Hard Limits

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by newgirlie, May 31, 2023.

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  1. newgirlie
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    newgirlie Active member

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    We have been in a formal FLR for about a dozen years. It is a consensual relationship that was born out of my needing to be a better spouse and acknowledging that while I am an alpha male at work, I really needed to be able to drop the pretense and be her loving servant.


    We have experimented with many aspects of female domination including long term chastity, feminization, golden nectar, artificial periods, discipline (can you say nettles?).


    We have another couple we get together with. The woman is a FedEx driver and has been in my Queen’s book club for at least 15 years. Until a few years ago, neither one knew of their husband’s status in an FLR.


    We had an experience that I wrote about where we got together and Joe (completely fictional name) and his mistress Sally (also made-up name) came over for a BBQ. Joe and I were completely feminized and were required to make out while giving each other a hand job. I won because he came first. The details are in a post somewhere on here.


    Last week, my Queen announced that Sally wanted a rematch, but instead of jerking each other off, it would be a blow-job challenge.


    I believe that I shared that this is a consensual relationship so I called a time out. I’ve only called a time out twice before. During a time out, we revert to equals so we can discuss an issue. This was a hard stop for me.


    The point of this post is not to share what happened when we got together, but to ask my fellow submissives and chastity slaves if they have ever called a hard stop to the proceedings, and what happened next in your relationship?


    FYI, our relationship is stronger because we respect each other’s hard limits.
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    No, but I am glad you have such a mature approach built into your relationship. Good luck.
     
  3. Subhub101
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    Subhub101 Long term member

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    We are not as advanced as you guys in afraid so can't say but kudos to you for your relationship.

    Can I be nosey and ask what the other 2 time outs were for?
     
  4. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Long term member

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    What you did is exactly what you should do.

    The reality is life isn’t a game. You need to find what works for you and yours.

    I’m all for pushing limits but not when someone isn’t ready.

    My suggestion is keep doing what you’re doing. Adjust as needed but don’t worry what anyone else thinks (even me)!
     
  5. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    That's a sensible approach. We have timeouts where we discuss where we are and where we want to be, the good things and where tweaks can be made.

    But I've never had to say let's have a timeout. They're never in the heat of the moment, they're later when emotions are calm.

    Hard limits, we have them, we both know what they are and agree on them. We've also got things where there are no limits and again that's something we've agreed on.

    You need these limits and they need to be respected. It's the basis of a consensual relationship and gives you the freedom of enjoying what you both want, albeit with a bit of compromise.
     
  6. BBCS2PA
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    BBCS2PA Active member

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    I can't say we have hard limits but we do respect each others wishes.

    If I want to do something, I will suggest it and if she does not - then its off the table.
    She is still more vanilla than me so she has not really suggested anything I have said "no" to but I do know that if it something I really did not want to do she would respect my position.

    Having said that what she says - goes - and I have given her carte blanche in every respect.

    There are some things we definitely will not do (hard limits) and that is for example to defile our relationship by bringing other partners into our relationship - cuckholding, swinging, etc - what we have is a beautiful working dynamic that neither of us wants to upset and that neither of us wants to come to an end because of a silly fantasy either one may have.
     
  7. LockedSwede
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    LockedSwede Member

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    Consent is the key word. And if you don't consent to one particular thing it's your obligation to speak up. I like go read when this mechanism is built in to a relationship
     
  8. Cecilia B
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    Cecilia B Long term member

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    Husband has more than once. Once it was me going too far and crossing a limit when I didn't think i was.

    OP doesn't seem to mind some of the bi/gay, kissing and touching with the hands is OK but he draws the line at putting a guy in his mouth. Sometimes there are fine lines. We have a hard limit on the bi/gay. I can do him with a strapon and even make him suck it, but neither him nor me wants a real penis in his mouth or bottom. After somebody on CM suggested it, me and few of my girlfriends (the ones he's been spanked in front of) dressed him up and took him to a club with dancing boys. I made him squeal for the dancers and tip them. Of course, we weren't satisfied with the "enthusiasm" he showed so I spanked him in front of the ladies when we got back.. That club didn't allow lap dances but he said getting a lap dance from a guy would cross a hard limit. So I can dress him up, take him there, make him squeal with "delight" and tip the boys, but no touching.

    In fact, we've been on a hiatus for a long time now because I went too far with My Authority did something I shouldn't have (it didn't have anything to do with the bi/gay thing, although when i got too full of myself I did vaguely threaten that.)... I did get him back to dressing up for me after while but Discipline has been a long time coming back. He got his first chastity 2 weeks ago and last weekend was his first trip across my lap since early November.
     
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  9. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    I sure hope you two get back in the groove cause I absolutely love seeing your posts! And thank you for showing us men that women can make mistakes, admit them, and pull back a little and work on relationships. It's important that we highlight that D/s relationships -while kinky- are still relationships, and that part comes first.
     
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