FLR book

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Beta101, Dec 1, 2021.

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  1. Beta101
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    Beta101 Member

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    Can anyone recommend a good book to introduce FLR to a vanilla wife? She is completely new to this topic and i really want something to boost her confidence and not scare her off, so a more begginers book.
    She is a bit lacking in confidence in herself as a women and kind of shy but i dont think she realises she's already the dominant one. I help in decision making but i dont make the decissions. I'm exclusively cooking, paying more for everything, cleaning. Whenever she wants or needs anything i do my best to make her happy.
    She already accepted me wearing chastity as i was honest with her and told he its my fantasy, whenever she is in the mood to come release me, aswell its a good masturbation deterrent.
     
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  2. elias
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    elias 6/7 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    Georgia Ivey Green - How to setup an FLR as well her A keyholders Handbook. I can also recommend Lucy Fairbournes Femdom for Nice Girls.
     
  3. Danny15
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    Danny15 Long term member

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    Good luck . Amazing similarity with my situation. I do most housework, I wait on her and do all the menial tasks . We pretty much have an FLR but she is unaware of it . She is aware of my interest in female domination and male submission, she knows I self lock but doesn't pay any attention to it . It's such a shame as she can be dominant and demanding and both of us recognizing the reality of an FLR would give our relationship a huge boost making it official.
    However , I am genuinely submissive and always treat her as my queen regardless of weather she acknowledges our marriage as an FLR. Good luck with your journey.
     
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  4. BlokeDenied
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    BlokeDenied Active member

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    What you said...There should be a support group lol. It's frustrating to buggery eh.
     
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  5. CabanaJack
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    Uniquely Rika has been referenced here before. I think it fits my vanilla wife better than the Georgia Ivey Green materials.

    I didn't have much luck having the wife read any of these types of books. That surprised me, since she's typically an avid reader. What I eventually concluded was that she was reading them as she typically reads - purely read for entertainment as if they are fiction, not as an informational source.

    It also took multiple attempts to finally realize that where I saw statements that I thought were very insightful and powerful for her to understand, she didn't.

    My conclusion? Forget trying to have a partner read anything. Find a way to talk through what is important to you.
     
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  6. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    My first advice is to take it slowly. Men can easily overwhelm their wives with this stuff.

    My second advice is to think about what's in it for her, and stop thinking about what's in it for you. It really took me a long while to reach this point (at least a few years after we started locking), so I'd say don't be surprised if it takes you a while.

    My third advice is to learn to write the book yourself. During a long (i.e. anything more than 24 hours :D) lock up a few years ago, I wrote an owner's manual. Like you'd get with a new TV or something like that, but instead, it was written about her new purchase of ... me! It was humorous and she really enjoyed it.

    But if you're looking for other resources:
    https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/
    https://medium.com/@chastityperkins/the-reluctant-wife-743956e18d7f
     
  7. SubSnuggler
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    I almost want to say 'Dominant Women don't Read Books' but thats of course silly. They DO, but they don't need to read self-help books about things they already ARE. That's just my one tiny data point from my reality anyway. I tried to get my Wife to read several of the books mentioned in this thread but she had zero interest in them.

    I, on the other hand, did find the Uniquely series by Rika very informative. One of the things suggested in her writings was a pledge, which I mentioned to my Wife and she immediately latched on as an immediate no-choice thing. So for the years since I read that book I've had to kneel before her and recite a pledge every day. Be careful what you wish for. ;)
     
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  8. Sissy Katie (ofCatherine)
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    Uniquely Rika isn't the most kinky book, but it is the most straightforward in its depiction of a realistic FLR. If you combine that with something like, Renee Lane's book (Finding Love Through Female Domination), then you got a stew goin'
     
  9. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    #9 SubSnuggler, Dec 1, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2021
    An off-topic observation: My Wife actually did meet the real life Renee and Butler a few weeks ago and questioned me at length about the book afterward. (I'd read the book and mentioned it to her- in my mind the lifestyle presented in the book was harsh). I wasn't present, but she spoke to Butler a few times and said that whenever he entered a room where Renee was present, he immediately dropped to the floor and crawled to her. He wasn't allowed to sit on the furniture. My Wife thought it was really sweet lol. She said Butler was a very nice guy.

    By the way, she showed me some pictures, and that is one photogenic couple... Renee is HOT
     
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  10. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    If she is willing to read a book, try “Sex and Relationship Nirvana With a Submissive” by Ms Scarlet. It is short and easy reading.

    She is the first author I have read that starts out by discussing what a submissive is. Most authors don’t even attempt to help the reader understand how a submissive male thinks and what they are seeking. And most of all, what makes them tick.

    Most books start right out with “How To” and scare most vanilla women in the first chapter. In my opinion, if she had left out Section Four, I think it would be much better for introducing a vanilla partner to DS.

    For a couple that are well on their way to living within a FLR, “ Uniquely Rika” is the best at demonstrating how a FLR is layered upon the existing relationship. This is a very well thought out book.
     
  11. Sissy Katie (ofCatherine)
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    I also think it's key to note... it's easy to pull off a 30 min or day long scene. Having a constant power dynamic is a whole different thing. While I may not have the same level of intense devotion as Butler, you better believe that I am always respectful of her and others in public and my desire to make her happy is every bit as strong.
     
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  12. SubSnuggler
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    As another thread hi-jack (Sorry OP) I thought the Renee Lane book was a load of fantasy but apparently there is a hard core of reality in those pages. I fantasize about a life like Butler, but in reality... I couldn't handle it. I don't have the mental strength. I'm lazy. I couldn't do it.

    Alpha guys like to make fun of submissives and say they are pussies, lightweights, etc. But to live the life of a Butler takes CAHONES. Fuck all those alpha dudes, because it takes bravery and fortitude and devotion and energy for a man to give everything up and publicly say to the world, my wife owns me. I'm a sub and my Wife owns me. But Butler is a bad ass. I haven't met him, but I know he is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of subs.
     
  13. Sissy Katie (ofCatherine)
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    Renee Lane and Viola Voltarine talk about a shrine to your Domme. Honestly, I think Butler could be held up as a model for many of us. I think that in terms of love, respect, support, etc. I am very much Butler's peer. Where we differ is, he would walk across broken glass for her; without hesitation. My limits have softened with age. Maybe by the time im in my 70s i will be as hardcore as he is.

    Like you, I thought it was fantasy until Viola and her group started to validate what she and Butler were talking about.
     
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  14. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Step right up.
     
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  15. SubSnuggler
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    My Wife has talked to Viola but again I haven't met her either. I absolutely adore Viola's voice (I've listened to a number of her Obedient Love videos), and the fact that she is such a cerebral Dominatrix is icing on the cake. I belong to another but one word from Viola and I would probably drop to her feet. And my Wife would understand. The world would be a lot better off with a more Viola's, Renee's, and Butlers in the world.
     
  16. Mojoman
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    Mojoman Long term member

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    Using the type of books mentioned above is fine up to a point but, in my experience, they do make it seem as if there is only "one true way" to dominate your man. You can forgive a vanilla woman for feeling overwhelmed reading all that her husband wants her to do to be a "proper" dominant. My girlfriend didn't like the books at all and really didn't want to read them, so i my case, they proved to be a bit useless.

    I took lots of advice, generously given by some lovely people on this website and learnt what I needed to do to encourage my partner to start being more assertive. I'm very happy to say that the slow and steady approach has worked really well. I'm not saying that my partner is now a whip-wielding, leather-clad dominatrix, but that isn't really what I wanted anyway. She has found her own way to be dominant with me, she has grown in confidence and has accepted me as her submissive. Perhaps most importantly, she is enjoying the power she now has over me. There is still some lingering guilt over using me to her advantage and "exploiting me" as she sees it, but we are getting through that.

    My girlfriend is now very happy to have full control over all sexual activity. Her orgasms are now much more frequent than mine, and she feels that she has rediscovered the pleasure of sex, which is something we both really like.

    I wish you luck and you may have more success with the books than I did, but if you try to make her an instant domme, you may be disappointed.
     
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  17. enslavedbyc
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    #17 enslavedbyc, Dec 2, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2021
    You would be much better off discussing and exploring your relationship using chastity as a starting point and staying away from FLR books altogether. My wife and I have been involved with BDSM, chastity and FLR, for decades and while I find the various books entertaining, she pretty much dismisses all of them.
     
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  18. Xileh
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    I agree. And, a good author will always point that out.

    Books have their place if she is willing. A book can help establish a common language which fosters communication.

    She is going to have a lot of questions. Most of those questions will revolve around self-doubt. A quality book (only a few) can help her understand that it is not her failure, but a pretty common desire among men.

    Relieving her anxiety and helping with communication can only help when getting started.
     
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  19. CabanaJack
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    I think the problem is that there's a huge range of spouses and partners out there. A few are going to be excited and gung-ho about the FLR possibilities and want all the insight they can get into making the best of it. Those will benefit from any number of the ebooks, blogs, etc.

    But then there's the other extreme - my wife doesn't want to hear or think about me being submissive to her, since to her "that's wrong and unfair'. She doesn't want to hear or think of herself as dominant since to her, that means being a Dominatrix and having a closet full of whips and chains, which just isn't her style. She cringes at the thought of having me feel what to her would be any physical pain, even if I tell her I find it to be a form of pleasure. She doesn't want to hear how I should be forced to lick her ass or drink her piss, or be forced to dress as a girl. The thought of having another man touch her or worse yet in her eyes, cuckolding, is appalling to her.

    Unfortunately, so many of the FLR materials flow right into living a full-on BDSM lifestyle and I suspect many of our spouses and partners just can't handle that vision. Certainly not in one full, up-front swoop.

    The Ms Scarlet material at least warns readers to read no further at a point until they've actually lived the basics for a while. IMO, Uniquely Rika takes it further by emphasizing servitude is the key to the whole matter of FLR - with the dominant taking the relationship to whatever dimension they want to, OVER TIME.

    The simple focus on servitude was something I realized made sense (at least in my situation) before I had read Uniquely Rika. Unfortunately, it took quite a while and a few failed efforts to get to that point of realization, lol.
     
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  20. LaciesSissy
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    Hey beta101,
    Buy this book and read if your wife!
    Surrender, Submit, Serve Her.: The definitive guide to enacting Female Leadership and embracing the Female Dominated Household.
    By Key Barrett
     
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  21. LaciesSissy
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    Buy the book. Read it, out-loud, to your wife. Good luck!
     
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  22. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    Why always books? It's so simple. She says what you both or you should do and you do it!

    No matter whether now in the household, with the money or just with the sex.

    The rest will follow on the way!
     
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    Yeah, I think that this discussion forum in many ways functions as a support group.
     
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  24. SubSnuggler
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    Uniquely Rika does give a list of things to try, and that's what makes it work. It isn't a cookbook for a recipe on what a FLR must have to taste good. It doesn't include ingredients. Rika just lays out different elements that may or may not appeal to a couple in a relationship. Thats what makes her approach work. Every Domme/sub dynamic is different, sometimes radically different, making these books less than relevant for most of us.

    There is a sequel in the Rika series, where she interviews several different couples. I found it really interesting, and that in itself illustrated there is a kaleidoscope of relationships.

    BTW, Rika is active on Fetlife, so you too can ask advice from her if you struggle with something in her book. Buy the books first, lol.

    Anyone heard the term Walmart Catholic? It means a Catholic that takes some instructions from this shelf, skips that stuff over there, and selects one or two beliefs from the aisle over.

    Well FLR's are the same way. All of us are Walmart FLR relationships. Some of us skip the whips and chains aisle but love the strap-on selection and others stay the fuck out of the Cuck Deli while even more of us are browsing the selection of latex lingerie. And we wander around between departments. AND, if you are like me, you might be just holding on to your Domme's leg as she just drags you around like a little kid lmao.
     
  25. Beta101
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    Good advices here, thank you all, we have the same goal and we love our women. :)

    I share lots of similarities with some situations presented here and one thing is for sure. My wife definitely needs me more then any book and i'm probably the reason of her confidence lack. Because i wasn't spending enough time with her and she tought her looks are not good enough for me because sex was rare and i couldnt come often. But real reason being i was masturbating all days, on top of that i have phimosis (when erect, the head can't get out because of the foreskin) so during intercourse it either stings, either not feeling much, specially on low libido. Since i was ashamed to say anything about it to anyone, now at 36 i decided to research this online :D so ill get a circumcision soon.

    I noted down the authors for myself, ill probably be reading them first before my wife ever will. One thing i forgot to mention is that she's hungarian so she's most likely to read and trust hungarian language book rather then an english one. But i'm unable to find one because i dont know hungarian, it's impossible.:) I was thinking of books beause she likes to read personal development books.

    Very similar situation, thats why i kept this agreement simple, when she in the mood to come release me. Didn't add anything else. Our relation definitely improved, sex is much more vivid and i feel like a different man. She apreciates more me like this and is happier.
    Sometimes touches me there to check it if the cage is on or not. And if its not she teases me: "AHA! The cage is not there! So you did something wrong! you touched yourself didn''t you!" :)

    I think its the right to do for my case. I think that is exactly what i need to do. And yeah, i'm not naive to think she will become an instant domme or one if ever.
     
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