Goodbye and Thank You

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Hubby&Missy, Jun 24, 2022.

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  1. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    I lost Charlie almost four weeks ago. I came home from work and found him lying on the shop floor. It turns out he had an aneurysm in his brain that nobody knew about and it burst. They tell me by the time he realized it was more than a bad headache it was too late. I finally summoned the courage to tell all of you about it. You deserve to know because my imaginary friends here are why we were able to make it through a very difficult year and emerge on the other side with a love so complete and so strong and so beautiful and you know I don’t use that word loosely. You know I cry and I have cried a lot. I am teary as I write this. For the first time in seven years I don’t have his shoulder to cry on. I told Jane and Ellen I had to do this and they are here with me now. Just touching me and giving me the strength. If you choose to leave condolences or prayers here know that I appreciate them but I will not be able to acknowledge them. At least not right away. I don’t think I can come back here for a long time. This is already hard. There are too many memories. I will just say thank you in advance for your prayers.

    Daddy and my sister came as soon as they heard. Daddy told me mother said that “Charlie deserved it and this was God’s way of punishing us.” When she said that he told her she was not coming under any conditions and he was bringing my sister. He told her it was the last straw and he would not be returning home ever. He told her it was over for them. Mother has called him a few times but he has blocked her number. She calls me and I just don’t answer. Daddy is going to stay with me as long as I need him. He has done the hard things. He went through Charlie’s office stuff and notified his customers. I think I am going to sell all the shop machines. I can’t deal with the idea of someone else out in that shop running it. Daddy is going to take care of it for me.

    I went back to work two weeks ago. I need something to distract me and my job is all I have left in my life right now. Except for daddy and Sis. And Jane and Ellen. I have some people who love me and care. I will be okay.

    Charlie had said in the past he wanted to be cremated and his ashes thrown into the wind. He wanted his soul to be free in the world and not a prisoner under six feet of dirt. I haven’t thrown the ashes to the wind yet. That will be hard. There was a wonderful turnout for the service. All my co-workers came All our church friends and the trail riders club. Many of his clients were there, some from a long way.

    There is a song on Charlie’s play list called “Loving Her Was Easier Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again.” Back on Valentine’s Day he played that song and said, “That is exactly how I feel about you.” Then he said that when he dies, he wants me to play that song at his funeral so everyone would know how easy it was to love me. He quipped, “Then this gray haired, lady can sprinkle my ashes in the wind. I remember we chuckled a little about the gray haired lady. He told me that’s not for fifty years though and “don’t worry I will still be watching over you and protecting you.” I got a little teary and he hugged me.

    When I was making the arrangements for the funeral I asked the choir director if she could have them sing that song at the service. At the end of the service a man with a beautiful voice sang it as a solo and I cried so hard. Daddy just held me so tight and Sis held my hand. Sis said even the pastor was teary. When he saw me he said there would be a moment of silence before the final prayer. I cry now whenever I think about that song and that moment. But it was what he wanted. He promised me it wouldn’t be for fifty years! I was supposed to be old and gray. He lied to me! Damn it! It isn’t fair!

    I’m back. Jane and Ellen held me for a few minutes and I’m okay now. I’m sorry for the rant this isn’t your fault. This was supposed to be about thanking you for helping us through the difficult times. I’ve made it all about me as usual. So thank you all for being there for us.

    Sis went back home after two weeks. It was wonderful to actually see her. We had video chatted and talked on the phone but I hadn’t actually seen her or touched her since I was six years old. We talked a lot and I cried on her shoulder some.

    I’m sitting here thinking about what else I need to say and I realized I was fingering the key that I still wear around my neck. That key was so important. It was way more than the key to his heart. It was the key to our love.

    I’m sorry for droning on but this is where Charlie and I came to vent and get our problems out of our heads and into the open where we could deal with them. We always felt better after we laid our troubles on you, all our imaginary friends. I actually feel a little better now.

    Thank you all and goodbye.

    Missy
     
  2. Blue Moon
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    Blue Moon Long term member

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    So very sorry Missy. A prayer sent.
     
  3. prien2
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    prien2 Active member

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    Stay strong
     
  4. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    The friendships are anonymous but still real. My thoughts are with you.
     
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  5. MissGuselessproperty
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    MissGuselessproperty Active member

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    So sorry for your loss
     
  6. gokken6969
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    gokken6969 Member

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    So sorry for your loss! May Charlie have a swift journey to the other side. Hugs and healing to you.
     
  7. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    Let the wind have the ashes. Your mate will be with you, never far. You will see each other again.
     
  8. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, sending hugs.
     
  9. spider203
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    spider203 Long term member

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    Sorry for you loosing someone like that, I hope it is not good bye. And don’t be afraid to chat to your imaginary friends once in a while.
    Learning to live with the fact that he is not beside you anymore is not easy and it will take time.
    My prayers are with you.
     
  10. Mistress Tea
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    Mistress Tea Active member

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    I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  11. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    Oh dear God no....
     
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  12. slave_m
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    slave_m Long term member

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    I'm very sorry.
    Take your time and don't listen to anyone, let yourself be guided by your heart.
    Better times will come.
    I sincerely wish you the best.
     
  13. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    I am so sorry to hear about this. I was actually getting on here to see why we had not heard from the two of you. We truly enjoyed helping you and being here for both of you and hearing how it was going. Just so you know, we all are still here to help you however we can. Our prayers are with you
     
  14. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    This news is gut wrenching. Although it sounds weak, I’m truly sorry for your loss. It’s not fair that horrible people live on while kind and thoughtful people pass without reason.
     
  15. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    My condolences
     
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  16. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i am ever so sorry that has happen to You.
     
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  17. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    What awful news. I am so very sorry to hear this. You have been brave and questing during your time here: I hope for you that your bravery carries you through what must be an awful grief. Blessings to you.
     
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    iome343 Long term member

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    I'm so sorry for you
     
  19. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    #19 Headtrip, Jun 27, 2022
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2022
    This is awful news but praying for you missy and I do believe Charlie will always be watching over you. Your story and progress here, and sharing it with us all, was truly inspirational. I hope as time heals you will find inspiration - and happiness - from that same growth.

    I'm sorry your mother cannot see that clearly Charlie was an angel sent to help you overcome demons, and has now been called on to other high tasks.
     
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  20. krystalasbaby
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    krystalasbaby krystalasbaby

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    Although i haven't had the chance to get to know you, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Someone above said take your time listen to your heart you will know when to move forward. Remember he is always with you.
     
  21. Barefeet
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    Barefeet Member

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    Prayers send!
     
  22. Gcar1951
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    Gcar1951 Long term member

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    It always amazes me how some people have no compassion for those in pain. We will keep you in our prayers & hope for the best outcome for your family.
     
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  23. SissySarahCD
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    Hej Missy,
    Three weeks ago I lost my Mistress and Master in a road traffic accident, and it has really hit me hard. It is a surprise to me that I cannot express the sense of loss I feel, the lonliness that I feel.
    Our relationship started two years ago after a meeting at a BDSM club, and soon they became my dominants and I came to rely on them for all my emotional needs as their submissive. I truly gave myself to them, their desires, their demands and their control. I think in their way they loved me and I am certain I loved them. I loved pleasing them by satisfying their wishes and demands, I felt wanted!
    However, upon their demise, their family knows I was an acquaintance of them, but know nothing of our relationship, and I have no-one I can share this sense of loss that I feel. I did attend their funeral, but could not express what they meant to me! I feel totally alone, totally lost in a world that would not understand our relationship. I just don't know to continue without the feeling of being wanted, owned and cotrolled by them.
    Writing this has helped in that I can express how I feel, and that in some way, life must go on!

    RIP, Mistress and Master D

    Your Sissy Sarah
     
  24. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    ugh. what a gut punch. I was just wondering how y'all were doing and I find this. My deepest sympathies to you.
     
  25. Gcar1951
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    Gcar1951 Long term member

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    Sissy Sarah-We can certainly recognize this is such a huge loss. We will try to make this a place where you can share thoughts & emotions. We will keep you in our hearts & prayers.
     
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