FLR seems to be over

That you have been affected to this extent sucks. I wish you the best wherever your future path may lead

 

I feel your anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness and maybe even a sense of 'betrayal'.

I hope the two of you can sort it out, and get to point where both of you feel appreciated and fulfilled.

I don't know if D/s relationships are harder to make work than vanilla, because there's this whole other aspect on top of a regular relationship. But I do know that when it succeeds, the intimacy is so incredibly intense.

Best wishes from here!

 

I guess its time for a serious talk. It's got to sit for both of you. Or no point continuing.
Good luck.

 

Is this an online relationship or IRL? It's hard to maintain relationships by written word alone; both sides have to be very clear about their intentions, needs, etc.

Sounds like he's not quite sure what he's supposed to do and what your roles are. A serious talk is a good idea.

 

I hope you can work things out

 

Your slave doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you. I wish I was in his shoes...

 

Sweet Jesus Whip him as hard as you can. He will be grateful in the end

 

Wishing You all the best as You work thorough this, @GoddessG.

asa

 

Definitely something that requires a proper heart to heart... a reminder that an FLR is primarily about the F.

Good luck, hope it works out.

 

Sorry this has happened.

I feel our many past chastity games/ arrangements have sort of ended by a combination of... that went well, but let’s stop for a while. Or that didn’t end that great, but it seemed to work well for a while, and we sure had a lot of fun for a while. Or, boy that ended badly. Darn!,

Sometimes if one of us gets resentful or disinterested, we just take a break for a while. Then you can come back and propose win-win activities, balanced arrangements, have an open discussion about what each should be getting out of the new arrangement. We also list past problems and try to solve or prevent.

 

@GoddessG If I remember right the two of you used to be together a long time ago and then reconnected in the last year right? When I read your initial posts it sounded like you both started kind of hard core (at least in my opinion) with chastity in making him lick up his precum etc... I would’ve totally assumed the two of you were living an FLR based on that posting alone. I know for Wonder Woman and I, I wanted us to start with an FLR when starting chastity but she said no it was to much for her. Low and behold we are in a FLR 5 years later and it just kind of happened, we both just evolved in that direction and now we both agree that’s where we are and want to be.

He may have just assumed you wanted an FLR too based on your behavior with him and then took it that direction in his mind. So now when you’re saying you don’t want the FLR he might a little taken aback because of his assumption of how your relationship was going, where he thought it was headed. Nevertheless the point of an FLR is to listen to the F which he clearly isn’t understanding and you should point that out to him. I know for myself in the past there’s some things I’ve wanted so bad with this lifestyle and bdsm and couldn’t understand why my queen wouldn’t be open to my ideas and I truly found it upsetting. Then I realized that I was contradicting what I asked for. I asked for chastity and for her to lead our sex lives and that’s what she’s done. It’s not what I envisioned but the truth is my experience with my Wonder Woman is incredible and gets better everyday.

His behavior is selfish and he needs to be made aware of this. He also isn’t trusting that you can make this lifestyle amazing for him. I say these things because I was in the same position as your boyfriend, not giving my goddess the ability to carve her own path. She eventually did and I’m a better man for it but until your BF understands that he’s not giving you the obedience and respect you deserve neither of you are going to be able to move forward. I would give him the key back and let him know he can self lock if he would like. Until he understands how this lifestyle works and what it really boils down to is mutual respect for each other in order to move forward. This is the two of you trying to live a real life plus raise a family, not a dungeon fantasy that can be lived out 24/7.

 

I'm sorry things haven't clicked, and that he isn't responsive to your needs. If I remember correctly I seem to recall FLR being his idea (in a thread about money management) so his reaction is odd. I guess I'm saying- I don't know what to say, other than relationships of any kind are difficult, and I sympathize.

 

It’s must be a very upsetting set of feelings you’re experiencing, and I empathise with you. That being said everyone has limits, and perhaps you’ve discovered what his limits are? Annoying though it is, the fact that your unsatisfied want isn’t a surprise, and even the fact that he has shown some enthusiasm for it in the past, are outweighed by his recent actions. You could force him to accept it (which, leaving aside the questionable ethics, might only strengthen his determination to resist) or hope that eventually he may accept it. Without knowing the context and the nature of this want it is difficult to be more specific. For the avoidance of doubt I have no wish to find out what your unsatisfied wish is. My point is that unless you want to deny him all agency and force him to go along with that aim, this situation (finding a limit) is always a latent possibility even in FLR-or especially so. Good luck with working this through.

 

As a person who went through this rather recently, i guess that it's hard to describe the loss you're feeling and the hurt from all of this.

FLR is experiencing a connection with someone on an entirely different level where you become intertwined within each other's very souls. I really hope he's able to see reason and you can both come to an understanding, but sometimes you have to pull the pin, just like i did.

Wish you all the luck in the world

 

Any power exchange has to be willing, and can come with some compromise.

You mentioned FLR a bit, but that is such a broad description that I really don’t know which parts you need and which parts he can’t take. I would say we were in a FLR, but it is certainly more loose than many here. We are both financially independent, I have the final say when it comes to my son, and everything else I have opinions on but defer to her. Basically so she knows how I feel before making the decision....plus always wearing my device.

I know for a fact she would love for me to also let her lead us financially, I just can’t do that. We give we take, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, find out your must haves and what it would take to get them.

 

Even though you guys have known each other a long time your relationship is still relatively new at 18 months. There’s going to be a lot of just standard relationship stuff (especially with you both living together now) on top of chastity on top of trying to create a D/s dynamic. FLR is both something you want but you have different visions of what it should be. Ultimately your version is the correct version because you’re the female (what a concept!!!) but if what you are proposing is a bit much for him to handle right now it might be a good idea to look for a different starting point with your FLR, or slowly ease him into it so he doesn’t even realize what’s happened (like me).

My initial vision of what I thought an FLR should be consisted of a rules, chores and punishment contract, I wanted her to be in charge of our finances and ultimately make all our decisions her choices and preferences. Here are the reasons that won’t work. For one, that’s way to much work for her to keep track of chores, punishments and rules and whatnot. Second, we have been together for 16 years this year (5 of that in chastity) one of the things that makes our marriage so great is that we work together as a team and make important decisions as a team. She wants to hear my opinions if something doesn’t seem quite right to me. Our finances are kept separate because that’s the way she wanted it from the very beginning of our relationship. I’m in charge of paying all the bills so I’m the one making sure the money goes where it needs to and I have access to her account just like she has access to mine. Third, all of those things I listed were my wants, that doesn’t mean she won’t take an idea or two she likes from it but in the end my idea was just that, my idea not hers.

So, like @Nicoftime ‘s our FLR is loosely based too. When she tells me to do something I do it, when she makes a decision I go with it (with the occasional exception) but at the end of the day we are both practical and rely on each other for best judgement. I take her directions and what she tells me to do very seriously and I do my best not to disappoint her in any way. It took us a good few years to get to the level of comfort we’re at in this lifestyle, lots of ups and downs and becoming comfortable in our roles.

One thing to consider as well is that he might be in a mood swing right now, text messages can also be ambiguous. There are times when I’m just not feeling being wonder woman’s slave because I’ve had a long hard day at work. Usually in short order I’ll pop out of my mood and remember why serving her makes me happy even when I am tired or down, it tends to lift me up. In the past I would dwell on my mood and be short with everyone around me if I had a bad day, now it just makes me want to try harder for her when I’m with her.

If the two of you get the opportunity to be alone when he gets home I would sit down with him and really talk about where you both would like to see your relationship go. This would allow you both to discuss what’s possible within your FLR, what’s not possible and where you both want to be in the long run. And remember, these things will change with your relationship as you both grow.

 

Very good point! A relationship of that duration is passing the attraction(butterflies) phase and into the reality phase. We must remember that a D/s relationship is still a relationship subject to normal human emotions, fears, and doubts.

That said, I can still understand why you are seething mad, and I'm still hoping it works out well for both of you.

https://dating.lovetoknow.com/Five_Stages_in_a_Relationship

 

To me, it sounds like he doesn't want an FLR. He wants to be dominated or controlled but on his terms, which defeats the object. Like topping from the bottom I guess.

Hope you get to have a good long talk about it, because otherwise it's just not going to work out the way you would like.

 

I agree with @GoddessLslave - he sounds like a dominant sub (if there is such a thing). He's got a fantasy worked out in his mind, with all the detailed bells and whistles, and if you don't follow his scenario he doesn't want to know. The problem is that you weren't given the script. So either he shares the script with you and you choose whether to follow it or not or there needs to be a new script written, preferably by both of you working together.