Something in another thread got me curious about realizing your D/s dream only to have that cause the end of your relationship. It got me thinking of our willingness to pamper, to dote, and to sometimes cling, that may at sometimes lead to her leaving. I could see all of this being very sexy and erotic for a wife at first, but losing respect and being turned off by his lack of leadership and masculinity. Maybe that is why being cuckolded is prominent theme here. Do we as males know that when we relinquish control, we also surrender part of our relationship that keeps them attracted to us? Even those that do accept a cuckold relationship, isn’t that the beginning of the end of mutual attraction, and the start of a different kind of relationship based on a different kind of affection? I only really bring it up because of how far our relationship has changed in such a short period of time. Although she has no real intention of hooking up with someone, I wonder sometimes if years later, after the thrill of me giving her massages, pampering her, using toys instead of a real cock, seeing me as a feminine servant is over, if she will eventually get sick of having a submissive and desire a dominant. I could see it starting with cuckolding and ending with leaving the cuckold for a normal dominant guy. Just wondering if there are any here that had lived their D/s dream, but when the thrill was over their partner moved on to a “normal” relationship.
I’ve contemplated this as well. It seems that women are sexually drawn to men that are more dominate than they are. Evolution has programmed women to seek strong, dominant males for breeding. In nature, sperm is cheap and eggs are expensive so a female by nature would be averse to risking pregnancy by an unworthy donor. But high testosterone males are unreliable long term so females may chose to have sex with them but keep a lesser male around for domestic support.
In any partnership, one or other partner can fall in love with someone else at any time and it happens all the time in the kink and vanilla worlds. If you are going to deliberately add a third person to any relationship, it must increase the risk of breaking up the original partnership. The scenario you describe is very possible, where the woman initially enjoys the pampering and attention, only to end up losing respect for the wimpy submissive guy who used to be so sexy and manly. Probably less so if the woman is naturally dominant in the first place and seeks out a submissive man, finding him sexy because of that. Cuckolding doesn't have to be done the traditional fantasy porn style. As we get older, we become less able to do the things we used to do, usually because of some acquired physical problem (e.g. bad back, dodgy knees, overweight, etc.). Wife wants lounge decorated? Don't want to, or can't do it......... get a man in. Windows need cleaning? Can't manage the ladder anymore...... get a man in. Wife wants a vigorous 2-hour non-stop sex session? Can't manage that anymore...... get a man in. Wife wants to be loved, adored, pampered licked and fucked with toys, with all the chores being done as well? No problem......... got it sorted....... already got the man for all that. We don't know your wife, but you do. Which of the above is most important to her? Methinks you worry too much @Nicoftime !
I’m not worried, just food for thought, conversation for conversation sake. We will go whichever direction life takes us, we are in it for the long haul and what will be will be.
It’s all unknown, especially since every relationship is different, and how they interact within their dynamic is so diverse. But the thought that it may be a self fulfilling prophecy is interesting. The more submissive and into this you get, the more confident and sexual she becomes, which could lead to her getting bored with something so easy and reminiscing of being chased. There is something to be said about the “bad boy”, they may not have long term stability, but could see the excitement of it making the stable submissive start to feel boring and tired.
I’m not far into this so these are things that don’t really worry me. Besides I got a great pension with benefits
Understand that I'm not a psychologist, nor do I have any personal experience with Femdom relationships, but the answer, as with many things, probably depends on the people involved. I believe it's silly to think that slapping a cage on a guy will solve every problem in a relationship because people, and thereby relationships, are a little more complex than that. I suspect there isn't enough statistical data draw any useful conclusions but personally I'm a little suspect at the long term viability of any extremely one-sided relationship. When someone writes, "I exist only to serve my Mistress..." I almost cringe because it doesn't sound mentally healthy. Please understand I am not being critical of anyone or their lifestyle choices but rather a commentary on people and relationships in general. It can also be that given the nature of this forum that people tend to more fully describe the chastity portion of their relationships. The Femdom, chastity, cuckold, whatever fantasies of large penis, Alpha males doesn't seem to happen in the real world. If it did, there would be a whole lot of single, small to average penis sized, Beta men and penis size would be increasing over time as natural selection left small penis men behind. The same applies to those large penis man who can go for hours on end. Research has shown that the average time for actual intercourse is somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 minutes and women describe the "ideal" time as somewhere between 9 and 12 minutes. Much of this seems to more a male driven fantasy but that's not to say that all things being equal a woman wouldn't prefer a large(r) penis. Things are rarely equal and I think most women recognize that there is a lot more to a relationship than penis size. Traditionally, of course, men have been perceived as the provider and protector and that was very important up to, maybe 50-75 years ago. Today women have the opportunity to earn enough to be self-sufficient so they really don't need the traditional man to provide for them. Maybe having a chaste hubby who cooks, clean, massages, and paints their nails combined with the freedom to occasionally satisfy their desires with a big, strong, large penis man gives them the best of both worlds. But what the heck do I know?
Responding to some words used above, submission doesn't have to be about lack of masculinity, about lack of leadership, or about being a wimp. A submissive can be masculine and put all of that into her service. He can have strong leadership qualities and use that to serve her well. Submissives of both genders are often very capable people. The female dominants I have known were not looking for weak submissives. Perhaps some do and I just haven't met them. I've also never known one to lose respect for one she previously respected due to his obedience Lose respect, certainly, but not for that reason. That's been my experience.
I'm with you. A relationship cannot be stable unless both parties are getting their needs met. Those needs might be quite different from a typical person's, but everybody has needs and we all seek to get them met. When people tell me they exist only to serve and want nothing in return I often propose this thought experiment. Let's suppose your dominant asked you to move to another city, and to never have any contact or communication with her for the rest of your life. Instead, you are to work and send her most of your money and that is all. Forever. I haven't yet met anyone who said they would find this fulfilling and do as requested.
I agree totally with all statements so far, and so far that fits us to a tee. Our lifestyle is just one part of our relationship, and she knows what kind of person I am to the outside world, confident, outgoing, smart, and articulate. She knows I’m no push over...sometimes to a fault. But not every sub isn’t exactly like that either.
It's an interesting question. And potentially scary. Is this scary for Halloween? I guess it's important for both people to be very honest, and both keep speaking up for what they really want, and how they enjoy living and playing. I have a lot of chastity fun with my wife, but also have quite regular disappointments. I think partly because: > I get wild fantasies in my head and try to make them win-win (but she doesn't quite like them all) > my brain changes after about 24 hrs in chastity, so I yearn for deeper chastity, submission and more kink. > her enjoyment of chastity & kink is usually between 1 & 10 days, and then it's time for some more vanilla. > somehow I just keep having cycles of getting my hopes up for a bit longer term or deeper submission, but she keeps us grounded as far as re-stating what she is able to enjoy, and so we don't get far off track. We were watching a new show for us, called "atypical" tonight, and the devoted Mom, who seems to have a good marriage, was exchanging phone numbers with a nice bartender, and then wondering what she's doing. My wife spoke up- something like-" I never see men I'm interested in. I'm totally happy with you". Hmmm. I feel like I'm demanding & frustrating at times, but I think we both keep exploring together while continuously representing what sounds fun to each of us, so we don't get too far off track, even with my sometimes wild fantasies.
I think depends on the couple. Some women are very Dominant and want a man to obey everything she says. But most women are not this way. Far more men have fantasy's about being submissive than Women who want to dominate them (my opinion based on all the single men looking for Dominant women on the internet). My wife definitely wants to be in charge in our marriage but she does not share my kinky fantasy's about me being sexually submissive and obeying her. The marriage works because my submissive fantasy's do not freak her out. Before I was married I dated women who were totally turned off by my hair removal and cross dressing. My wife encouraged the hair removal and tolerates the cross dressing. She likes that I do all the house cleaning and is Ok with me doing it nude. But she wouldn't care if I wore clothes as long as I did the cleaning (wish she did demand I was nude because it would be more fun). If you find a Woman who is totally into the D/s part of a FLR relationship then you are a lucky man. Most relationships are not like that. It sounds like you are a lucky man because she is into the D/s. My advise would be to pay attention to her feelings over time and not over do it
Yeah I agree with everyone who has said it's the fantasies that kill the relationship. Most couples look for compatibility and although sexual compatibility is desired it's not always at the forfront of the list so a lot of couples just "make do" in my opinion. I think it's when the fantasies of one partner, mostly male I'd assume go over the edge. I love reading these posts from guys who's member names are along the lines of "sissycuck something or other" then they post the most outrageous fantasies, yet their partners know nothing of their desires of chastity or submission. Then they want to drop the bomb on their wives that they want to be diapered, wear sissy outfits and watch their partners have sex with random men and still not realize their making the entire relationship about themselves.
I think it all depends on your definition of submission. @lockit is absolutely not a submissive by nature, he is very much an alpha male. He does however submit to me and we work very well with that. In our day to day life, the kink does not come into things unless I decide to play. It is very subtle, just a tone of voice or a look and he knows that there is no option for discussion, this is what is happening. In all honesty, if he told me he wanted me to have sex with other men, then we would be finished. We are a couple, we have committed ourselves to each other. If he needed me to be with other men to enjoy our relationship, then we wouldn't have a relationship. Some see cuckolding as a sexual kink, a fetish. I personally think that for most women, cuckolding would be seen as an affair and possibly therefore the end of the original relationship. I expect my partner to desire me and want me to be his only, anything less, is not enough.