Hi @ all, in our relationship we have up and downs like most of the others. As i can say we never really had a real down, just normal things like other couples and families have. Now we are in lockdown, homeoffice and homescooling mode. Nothing to do outside except walking with the dog and food shopping. So we got a little chastity crises here. Of course my hubby is in chastity...now its nearly a month without release or full orgasm for him. But we both are not so in the sexy mood for nice D/s games or the things we do normaly when he is locked. He is afraid of been forgotten and i feel a bit guilty cause i dont wanna play with him or let him do his job on my pussy cause i am not in the mood. how do you handle this strange days when he gets depressed and wants to throw his cage away (he can't *g) and the KH is tired of been a keyholder cause she is a teacher and a worker in homeoffice as well (he is too). bye everyone TKIM
Believe me I totally relate and sympathize to your situation. For the last year we have also had school closures, furlough for me, my wife was let go from her job and to punish ourselves just for fun we allowed a couple of different friends and different points to live with us so they could get back on their feet. Right now we still have one friend living with us and it’s been 6 months at this point. It’s come down to us having to ask her to move out because we are starting to feel taken advantage of etc... Because of our longer term house guests and corona our FLR lifestyle has certainly been undercover and kind of dwindling. And as you mentioned, it’s hard to really get into it and feel sexy when you have no privacy and have to worry about how loud you’re being. It’s been tough fir us too and can’t wait to get canto some sense of normal as well as have our privacy back. Good luck to you guys, I hope things turn around for you soon!
Of all the kinks out there, long term chastity ought to be just about the easiest to manage with reduced privacy (as long as you can use the bathroom and get dressed in private). For me, a quick shake of the cage in passing, along with maybe a remark about how long it’s been in there and how it may never come out, will keep the buzz going for a day or two. That’s from a male perspective, of course. Getting your needs met as a keyholder may be a lot harder, especially when your biggest need is just a respite from the current situation.
It’s easier than most women think to keep a locked male happy without any work. At bedtime, tell him to unlock and edge for 10 minutes but no orgasm (unless you wish). Or tell him to put some 5% lidocaine spray on and put a condom on 20-30 minutes before bed. At bedtime, tell him he has 10-30 minutes to try and give himself an orgasm (time limit your choice). He will get insanely frustrated and break into a sweat trying to orgasm but will never get there. But make sure he locks back up when the timer goes off and taunt him that he missed his chance (they love that). Assign them tasks and threaten them if they fail and give them a small reward if they succeed. He spends two hours organizing the garage or whatever for the privilege of licking you for 30 seconds. Use a timer and if you don’t want it to continue tell him it’s time to stop. Just reminding them they are locked just as you wish motivates them. Telling them they need to do as you say if they ever want unlocked pushes their buttons as well. A short text message or whisper saying “it makes me so happy that your little cock is locked up as long as I wish it.”
This pandemic has caused a lot of stress for most everyone. Maybe you need to take a day this weekend and forget about being KH and sub and just be husband and wife for a night. Tell him you need to just cry on his shoulder and have him hold you. If it goes well enough even tell him you need him to make love to you. Then Monday morning when you are refreshed you put him back in his cage and resume the chastity lifestyle as much as the lockdowns allow. With the vaccine in a few months you should be able to get back to where you were.
You both just need to be opened and honest... and meet one another's needs. Sometimes not being in the mood is ok, but when that frequency is increased and becomes the norm, maybe it is time for a chat with your partner about why that is happening.
The pandemic affected our ability to go out for dinner, have dinner functions for friends and the business, and those special private parties. We did have very good friends lose their house to a fire at the start of this all and they ended up staying with us until the end of the year. It worked out great, she is the executive secretary for my wife at her business and the husband is one of the accountants. When my wife started the business she needed someone reliable and trustworthy and gave 10% of the business as an incentive to work for my wife. They were roommates in college, lovers then and now, so it works out great. Like me, he is also in chastity but a little more serious than us. If there was stress, it was not the lifestyle or others in the house but all outside influences. Not being able to get certain items, them dealing with insurance companies and the city for permits, and not being able to see family and friends. In some ways, life went on as usual in our little bubble.
Sometimes, situations come upon a relationship where you just need to pull everything back to the basics and focus on what is important. The core of the relationship comes to mind. I am sure than when the stress lightens up, you will start to feel frisky again. Just let him know it is not permanent and he better behave. The day in the future when you hold out that cage for him to put back on, will be a fun day. Look forward to it and make it memorable.
It seems to me that the fire is going out. As a guy who's spent a lot of time in fires, I'll just say that a fire is never out until it's been dead a long, long time. Until then, there's always a spark, and a spark can become a forest fire again. All it needs are the right conditions, a little oxygen, toss in a bit of fuel, the right level of moisture (or lack thereof), and it's off to the races. Covid. It sucks. No one is interested. People are tired of being tired. Everyone wishes it would end. You don't want to play with him, you don't want him approaching you. Seems ideal, for a chastity situation, and ripe for tease and denial. If he feels forgotten, perhaps he needs a reminder that he's not forgotten. That reminder doesn't need to be your pussy, though that's a powerful carrot to dangle on a string. Remember him. Tease him. Challenge him. Punish him. It doesn't take a lot of time. Let him do the work. Offer him a reward. If you don't want to put yourself out there as the reward, then a release, may work. Give him something to shoot for. Give him a time frame. Tell him it must be earned. Tease him; just hints, snippets, little bits here and there. Nobody tosses a pound of meat to a fish. Just a teaser on a hook. Let the fish bite. Take off the cage let him "edge," and put the cage back on. Give a time frame, two or three days away, even same day, and find a reason to move it back a little, once. Then twice. Then reward him. If you don't want to offer yourself, have him perform for you. Put conditions on it. Give him a time frame to finish, have him clean up when he's finished. Pretend to take a few pictures and threaten to show it to his friends if he doesn't behave...something to add a little spice. Blow on that fire. In turn, give him a reason to be motivated to do something for you, then something else. If both of you aren't fired up, aren't anxious to do something sexual, there's no law that says you must. The world won't come grinding to a halt. It's okay to lose interest, put it off for a while. If you do intend to keep him locked up, then you're going to have to do something to fan the flames. If you're going to let him out and forget about it, then it's okay to do that, too. Sometimes it's important to stop working long enough to play. Even if play isn't what's really needed. The value of play is usually found when playing. Nothing is as cathartic and stress relieving as a good whipping, paddling, spanking, or other moment that creates tension, and then lets it go. It may be just what you both need, and just don't know it.
Hi TKIM, 2020 was dismal year for most people but for me it was not so bad. I am single and do not have KH so being isolated gave me time to enjoy being dressed and caged. If I were a scientist I would make an electronic chastity belt, just think how the KH could control her sissy with pain and pleasure. I am in a stainless steel Nub and use a TENS unit to edge. If sissy is fully bound and has not access to the cage and the TENS is edging, the sissy can not stop swimming. Use your imagination to come up with fun things to do with your sissy.
We are both retired, so not much has changed in our daily routines. I do all the shopping, but I did that anyway. We really didn't go out much before, so pretty much the same for us. I would say my Wife(KH) does forget about me, but that's O.K. I still get teased and haven't had many orgasms. But we are now entering year three of MC and me wearing a cage. My Wife(KH) told me at the start of this, that I better get use to it(Wearing a cage) because until see wants a change, this is how she was going to control our sex lives...I would have to say, she is doing a good job and keeping her promise...
I came in for lunch and on the news they had something that may or may not apply to you and your stress. They talked about "Zoom Fatigue." Apparently on zoom you are staring at one face continuously which is not a natural way to interact. Also you may have your own picture in one corner of the screen so you are constantly evaluating yourself. You are sitting in the same position so you are not animated as you speak and there is no body language. All of this creates stress and is exhausting. They recommended if you can raise your computer and stand up. This lets you be animated and talk with your upper body. It also facilitates glancing around the room some as you would in a normal encounter. Basically anything you can do to make your zoom meeting or teaching in your case seem more normal and comfortable will help a little to reduce the stress and make it less tiring. I know I am going to bring this to Missy's attention tonight because she struggles with this problewm.
I've been actively traveling since well before the pandemic, and all through it. I've yet to use zoom one single time during this entire debacle. I don't plan to start.
@TheKeyIsMine Totally agree, that energy is gone, no idea how to get it back. I'm looking for people to chat with because I'm in the same mindset. How is life with you outside the kink? In the Kink is second to sanity in the vanilla world.
I can perfectly relay to the hesitations / oscillations. Going through the same myself. Not Covid-19 triggered but still painful for my KH who is wondering why things have change, at least temporarily, hence creating a devil's circle. We found that long (emotional) heart-opening discussions cleared it and made our bound stronger.
... while your response makes sense from a male perspective, it sounds like a lot of work on the KH end. FLR upside down and a lot of work for the lady instead of her being at the center of th attention. Just asking, no critics, we are going through the same oscillation right now!
It sounds like a lot of work on the female end because the female asked the question, and I was responding to the female. It's hard to say to the male what he must do (though I did), when he's not part of the conversation. The question was: It was these questions that I answered. She wants to know what to do. She feels guilty. How to fan the flames? If she doesn't want flames, no fanning required. No effort. She came here to ask. Hence, the reply.
Everyone is different, so experiment until you find something that works. Most men, though, are eager to please, and need a challenge, so you can often replace a significant amount of sex with an even more significant amount of "work". Make a (private, for you only) list of things that you want done around the house, or things you want him to personally work on (losing weight, reading, learning a new skill, whatever). Be careful to manage the load so that it gets heavier and heavier, but without actually crushing him. But then carefully *notice* and comment on the progress. That appreciation (just being noticed) can be a pretty strong drug in and of itself for a man. (Heck, at this point, I'm almost starving for more weight myself, just so I can earn some more of that appreciation. I'd gladly do every single bit of work around the house, if my wife wanted me to. Which she doesn't.) Lastly, intimacy can be there without orgasm, so make some time for intimacy. If you're tired, just let him know (like the rest of the challenges you give him) what you want, e.g. for him to hold you as you go to sleep, or rub your back as you go to sleep, or whatever. And yes, of course men want (need) human touch. Just be clear that intimacy and touch aren't a prelude to anything; they're a reward in and of themselves. Finally, get his help. Ideas are free and opinions are infinite, but the ones that are going to help you the most are the ones you can come up with by understanding what's going on in *his* head. Ask him. Make him tell you. Don't take no for an answer. You don't need to do exactly what he wants, but understanding what he wants is a great tool for knowing which of his buttons to push, and how to best push them, even if the only thing you want is for him to be happy without sex for a while.
I agree, I think a lot of us have been through this, and the pandemic as just made it worse, but things will improve.