Harnessing My Libido for the Greater Good : A Journey

So here I am, a caucasian mid-life, cis-male francophone who raised three children from a previous marriage, now partnered with a strong willed cis-female, also with marriage baggage who I met on Fetlife years ago when we were both looking for D/s adventure.

Although the roles at that time were reversed, today I am the one wearing a cage as I write this.

Our kinky/fetish lifestyle and even our sex life waned over time with our professional lives and household matters getting in the way. My own sex life was renewed this summer on my own initiative when I decided to embrace an old desire to control my libido.

Old masturbation habits gradually filled the void created by the marginalization of our kinky couple dynamic and this made me sad. I decided that instead of going back to jerk-off daily just to release my sexual tension in a very lazy manner I should instead leverage that desire to steer our relationship back to kink and freedom.

I saw an opportunity to live a fantasy that was forever alive in my psyche that revolved around ceding the control of my libido to a woman of my choice so it could be put for good use for her own needs.

I want to worship a female I am in love with in exchange for control over my undisciplined libido.

Sure, this is a litteral turn-around from years of Dominant lifestyle with that same female who was my sexual slave and intimate sub, craving for objectification, rough sex and bondage play. But that's where life brings us now.

That decision was mine and I felt it was better to get going by myself without waiting for her to get onboard. Sounds strange but I know my partner, I can't force her to do anything (and that was why she was excited to live a sub's life!) so if I wanted to get going about getting my libido in order I had to take action on my own if need be, but very openly and with transparence.

It is worth noting that we do not sleep together. My CPAP machine affects her sleep quality so I moved to the basement bedroom a while ago.

I started to dig up from our toy collection a metal cage we played with last fall in a bout of plain kinky play without our former D/s dynamic. I told her I thought that my masturbation habits needed to be kept in check so I can save my energy for her. She was surprised and made her curious, although not enough for her to get back into the fray yet.

I started experimenting in locking myself up about a month ago. She was aware of my experiences and asked questions about how it was going. I shared with her that I was indeed educating myself about long-term male chastity because I wanted to harness my libido in favor of our couple's relationship. I admitted that if our current sex life was so poor and tired it was in large part because my attitude towards her was not attentive enough. I thought that wasting my libido daily in a bunch of Kleenex was contributing to the problem and I wanted to stop being lazy.

Taking physical control over my orgasms could only help me focus on the right thing, my love for her. I want to earn the chance of sexual release based on my ability to trigger in her the desire to have sex. In my view, an orgasm without her is not worth it.

So the deal I made with her was simple. I will lock myself up by choice. I am not asking you anything except for one thing, or to approve, or even understand. We can and will talk about it when you are ready. Would you accept to be my Key Holder?

And so the journey begins.

 

The answer was "Sure, why not Love? I can do that, it will be fun. So if you ask me for the key, I say no?"

"Yes Love, never say yes unless I say the safeword or if you agree that it is time for a deep cleaning of the area. You can unlock me at will, for whatever reason but it cannot be my decision. That's all I'm asking."

She knows the D/s dynamic very well, so no need to explain and such. I could tell she was genuinely interested to try that road and we started to discuss this matter here and there.

I explained that the last thing I wanted her to feel was pressure to do anything or to think that I had expectations about her role in all this, but I made clear that I would include her in my journey of she wanted, as far as she wanted, without ever pressing her.

Immediately after she took the key my attitude changed and I began to feel a strong motivation to be nice to her, more loving, attentive and even to serve her in the daily life.

My partner/KH is so beautiful, charming, has a sexy voice, sexy eyes and she is very sensual and sexual with "world-class boobs" as I like to tell her.

She is now dealing with the perspective of having a submissive partner/lover and I bet she will get it considering her experience on the BDSM scene. She will need time to adjust to being on the D side, we'll see how it goes. I must be patient.

She is interested in CBT and medical play.

 

Day 6 of 24/7 lockup. I feel horny as hell. Partner/KH has left for the afternoon, I'm on vacation. In normal times, horny like that I would have masturbated/edged and shot a full load of liberating cum. But I can't, the cage I wear does not allow contact with the member at all. Stimulation possible only indirectly and then again, not of the penis.

So I train my anus with various toys, including a vibrating plug, an Aneros massager and a brand new Njoy plug. I take a shower, pee on myself, stimulate my balls, the perineum, pull on the scrotum.

I insert the Aneros again, go to bed and do tons of Kegels while sniffing Her panties from yesterday I found in the bin. I snooze.

The scene lasted about 2.5 h, without unloading anything more than a dribble of pre-cum and of course no orgasm.

However I felt the same kind of calm felicity after the down of a full blown orgasm, without the loss of energy.

I still feel horny AS HELL though and I will most certainly try to earn the taste of Her hot, sweaty and hopefully very humid pussy when She comes home.

I think I can hold this cage for a long time.

 

Day 8. Yesterday's light incomfort I felt around the left testicle is almost gone. Today is a maintenance day anyway, the cage and ring will be removed for thorough cleansing, this will give me the chance to fully inspect.

Feeling horny again. Morning wood was particularly intense, I thought my balls would burst open. The Cherry Keeper with full Touchstop does its job, I cannot stimulate anything else than the balls. I can plug myself etc. and it does help lowering sexual tension somewhat.

KH might want to play a little, we'll see. I told Her yesterday that I might need some discipline. She didn't bite.

I again stole her soiled panties to sniff. I shouldn't do that it drives me crazy and my balls hurt. But it hurts so good...

 

I can't explain why it overpowers me that much. Someone mentioned pheromones, it might be it. Maybe also the thrill of taboo transgression. I mean, it's not only the smell of Her feminine intimacy that gets at me, it's Her nectar and chocolate as well. The stronger the harder my member becomes. And I can smell them for several minutes, fantasizing about eating Her vault, then drinking from the fountain and finally cleaning Her chocolate factory.

Sometimes fantasies should not be explained

 

So the cage was removed for maintenance on Saturday and I realized that over time the ring's constriction was indeed creating a problem and that I needed to give my scrotum a break.

KH suggested that I leave the cage off until Sunday morning, I was reluctant but I notice some swelling and figure that was the right thing to do

I was reluctant because I knew that when we would each retire for the night the temptation to masturbate would be great and I didn't want to.

So I settled for a compromise of sort and decided to edge myself and drain my balls as much as possible without spasms. To add to the difficulty I imposed myself to drink all juices I could extract, even if I lost my motivation in the process.

I plugged my ass with the Aneros and went through a very intense edging session, using a small cup to gather possibly every drop.

Boy that was tough... I am pretty good at edging so it lasted a long time and there was a lot of liquid. I made sure to go as far as possible without an orgasm and it was painful. If She had been there I would have begged for mercy. I drank from the cup several times.

The session showed me again that I could enjoy the upside of an orgasm without the downsides. I felt very good after but not wasted as after I shoot my load from the hip.

Sunday morning She didn't ask if I remained chaste, I did not say anything. I don't want Her to feel pressure or think that I have expectations. I put the cage back on, everything is now back to normal. The break was salutary. She did caress the bottom of my scrotum and it excited me very much, She enjoys seeing me struggling with a cage erection. She even slipped the tip of Her pinky through the urinary slot, something my own pinky can't do and she amused herself by rubbing my glans.

Monday we leave for a couple of days at a northern resort. I will remained caged even in the pool, that should be interesting.

 

Our little escape was very nice and She did even playe with me a little. She asked me to go down on her and my mouth was very eager to please, She had 2 orgasms. I was dripping. She teased me further and shoved me back with my painful hard on. She gave me her day's undies for sniffing after a short trek in the woods, so the smell was intense. She observed me sniffiing and it made me feel embarrassed.

We went for a quick swim in the cold lake and it really shrank my packet. Ring ws already a bit misplaced due to the amount of physical activity of the day and it finally fell again. :-( So She took the opportunity to tease me a liitle more, this time with a realy hard on and asked me not to finish me off. So I remained chaste and my cage was back in place without incident.

 

Woah. I forgot I had started that journal.

It sounds a bit futile and certainly too much work to fill in the blanks since sept 2021 but here's an update.

I'm now back in the cage pretty much 24/7 since June 11 with my wife more or less disengaged for now for different reasons. Disengaged but still interested to become KH.

We spent 9 days in Europe for vacation since and although I brought the cage i did not wear it. Because of adjustment problems it seemed risky to hurt myself walking around intensively and decided a pause was in order (wife did not object).

I wear a Cherry Keeper 54mm round ring with Small cage. I sanded most of it because my skin is very sensitive. Ring is is fine but gap is too tight and i get a swollen testicle after a few days of wearing. It recedes after a couple of hours so I put the cage back on. However, tonight spots in contact with the cage itch so I may need a longer break. Warm weather and sweat do not help for sure.

I am now eagerly waiting for a Cobra N+ and, later in August or September, a custom BadAss Workroom.

Hopefully the Cobra's smooth finish will be better tolerated and the gap being wider, it won't put as much pressure on the right testicle without allowing retractation.

If I'm lucky the measurements of the custom steel cage will settle me in a long term setup with the Cobra as a backup.

My wife is looking forward to a situation where the cage is more stable and not worry about discomfort etc. She should become more involved and assume the responsibility of KH then.

 

Too bad I haven't kept this journal active, but never too late to update it.

Still locked this time with a Badass Workroom custom model 25. Really nice and comfortable, although I may make adjustments next year. Almost 24/7 since the previous post.

Wife is much more engaged now, she has imposed a point system to allow me to earn rewards, which do not include ejaculations basically.

Yesterday morning we cuddled, she unlocked me to allow a full erection, she allowed me to finger her to orgasm (and her moans were very exciting). I was very, very excited.

I wasn't allowed to cum and she locked me back in.

I still felt like we made love, my hornyness calmed down.