Finally embracing who I really am.

In some ways, yes. In another way, I got less than I bargained for, in that I'd convinced myself that I was going for the ultimate fantasy. On paper (or in my head) it seemed like the horniest scenario imaginable.
The reality was quite different, not just because my boundaries were pushed. I'd agreed to the 'forced' bi stuff (Ok, maybe not the ass licking but anyway..)

It was more that it seemed too much like a performance, whereas previous sessions had been more organic.

I also feel that for the last 5 times I've seen Mistress Cheryl (I've seen her 8 times in all) I've always been trying to re-create the magic of the third visit (Updated here on 22/3/16) at which all the stars were in alignment and my mind was just blown. Everything about it was perfect, I experienced a level of 'subspace' like never before, it was like a dream.

It's typical of humans to try and re-live an amazing moment, a night out or whatever, but it can never be really done.

When I look at my last post here, it comes across as a bit sulky, I'm saying "Right, done with this now, " etc..

I can imagine more seasoned Mansion members looking at it and thinking that I'm a bit of a part timer and I haven't really grasped the dynamic at all. They could be right. At the beginning of this thread, it felt like I was embarking on an epic journey, which it has been in some ways, but the outcome is very different to what I was expecting.

However, the overall feeling now is very positive. This has been a bit of a milestone year. I turned 50 and changed my career, which has brought me more happiness and peace of mind than I would ever have expected, so it's put things into perspective a bit.

I've read people on here saying that an obsession with a fetish, whether it be chastity, cuckolding or whatever indicates a form of depression, an imbalance in life, resulting in an unhealthy amount of time watching porn, masturbating etc..

This has certainly been true of me in the almost three years of me being single. The sex life that I'd enjoyed for over ten years had been curtailed (actually a good year before the relationship ended, in fact) and I had the time and accessories to be able to indulge my fantasies. Visiting my local parlour and then traveling to other venues to see Mistress Cheryl was just the natural progression of that 'obsession'

I realised, when I visited the lovely Liverpudlian brunette at the local place, a few weeks backs, that I was really missing the tenderness and intimacy that I'd enjoyed with my ex partner. I'm feeling like it's time to put the kinky stuff on the shelf for a bit. pursue a relationship and let things evolve organically from there, so we'll see.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Really, I'm typing this just to get my thoughts down.