In the last 8 months I have worked hard to create a successful FLR after being married to the woman of my dreams for the last 16 years. I realize not everyone here desires an FLR but it was 100% my goal when we started down this road. 8 months ago my wife didn’t even know what FLR stood for, fast forward to now and the last time she let me orgasm was Dec 24th (My Christmas present) and said she is committed to having me wait until valentine’s day but she made clear that was not a guarantee. She likes to orgasm a lot so this makes waiting difficult but I have learned to focus on her pleasure. I am curious what other things the submissive partner is required to do in their relationship. I find that a set routine is what holds the space for us to have a successful long term FLR. Below is what I am currently required to do every day and would love to see what kinds of things others are doing. It’s worth mentioning that I have customized an APP called TRELLO to make this extremely easy on my wife to check and manage, this has helped take our FLR to another level as it is extremely easy for her to assign tasks, check on what is being done for the day and add things for the next time I am going to the store. If anyone is interested I can upload some screen shots as well. I am also required to get on my knees, while she sits on the couch, at the end of the evening and recap what I completed for the day and go over if there is any reason that I cannot complete the next day’s tasks for some reason (My work schedule, kid stuff, etc) and when I am going to do them. MORNING SCHEDULE *Wake up my son and get him started for the morning *Get my wife up – usually 30 minutes after we get up *Get Coffee ready, made so she can have it within 5 minutes of her waking up (She lovers her coffee) *Prepare her morning smoothie and have in the fridge *Prepare her morning water bottle (mixture of Bai and Water) for the day ready in the fridge *Clean up kitchen before leaving *Make Bed *Load her stuff into her car for work and pull car out of the garage *KISS her feet before I go to work everyday EVENING SCHEDULE *Keep up with Laundry and folding *Prepare dinner and clean up everything (I like to cook) *Sweep Kitchen floor *Wipe down Bathroom Counters so totally clean for next day *unpack and clean out car from the day *Walk around house and straighten up all living areas *Do whatever items are on that days chore list (Each day is different) *Set up Bath when she lets me know she is ready *Usually a foot rub before going to bed *Help her pick out clothes and shoes for the next day – clean shoes if dirty. They say be careful what you wish for and I definitely understand this on some days. At the same time there is something hot about my wife working out upstairs or relaxing while I run around the house getting things EXACTLY the way she likes it. No complaints and truthfully I get punished if I do. Life is good ...And busy What are you doing in your FLR that is working?
coo that must be very hard for you to has to do. i does all the housework and cooking and laundry and garden in the summer but its my job and i don't has another job as well and i'm glad cos if i did i be ever so tired. you must be ever so strong.
My KH has a dinner party with 3 or 4 of her girlfriends about once a month. I do as much of the prep and cooking as possible, serve them, clear the table for them, serve coffee and desert if planned, wash the dishes, and clean the kitchen. Of course, I am not allowed or expected to dine with them. I am there strictly as ther server. Even my conversation with them is mostly limited to their dinning needs. My KH does not like me speaking to her friends without permission. Her girlfriends have no idea how subserviant I am to her, although they are beginning to see it. They all like to tease me a bit here and there, but it is all harmless. I get to feeling a bit humiliated, being the committed servant that I want to be. Next dinner party is tomorrow night.
Me and my husband l basically live our normal lives. We get every morning when he is on day shift. I make coffee and his lunch and kiss him as he leaves the house. I love having this quick moment to tell him how much I love him. He checks in with me on his lunch break. When he gets home I am either doing dishes or getting dinner ready. Ifthe dishes are not done it usually means he will do them while I cook. I do require he takes care of the kids while I prepare dinner... but I think that is a givin more than a expectation. Kids get ready for bed and he puts the girls to bed down stairs and reads stories and I put the little one to bed upstairs. Sometime we watch a show or talk or sit on our phones. Sometimes we sit on the couch and play, but with our bad luck with kids coming upstairs to use the bathroom or get a drink we have started making sure to go to bed. I have decided to let him make the decision on how our evening goes, by giving him a couple of choices. When he is on afternoons our lives are completely different. Weekends are always time for us to play and me to have my bottom services as much as I want. I try to take one shower with him on the weekends because I love him washing me and taking care of me. We never really have sex in the shower as a small tub does not make for much space, but I do enjoy him going down and having a taste and playing with me. I also enjoy holding on to eachother nuzzled in the other neck while the water flows over us. He does take the garbag and compost out. I avoid it at all cost. There are more things I will try to bring in over time... like maybe more being at my feet and more rub downs and more cleaning my in the shower or tub.
I am fairly new at domestic service, and since I go to work before her and get done later, not a lot of time for a routine. That being said I will run down what I had in mind until our home is more...me(it's her home I'm moving in to). I would prefer to start chores when she is at work. Gives me time to put on uniform and get most of it finished before she returns. There are plenty of projects and things to organize and put away. So I usually sweep the floors, pick up thee house, clean the bathroom, do some laundry, put dishes away, make dinner, then work on a project on the house. When she gets home I serve her a beer and we relax and talk about her day, eat and I do dishes. Rest is really on her mood...foot rub, bath, snuggling, or movie. Then bed. In the morning I like to start her car, make coffee, let the dogs out. When my days off are when she is working, will be easier to get more done during the day, and bigger projects. We don't have a list, I will get done what I can, if I don't get much done, she won't be as happy...which is why I'm doing this in the first place. So no need. If there was something she expected and I didn't do it then yes some punishment would be happening.
One thing we just started doing in our FLR that is working is having 15-minute check-ins every Friday and Monday. We have had 2 so far and both times the cage has come off for some tease and denial! For Monday's check-in she will decide how she plans to manage my orgasms this year. I see it playing out in 1 of 3 ways. First way, the way she does it now which I do not like, is I have no idea when my next O will be. Could be tomorrow, could be in 5 weeks. That is tough. The other 2 options we are discussing is once every month to coincide with her menstrual cycle, so I am less needy when she wants more space, or 4 times a year, to keep me in peak devotional mode. I really love setting time aside to check in about chastity/FLR. Otherwise, the default is me always wanting to talk about it and her feeling it is all I ever talk about. Having the 2 times/week set aside lets me keep my thoughts to myself more so I don't smother her, and that works fine for me knowing there is a time and a place to discuss.
I have been married for 26 years and Elle and I live a mixture of what Mistress Ivey Green calls a cooperative and a ship board FLR in her How to set up an FLR book. Neither of us knew what an FLR was until we got involved in chastity a year ago. At first my Wife disagreed that we lived in any type of an FLR but over the year has changed her mind and realizes it doesn't mean I will suddenly turn into a doormat or require a fundamental change in how we work as a couple. So, what am I expected to do? Keep a civil tongue in my head. Do as I'm told if I'm ever told to do something, which isn't very often. That's it. There are lots of things that I do around the house but I'm not expected to do any of them. If the washing up was left lying around then I am sure my Wife would have a word with me to find out why. We work as a team. Just because she is in charge it doesn't suddenly mean that I have to do everything. The main thing that Elle gets out of this is I do things as and when they need doing. There is no list. She loves coming home and noticing the things I have done without me having to be told. She likes me using my initiative. A few weeks back she was stunned to find I had spent three hours raking up the leaves in our back garden. We live on the edge of a large wood. There was a lot of leaves. I hate gardening. She came home and found me happily whistling to myself, sealing yet another garden refuse sack of leaves. You don't have to be chaste to be in an FLR. You don't have to live in an FLR if you are chaste. I am a self employed consultant by the way and I work about a week or so a month, as and when I want to. I am lucky. Elle earns more than enough for the both of us. I work to keep myself occupied and to network and stop me from losing my skill set through inactivity. This means I am at home more than Elle so I do a lot of the household chores. It means she gets to relax when she gets home.
One of the first rules that my Wife brought in to our chastity life was the Saturday rule. This is simply I am only allowed to talk about chastity on a Saturday unless she starts a discussion at another time. Before that I was overwhelming her with ideas and information. Neither of us see the rules about chastity being anything to do with the rules of being in an FLR. They are two separate things. I have told Elle that for me to accept her control of my sexual release I have to accept her as the lead in our relationship, as this gives her the right to say yes or no. That is my decision though, not something she asked for. In fact for many months she resisted the idea that she was in charge. The FLR is all about our day to day lives. It would continue if I wasn't kept chaste. I would love to spend some time practicing Taoist semen control practices, if Elle was ever interested in trying it. It is another way of increasing the bond between a man and a woman but uses a schedule for a mans orgasm with regular love making and orgasms for her not him. Similar to what we do but not the same.
By the way I'm not saying anyone is doing FLR wrong or that there is anything wrong with what they are doing, but I do think you need to separate the FLR from the chastity. Just my opinion.
I like the way you are doing your life style, living as a normal couple. I hate seeing these stupid so called FLR where the man is a total slave, has to live life as a dog with no say what so ever. I would hate to live that kind of life. You are so Lucky to have Elle as your wife.
I feel like I should add a few things like... If I ask him to do something I do expect it to get done in a timely fasion. I do expect a hello and a kiss when he gets home. I do expect him to be polite to me even if I am cheeky,sometimes he has a hard time with this. I am sure over time this will be corrected. I also don't think any of my expectations are unreasonable.
My FLR with my husband works perfectly, but I agree that every relationship is different. How I conduct my FLR suits my needs and my husband's personality. First and foremost is structure and routine. I don't surprise my husband and I doesn't like surprises either. I provide for him and he serves me and makes my life easier. He doesn't have to work outside the home but is responsible for all the domestic. He has daily tasks and he understands what is expected. Cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cooking dinner. But he also has exercise and weight goals, and he has to groom and take care of himself. These are important to me but they also push him to improve himself and are good for his self esteem. FLR and Chastity are strongly connected in our relationship. He needs the motivation of his periodic releases and I need the control that the belt provides. He is lazy and needs to have a strong incentive to adhere to my high standards. I am demanding and the belt ensures that my many demands are met - without hesitation, without argument and without complaint. At times he may resent my strict nature but the belt keeps him focused and motivated. Chastity is the perfect system for reward and punishment. If he behaves then he is rewarded and grateful. If he falls short then I have the ultimate punishment of denying him sexual release. Simple and effective.
Thanks for all the great replies, I like the idea of having exact times where we will speak about FLR as I too have to be careful to not let it dominate other conversations. Also let me add my wife and I are incredibly close and everything we have done was to add not fix anything in our relationship. JASMIC68, our situations are similar. I own a small business with employees so I have much more free time than my wife who is an executive and her schedule is much more demanding. Also, when we initially spoke about this I told her that, in my opinion, we had already been living in an FLR for most of our relationship over the last 20 years. I have always enjoyed doing things that make her life easier. Although chastity may be 2 separate things for some for me it is the core component of our FLR. She now knows how much I love female authority and control. We were laughing (maybe more her laughing that in a typical year if you count both sex and masturbation that I would probably orgasm WELL OVER 200 times a year and that this year her goal is to be well over that number for herself and that my number will be somewhere around 7-9 – yikes. She loves to say she will make sure to orgasm for both of us and to stay focused on her when we are in bed. I can say when she keeps a firm hand (which she has now gotten down) that orgasm control is her favorite kind of control. After a couple weeks, I find myself more in tune with her in every way and she is starting to realize more and more just how much control she really has. Having a specific schedule and set of tasks makes it easier for both of us to know exactly what she wants and we spent a good deal of time working together for her to be ok with someone doing this for her. Nothing excites me more now than in the evenings when we are hanging out and she looks at me and says “time for my bath”. She spent time initially showing me exactly how hot she likes the water, where she wants the towels, which candle to light, where she wants her laptop to watch some Netflix and what she wants out on the tub. The structure is what allows her to have the same exact experience everytime she takes a bath and for me to know I am doing it the way she want. My wife uses a combination of punishment and rewards to make sure thing is going as she wants. Since I truly do swant to make her life easier that punishments are not that often and the rewards are what I crave (Femdom weekends, foot worship, backrubs and footrubs, serving her and her friends while they are visiting (though they do not know but always comment on how attentive I am), etc). As said many times by everyone, your FLR is your FLR and thats the way you should set it up so in no way am I telling anyone how it is, just what works for us. So for me I am not sure if I would want the orgasm control without the FLR, for me the FLR is the lifestyle or relatioonship dynamic and the orgasm denial is the major part of the control she exercises as a result of living in an FLR.
In your first post in July you said you were married for 20 years many times and now it is 16 quoted several times. What has changed?
Nice catch, I was fairly nervous about even posting that day as I was getting ready to speak with my wife about FLR and all of this that was going on in my head. For the record, we have been married 16 years and been together for just over 20. Not sure if that is relevant to anything but since you asked
I just realised that I posted an answer to your original post! I had forgotten. I think that Vinny was checking on the truth of your posting, making sure that you are legit. We get a lot of people who use the forum as a place of fulfilling their fantasy of chastity rather than sharing the reality. Some people ignore those members, others play along and others, like Vinny, don't do either of those things! For me orgasm control is very much part of the FLR we live, I was just pointing out that that isn't the case for everyone. Elle, my Wife, started slowly with getting used to the idea of orgasm control and we did this chastity thing because I asked her to. Then, after about six months, something changed. She began to enjoy it so much that it went from something we did because I asked her to, to something we did because she wanted to. It was now out of my hands altogether. Then, a few months later, she understood what I meant about our relationship matching the descriptions of a FLR and agreed to the idea that we had been sort of living that way before, and of it becoming more codified. It didn't mean huge changes to the way we lived but it did increase her level of confidence in how much control she had. Finally she suddenly decided that orgasm control was very definitely something she understood and wanted. I would say that happened somewhere around August 21 2016, as that was when I had my last full orgasm. Elle doesn't do release dates or games to try to win release, only she knows when I am or if I am going to get to have an orgasm and she doesn't share that information with me. My aching desire makes her more aroused than anything I have ever done in the past. I recently said to her that given how much she was enjoying my reaction to her that I wouldn't hold my breath until I was allowed to cum. Her answer was a very definite 'no, you had better not!' It left me in no doubt that I am not having any release any time soon. None of this would work for me unless I fully gave myself to her. For some guys this can be a game. This wouldn't be enough for me. The way I feel right now I would have my penis out of my Holy Trainer and I would be masturbating. It is the fact that she is in charge that stops me.
Once again another beautiful update. You and Elle have a very beautiful relationship. You are right on some of these people that post on here with their fantasy's . There are about a dozen people on here that I know that their post are real. The others are just living out a fantasy. Thank again for your latest update.
Having been mentored by Jim and Sarah, mentors who I met in an online FLR forum, we have an everyday Task List and a Special Task List. The everyday list details things he is expected to do everyday. The Special Task List, has assignments I want him to do and a deadline. Missing a task or deadline merits a session with me blistering his bare bottom. It used to happen a LOT, but seldom happens now. I almost wore out a strap AND his behind to get to this point but he is a better husband for my diligence at disciplining him.
He was more of a procrastinator and failed to meet the very generous deadlines I set. (Multiple/most punishments for that) Leaving the toilet seat up is a universal male affliction, not just my husband. (Countless punishments for that) Forgetting to say "Yes Ma'am/No Ma'am around the house. (Many punishments for that) Now he even says that while around others. Being a smarty-mouth or disrespectful. (Many punishments for that) Talking back when I motion for him to be quiet. (Many punishments for that) Not respecting my privacy while dressing and just barging into the room without knocking when I am undressed. (Many punishments for that) My husband's stubborn period lasted over six months during which I built up muscles in my forearm I was using the strap or paddle on him so frequently.