For or Against

I selected reluctance to participate, but I really wish there were a middle ground between reluctance and enthusiasm. Initially she was happy to lock me up and we played some games with very short term lock-up. She saw the cage as a sort of sex toy that we took out and played with occasionally. When I expressed interest in extended lock ups, she became reluctant, but went along. As we morphed into an FLR she became more confident, she enjoyed it more and took to it more enthusiastically. This worked well for quite a while until we had a major life incident that kind of through us for a loop. I'm currently unlocked going on 4 weeks as she really lost enthusiasm completely. Not sure if that's temporary or permanent. Really either of the two middle answers fit us, just at different times.

 

There was reluctance but a willingness to go along. She's never shown a willingness to learn, just letting me suggest and show her how it could be. Recently she's withdrawn and we're not making progress, stuck somewhere between disinterest and fear (her) and desire and despair (me).

 

It was My idea, so I can't speak as a wary wife. I can agree though, it seems difficult for some women to take on the role of a KH.

I would wager that's because, regardless of the desire for FLR from either party, some women just aren't dominant. That applies in the same way for relationships where the woman might want her man to be more dominant... and he struggles because that's not how he identifies (you can easily interchange any gender identifiers here and the same still applies). Managing expectations can really make a difference.

Shoving a square peg into round hole doesn't work. It only builds frustration and resentment.

Progress is something that never stops if done 'right'; it may feel like millimeters at the time, or even a dead stop... but even a stop isn't a step backwards. Forward momentum is important, and a lot of that strength must come from within, no matter what side of the slash you're on. When you don't get what you want, you have to adapt accordingly. That may involve factors of acceptance that you don't like, but it's the only way to be real if manipulation is to be avoided. Which... it should be. Disagreements will always exist but the way you handle them is what's most important, in My opinion.

Anyway, in our case, he was accepting... but reluctant to go 'all in' with honesty in the beginning - a crucial part of any successful relationship. We both learned some hard lessons along the way, but if I could go back to change anything... I wouldn't. It's taken time and patience, but we've both grown in countless ways and have greatly improved our communication skills. It's made all the difference in the world. Our intimacy is stronger than ever and I believe bringing chastity into our lives was a big factor in that.

 

Very Well said. So many people think it’s easy just a click of a lock. It’s nice to hear how it really is from someone like yourself. Thanks

 

Thanks, @Mash2214. The best things in life are rarely easy.

 

i voted for the first option when i first mentioned anything about handing over control and chastity etc to my wife she totally freaked out. Many years and many attempts later at trying to find some middle ground on which we could both be content to build from we finally seem to be in a place she is happy with and i can accept. Breathe hit the nail on the head with her response..........even a stop isnt a step backwards.............and thats the best piece of advice anyone can take, no matter how long it takes or how hard you have to work to earn it any step forward has got to be a good thing.

 

Although I ticked the third option

in practise she was open to trying it and thought it may spice up our marriage, but I think at that time she was thinking the lock ups would be more in terms of a few hours to a day at a time. We have both grown with it to the point where it is now a few days to a week. We have both realised the other benefits that have occurred.

 

Our situation is somewhat different. We switched roles last year (11 months ago, actually) following a family tragedy. i was desperately in need of expressing my submissive but not wanting to upset our balance. She had expressed interest previuosly, and following contemplation in the wake of the family situation, i suggested that we explore a chastity D/s trial period. Suffice to say that the training wheels fell off pretty quickly and i am now Her trained and collared chastity slave. So, i'm choosing "it was Her idea".

 

i selected cautious acceptance but keen to encourage and learn more...
The first time MM gave me oral sex, i wasn't allowed to touch Her. She said if i touched Her, She would stop.
The first time we went out, She wanted me to go into a video store to get a movie She wanted to watch. We were in Germany, and She put a collar around my neck. This was in the mid-1980's.
She was the more dominant personality in our relationship, but She told me She didn't feel dominant all the time, probably 60/40, so more of a switch at the time.

On our wedding night, MM pegged me for the first time to consummate our marriage before the legal definition of consummation was performed.

About three years after our marriage, around 1990, we were playing with rope, (new shoe-strings i believe), separating the testicles and tieing tightly around the non-erect penis and the light went on. No erection, no ejaculation (pegging or prostate stimulation notwithstanding). So, we tried leather straps, rings and eventually something akin to a 'Stallion Guard' which is both rings and leather straps with a lock.

Somewhere around the early 1990's, life got in the way and we raised a family which took a lot out of our lifestyle, due to adopting several special needs children. After they grew and left home, (we were empty nesters for a few years and then adopted again), we attempted to pick-up where we had been. Devices became better and cheaper. Some of the cheaper ones or knock-offs caused zipper effects on the skin of the penis when shifting at night. (what a way to wake up) and let me tell you, you basically cry for the key! Other devices are not medically sound or as medically safe as advertised. Skin ruptures, burns from what should have been silicon can't be used with some lubricants, etc. Everything is/was is learning experience for us both.

MM got to the point where we were contemplating a custom made German device but didn't want to fly back and pay the $1500 plus Euros. As mentioned before by others, different size rings and tubes, we finally found a combination which fit great, was lightweight, but still, after 30 days, there was chaffing on the sac.

So, we researched the PA piercing and in March of this year had the piercing done. (So, both nipples three times and now a PA.). Anyway, the piercing has healed and the Lori's Tube #5b came in last week. However, due to a medical issue, and appointments in the next few weeks due to Urinary and Kidney track issues, the Lori's Tube will have to wait.

So far this year, 169 days either locked up, or as currently is the case, i can't do anything with a catheter in place. So, mental chastity is currently in effect.

MM is to the point now in our relationship where She is no longer interested in much. She will tease and deny maybe once a month, if i am lucky. But breast cancer, Invasive Ductile Carcinoma changed Her outlook, best way to put it without sounding like a jerk. i was here with Her through all of it, locked the entire time during the surgeries, recovery, etc. But, She really has no interest in sexual play for the most part since going through this. i understand and am supportive, after all, it is about "us" at this point.

So, Her allowing and even attempting to give me the PA to start with this year is a win/win for both of us. She was and is all for the Lori's Tube, but She made it clear, once it is on, it's on! So, i am hoping to break the 111 days in a row of being locked up. i don' think this will be a problem once the medical issue is resolved.

Although all relationships are different, our communication has always been here. Our 31st anniversary is in a few days and the Lori's Tube lockup was to commemorate it! (Hopefully it still will be.)

 

Very Impressive @Allen1987 you should be a motivational speaker.

I try to say things in the right way but am not as gifted as many other here so I just speak from my heart and let the cards fall as they may. Thanks for your kind words.

 

The Lori tubes are designed to be worn 24/7/365 without any removal. And they very often are. Years and no limit whatever. IMO you'll pass the 111 days no problem at all

 

So there's a general assumption that it's only ever males who introduce the concept of chastity to a relationship?

 

It is so assumed by the wording of the poll.

It is of course totally untrue of many, including me! Im my case I was the prime mover!

 

I believe this is the more common case but I can also confirm that there are exceptions...…….especially once a woman has had her first experience of a chastised male she may want to introduce the practice to other partners.

 

I think the issue would have been better addressed in the poll by adding further options, e.g.

A) In my case it was she who initiated it for me
B) I am female and I initiated it myself
C) I am female and just want to see the results.
But were the poll to be thus amended now I think all previous votes would be deleted.