FLR seems to be over

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by GoddessG, Feb 10, 2020.

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  1. imhers24x7
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    imhers24x7 Member

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    Hello,

    My summary so far is, that a true FLR (as I understand is) is not (!) role play, where both might have certain fantasies in place.

    To cut the long story short.
    Just sit down and have chat and start from the beginning.
    A good question to start asking your sub/husband:

    If you woke up one day and suddenly your wishes regarding a FLR would be reality, how would you recognize it, without knowing that your wish was fulfilled?

    Then let him answer and you will get a view how he thinks his "ideal" of a FLR would like.
    Then match it against you vision and demands.

    I think it starts using the right words and both sides should know exactly what is the attached meaning behind those words.
    Again: FLR <> role play and FLR <> fulfilling kinks.

    Imhers
     
  2. Yittlejon3263
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    Yittlejon3263 Member

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    If it doesn't work out I'm very interested
     
  3. Ulex_
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    Ulex_ Active member

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    Any updates? Reading through this, I have to say my personal opinion is he is doing the classic “topping from the bottom”.
    “Yes, I will agree to your request but not now,”

    What? That’s not an FLR. The most important aspects that he has to understand and accept are the ones he doesn’t want to do - that’s the hard bit; the sexy bits are easy.

    It either means something or it doesn’t.

    Reading GoddessG’s posts, it’s clear she is a well educated, kind and thoughtful woman at the very least. This guy has basically won the lottery and he’s moaning at the cost of the ticket. From what I can gather, HE suggested it. And now GoddessG has had a taste and realises she enjoys it, is looking to take control and he’s balking.

    I’d withdraw all sexual activity and favours until such time as he can write you a 500 word essay on the meaning of the term ‘FLR’, followed by nightly spankings until he learns who’s boss! And make them hurt!

    Unless, of course, your request was that you want him to have his arms and legs amputated and keep him in a box under the bed.
     
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  4. asimpleman23
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    asimpleman23 Long term member

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    why not just out in the garage...?
     
  5. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Why keep him?
     
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  6. Wave22
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    I have a different idea about this:
    Maybe deep inside him, he actually want to see you enforcing the FLR stronger, maybe all you have been describing is simply him wanting to feel more submissive than before, he feels ready for you to strong arm him as the powerful woman he expects you to be, and this is past the point of 'doing it because he asked', he believes you, but he want to live it through.

    So he push harder to challenge you to push harder.

    This might actually not be topping from the bottom at all, but you should ask yourself- are you bottoming from the top?
    Are you pushing it far enough? Are you determined to enforce your position as a top? Are you giving in to his stubbornness or can you smack him back in his place like he BEGGED you to do?
    Maybe his behaviour can be viewed as normal "brat" behaviour?
    The way i see it he just want to see that you love being Dom as much as he would love to see you as a Dom.

    Some guys will simply make way for their dom.
    Some will have to go down with a struggle.

    These are two different guys, figure our which one he is.
    If he tops from the bottom remind him who's the bitch.
    My point of view.
     
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  7. PeturKitty 58
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    PeturKitty 58 Long term member

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    Absolutely love this response.
     
  8. asimpleman23
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    asimpleman23 Long term member

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    top. bottom. maybe one or both are 45ing from a 65 degree angle. ...wheres my coffee?
     
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  9. Abstraction
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    Abstraction Force of nature
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    Coffee? Didn't you mean a set square?
     
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  10. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Not many people know what those are anymore. I like my coffee black, very strong.
     
  11. asimpleman23
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    asimpleman23 Long term member

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    interesting: i like my set squares thus, too. if i started talking about the ickean menace of space reptiles, would we have skidded sufficiently off from the original post? because they likely use set squares, too.
     
  12. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Well sound like its his loss,
     
  13. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Well said
     
  14. GoddessG
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    My request was for his name and ultimate control, I asked him to marry me. We've spoken about it before and he even told one of his closest friends he wants me as his wife, he has at times referred to me as his wife.
    We were playing for want of a better expression with words as well as me teasing him, he said he wants me to control all of him, to take all of his control and choices away. I said 'marry me then', he knows that I see that as the ultimate control and that I want his name. He switched and replied 'steady on' then went into how he doesn't want that.

    I haven't raised it much since other than saying I still want full control, and that I want to own him properly. To put in in property context - I want the freehold whereas at the moment it's barely leasehold/just renting. I'm still teasing him and I've increased the power behind whippings, not holding back at all.

    I don't want a wedding, I don't believe in them. I do however believe in marriage and in particular I want the extra control that marriage brings. At the moment, in the eyes of the law etc - I am irrelevant/insignificant. I deserve more than that.
     
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  15. GoddessG
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    You might be onto something here. I'm going to see if I can figure out which he is.

    Thank you, you've raised a good question.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Anyone that’s ever said marriage is only a piece of paper, has never tried getting out of one. It’s a legal contract, and even annulling isn’t the cakewalk it is in the movies.
     
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  17. mcfeely
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    mcfeely Long term member

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    As nico says it is more then a piece of paper. In the US in the event of divorce the guy usually get screwed. There is a group /orginization called mgtow that advocated men stay single. Marriage is off the table until the laws change.
     
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  18. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I didn’t mean it like that, although there is some unfairness there too.

    What I meant is that marriage isn’t just saying I love you, it’s security. An agreement that is binding, it gives peace of mind and financial stability into an arrangement where time and effort are an investment and could be taken advantage of without it.

    I could have gone without getting married again. My girlfriend was almost 10 years younger and still in the prime years of starting a family. I was fixed and having more kids wasn’t in my plan. She was ok with that. I totally understood why she wanted to be married. She was committing time and invested her future with me. It was a no brainer to commit to marriage if she was willing to commit her future to me. She never gave an ultimatum, but I certainly would have understood her if she gave one.
     
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  19. boo
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    boo Active member

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    and the safe word is? ………………..will you marry me? My ex and I discussed this many times, with full agreement, then when I felt the time was right I asked her. Yes indeed it all stopped. Everything stopped but her.. she is still running. From what I've read a show of force and secure chastity is your best direction. If it scares him off, he'll be back ;there is a huge shortage of firm caring women who seek to totally dominate the man they love. For most men stubborn and stupid are synonymous! The ego MUST be defeated!
     
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  20. GoddessG
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    That is how I feel - it is security, and I want to know that he is truly dedicated.
    I'm divorced (I divorced my ex husband after 10 years of marriage) as is my partner divorced.
    He was prepared to make the commitment and show that dedication previously to another woman - and I expect the same if not higher (although can't think of anything which could be higher!) level of commitment.
     
  21. GoddessG
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    Some women do that, take advantage in the divorce proceedings.
    I was very fair when I divorced my now ex husband and left with less than I was entitled. As an example, I could have kept the house as our children are young and the judge would have ordered him to sign it over to me, that didn't seem fair so I said to sell and we split the equity instead.

    I believe in marriage (and I suppose prenup agreements!). I can't see the point anymore though in spending thousands of pounds on a wedding, I spent (my parents didn't pay/contribute, I wouldn't have let them even if they offered) over 25k on my first wedding - a complete waste of money. Money spent entertaining people I'd not seen in years, was expected to invite and haven't seen since. Its madness when you think about it.
     
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  22. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    @GoddessG yes, it always amazes me how much people spend on ‘the big day’ only for it to be over in the blink of an eye... then be paying it off for longer than some marriages last!
    We did ours for about £6k total. Second hand dress (nobody would ever have known) and even a secondhand ring! About 120 guests who all eat well and a big party on our farm. :+1:
     
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  23. GoddessG
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    I swore to myself that if I remarry it will be at a registry office with just myself, my partner and my children with 2 witnesses and go for a meal at somewhere like Pizza Express after, or just have a bbq /dinner at home. We paid for the wedding up front/savings so didn't have to spend time after paying it however I know of many who have done what you mentioned. Some have been stuck paying back loans for the wedding after they have divorced!
    Your wedding sounds fab :)
     
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  24. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @GoddessG I'm not qualified to comment on where the limits of an FLR are, but in my opinion marriage needs to be an equal strength decision made without coercion and falls as one of those few things that need to be above the FLR (I would offer cuckholding as another example, both parties need to truly agree or it will likely end in disaster).

    So I guess I understand your boyfriend's position (sorry). Likewise you have every right to want marriage, and to not want an FLR without it. Maybe address both with a few months off and some serious discussions? (Of course being unlocked might be considered coercion by some, but I want to hear him explain that to the divorce judge - "Your honor, she forced me to marry her by unlocking my penis"!).

    Best of luck.

    Ps: pretty sure my GF is leading me down that same alley, just much slower. Fot her, the cage is a commitment.
     
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  25. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    I suppose a healthy marriage lends itself to FLR. After all. Happy wife, happy life, right?
     
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