I visably, though very respectfully let the wife see she had done something that caused me disappointment but in her eyes was a nothing act. We talked, and we agree that I'm not sub all the time. But what is sub? Is it being a mindless slave to her whims? We agreed that for us it was complicated. We need to be real about our feelings and sensitive to each other, at times and with regards to some things. A black and white existence of being a sub with no independent thought and feelings is not for us, though it may be for others. It's just a seemingly endless learning curve. That's why communication is vital. I did spend our remaining alone time without kids before work rubbing lotion on her feet and legs, so I haven't completely forgotten my place Just like all parts of a successful marriage, chastity and being submissive/domme will always have it's bumps along the way.
I am collared sub to m'Lady and, in many ways, her slave. Because of some problems she has I control the finances except for her Social Security. That is hers to spend as she wants. All household chores except cooking supper are mine. When we are alone it is CFnm or my in just panties of an apron.
Submission for me is putting her first, and trying to aspire to "obey" in all things. The reality is quite different. She also needs a man, her man to protect her and to watch over her and our family. So as much as she runs the finances if I see a choice that isn't the best for us I will step in and object as passionately as needed to stop it. Regardless of how upsetting it will be too her. Respectfully, but resolutely, regardless of any potential "consequences" for my disobedience. I tell her when things calm down that as her submissive, I must be willing to suffer for her, when doing my primary goal of protecting her and us. It's those times that she needs her partner the most, not her submissive. So I get you running the finances, that's the grey area right there. As to being CFNM, in the home, that's hot! I often remind her that I don't want her to be the women in my books, they are fantasy. I want her to be her, with all that grey area and realness of life.
It is an unsure process for certain. What stands out is how one finds the right balance for their own lives.