Groove re-entry

Friday night and a lot has happened with my KH now in Vegas with her best friend (who I used to date when we were a poly triad). On Thursday, I really ticked my wife off over something. I apologized and then went to get the baby monitor from our room so she could check in on our youngest. As I left our room, I found her standing in the dining room, arm outstretched and finger pointing. "Back into the room."

She closed the bedroom door behind her. Her best friend was staying the night ahead of their early morning flight. Our friend was upstairs reading a story to our oldest child. "Get me your leather belt." My wife was icy mad; I had not seen this degree of wrath before. I averted my eyes as I handed it to her, scarcely believing what the fuck was going down. She had never ever gone here.

"Bend over." I did as she said. "Drop your pants. Then bend over." I slid down my pants and kneeled on the floor with my chest resting on our bed. The first one stung my ass. The second was a glancing blow and not too bad. The third landed solidly on my ass and hurt like fuck. The fourth was on the very same spot and caused a sharp intake of breath. The fifth had me thinking that there was no way I could take one more. Thankfully she stopped.

"Collect yourself and come to the kitchen to find me." I lay face down on the bed, ass absolutely stinging. All my past teasing about her taking a whip to me for infractions paled in the light of the pain from this leather belt whipping delivered so forcefully by my wife--my wife who had never ever laid a finger on me in her life.

When I went to the bathroom for a piss, I dropped my pants to look at the red welts she had inflicted. I took pictures of my ass. I was in post-pain bliss and so proud of my @Domina-na-na for taking me so firmly in hand and still in a little bit of shock. But, it was no joke. Her fury and the pain of the belt was no laughing matter. I told her later that it was a little scary. She said, "Good. Next time you will think twice."

She and her friend left for Vegas this morning. As I was taking our youngest for a walk, she texted me to say that she had told our friend everything. About our FLM, my locked Sherlock, etc. It was a struggle to keep my erection in the cage at bay as I read this. But I am happy. We love our friend and it is so nice to have someone close to us finally know about our dynamic.

Got to go.... @Domina-na-na is texting me saying that she is arranging a night away at the coast with her FWB....

 

That is an excellent point @Rectrix ....she is taking it public to that end. Well I am happy.

 

My KH will be home this evening. So looking forward to her being home. Despite me being allowed to unlock at night, there was not a single instance of NUT (non-authorized touching as she terms it) or any temptation to browse any porn online. Last month she asked me if I had viewed any porn. I am always compelled to tell her the absolute truth. I told her then that I had; and paid the price. There was no way I was going to disappoint her this weekend because of any lack of willpower on my end, or suffer the punishment now that she has found how effective she is with a leather belt!

 

To be honest, the joy of pure obedience to her kept me from the slightest temptation. Whether she asks or not, I will know I can deliver on my commitment.

 

I have been traveling for the week on business and thankfully got home last night. My @Domina-na-na is pretty much always on my mind, but ever more so when I am away from her. I like reading the Dominant Wife blog (https://dominant-wife.blogspot.com) and shared a few posts via email with my KH. They dealt primarily with discipline; both punishment and regular maintenance discipline (Hannah, the blog author is a fan of both for her Elliot).

Last week was the first time ever that my KH had physically punished me (a leather belt was her implement). In the first decade of our relationship, I was the Alpha dominant and my wife was submissive. When we had those types of disagreements that would typically drag on with withdrawals and sulks for most couples, I would give her a hiding and all would be well in the world. She liked it and I liked it. I realized now that our dynamic is 180 degrees the reverse, that her taking a belt to me put an immediate end to something that might have dragged out. It was painful, but effective.

After this recent experience, my KH went to Vegas for the long weekend and then I left on my trip, so we had little time to talk or debrief on any of this. So, sharing the articles with my KH a way of offering discussion placeholders for when we reunited after my trip. I felt that Hannah's point about punishment discipline was right on.

During this week away, my wife had to grapple with our two youngest kids plus the older kids were passing through. It was a lot for her to handle. She really wasn't in the head space to cater to any of my KH/MC/cuck tease & denial fantasies that I mentally explore when sitting alone in a hotel room in some city.

So, a few things struck me. When she is away for a night or a weekend, she is totally into whatever fun she is enjoying and has little time or inclination to keep me in a heightened state of T&D. I have learned not to press for it. When I travel, similarly, she is not in an ideal place either dealing with the challenges of home life and all that entails with two young boys. When we are together, we struggle to carve time out to talk, busy being parents or in my case working. In our FLM contract we do have a clause that calls for us to set aside time to discuss how things are going with our relationship in this dynamic each Friday night, but we have failed to comply with that provision.

I was at the airport en route home yesterday and my wife texted me, "I know you’re sending me all these articles about regular hidings but it’s not something I'm interested in. I’ve read them and am aware you’d like it. But it’s not my cup of tea at this tine. Me beating the crap out of you because I’m stressed is your fantasy. Not mine."

Despite the fact that my wife had keyed into one aspect of the articles that I was not particularly emphasizing (maintenance whippings), I realized in a brutal and stark realization that I was going about this wrong. I feel that I am aware of topping from the bottom and happy to move at her pace. While I have respected her space in that regard, I have taken it upon myself to move faster on things as they relate to me. But they have a definite impact on my wife.

What I mean is that I have adopted the chase/cuck male role with zeal. I headed off to get a tattoo denoting my submission to Domina, I respond to her texts deferentially always ending with her title. I encourage her to tell not ask, call my cuck, and I sign off on messages accordingly. She has largely not indicated whether any of this behavior is of interest or importance to her. To keep my MC fantasy rolling along I adopt these behaviors. Her somewhat irregular T&D texts charge my gas tank and keep me running for hundreds of miles, and in-between I fill in the fantasy blanks with my own behavior of an obedient submissive husband.

My realization at the airport was that she has not asked for any of this. To be clear, she enjoys leading our marriage, my service and obedience, and her new found confidence. But she has not ever asked that I adopt the behavior or position of a chaste sub - that was my own doing. Clearly we have some things to talk about when we have some time together.

It was a little strained when I got home. My texts en route had moved from “Whatever you would like to eat Domina, I will go and get it for you with pleasure” to “Let me know what you’d like & I’ll grab it.” Her first comment when I walked in the door was that I had been unlocked too long (I tend not to lock up when traveling for work). Her second was that there was no way we were going back to our old D/s dynamic. I confirmed that she was right on both counts.

Anyway, we need to figure this out. I need to figure out how to occupy a chaste husband mindset that does not unwittingly press her. I know (and have embarrassingly given) the advice on CM is to let her lead, be patient, expect nothing, etc. This recent revelation is a little nuanced, so I have more work on that front.

xxxHC

 

A quick update to share where we are in our journey...these are in no particular order....

1. She regularly takes a riding crop to my ass for behavior she disapproves of
2. She is very much assured of her dominant role in our FLM
3. She has not yet taken on the responsibility of our finances
4. She controls our social and vacation agenda
5. Chores are a regular feature of my life
6. I wear the steel cage daily. After years of trying with a variety of cages I am still unable to make it through the night
7. It has been 37 days since my last orgasm. These are self-administered and sanctioned by her typically when I travel for business. I had 2 PIVs in 2018
8. It has been 355 days for this run of 24/7 FLM & MC dynamic (we began exploring in 2014)
9. Her dominance is ever present. There is a smattering of T&D here and there, either physically, verbally, or in text. She has taken to addressing me as her bitch when we are alone, which I curiously enjoy
10. Other than regular hugs and kisses, there is no other physical contact. We sleep together in the same bed with ample space between us
11. Her tease skills do come out after a glass of wine or two
12. We enjoy our time alone together a lot whether it is watching a movie, or just talking in the kitchen
13. Her confidence in other areas of her life has manifested itself
14. I am not permitted to give her any back-chat once she has reprimanded me
15. Our scheduled weekly check in discussion on how we are doing in our FLM/MC dynamic doesn't occur due to family/kids/work challenges. She is always willing to discuss something though when I specifically raise it
16. We do encounter communication challenges now and again when my understanding of her expectations is off
17. Only one of our close friends is aware of our shift from our decade-long D/s to this FLM/MC lifestyle
18. She does not engage much on ChastityMansion much. I check in now and again on what others are up to
19. We are yet to read How to Set Up an FLM by Ivey Green together, which I think will help offer more discussion opportunities for us
20. She has worn her key necklace a few times when we go out. She knows I enjoy that
21. She is quite comfortable at ordering for me when we go out to eat
22. While I am more than content when she is bitchy towards me, I did struggle when she was like this around her parents and we talked about it
23. Because she has every right to be in a foul mood if it strikes her, she has tended to be in more bad moods. I in turn tend to be a good mood all the time lest I incur her wrath. We talked about all of this too and there has been a noticeable change in her
24. I defer to her in almost all things. She appreciates this, although sometimes she wishes I would step up and make decisions (mainly with the kids). It is a challenge to know when I should/shouldn't do this
25. I did experience my first ball crushing exploratory session while we were abroad. I buy her a fair number of heeled shoes and boots to encourage more of this
26. While we traveled, she left the riding crop at home and packed a wooden brush as a substitute. It worked!
27. While Green writes, "you are going to be giving him much more sexual attention, ....but the price he must pay for that attention is obedience and the delay of his ejaculations." I will offer that I have been obedient and servile without much sexual attention. of course Green's lines resonates with me and describes the quid pro quo of the FLM / MC dynamic I (selfishly) unabashedly want.
28. I have been patient and never pressed my wife to "do" anything specific. That is, I have avoided topping from the bottom at all costs
29. I am happier in our marriage and personally in this dynamic. As an alpha male in my professional life, I enjoy the sanctuary of the FLM pursuit with my wife.
30. My hope for us in 2019 is grow even more together, to balance the discipline & service with T&D, and to somehow figure out how to crack the 24/7 cage wearing goal.

 

Quick and relevant update to my entry yesterday. My wife read Chapter 11 of Ms Green's book..the section on T&D! This is a big deal and means a lot to me. When I awoke, she moved over to snuggle with me and reached down to caress my cock. It was an incredibly delicious feeling to have her warm and smooth body next to my aching one. Her attention was heaven.

We had visitors over yesterday and as I passed by to retrieve something from the kitchen counter, she surreptitiously pressed her beautifully round ass into my my locked cock. After the kids were down we watched a video. She sat in the leather armchair, and I in the bean bag on the floor at her feet as usual. Except that last night she was bare beneath her robe. A real T&D treat.

Today is our 'date night'...we have a sitter coming over and we will take off for 5-6 hours of alone time, which I am very excited about!

 

Happy Super Bowl Sunday CM!

My wife is spending some time with our oldest kid while I tend our youngest. She will be back home and we will then watch the Superbowl, which should be fun.

We went out for an early family dinner last night. She took extra care to look exceptionally glamorous complete with her key necklace. The restaurant was in an old hotel that had been recently remodeled. She looked up the nightly rate, which was up there, and said she’d rather stay in XYZ hotel downtown for that rate. XYZ is a fabulous place and super luxurious. “I would love a weekend away, and perhaps I can invite Jake over.” I booked her two nights there in a hurry.

We shall see what ultimately happens. The discussion and act of booking was titillating in itself for me!

 

I realize a black and white truth. Men, like me, propose male chastity and the FLM dynamic. It is primarily borne out of a fantasy regardless of the rationale. After coaxing, cajoling, encouraging, our wives see the benefit. They embrace it and becomes students. We enjoy it as it manifests our fantasy. In my case, this journey is coming on 5 years in the making. She is pretty adept at leading and keeping me denied for length amounts of time (59 days since she last bid me self-administer a release).

Yesterday, we got into a minor squabble about something inconsequential. She motioned I ‘zip it’ and I did. Later that evening, I commented on something and she responded with an explanation of something unrelated. I sensed my frustration. I realized then that her delivery of her authority in those instances were far removed from anything sexual relating to FLM/MC. She was simply putting me in my place. The same way I used to for a decade when she was my submissive.

So that is the nub of it. It is hard, very hard, to embrace her authority when it has zero vestige of anything sexual. Yes, I understand that one needs to accept the outcome of what one wished for (thanks).

I asked her yesterday evening if she wanted some more wine for the evening (we had a guest over). She said, “It’s okay, I don’t want you to have to go out now just to get us wine.” I responded petulantly with, “Well, if you come to a decision otherwise, let me know.” I was wanting her to be decisive and command me to service her and secure the wine. She was being sweet and considerate. On the flip side, she has been ‘unreasonably’ demanding of me about something when I can least respond to it (mainly due to work needs), and I have found I have to check my attitude (not always successfully). I can see how hard it must be for her to manage the appropriate level of discipline while still being responsive to whatever is going on for us.

Before we turned in last night, she said, “I am not sure what is up with you today, you have been in a mood all day.” As I brushed my teeth, I thought I heard the bureau drawer open. That is where she stores Agnes (her riding crop). I mentally railed against the notion of her whipping me for my infractions, but knew that is EXACTLY what she should do to put a period in all of this.

When I re-entered the bedroom, she was getting ready to get into bed. No Agnes. I climbed in and we went to sleep. The unresolved cloud overhead.

We went out to a concert on Friday. She looked amazing in boots, super tight leggings that showed her camel toe, a black off-the-shoulder sweater with no bra, and her new key necklace. She had gone out of her way to dress to appeal to everything I adored. Her breasts are large. She is normally quite fixated on wearing a bra at all times. They looked amazing! Everything about her was smoking hot.

As we had drinks before the concert she apologized to me for canceling the hotel booking we had made for March. Her FWB was supposed to have joined her at the hotel. She knew this was something I really enjoyed. I told her that until she felt genuinely keen herself to embark on something like that, I was totally fine with waiting. Just the act of booking and talking about it was T&D value to me. During the concert, she did reach down to grab my caged penis, which I loved.

She alternates in calling me cuck or boy in our texts. I like both. I know when she uses ‘boy’ it is a sure sign of her feeling authorative and letting me know all about it. It is pretty hot.

After the heat of the sqaubbles I referenced has subsided, I can see where things go wrong. When I react defensively or stridently, it seems to catch her off guard, and instead of bringing down her iron fist in no uncertain manner, she retracts and attempts to appease and remedy. This in turn, sets me off on the wrong tangent.....etc, etc. I don’t enjoy her using Agnes on me at all. Especially since the number of strokes delivered has moved from 2-3 to 6-7 these days with a great more resolve. But, they work. They re-set things, deliver a clear message of who is in charge, and what is acceptable or not. I know that I will just push and resist until she reaches that line even if we squabble all the way there.

 

Quite so. A daily endeavor on my part. Thanks, and enjoy your Sunday iome343.

 

A lovely, yet unexpected development occurred last night following our dinner. My wife texted me this:

"I have been too timid about things I want. Going forward be prepared for a more forceful Domina" and added another explanation text:

"When you are home, you should expect to do what I want when I ask. I am done trying to figure out whether you’re in the right “space” to serve me. At home, you’re the servant."

After the kids were in bed last night, she wasted zero time adopting this new demeanor!

More soon.....

 

We are planning on attending KinkFest2019 held in Portland OR. I am thrilled that she wants to attend. This will be the first time for us attending the Fest in our new dynamic.

My mind has been spinning since we decided to go. I would love to let it all out there...dress in a manner that clearly reflects that I am her locked and loyal submissive. She has shared she is not sure that she is ready to 'let it all be out there.' She did ask, "You mean you want to walk around in nothing but your cage?" It was a rush. I said yes, but knew that my heart would be in my throat....I have never done anything like that. We agreed to continue chatting about it and see how things develop. She made it clear that she won't be walking around with her crop in-hand.

What we end up donning for the Fest remains to be seen, but I am really enjoying just the thoughts, fantasy, and discussion around some what ifs. It is very stimulating.

 

I know the feeling Mash! Thanks, and yes...I believe that she does intend more work for Agnes going forward!

 

Will I have the (caged) balls to do it though!?!?!?!?!

 

I was out of sorts yesterday afternoon for some reason. My wife had been out since the morning shopping and I worked at home. She had her favorite at lunch, a glass of bubbles. On the way home she stopped at the store for some more champagne.

My morning had been productive but at the noon hour I hit a wall and was stymied by a tech challenge relating to web images I needed. By the time she came home at 2pm, I was pretty frustrated with the time I had wasted on the issue.

I had her glass prepared with ice cubes for when she returned home and poured her a glass of champagne as she shared how her morning had been (she loves her mini-breaks from home!).

She was in an ebulliant mood. But, she was frustrated with me being a little less than upbeat. She did not care for it one bit. I was standing in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee looking out of the window onto the walking path in front of our house. She came up behind me, tugged my sweatpants down, and delivered some of the harshest blows to my ass I have ever felt. She used our traveling Agnes - a wooden backed body brush. Broad daylight with all the blinds down.

It did the trick. I hugged her and thanked her. She was pleased with the attitude adjustment. I played with the kids while she relaxed in our bedroom browsing dresses online. We are going to KinkFest in April and she wants a new outfit.

She had me head out and get myself a bottle of red wine for dinner. I took the liberty of getting her another bottle of champagne as back up.

After I put the kids down, she got dressed up in boots, skin tight leggings and a V-neck sweater and hopped into a Lyft and headed to a bar downtown. Solo. This was a new venture for her. She was nervous but excited about doing it with my encouragement. I was laying in bed (locked) and about half an hour later she texted that she was going over to Jake’s house (her long time FWB). I was thrilled!

She stayed out until around 1am socializing with Jake and his friends. I got a huge rise when she texted that she found one of his friends super hot. It was so good for her to get out and about solo. A big boost for her condidence I think. Hopefully this baby step will lead to her venturing out again.

xxxHausCuck

 

4/24/19:
Long overdue post!

This past weekend my KH and I attended Kink Fest in Portland. We loved it. She looked phenomenal in a latex dress and high heels. She pulled the zipper in front quite a long way down, so her beautiful and full (no bra) cleavage was visible to all! She was the consummate Domme ensuring that I did her exact bidding all night.

After Kink Fest, we hit a strip club, which was packed with nubile women. My wife was the one who had the lap dance while I waited on the couch outside. Before she got up to leave for the lap dance, she said rather loudly, "Get me another drink, bitch." She knows how much I enjoy her calling me bitch and boy.

We spent the night downtown in a hotel...a mini-getaway from home. My thought of possible release from my cage for some sexual play was fleeting. It did not transpire anyway, so it was good I had little expectation of her.

In short, an amazing night with an amazing KH.

xxxHC

 

6/1/19:

Time for an update. Things are going well despite being under some pressure on the work front. Last weekend was a little different though. An evolution in the growth of my wife’s comfort with being in charge and ensuring discipline. We have our weekly check in on Friday evenings after the kids are down. She typically takes the crop to my ass for infractions that past week, and then we talk about how things are going for us in this FLM dynamic. Last Friday, after we had enjoyed a few glasses of wine, she summoned me to the bedroom and had me drop my pants. I made the move to kneel over the side of the bed, but she stopped me. “Stand in front of me” she said.

I did. She took the crop to my caged penis and balls. She really seemed to enjoy herself. Despite the stinging blows from the crop, my cock swelled inside the cage. She liked that and whipped me some more. After that, she delivered the normal blows to my ass and we were done on the punishment side.

Last night, she began the discipline session the normal way having me kneel at the bed. This time she parted her gown so her bare pussy and breasts were visible. It was incredible to see her body revealed to me this way after so many months. She left the room after a few blows telling me not to move a muscle. She returned a few minutes later. She squatted a little pressing her naked pussy on the small of my back. It was a delicious feeling. She then had me standing in front of her where she landed a barrage of flicks from the crop on my balls and cage. It was painful but arousing at the same time.

We started talking about her going out this evening with her best friend to a local club where they planned on meeting up with some friends. By this stage I felt very, very submissive (odd to write that... I dropped to my knees in front of her as she continued talking. I asked if I might be able to smell her pussy. Surprisingly she obliged laying on the edge of the bed while she talked. It is one of my favorite things in the whole world to smell her pussy and ass any time I can (not a frequent occurrence anymore).

We turned in, and spoke some more as we lay in bed. It was a great evening with my KH.

xxxHC

 

7/23/19

After almost a year and a half of continuous chastity we had our first significant hiccup. It was a culmination of things ending around the 4th of July. I awoke on the Saturday morning, showered and did not put on my cage. While at work on Monday, my KH texted, “You’re not wearing the cage.” I asked if we could take a break. She retorted that it looked like I had already made that decision.

My wife is a beautiful woman. Captivatingly alluring with skin like velvet. We’d had a spat the day after the 4th and I was ticked. My steam gathered and I grew incensed that she did not appear to care whether I was locked or not. Tease & denial was scarce and intermittent. I felt that I had put everything in to be of loyal and faithful in service and was getting very little out of it. I know there are many on the site who will offer the sage advice that once you surrender, expectations should be zero. Sorry, I am not of that ilk. When I was her Dom for a decade, it was 24/7 but there was always an element of consent recognizing that her service to me was rewarded and recognized. I am not a chaste male that relishes the idea of being locked and forgotten. Others may love that, and all the best to them!

I digress. With family in town for the summer, it had put some pressure on us. We could not behave in our normal way. My wife got very ill after the 4th. I was trying to wrangle four kids and feeling the pressure of keeping it all together. I behaved poorly and forgot my place. Anyway, after that Monday, we did not speak of the cage or my removal of it. I was cage-free while we entertained our family members. Interestingly I willingly remained committed to our FLM dynamic, so that did not change an iota.

My wife decided to stop drinking. There are numerous reasons, but the main one was her realization that the enjoyment of a glass wine was outweighed by the downsides (sleep impact, grogginess, etc.). She has since become vibrant! She awakes in the morning and smiles. She reads her books at speed, is taking up her hobbies, make our home sparkle, cooks delicaiosy meals. Her mood shift is noticeable. She is thoroughly enjoying her time and experiences without missing alcohol. This had another effect on our relationship. She became quite forceful in what she wanted done and how she wanted it done with me. It was like she had discovered another layer of authority that was hers for the taking. It has been magnificent to witness.

One day she texted me, ""I am changing your name from D to B.... B is for boy and bitch ” I shivered with the thrill of her message. It was a milestone for us. It was one of the most significant actions by my KH to engage willingly in the dynamic I had initially foisted upon her. She decided of her own volition to change addressing me as D (Daddy) to B. Wow. It was electrifying. The next morning I donned the cage and handed her the key asking if she was willing to take it back. She said yes.

Since then her authoritarian role has escalated even further in the most delicious ways. It was as if before she was acting the role. Now, she is living the role. Quite amazing. She mused she may get me a ball gag to minimize my back chat and that after my hiding I would barely be able to walk.
She suffers no tardiness, back chat, or laziness on my part. She is emphatic about what she likes and does not like. This morning I awoke early as I usually do and actively looked for things I could take care of that I knew she would appreciate it.

This is a whole other level for us and I am so thankful for her as my KH.I created a shared album of art depicting CBT, femdom, and FLM that I have shared with her without fear of judgement. They reflect my deepest secret desires with my wife and it is the first time I have shared it all so openly.

Each day I awake with anticipation of how my wife will own, dominate, and control her very own faithful B

 

I will share an honest assessment of how things are going. I think that many of us, knowing our KHs often read our posts, attenuate the level of experience we write about and candor we share. I know that I have been prone to in the past. Mainly because I wanted to ensure that my KH was aware of how much I appreciated her willingness to explore this lifestyle (a significant one given she was my submissive for over a decade). I saw my posts both as a journal update and also an encouragement of the positive traits she began to adopt as my KH.

This journal entry is not an attempt to undermine the level of adoption exhibited in some facets by my wife. It is more of an honest check in with myself on where things are and how my perspective may have changed on some aspects of our FLM/CM relationship. Once my wife cautiously agreed to this new relationship dynamic we drew up a contract. My sense is she humored my enthusiasm to concretely articulate the new framework we would operate under. It clearly spells out my service role to her, which I have endeavored to follow. Elements that are important to me such as weekly check in discussions on how things were going, regular tease and denial, and releases largely fell by the wayside although she is pretty adamant that she whips my ass every Saturday (she keeps a tally of how many lashes I rack up due to bad behavior). She is also pretty firm with her authority ensuring I do things the way she likes. I put the kids to bed, unload dishwashers, prepare her coffee, and let her sleep in and I do enjoy the service aspect of it.

I mentioned this in an earlier post, but we had a baby boy about two years ago and my wife has been pretty much in mommy mode so I have not worried too much about any physical teasing or sexual play from her. She last sanctioned a release at my own hands 128 days ago. I am locked daily in a steel cage and have to ask to unlock each night. In our prior dynamic when she was my submissive for the first decade of our relationship, we would sleep very close together. I loved cuddling and holding her smooth body. Since she took the helm of our relationship that does not happen. She finds I keep her awake when we sleep intertwined and does not like to sweat. We always kiss and hug good morning (I get up with the kids and she awakes later) but that is the extent of our physical relationship. She is okay with me hugging and holding her waist but my hands are not allowed to wonder.

Recently she accepted the invite to a themed party with a FWB that she knew before she fell pregnant and his wife. I was very excited she wanted to go and that she was quite okay going without me. We got her a new dress and shoes and I booked a luxury AirBnB downtown for her to stay in for the night of the party. I tried to engage her leading up to the party in texts exploring what might happen on this night. It was an epic night because my sense is that she is feeling way better about herself and is keen to explore fun and games without me. She was too stressed and anxious leading up to the party—she gets that way about upcoming events—so I let her be as she prepared to leave on Saturday afternoon.

Her friends came over to the AirBnB and they had fun getting ready to go out to the party. They headed to the party on Saturday evening at around 11pm or so. I heard from her via text sporadically throughout the night. She does know that one of my favorite things is to receive updates and pics whenever possible, but that night she did not have much of a chance. She did let me know of her movements which was nice. She came home the following morning at around 11am and we met friends nearby for drinks but she was so wiped out she was barely standing. She headed to bed at about 5pm in Sunday evening.

The following day I was at work and she shared half a dozen pics from Saturday night which I thoroughly enjoyed. I do not know exactly what went down on her fun night out. She has been feeling somewhat blue after the all nighter, so I am leaving her in peace to recuperate. Of course I have a thousand questions and would love us to be able to relish what went down together, but when she is feeling blue, its not the best time.

Interestingly I did ask her via text on Saturday evening if I could masturbate while thinking about her out with her FWB, but she turned that notion down.

In short (dear diary), I feel like for the past two years, I have diligently served and obeyed. Tease has largely been denied, I rarely see her naked, have had no PIV since early 2019, have little physical intimacy with my wife any longer. She is not mentally in the hot wife space other than taking supreme control of our day-to-day relationship.

Any insightful comments are more than welcome, but feel free to spare me the ‘be careful for what you wish for.’

Thanks for letting me vent here with all of you.

Here is to things looking up.