the masters program she is going through is very intense and time consuming. She has three and a half semesters to go that require the same level of commitment from her all the way through. It would be wrong for me to complain about her lack of mistressing given her workload for the next 2 years not to mention my track record of trying to top from the bottom. After she's done with school a few things will happen, her stress level will drop and we'll have more time for each other and we can focus on different aspects of chastity at that point. In the meantime I'll work my butt off for her to make her life easier, I know in the long run it will pay off. Considering in the past she wouldn't allow me to quit chastity I imagine that she has a rough over all plan for us of how she wants things to go but just hasn't had any time to think about it.

    Also the last 3.5 years have been tough because she has gone through a lot I won't go through all the details they are in my blog if you're interested. Long story short she is also on an anti depressant for anxiety and that little pill has helped her out so much but also cut her sex drive down quite a bit. So I just need to be patient and help her get through school and then we can focus on things from their. Mistress has been grateful for my attention and pampering, I know I will be rewarded when the time comes.
     
    b2please and Keuschling like this.
  17. Patience is the crucial ingredient. She certainly will appreciate it and, as you say, you'll be suitably rewarded. After mentioning to my wife that I'd like a female-controlled marriage, I didn't talk about it again until she'd had a chance to ponder it. Once she agreed, the power exchange was rapid and now is complete. She is in total control and is entirely comfortable. But it does take time and can't be rushed. Best of luck to you both.
     
  18. I disagree. I think you are broken. You had certain needs and desires/expectations of your spouse and from an outsiders POV you have given up everything. I don't think patience will be rewarded. Unless you are completly ok with your current role in your marriage and with your sex life, I think you need to have a serious talk with your spouse. I would also put some pressure on her by asking for a copy of the key. Currently she has no motivation to do anything that you want and/or need. After almost dying on several occasions( work related injuries) I have started to ask myself, if I would have a regret free life if I died tomorrow. Anything that appears to be cause for regret gets fixed. I think you can and should support your spouse but don't sub your needs because of her.
     
  19. It's a complicated situation for me, as written above, my wife has been through a lot in the past 3.5 years. Our sex life was much more active over 3.5 years ago but a rough child birth, laid off from her job, a series of crappy jobs that followed that plus learning to raise a child. She got fed up with the crappy jobs and decided to go back to school and earn her masters in a difficult medical field. During all of this she was prescribed an anti depressant for her stress and anxiety after not being able to sleep for 4 days straight. Her libido was killed by the first series of things I listed and then it was completely finished off by the anti depressant. Now they she has more of a career path and direction in life again, she's mostly lost her insecurities but she now has the stress of the intense masters program. She has no plans to get off of her anti depressant until school is over or she truly feels she doesn't need it anymore. It's also a possibility she could continue to use it after she graduates but the idea is for her to eventually ween off of the drug.

    I attempted to top from the bottom pretty bad at the beginning of chastity for us especially when I wasn't patient enough to give her time. We probably would be further down the road in terms of kink and our FLR if I would've been more encouraging versus demanding. I am sure at some point she thought to herself why do I try when he just keeps asking for more.

    So at this point I need to be patient while she gets through school, she has a little more than a year and a half left. She has far to much on her mind for me to be asking her to put a lot of focus on our chastity lifestyle right now. That doesn't mean I don't expect things to change in our future. I do have needs and expectations that I don't believe are unreasonable. I can't expect her to try, let alone perfect my wishes when we only really ever get 1 to 2 hours together at the end of the night when we're all tired anyway.

    So for now I have to sit tight until things calm down for us and we have more private time for each other. In the meantime I will be making some suggestions to her and she'll either give some thought to my opinions or she'll just brush me off. Either way at some point she'll be out of school, our child will be older and our lives will hopefully slow to a pace where we can focus on each other. If she chooses to explore our FLR and chastity, if she doesn't want to take it any further I will probably quit chastity. I work very very hard to make her feel like a goddess and so she doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything. If she can't understand that my willingness to be like that for her is based off her taking care of my needs then chastity will certainly be over for us. I'm not ready to give up yet and she deserves the additional time because if everything she's gone through and going through. Sonin that sense everyone who commented here has a valid opinion, it all just complicated.
     
    PouchPantyLover likes this.
  20. You also need to understand that McFeely is very negative towards most relationships on CM.
     
    Allen1987 likes this.
  21. To OP: as a male, so you belong in chastity? If so, then you are in one. In your relationship, does she want you in chastity? If so, then you are in one.

    The feeling of being broken, I understand.

    Do you get and "get lucky" , even if you stay caged but she gets O?

    Maybe you should see if she wants a bull, or a lady. Talk to her about NOT just your sex life, but what else is weighting you down.

    Do a pro and cons of chastity, what about it do you like? And after that list, do you want her to touch your cage as she says i love you like this...then you need to tell her, maybe you feel under valued. Self reflection would help a lot right now.
     
  22. I have to say that you have a number of things going on at once. I have taken
    antidepresants before and it is not always pleasent. I do not think your broken,
    I think you are both going threw a tough time. I really feel for you. There were
    times that I really did not feel anything. I guess she got me though it. She never
    left my side and has always there for me. I think her strength got me to the point
    of dropping 60 pounds and getting back in shape. I wanted to show her she was
    the only one that there would ever be for me. What has become has just grown
    from time and communication. She loved me even at my lowest points. I cannot
    tell you what she went threw. I found Peace in her love and here we are. You
    cannot do this all alone, you need each other. I am not sure any of us have the
    answer for you here. You are there and love is what will bring you together. Chastity
    changed my focus from me to her and that has shown me so many things that
    I was not aware of. Work on the things you can, spend the time you have together
    to bring yourselves together. Make her number one and build her up. That is one
    thing can do to show her what you feel. Chastity is best when you're on the
    same page. Treat her like your queen and let all these teach you how you can
    help her. I am no expert, just together 41 years. I have to grown boys, two
    grand daughters and mistress/wife/key holder that love to please. Take the time
    to just be and be patient, there is a lot on your plates. Guess I should write a book.
    Hope it helps. Good luck to both of you, remember it takes two.

    Allen
     
    Keuschling and Wonderwomanssub like this.
  23. I think you're on the right track. First, last and always it MUST be about her. Our female-controlled marriage contract, which was read aloud to us by the notary, gives her complete control of my life. All decisions are made by her. Since she is loving and wise, it has been a wonderful experience. Let her rule and you will be happy forever.
     
  24. @demale@demale, although i applaud your assertiveness and devotion, not everyone takes this as seriously as notary readings, contracts, and giving complete control of their lives. And as much as I believe that her needs are important, I don’t believe it MUST always be all about her.

    Anytime we use the words: must, always, never, only, best, etc...it creates a narrow view. There are so many ways people enjoy,live, and play with this that broad statements like those alienate many.

    It sounds like they are doing great, and will do this how it works best for the two of them. Like most of us do, we make our way through this how we can.
     
  25. Quite so, and thanks. While 'must' and 'always' work for our marriage, each couple finds its own way.