From the start

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  1. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    I am not good at writing things down on paper. So I will say sorry for my grammar errors right up front. But I think I need to put this down what I feel inside and out. This is a hard thing talking about our personal lives in this way.

    This will probably be a boring post. But it is my first and I will try and be honest about everything.

    Background in a quick fashion.

    We have been married for 30+ years
    Married fast and have 2 kids
    She still is the center of my universe and I will do anything for her.

    I started this journey during her 2 week vacation in September. Sex has always been one of those friction points on our marriage. SO I was thinking how could we mix my needs for the desires I have with the needs she has. Sex for the last 20 years has been a duty for her as a good wife. Yes she orgasms. But it really isn't her thing she enjoys or wants. It is also panful for her at the start. But ways I have brought up to help have fallen on deft ears. She thinks that anything over the norm is slutty and make her a slut. I recognize this and work within this. So sex for the most part is a release for me and unsatisfying for both.

    So I thought about this and thought about if I could put her in charge of our sex with some stipulations that she couldn't ignore me. So after a lot of search in the internet I found chastity. My thoughts behind this is. Since our sex life is not strong. How can I get my needs and her desires met. I came to the conclusion of putting her in charge of our intimacy. It really isn't going to change how often we have sex. But more make the journey between more fun.

    I will stop here and pick up on the next post
     
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  2. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    October was the start. The rules were pretty basic. I can't initiate sex. I told her no release for me till the 18th. That was a long 18 days. No anything for that time period. But what it brought out in her was flirting wasn't going to lead to sex. We had some good talks during that time period and made things open up. I think she thought I couldn't do it. But I was committed to show her I could. A lot of cold showers.

    The 18th came and I made sure it was about her when we had sex. Little oral, little fingering. Soon she wanted me inside of her. I took it slow. Having to take breaks for that I didn't explode. Doing my best to make sure she is taken care of. Soon there was no choice. She pulled me in tight and wouldn't let me stop.

    This was the true beginning of her taking control. I couldn't be more happy to see this. She got what she wanted when she wanted it.

    This has opened up conversations that needed to happen 20 years ago.
     
  3. Ransom
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    Ransom Active member

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    Hey man, glad to hear it. Sounds like a the bear of the drum is changing to what you both want to sync with. Life is tough, weird, and generally a PIA! But it seems like your working things out and making it come together. Hope it works out!

    Respectfully,
    ~Ransom
     
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  4. Bronco
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    Bronco Long term member

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    May a good new jerny begin for the both of you . Your a good man to look far ways to make your marriage stronger. Good luck to you both.
     
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  5. madams-sissysub
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    Good luck on your journey, may it all go how you want.
     
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  6. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    I am still on the initial rule that she has it start things. So date night. Out for dinner and spend some time together. After dinner we didn't want to go home. Driving around trying to th
    I am turning a frustration into a good thing. So far so good. I am at this point on here trying to catch up to present and what is happening.
     
  7. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Woops learning that if I exit out it saves where I was at.

    I will finish our date night. I brought up about finding her some new night wear. We had a quick talk and I brought up elegant over slutty. Something comfortable, But also brought out a new look. Somehow we found out that stores are not open past 6pm anymore that we tried for. But ended up at an adult store.

    This is a first for her. And thank you for the great person that helped us making her feel comfortable in the store. Well we didn't find any night wear but somehow ended up looking at vibrators. Another first for her. After getting her not to look at the price and the sales person taking the time to talk to her about them we ended up getting her first toys that she picked. After leaving there and driving down the road she brings up that she actually got very turned on while in there. I was so happy for her that this was a good experience.

    We had another talk about October and her leading our sexual lives. and how she can control it. To be honest she already did for years. I am not one to force things. Well maybe a little, LOL. But her concern was me. I brought up that the chase of something is better than the find. That teasing me and denial of things actually brought out more than the act. It bring out more of ( may I call it the lust for her ) chase for the prize.

    She brought up that she just doesn't know what or when to do it. I just told her that when the mood fits you. But don't ignore me.
     
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  8. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Still trying to speed things along here and get up to present time for this journal. It is amazing how she is starting to take a liking to this.

    A week has went by and she takes me by my hand and leads me to the bedroom. As we start with some oral and little digits she is awaking. I grab on of the toys and start playing with her. Not long you could see her enjoying it. But I cant feel what feels good to her. I took her hand and gave her the toy. Asked her to show me what feels good. I laid there kissing the inside of her legs watching as she had multiple O's until she finally couldn't handle it and pulled me up for some PIV.
     
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  9. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    New for the hard part. I brought up October and what was happening and that is coming to an end. I have found this site and saw No-vember. So I started on a contract for November. Not knowing what I was doing and the whole BDSM thing will not fly with her. But also writing it for that she really doesn't have to do much and it is more me. Here is what I came up with and proposed to her on the 31st

    No-vember
    ( No means no unless she says so )

    My rules

    No sex
    No inappropriate touching
    No dry humping
    No playing with yourself
    No masturbation
    No begging
    No ignoring her
    No temper tantrums
    No making her feel bad
    No topping from the bottom

    Her rules

    Do what ever she wants
    Can't ignore me
    can ask for what ever she wants

    Rules

    Any "NO" rule to be broken adds one day
    I am allowed 2 releases in the month at her discretion.
    I cannot cop an attitude
    I must be clean shaven at ALL times
    I must do everything in my power to make her feel good
    Any 2 rules broke in a 24hr period will add 5 days

    I did have that any 2 rules brought up in a 24hr period would be buying a cage and installing it for 10 days. Well that was a new one for her. She didn't even know such a thing existed, LOL and was a hard NO on that. But I breached the subject.
     
  10. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Now is November and I am almost caught up.

    Talks are opening up. Teasing is starting more. I think google is getting a workout when I am at work. She is more and more starting learn her role. As I am the dominant in the house and will always be that strong person for her. I am her knight, Her security, Her safety. It is fun to watch as she grows into this FLR.

    I wondered as I read some of these post and have wondered how many relationships are like ours.

    I know over the last 30 days there is a lot I have missed in here. There has been a lot of talks. Not all good, some frustrations have came out on both sides. But we are trying.
     
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  11. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Finally we are up to speed. My post will slow down now.

    Last night was a first in so many ways. Right in the middle of a TV show that she loves the TV turned off. I was like WTH and then she got up and took me to bed. After cuddling and rubbing for a few I brought out the other new toy. After a little oral I started playing with it. Again I gave her the rains to show me what feels good.

    Well that didn't take long. After a little nervousness last time she took control of that thing and knew exactly what she wanted. I sat there and kissed her legs and watch as she enjoyed the time. this was our first CMNF experience.
    At the end she asked about me when we were cuddling. I told her it is up to you and you need to tell me what you want.
     
  12. Bronco
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    Bronco Long term member

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    I’ve Ben locked 24/7 far 7 weeks now and as each week that goes by she is getting more into me being locked we are taking more about what she likes and what she wants out of me and what I would like her do to me. She is teasing me a lot more now . She likes going to bed totally naked now cas she know it drives me crazy which makes me want to do whatever it takes to make her happy. So far we are both really happy. I think women like to assess the situation first than slowly go into something whare men want to just jump into things. Luckily I have good pashents and taking things day by day . I’m glad to here she is slowly getting into things . Hang in thare it will work out one day .
     
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  13. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Thanks for the support. I think it will come out in her naturally soon.
     
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  14. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    7 days into the month. 14 days since my last release.

    I feel that she is slipping into her old habits of just ignoring me, my needs. I have empowered her in a way. But at the same time I think we need another talk about what my needs are from her. I am not sure if she is testing the waters to see how serious I am about this and just play along. Or do I bring up that there are responsibilities on both sides for a better life. I know this is new to her and maybe she just doesn't really know what to do, or when to do.

    She is getting what she wants. And what she had before. A caring, loving husband that makes sure her needs are met. In one way it is OK what is happening. I know I am being better at who I am. I do notice my sex drive is going down. My constant arousal state when we cuddle is less. I think this is just part of the mental side I need to get use to.

    I know in the contract for this month I didn't give her a lot of responsibilities. This was on purpose to get her to play along. I knew if I put to much duties on her side she would loose interest of just not want to do it. It is only a month and really that isn't much time.

    Just my thoughts in ink.
     
  15. Two Rivers
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    Owww, I saw that twinkle in her eye. That look, I know that look, It means she is up to no good.

    AS we were together I made the hint that it has been a while and that it would be nice to have a release. As we held each other she made sure to rub against me bring me to attention. With a soft voice and a little smile.

    It's "No-vember" so nope, it isn't going to happen

    Latter that evening when we were showering I asked if I could give her an orgasm. That went well with her enjoying that.

    I think the hardest part of starting a FLR is un-programming me. Getting me not to think about sex. Not topping from the bottom. Giving her time to get her head around what is possible. But from what I saw yesterday. I think it night work.
     
  16. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    Ok, think on this,...
    What was your first paragraph in that post about? and the next sentence?
    It was about you wasn't it?
    Why wasn't it about her releases, her needs?

    "not sure if she is testing the waters" - Yes she will be doing that, but she will also need much more time to process something after it's suddenly presented to her. Remember, you've been plotting and planning this for a long time, that's evident from the detail of your thinking, but when you present the "finished product" to her, she's got to understand and make the connections with all those nuances that you've spent ages putting together. It might all make sense in your head, just like the workings of an internal combustion engine or the engineering of the water supply system does to you but given how complex all this is, do just give her the time and space to absorb and understand what you're asking of her. You will be well rewarded to do so. Her reactions so far have been very positive, let her learn, progress and enjoy at her own pace.
     
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  17. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    Yes this is new territory for both of us. No I have not plotted this out fully or really plotted this out at all. Basically I am winging it day by day. Taking my lead by how she receives things. I may be a few days ahead of her as to my thoughts. I am going to make mistakes. I might not explain things right on here. But this is my journey in words. That I am not very good at explaining.

    We both have to learn our roles. But the fun part is we are both trying something that is bring a spark back into our marriage. She is trying new things. She is opening up. She is learning things.

    For 35 year I have been the rock in her life. I am her strength. I still need to be the rock and strength in her life. But at the same time give her the ability to control our sexual lives as she has. Just not in an upfront way like it is going now.
     
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  18. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Good luck with it. I think your biggest challenge may be to not too from the bottom. Hope it goes well.
     
  19. Two Rivers
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    You are totally correct. This was one of the rules that I put for this month, No topping from the bottom. I had to explain what that was to her.
     
  20. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    I guess I need to explain why I am here and what I hope to gain. Yes this is about me. But to solve a problem. You must first face the problem.

    Over the last 25 years our sex life has fallen. After kids there is no desire for sex. Sex for her became a duty and a thing that needs to happen. Not something she craves or desires. Me, well I am a male and that is all that needs to be said. over the years I have tried every possible way to possibly spark things. But with no true results.

    In September she made a comment that I get enough sex. once to twice a month was more than enough in her eyes. Well that got me thinking when she went on vacation for 2 weeks. Most of my thought were not good. The big D work came up more and more in my thoughts. But divorcing because of lack of sex just didn't set right.

    Now you got to remember I do everything in my power to make her life good. She is my star in the sky. So when I read ALL these things that a man can do around the house. Well I already do them. So what can I add to make it more for her. I am working on this still as to what to do.

    Chastity play came to me as a way to bring a little fun into an already sexless life for the most part. It might actually open things up. She already had the power to say when sex was going t happen. Just not officially having the title. I am not going to give up on 35 just yet.

    So now it is October 1st. After a little talk we started. I explained that foreplay was more fun than actually the act. Yes, she is going to have to put some effort into this. She has to remember that I have needs. Her desires are being met, my needs are not. I just can't be put in the corner and forgot about. I need to figure out a way to make a frustration into a good thing.

    I am hoping that this works. So far just me, it has made my mind at easy knowing that I have transferred that power to her. I have gave her the title. Now it is letting her grow into it.
     
  21. Fatkid1
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    Fatkid1 Unquestionably devoted

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    Dude, I am almost exactly 4 years ahead of you for the exact same reason.
     
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  22. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    So many questions I have.

    But was she vanilla and how is she now?
     
  23. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    An interesting approach to try to save your love life. I will definitely continue reading.
     
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  24. Fatkid1
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    Fatkid1 Unquestionably devoted

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    Oh, very vanilla. Granted, we are am some younger (I assume), early-mid 40's.
    Attitude in the bedroom now - she knows what she can get out of it, and takes it.
    Attitude around the house - Even with teenagers in the house, control is clear.
    Attitude it public - We have rules that are followed.

    Per her words, there is no going back.
     
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  25. Two Rivers
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    Two Rivers Member

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    A little update. We had a little heated talk about what is going on. I found her slipping into just ignoring me. I brought it up that this needs to be a two way relationship. As much as I tend to make her life what she wants. She needs to be aware of my needs. I think this did good. She thinks it is silly and is trying but doesn't know what to do.

    OK I can work with this. Not knowing what the other partner needs I can deal with.

    OK so I might have topped from the bottom a little here. But I think she enjoyed it. After our shower I kind of took charge in the bedroom. I laid her down and orally started pleasing her. After a while I introduced her toy and just kept kissing her legs and softly touching her all over. I slowed down every time she got close for a few and lengthened out the play time. Not enough that she noticed what I was doing but basically edging her. Then I let her orgasm. I think it was the biggest orgasm that she has ever had. After she said no more stimulation I loved watching her body twitch a little. I know I did my job right. I loved it.

    My thought are if she can learn what edging feels like on herself. And the benefits of doing it. Then maybe she can understand my needs more.

    Last night we watched on Netflix, Sex, love and goop. She actually watched it. I think it got her interest.

    As we were laying in bed afterwards snuggling. We talked for a few. I brought up that when she disapproves of something and gives me the cold shoulder or sigh of disapproval. She needs be vocal and tell me "NO" . I explained that I read her body language and that her signs are a negative thing. When she vocalizes things it is a positive thing that I know exactly what she means and am not reading between the lines trying to figure things out.

    I think we need to have more talks about my needs and how she can provide them without PIV. I told her at the beginning. Foreplay is so much better than actually doing it. The trill of the chase is exciting. It gives me something to look forward to.

    I think little steps every day till it becomes the normal and not something weird in her eyes. She still sees this as some weird BDSM thing. I just need to push authority onto her in little steps till she takes control. The un-normal needs to become the normal in our lives.
     
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