Guilty Feeling Wife/KH

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Drews, Aug 30, 2019.

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  1. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    It is interesting reading about the relationship improvements which people experience. It demonstrates the natural imbalance between the sex drives of women and men. I know that chastity devices are not the whole answer, but it seems to be proving to be part of the puzzle.

    While I realize that it is still a niche interest, who knows what will happen in the future. An example of improvement through technology.
     
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  2. Ron33
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    Ron33 Member

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    True, we quit doing "duty sex" several years ago. We only have sex when the wife wants it. It makes it easier than me asking and getting turned down.
     
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  3. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    Exactly right. The man does not have to ask, it is totally up to the woman to initiate. And, the man cannot sneak off and release the tension in some other way. I realized this many years ago.
     
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  4. Ron33
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    Ron33 Member

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    I almost never ask my wife for sex, I let her initiate when she wants it. She also tells me when I can masturbate instead of having sex. I know it sounds strange, but it keeps me reveved up at a lower level, but knowing I am not going to get to masturbate or have sex keeps it calmed down too.
     
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  5. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    Great to see the responses to my original posts. My wife has definitely become more comfortable without giving me the duty sex but it was tough for her and occasionally caught herself doing it and stopping. She seems to have lost the guilt of keeping me locked until she is ready. after countless discussions she has seen how happy I am when we are having sex and she is enjoying herself. She has also enjoyed not feeling pressured to have sex if I am cuddling with her or giving her a back rub. She has also found her own sexuality and desires are important. She is totally comfortable now letting me satisfy her without needing to equal the score with me. We did have a slight break a couple months ago where I did not wear the cage and she never said anything for almost a month. I finally asked if she lost interest because she never said anything about me putting it on. She is still very vanilla so she responded "I would like if if you were in the cage at all times other than when I want sex but I am not going to tell you what to do ". That has been the way things have been ever since and seems to be great.
     
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  6. Darlydixon
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    Darlydixon hornyman

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    After reading some of these MY KEYHOLDER is very vanilla when we first got together we had sex daily. After 23 years to kids we know have sex 1 once a year. So i found chastity to balance it out her tool is hers when she wants it no orgasm for her non for me. It has made me a better husband. After a month of lock up she lets me caress her more and she actually has been Cuddling in bed.
     
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  7. WhiteKnight
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    WhiteKnight Member

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    Obviously lots of sense in most of the above. However I think there is at least one angle that doesn't seem to have been covered.

    Most women, including my KH and Wife of 40 years, seem to be natural 'care-givers' and often feel guilty abut locking up their significant others and 'depriving' them of even 'duty sex' (like that term).

    One way of addressing that is by taking that aspect of control away from the. We have just started using a new Qiui Cellmate which works via an App. on your mobile or Android. This is not an advert and are there are a number of issues with it, but it does have some fun features. If you, as the Wearer, allocate the Keymaster function to your Wife then you are unable to unlock or operate the device. However there is also a Set Timer function when the 'clock' can be set for minutes, days, weeks and even months and once it's set neither of you can do anything about it. She can choose the time, you can suggest or you can discuss but once it's set that's it.

    Also there the Keymaster can assign a Regulator Role which electronically grants the Wearer a very limited chance to unlock. If you get desperate enough, and ask nice enough, your KH may - or may not - allow you, but can rescind the option at any time and by a keystroke on her phone!

    There are obviously other ways of incorporating this options into your play: dice games are a common and random way of determining lock-up time that you make as hard / difficult / long / short as you like. And I think there still a cute little piece of software called The Wheel of Missfortune that will also do the job for you.

    Have fun and I hope this give you something to think about !
     
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  8. Ron33
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    Ron33 Member

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    As far as duty sex, we quit doing that several years ago anyway, I didn't enjoy getting it that way and she didn't enjoy giving it. My wife is the same way, it takes all the pressure off her to have sex and we can enjoy cuddling way more. I am not locked all the time, but when I am, it is for 10 days to 2 weeks at a time, we BOTH enjoy that time.
     
  9. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    We had multiple discussions about not having the duty sex but I also realized I was part of the problem. When I could tell she was not in the mood I indirectly let her know that I was incredibly horny. Secondly when she gave me duty sex I played along that it was enjoyable to make her happy. I finally became more aware of her moods and did not appear to need sex. I also stopped playing along if we got to the duty sex by saying I cannot fake it anymore when I see and feel her trying to get through the sex. She was upset and surprised that I was faking it also. She occasionally asks me if I am incredibly horny. I am always truthful and say yes just like always. A normal response is good just checking to make sure you are always ready for me. Finally no guilt.
     
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