Finding a Mistress?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by sottomesso, Jul 19, 2009.

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  1. sottomesso
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    sottomesso Submissive TV

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    After a few unsuccessful attempts to introduce my chastity, submissiveness and dressing into relationships can anyone advise how they have achieved this?

    Have you just been lucky in finding the right woman or have you visited specialised groups or clubs or used online meeting services such as alt.com?

    S.
     
  2. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    It may help if you told us why you were unsuccessful. You told them what kind of things youre into and what happened? If you discuss all this open and honestly to whomever you may be dating you may find that some are more willing than others. If they are not it is probably best to move on, there are alot of closet subbies and sissys out there that wish they had been honest and spoken up, now they are too afraid to and hide being unhappy.
    So, the best advice and the easiest way to do this is to open the discussion with whomever and keep the communication going, its the best tool you have, that and being honest about it.

    Mistress Michelle :sex020:
     
  3. sottomesso
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    sottomesso Submissive TV

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    Dear Mistress Michelle,

    Thank you for your reply.

    Well - I have had a very long term relationship fall apart after confessing to my liking to cross dress. And this was after years of her cuckolding me. Although she never took a dominant role.

    On a day day to basis I am a normal and well adjusted bloke (I think). But I have had some recent promising relationships just dry up after the mere mention of chastity, her being more assertive or just teasing and denying me. Some of these women I really liked and I feel like kicking myself for bringing these things up.

    I appreciate that some women are not into the things that I am into. That's fine, but I know some women are and I would like to know the best way of identifying and meeting women that share my interests.

    S.
     
  4. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Hello and welcome to our forum.

    I am afraid there is not much advice to give other than not giving up hope and keep on trying to find a Lady who shares your "interests".
    As for me it took many years until i was lucky enough to find my Mistress at last. I searched the internet (as soon as it was available), i placed ads, went to groups and in clubs but wasn't successful at all. Eventually i found my now Owner via internet and thus the life i was longing for such a long time.

    I fully agree with Mistress Michelle, be open and honest and keep on communicating with like minded people.

    maid katrin
     
  5. Sissy_Aline
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    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    All of the above

    Ms. Michelle is spot on as always - it is about communication - that's the power and the honesty and commitment within your SELF :)

    So, a short answer, YES to everything you mention :)

    First, yes, finding a good Domme is more or less like finding the proverbial needle but groups are a good way to begin as long as safe groups. Lotta players on alt but some good people as well. You have to trust your judgements.

    i have had some wonderful experiences and some not so . As long as you hold on to the wonderful and learn from the not so :)

    So, the essential piece is to NOT rely on the Domme, nor the group to provide what you search for - it's all within YOU. It's x-actly like Dorothy on her quest to seek and find Her home and the Wizard could not help her - she had the power all along, she had to find it and use it :)

    Ms. Michelle has explained the best tools - open and honet communication - no lies and manipulation. Best way to jump in the pool? Try an experienced and well sourced Pro - then you can assess the players from those that want what's right. You have a standard at least to build upon.

    Follow your yellow brick road and make it a fun and safe journey.



    :butterfly:
     
  6. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    don't give up! W/we can not deny who W/we are and live a lie. i did just that for 53 years until i met Mistress. i try not to think about all that time wasted in vanilla relationships while i harbored a secret. it wasn't fair to me or my partners.
     
  7. sottomesso
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    sottomesso Submissive TV

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    Thanks for the replies.

    Sounds like perseverance and honesty are the ways forward. The honesty bit I'd tried (after a while) and that got me into problems. It's not the kind of thing you come out with on a first date though is it!

    But you are all correct. Perseverance is key. I know there are ladies that share my turn-ons (or the mirror of them). It's a question of finding them.

    I am using alt.com but I am also looking at a fetish club here in the UK. http://www.club-rub.com anyone?

    Take care all.

    S.
     
  8. princess kiki
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    princess kiki Junior Member

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    I think alt.com is too cluttered. Try a forum like this where you can meet others with your interests. This is a good place to connect without all the saturation.
     
  9. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Have you tried Informed Consent?

    I don't get on with the group, they scare me! Very 24/7 and not always helpful to noobs!

    Having said that, I know that a lot of munches are advertised there and these are great, very informal, chat-in-a-pub, vanilla ways to introduce yourself to the local scene and arrange which clubs to go to.

    That way you don't need to go alone either, and may feel more comfortable.

    Good luck. :anim_26:
     
  10. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Hiya,

    As mentioned many times above, don't give up... and don't compromise. If you really NEED to have cross-dressing and chastity in your life, don't try to bury those feelings. They will come back to haunt you, and make you miserable.

    Another suggestion is fetlife.com. It's a sort of Facebook of kink.

    Best of luck to you, and welcome to the Mansion!
    mikecb
     
  11. eclipse
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    eclipse Junior Member

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    i think that searching a Mistress in a specialized online community is not the best strategy. It's even more important to find an open minded partner than a perfect lifestyle Mistress who is used to live in d/s relationships since a long time. If you find a partner, who's self-confident and used to do things in her own way, you've got a platform to discuss your needs. And maybe your partner appreciates your needs.

    So, in my opinion, it has more to do with your own attitude concerning women. That means, if your concept of how men and women should arrange their everyday-life is quite conventional, extraordinary sexualities will be hard to put into practice.

    Btw, i found "my" Mistress in the goth community. She was interested in bdsm, but had little experience before. During the past years, our relationship developed by easy stages.
     
  12. ALLORNOWT
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    ALLORNOWT Senior Member

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    honesty really is the best policy here. if you conceal your desires for fear of frightening away someone you really like, you may keep the relationship going for longer but your innermost thoughts will not just go away as many of us here will testify. Better to slowly try to test the waters in a fun and unthreatening manner and see what the responses are. You never know the person may have several of their own hidden desires that they too have never revealed to anyone. Ultimately you have to decide whether life with someone, anyone, is preferable to living your only life in the idyillic way you would do given the chance. I know which one i would choose "do you"? keep looking regards allornowt:character0053:
     
  13. sottomesso
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    sottomesso Submissive TV

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    Thanks to all that have replied. All good encouragement.

    I have been thinking that an ideal arrangement would be find a Mistress / Landlady. Probably pushing my luck but I don't suppose there are any looking for a submissive lodger in Berkshire?

    Otherwise I will be patient till the right lady comes along.

    S.
     
  14. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Well sottomesso, without sounding patronising, I think you'll be fine!

    A submissive who is patient and thankful and appears to be of sound mind... on the internet they are surprisingly rare! :happy0158:

    I do hope you'll stick around with us, even tho I'm not sure we have any Mistresses near you... you sound like you'll be great company!
     
  15. sottomesso
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    sottomesso Submissive TV

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    Thanks for making me feel so welcome Mistress Watchful. Not too sure about being of sound mind but I do try! I have to say that you do look most beguiling!

    Planning on sticking around.

    S.
     
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