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Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Willing2, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. Several years ago, I tried to introduce my wife to the concept of FLR and enforced chastity. She was somewhat willing to play at being in charge, but at the first sign of things not going exactly as she expected, she dropped it. When she started in with "being in charge", I suggested that it might be good if she kept me in a chastity cage. Her reaction was extremely negative. "If you want to do something like that, I don't want to have anything to do with it, or even know about it. No way."
    I guess I had pushed too hard.

    I waited, and did not bring up the subject again - until last week.

    My wife is very sensitive to touch. I had not been very affectionate for several months, but one night last week, I became particularly affectionate - which she appreciated. I did some extra chores, and again was affectionate. After a couple days of this, I asked her if she would be willing to read about chastity. She is one who likes to read up on everything before starting on an adventure. Our vacations are extremely planned - with lists of things to see and places to eat - etc. To my surprise, she agreed to read a book that I could purchase, but she did NOT want it on her Kindle.

    I suggested two books, both of which had excerpts available on the Internet. She read the excerpts, and selected one, and then said that I could purchase a cage! I was FLOORED!

    I now have a cheap metal cage on order. I am to use self-control until it comes, but that's very much OK. I can hardly wait until it arrives.

    My wife has agreed to hold the key (we haven't talked about emergencies), but is unwilling to wear it on a chain around her neck. Does anyone have a good alternative? I never thought it would get this far...what a good issue to be dealing with!
  2. I am in a similar situation myself. We quit 2 years ago and things got much worse. About a month ago I tried being more affectionate and loving. I had a new plan, with some help, and things have turned around in an amazing way. We agreed not talk about chastity for a while. She wanted to enjoy being intimate again. But I have learned from my past mistakes. No more talking about chastity constantly, no more having her read stuff. If we start again it will be whatever she wants it to be with no say from me unless she asks of course.
    WEC likes this.
  3. Emergency keys are more of a creative area once you two are really into this. If she takes to it, she may want an elaborate method such as a signed envelope, laminated card with key on it, lockbox with her knowing the combo, tubes with numbered plastic locks on them...etc. Mine just hides her emergency key.

    She may not want the key on her neck right away, but there is no telling how far she might get into this. I made mine a pendant with the key attached...see avatar. She may never want the key on her neck. As long as you are comfortable with her wishes, this stuff goes smoother than you might think.

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you were talking about showing affection. She noticed I was more attentive and made her own adjustments accordingly. It’s ok to talk about this, just don’t let it dominate both of your time. A good rule of thumb is to let her bring it up. And it doesn’t have to be about “chastity” for you to talk about your situation.

    Example text. You: I can’t wait to hold you tonight.
    Her. Really?
    You. Just the thought of touching you is driving me crazy.

    You don’t have to tell her how horny you are, that you would do anything she asked, or that you want to cum. Keep it simple and let your actions speak the rest. Non sexual and non reciprocated back rubs are a great place to start.

    Good luck
    WEC and ineverknew like this.
  4. Mistress Lucy

    Mistress Lucy L-u-c-y
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    Oct 20, 2015
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    If someone said that to me I would take it as sexual and that they are very horny.
    DGuy91 likes this.
  5. Sexual and flirty are not always the same, especially when locked. The whole idea is that it won’t be sexual for him. That is why I mentioned the non sexual back rub, and holding her. After awhile being locked, just spooning and holding her close is a emotional thrill. I am sorry you interpreted it with something sexual....you dirty bird
    corsac and ineverknew like this.
  6. I'm concerned that we always show respect for all members but especially female and female staff at that.
    Chastitybf88, Dogchasecats and Joan.t like this.
  7. I’m concerned you’re so concerned. I’m not sure if I will be able to sleep knowing you are concerned about the welfare of a female. Lighten up Stevie pie there was no malice, curse words, or even sarcasm in my response. It was merely disagreeing with her interpretation of what I said...and how do I know she misunderstood me? Well by golly I was the one who said it. So maybe you can let someone who has an issue speak for themselves instead of causing one where there wasn’t. If you haven’t noticed, she has no problem sticking up for herself, or expressing her views.
  8. Move along people, move along, nothing to see here...
  9. A woman's capabilities to stick up for herself have nothing to do with blatant disrespect--the kind of which males still feel they can nonchalantly utter towards us, and more aggravatingly still when misarticulated as an attempt at --poor, typically sexist-- humor.

    "...You dirty bird" is not something anyone would say to a woman they respect.
    Chastitybf88 likes this.
  10. Omg it was tounge in cheek! Rex. More over about how this was nothing, although now I can say with total accuracy that some do not know what respect means.
    New to cage likes this.
  11. I would REALLY like to get this thread back on track.

    One of the strong recommendations I have read is that while trying to convince one's partner to "lock one up", and become a keyholder, let her bring up chastity. Once my wife agreed to be my keyholder, I found it extremely difficult to avoid bringing the subject up. I am a person who likes to plan - everything. She is the same way. For me to not say "Let's figure out where we are going to keep the emergency key" or "How often will I be released?" or "Will you let me out every week to clean the cage?" is VERY difficult. I have not brought up the subject, but she has not brought it up either.

    The chastity cage will arrive Thursday. Waiting is not easy!
  12. Congratulations, avoiding that can be very difficult.

    When I first got into this I had a well thought out plan, an agreement already written in my head. She will keep me caged a minimum of X and a maximum of Y. Will orgasm at least X amount of times per month, daily grooming times, etc etc. I probably would have brought all those up to her if I hadn’t read a blog by someone who had been there. As it turned out, his wife didn’t like to be told how to control him. If she was going to do it, she was going to do it her way. In the end it worked out great for him as well because he received the iron fist he wanted deep down.

    So a lil time and fore thought of how she is feeling about all this can really help you both. I hope you find some of the wonderful advice I had received from someone who’s been there.

    My favorite reference to dealing with chastity with your keyholder is NO BACK SEAT DRIVING. If you really want her to drive the car you have to let go and trust she knows how to get there, and how fast. It of course is easier said than done lol.

    Ps. Very sorry your thread was interrupted
    ineverknew and Willing2 like this.
  13. No problem. I know these things happen.

    That's really good advice. I will try to keep from back seat driving. I know that for now I'm on thin ice. She will call a stop to things if I don't play my cards just right.
  14. Just continue being affectionate and don't bring up the subject. Sooner or later, She will likely connect the dots. If She knows about the pending arrival of your cage, you might let her know when it finally comes, but don't push it. Just lay on the affection - more and more as you get hornier and hornier! It should be easy!
  15. My wife can't drive. Where does that leave me?
  16. Waiting for her to learn:D
  17. But I can't be her driving instructor! Just hope there's online training!
  18. My wife left this afternoon to visit family for about a week. Before leaving she gave me a list of chores that she has always done in the past. She was much more directive than ever before. We had not talked about chastity since I ordered the cage, but she said "You are not to put that cage on before I get back. In fact, don't even open the package. My point is that SHE brought it up.

    I see both these things as real progress.

    While she is gone, I'm going to complete a big project that she has wanted completed for a long time.

    I'm looking forward to her return!
    Nicoftime likes this.
  19. The cage arrived today. I did not open the box. The anticipation is sweet. I hope the reality measures up to my anticipation!
  20. SubVerity

    SubVerity The Mansion's own Fairy Godmother!
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    Apr 2, 2014
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    Well - don't be too disappointed if it doesn't. Anticipation and hopes are wonderful things but they're so often made of anticipation and hopes rather than cold reality.
    We often find there's a rub or two here and there and some initial discomfort. Often after a few weeks you find you like the thing more and more - especially after an initial not-so-sure period.
  21. I am excited for you, and you must be ecstatic! Please do take the new device with a reality check on sizing. It is rare that you get the perfect fit, even when ordering a custom one. I researched for 7 years before I ended up buying one, and although I did a pretty good job, it wasn't perfect.

    I ordered another custom one when I got pierced and that one was 9mm too long. I ordered another of the same but shorter and got it perfect, but that was after a lot of money, and many months of waiting. Just trying to tell you to be realistic in your expectations. She more than likely will not be able to lock you up when she gets home for weeks or months...hours and days will probably be more likely. Not sure what kind of device you have coming. I got lucky with one cheap steel cage from amazon, but even that needed some buffing and grinding before it was ok for long term lock up.

    good luck and hope it is a good fit.
  22. The cage went on today. I'm not sure how I feel. Controlled? Maybe. Happy? Yes. Anxious? A bit. I am more concerned about how it will feel several hours from now. Will the gap be too wide letting me slip out? I hope to be caged at least a day to start, but we'll see.

    The journey starts!
    ineverknew likes this.
  23. Just take it one day at a time and make adjustments as you go. My KH keeps the real key on her key chain with car keys etc... She wears a gold anklet with a key and silver necklace with a key from time to time as a lovely symbolic reminder of who's in charge of what. Good luck with your new cage..
  24. As others have said don't be surprised if you need it off later today. I tried the lock it and leave it approach as well. It didn't work took about a week of 4 hours here 8 hours there to be able to wear 24/7 there's a huge adjustment for your body to make. I wouldn't suggest trying to sleep in it right away. That's the worst feeling when you wake up and your balls are on fire. At that point you have a choice suffer or disturb your keyholder.
    Get through a solid day or 2 with no issues then try sleeping in it
  25. would love to hear more on exactly how "the cage went on"?????
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