Greetings, this is probably my first post on CM. My wife and I are in our mid forties, married for 9 years, together 11. We used to have a pretty active sex life before kids with some kinky fun in it too. Once kids arrived, the stressful family life and various issues caused a significant drop in our sexual activity. Lately, my wife has been also complaining about me not being emotionally very attentive to her. I have been thinking a lot about introducing chastity in our life. From what I read, it would greatly boost my attentions to her. I already mentioned this idea to her a few times, but she is confused about it and not particularly interested. I already own a chastity cage too, she knows about it, it’s a Cobra from Kink 3D, but we haven’t played with it due to her lack of interest. I have been wondering whether there are any good books about chastity and key holding that could be beneficial for us to start. If I google the internet I find lots of books written by pro dominatrix that obviously are biased toward BDSM-type of relations. Are there any books that discuss the emotional aspects of chastity and key holding in regular relations?
This is a good, approachable one: Chastity: A Guide for Vanilla Wives https://www.amazon.com/Chastity-Gui...96555&sprefix=chastity+for+vani,aps,90&sr=8-1 Or this one: Locked-In Love: How two weeks in chastity can end the barter system, renew courtship and make a better husband. https://www.amazon.com/Locked-Love-...d=1672696608&sprefix=key+barret,aps,88&sr=8-4 Both are approachable for hesitant or new keyholders to be. Each takes a different approach, you'll have to see if either would resonate with your situation.
Some sites, too, that have some good points and articles: https://www.evolvingyourman.com happy-marriage.neocities.org/ Also consider looking inward at yourself and why you are not emotionally attentive. And begin to address that before moving into chastity. Dependence on porn, not taking initiative, being attentive to her needs, providing the emotional support she needs, etc. Doing that first will make you a better dude, create a better connection and also clear the path for better play for both of you.
@gentleman this isn’t what you asked for but I think this will be extremely helpful. https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/how-do-i-tell-my-wife.48102/
I wouldn’t worry about books. Start off by playing short term lock up games that last 24-48 hours where you have to earn getting unlocked. Show her the benefits of holding the key without being a pest or constantly talking about the cage or ANY KINK RELATED THINGS. Don’t act all submissive but rather like you did when you first met her and was trying to win her heart. As things progress, you can play a game where the goal is to see which one of you breaks the seal and takes the key. The prize could be $100 mad money or anything really, but in the end you both win when unlocked. Make it fun, show her the benefits and don’t try to take her down the rabbit hole in the beginning. Let it evolve at a pace she is comfortable with.
At one point, I asked my wife to read a few chapters in a book that I thought would be really helpful. She said that she would but never followed thru. But initially, I just gave her 3 links to read that I "fed" her one at a time and these worked for us. We discussed them over dinner. They were short and really helpful. One of them, I copied the content to make it more vanilla. Here they are: https://cuttothechaste.net/your-husband-wants-chastity/ https://cuttothechaste.net/benefits-women-can-expect-from-male-chastity/ https://cuttothechaste.net/the-care-and-feeding-of-the-male-in-chastity/
I am in a similar situation. Mid-40’s l, busy family life, etc. We started with the honor system and having her orgasm only while I did not. Would go maybe a week like this and I would basically bend over backwards to do anything for her during that time. She noticed how much it improved our relationship and I eventually brought up the cage. Maybe don’t say anything about the cage or chastity. Start with…you want to make her cum w/o you cumming. some more about my journey here. I’m only a couple weeks into using a cage but have practices tease and denial for a while. Mmm https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/habitual-masturbator-getting-started.49611/
It depends on who she is, but books would be basically setting her homework for a topic that doesn't interest her. A better idea would be to think of some bedroom activity she already enjoys and work out how it might b improved by chastity, and then propose that as a "game". Make sure to avoid anything that's off topic. If, for example, it's about her getting a long back rub and a happy ending, don't make it about your torment, or her unlocking you.
The book is for you (us guys). I came across this one recently (it's been mentioned on this site before). Well into our chastity journey now, I think this book is what my wife would write (to me) if she were to write a book about chastity. I learned about it yesterday and just told her about it last night and that I want to share it with her to get her thoughts, so need to confirm. But it's the most female-friendly and realistic book that focuses on intimacy and the relationship, weaving in chastity as a tool to help. But start with you reading it and understanding what you need to do differently, and understand her needs, then bring the topic up once you understand what you need to work on and where you need her involvement. RESTART INTIMACY A Unique Approach to Male Chastity (Intimacy and Male Chastity https://www.amazon.com/RESTART-INTI...+male+chastity+-+sierra+parker,aps,260&sr=8-1
I always like Male Chastity by Lucy Fairbourne. Good for introducing chastity to your partner even coming from a totally vanilla back ground. It was the book that was the decision breaker for my wife.