Hey all. Mistress Spike and I have been doing the chastity thing for a while now and usually the routine is: - every 3 or 4 days a ruined orgasm for me - mistress 2-3 orgasms a week - i usually get to have sex with her (penetration) 1-2 times a week but at most a ruined orgasm or nothing for me. But every 2 weeks or so she gives me a real orgasm. Of course it is extremely intense and i feel on cloud 9 after. But i do get a little lazy right after for a few hours. But the next day or 2 i am just a real bitch. Grumpy, whiney, no energy to please her. Basically the 'old disrespectful me'. Not nice for mistress, but i hate the feeling myself too. Usually she gets me out of it by paddling and gagging etc. But this morning mistress said she is considering not giving me a full orgasm ever again (so only ruined ones). I do understand why. I am just unpleasant to be with for a few days after. But giving up orgasms forever is scaring me! Does anybody have any tips I can try to not be such a bitch for the 2 days after orgasm? I am willing to try just about anything! Thank you!
[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='03 August 2010 - 02:55 PM' timestamp='1280861713' post='51863'] But the next day or 2 i am just a real bitch. Grumpy, whiney, no energy to please her. Basically the 'old disrespectful me'. Not nice for mistress, but i hate the feeling myself too. [/quote] Wow! I used to be in a similar position. When I was going to a therapist about my sexuality this past spring, dissatisfaction with my post-orgasmic self was one big problem. I still have that few hours of lethargic time like you, but I think I've been able to conquer the longer stuff through centering myself and focus on my goals. My therapist pointed me to these meditation audios (from Cornell, I think?) that work to help the listener bring themselves to focus on the current moment. How I've put those to use is aligning that focus with what I need to be doing at that moment... for example, if you need to be focusing on Mistress Spike's needs, you can draw yourself away from your general malaise of the day and focus on what you need to be focusing on instead! It's almost like stepping back from your grumpiness, regrouping on your current moment, and stepping back in with your energies where you want them to be. I'm not sure if I have the link to those audios anymore (I might), but I did download them. PM me if you're interested in them. To be honest, now it's been 26 days or so, I have a hard time remembering just what that feels like.. that's one part I don't miss.
Found the link for those that want it: http://mindfulness.ucsd.edu/guided_audio.htm 20 minute body scan I think is the one I've used... I'm told you can expect to fall asleep the first few times (didn't happen to me)
The "real orgasms" could be limited only by masturbating at Mistresses feet (well, booted feet would actually work even better ). After You have had Your fun and joy, You would be commanded to lick the semen off the feet (or boots). Put's You nicely right back to the sub-space. No guarantee of course but it kinda works for me. Still takes about day or two to restore the pre-orgasm state of mind but it is different after licking the feet clean. Just my 2c, have fun Janice
I agree, sissy janice has pointed out a method that can work. But for the long term I would recommend working toward no orgasms at all- except for the occasional accident or ruined orgasm. Eventually you should get to the point where you are so conditioned to not having orgasms that you do everything possible to avoid them. Why? Because you will be so in love with the feeling of permanent subspace that you will want to avoid anything that disturbs it. I know this as a fact (for me at least). It will take time but that should be your ultimate goal as a sub. A good slap in the face (or several) can do wonders for setting the record straight after a careless accidental orgasm, even if its a ruined one.
I think that being required to cross dress has helped me through this a lot. After a good orgasm I want to go be the "guy" but when I look at myself in the mirror or think about how I'm dressed I realize it isn't going to happen and I get back in the proper headspace pretty quickly.
I appreciate all the suggestions so far! (As well of those who PM-ed me or mistress with info) I do prefer to remain a 'guy' so cross dressing isnt my thing (though i dont judge, so dont take it like i dont approve). I am submissive to my mistress but do not want to become 'feminized' or anything like that. Eating cum we can try. It didnt do anything significant for me last time we tried it though. I can see he psychological effect it may have by humiliating the submissive and put him in his place right away. It seems my problem is more like a real low of dopamine after such an intense orgasm. It recovers after a few days. (i dont think eating cum or dressing up is going to effect that much unless it makes you horny and raises your dopamine some how) It also seems worse now that i go from being locked up for a few weeks to suddenly having a very intense (almost too intense) orgasm. After the last orgasm I was like a zombie for 5-10 minutes just standing there as if i was doped up. Really strange! Perhaps the extreme highs and lows will get less intense over time as we do this CD thing longer. I think for now I will only get ruined orgasms until we know a better way to control it If anybody else has suggestions, please let me or mistress Spike know. Thank you.
Spike - I'm no chastity expert so take my advice with a grain of salt. For me personally, I know that after being locked up for a few weeks and then given an orgasm made me really really not want to go back into the device. It seems like it's a natural state to be "out of sorts" - you come off (pun intended) a huge psychological and chemical high after being locked up for so long so the lows get a little lower. The way it worked best for us was my wife realized that she had to be extra-dominant right after to keep me submissive. It was a lot of work for her (poor baby) and so I can see why Mistress Spike might not be too keen on that all the time. I think permanent lockup doesn't really work psychologically or chemically. From what I've read and heard from others, after awhile, your body will stabilize and simply not give a shit about orgasming any more. Then the game is done. Maybe the ruined orgasms offset that though. Not sure. Maybe a compromise? Permanently add 1 day, 2 days, 4 days, 1 week, ??? each time you are let out and are not behaving correctly. If you behave correctly, you stay at regular 2 week releases. If you don't, soon you will be at much longer release schedules. You will be very incented to keep your head right and respectful to her. Good luck!
i am the total opposite after an orgasm i am on cloud 9 . this will last for three or four days then it starts to go down hill i can just about cope up until day seven. then i get grumpy and bad tempered with everyone around me when i get to nine days i start to sink in to a depression anything over eleven days even when allowed relief i feel resentment and depression that can last for a week. i can only hope that this will change as time goe's on can not complain recently as i have prepared myself for eleven days Mistress has surprised me by shortening them to seven
If you read my post ("Progress Report") you'll see this doesn't happen to me - I go straight back to being loving and attentive. I did find the following article on the net (and discovered I had downloaded the original to my hard drive ages ago before GEOCITIES shut down) which may be of help http://goddesseeling...ppier-more.html The advice given is to keep on increasing the length of denial until it has adverse effects (makes the man grumpy) then back off a little. Don't know if this helps. Maybe 2 weeks is simply too much for you?
I get grumpy post orgasm and I think it's a couple of simple reasons... We feel bad that we have orgasm'd and not been able to stay locked up for longer. We feel almost a sense of failure and weakness that we weren't (for whatever reason) able to go longer. We forget that it was almost certainly our Wives/Girlfriend's/Mistress's/Partner's decision for us to cum and that should be a plus point-so should the fact that we have finally cum, but the feeling of "failure" for some reason overwhelms the feeling of orgasm! The other thing is, I think as a guy we like challenges! And if we have achieved "x" amount of days locked up and then we get to orgasm, then we soon realise how far we have to go to get close to/beat that previous "record" (I think it's defo a guy thing!).
When I cum and dont want to get relocked, which is a lot of the time The hairbrush comes out and I am "reminded" this was my idea. It is very persuasive and never fails to remind me. Getting a post cum, hard hairbrush spanking is just what I need to get out of the post cum blues. And I dare not protest.
I think the short term problem is that your male and conditioned (by your brain chemistry) to loose interest in sex shortly after you climax. I started to get interested in Male Chastity from an article that talked about how rationing male orgasm could "recondition" men to be better lovers, husbands etc. I think it is logical to use the association of pleasure with modified behavior. Anyway, the rambling point I'm trying to make is that you might want to work with your SO in rewarding positive behavior. Orgasm and act like a jerk? Extend the denial phase and add some activity you don't enjoy. If you orgasm and behave in a positive way make it easier to obtain more pleasure. I've read enough posts to conclude that there are many people who desire denial and or want humiliation or have gender issues which may not have anything at all to do with what I'm talking about. On the same note some of the freedom that this gives to a women in a chastity relationship can enforce new behaviors. Once a women learns that control over a man's orgasm gives her power to make him take care of more house hold duties? It makes her want to maintain or use more of this control. Once a women finds that her sexual pleasure can be totally controlled and increased, decreased or changed in scope she (Again) may find the whole concept very pleasurable. I think that at some point its worth doing a sanity check. Both of you need to ask. Is this working? Is it what we wanted (or want now?) I suspect more then a few men probably think (OH SHIT!) at the exact same moment the women thinks (YEAH!) I do have to say that putting the priority on your wife's pleasure and taking care of her needs is a worthy goal. How far it needs to go? That can become a pretty different pot of beans depending on how you go with this.
I think I've made up my mind at last and decided not to go forward with Male Chastity. I know I've probably been a total pain to many of you that have thought this over, jumped in and enjoyed the chastity scene. I was mostly tempted by the more tame descriptions of this as a way to modify the way men typically act to make them better husbands, lovers regain some of the romance etc. The problem is not that I can't see this working but I see what seems like a pretty common thread that what starts off as one thing becomes many other things and the randomness that seems to come with those decisions... I understand that in reality no form of chastity really is forced on any man. I mean you can always get up and run to the nearest hardware store and use a bolt cutters. But I do think there is a "reality" that men are giving an absolute power over their cock (and control of sex) if this is done in an honest way. So... My take on this is that its simple a case of - Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely - *Lord ActonThis arose as a quotation by John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, first Baron Acton (1834–1902). The historian and moralist, who was otherwise known simply as Lord Acton, expressed this opinion in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in 1887: *"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." *Another English politician with no shortage of names - William Pitt, the Elder, The Earl of Chatham and British Prime Minister from 1766 to 1778, is sometimes wrongly attributed as the source. He did say something similar, in a speech to the UK House of Lords in 1770: *"Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it" Ok, so... I think what really is that with absolute power I think its a huge temptation for anyone to do anything. And while doing anything is always possible (Maid service, long permi orgasm denial, Cuckolding or just cheating without any chastity involved) I think in my mind that or any number of other things would become much easier. One of the questions I've asked myself is what is it about this thats "hot" and why do the subs, sissys, cucks all seem to love this? Clearly going way back to day 1 "evil" has a beauty. And if you define (For example) relegating your husband / lover to cuck/slave and giving him the duties of cleanup, preping wives or girlfriends for dates with bulls etc? I think its that fascination with the "wrong" or the taboo that most of us have. For some people they can do this as "play" or kink and not let it invade their real lives. Maybe I'm too conventional or Vanilla or just old. I'm not a saint. I've had things done to me and I've done my share of lousy things myself. Anyway its cheaper to not have to buy any equipment if nothing else! I can still try to modify my behavior and attempt to be a better lover / husband. Anyway, there it is for whatever its worth. I do appreciate everyone who responded to my many questions.
To Spike's Bitch - I don't have any advice as to how to keep from getting grumpy. I, too, suffer from just such an affliction. But I am glad you asked the question. I have read the responses with intense interest. To jimi123 - If it's not for you, then it's not. As long you are happy with whatever you do, then who's to say it's wrong? Certainly not me. I started out as a Master (for over 30 years) and am now trying to become a chaste husband (whatever that is). We are both still trying to figure out our roles. I wish you good fortune (I don't believe in luck) in whatever you choose to do.
In a similar way, I feel depressed and uninterested for the first few days after an orgasm. And that leads to the grumpy, whiny, behaviour that you describe. In my case, my wife is at best reluctantly indulgent in my submissive fantasies, as long as she doesn't have to do much work at it. So, when I don't feel all that submissive, she just wants no part in it at all! Our general solution is that for the several days after orgasm, we just give the whole scenario thing a break until I get back in the mood - just no expectations of continued D&S in that time frame. I agree with some of the previous posts that the issue is hormonal and psychological, and so I don't think (at least for me) that one's head can be forced into a space that it no longer fits in (at least temporarily). Perhaps you and Spike could play with a short term D&S role reversal for those few days post-orgasm?
Thank you for the suggestion and it is good to hear i am not the only one with the problem. Another mistress sent mistress Spike an article on dopamine low after orgasm and it seems to be a perfect match for my problem. So now mistress will not let me have a full orgasm again. Only ruined ones and so far it seems to work. Though now I struggle with being overly sensitive down there, lasting ohhh... maybe 20 seconds before being ready to orgasm Before i could go unlimited amount of time until mistress was done before i would orgasm. Luckily i can always keep going after orgasm so its not a huge problem. Hopefully having a ruined orgasm just before sex could help with this problem, but we still have to try this.
[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='24 August 2010 - 08:36 AM' timestamp='1282660561' post='52627'] Thank you for the suggestion and it is good to hear i am not the only one with the problem. Another mistress sent mistress Spike an article on dopamine low after orgasm and it seems to be a perfect match for my problem. So now mistress will not let me have a full orgasm again. Only ruined ones and so far it seems to work. Though now I struggle with being overly sensitive down there, lasting ohhh... maybe 20 seconds before being ready to orgasm Before i could go unlimited amount of time until mistress was done before i would orgasm. Luckily i can always keep going after orgasm so its not a huge problem. Hopefully having a ruined orgasm just before sex could help with this problem, but we still have to try this. [/quote] It seems like an extreme and permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe vanilla sex is not as optimal as it "might" be but why not explore and experiment more> For example why not do a "quick" orgasm (male) followed by a prescribed amount of female orgasm(s) and try to build up your abilities. Make part of the activity prescribed manner (to your SO) and do a lot of self reflection on your behavior. The way your doing it now, your making your own ability to function near zero and I have to think that without any possibility of sexual release your mood and outlook will become more and more negative.
Thanks for the tips! So far my mood seems fine without full orgasms, but if that changes (not unlikely) then I think your tips can be helpful to try.
[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='25 August 2010 - 12:36 AM' timestamp='1282660561' post='52627'] So now mistress will not let me have a full orgasm again. Only ruined ones and so far it seems to work. Though now I struggle with being overly sensitive down there, lasting ohhh... maybe 20 seconds before being ready to orgasm [/quote] While it's not explicitly exactly the same, this kinda describes my situation.. I'm way too jumpy because I can barely remember the last time my cock felt the pleasure of her pussy. I only last a few strokes if I get lucky, and I could probably cum just from the warmth and heat if I lay still and enjoyed it enough. Because I'm so touchy, most of my orgasms now are reduced to gentle stimulation and are mainly partly or fully ruined. Certainly there is no grabbing it and going for broke like a man would! Perhaps you'll find you're happier this way Spike's Bitch!
Burger! Yea so far its better. To be honest 90% of what i enjoy of sex is being close to mistress, the foreplay and hearing her enjoy herself etc. My own orgasm is really only a small icing on a really delicious cake. So giving it up so far has not been an issue as long as i get ruined ones to release some pressure. A few days ago we had sex and mistress made me were several condoms on top of each other and that reduced the feeling enough that i could last until she was done with me, so that seems to be a good solution. Its funny you say you could release just from being inside and the warmth/smells etc because that is EXACTLY how it felt that time for me. Lol
[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='26 August 2010 - 10:22 AM' timestamp='1282836144' post='52688'] So now mistress will not let me have a full orgasm again. Only ruined ones and so far it seems to work. Though now I struggle with being overly sensitive down there, lasting ohhh... maybe 20 seconds before being ready to orgasm ... To be honest 90% of what i enjoy of sex is being close to mistress, the foreplay and hearing her enjoy herself etc. My own orgasm is really only a small icing on a really delicious cake. So giving it up so far has not been an issue as long as i get ruined ones to release some pressure. [/quote] I'm glad to hear your mistress resolved this issue for you this way. As you point out, the most important parts of the sexual experience for boys are closeness to your mistress, satisfying her, and extended foreplay --- to which you should add a perpetual state of horniness (and concomitant interest and attentiveness). Whereas boys do need to be milked, the kind of orgasms you had been having detract from your overall sexual condition. Therefore, a strict regimen of ruined orgasms is a good prescription for you. My compliments to Mistress Spike.