Hey everyone! I've been lurking these forums for a while now and I finally decided to participate. I'm not sure how to introduce myself. I'll write a brief summary of my background, and why I'm on this site. My Background Chastity and orgasm denial has long been a fantasy of mine. A few years back when I originally introduced male chastity to my wife (girlfriend at the time), she found the idea pretty fun. However, she got turned off later because she perceived it as me not letting her have sex. Makes sense, because I must have pushed the fantasy too fast on her at first - insisting she keep me locked up for long periods. (Topping from the bottom?) After going back to a more vanilla lifestyle for several months, I reintroduced male chastity to her again, but this time much more slowly, and in a more fun way. I made it clear to her that I just wanted her to control my own access to my dick, and that she could unlock me whenever she wanted, no matter what. This way she could still have all the PIV sex she wants. Just lock me back up afterwards. After a few weeks of this casual chastity thing, I noticed my wife was getting more into it. Surprising me with her creativity as a keyholder. As luck would have it, she started discovering the benefits of male chastity on her own (e.g., I've become a more attentive lover, I'm ravenously hungry for giving oral sex, and I'm more helpful around the house). Much to my surprise, she has also been keeping me locked up for longer and longer periods, and being more strict about locking me back up on the occasions she does let me out. Lesson learned: don't push your chastity fantasies onto her all at once! Ease into it gradually, making one small change at a time. My wife and I are still, however, fairly new to this, and we have a long way to go and many questions to ask! Why I'm On This Site My wife and I would not have been able to incorporate male chastity into our lives if it weren't for this site. Various other websites have also been helpful (I especially love the advice on @keephimcaged's Tumblr). As I've gained experience with this chastity "lifestyle", I've discovered solutions to many problems and answers to many questions I've seen posted on this site. Therefore, it's only fair that I give back to the community that has given me so much. I hope my contributions to this site will help others. Thank you!
Thank you! We are still new to the chastity thing and learning so much. My goal is to go for at least 7 days with absolutely no unlocking at all.
Hey @Bob Statesman, It was refreshing to hear about your first encounters between you and your spouse regarding chastity. 7 days with no release is a very realistic goal, as I have done this on plenty of occasions. It is nice to hear how you reset the tone of your chastity experience, and she is more receptive and happy now. As you are discovering, your Key Holder must deal with the reality of your relationship and situation first. Her realities and fantasies are first. Your fantasies come in somewhere only about third place as she learns more about them and you. And then those fantasies can bit by bit unfold and become more of a reality for you, as your relationship deepens further and you become more committed to her. Wish you all the best in your journey. Look forward to hearing more from you hear at CM.
Welcome. And kudos to you for realizing your mistake. I made the same mistake and it took me much longer to realize what it was. I think before the year is up I will try and re-introduce chastity again with a similar mindset of not putting pressure on her, let her discover the benefits on her own. Also keephimcaged.tumblr.com is a great site with tons of knowledge from the female perspective. Its an invaluable site to learn from.
Welcome to the Mansion, it sounds like you are enjoying this new world, I do hope you keep us up to date on your journey.
Hit the nail on the head. For example, my 7-day goal goes on hold the instant she wants to unlock me. It's all about her and what she wants. And I'm realizing that that's so fun for me too.
When you reintroduce chastity again, I definitely look forward to hearing about how you do it, and how it goes. Sounds like we had a comparable experience in the beginning. I eventually came to the realization that, considering how long my girlfriend (now wife) and I had been vanilla together, she must obviously enjoy PIV sex with me very much. Meaning that locking me up denies not only me, but also her. I reintroduced chastity by making it crystal clear that she can unlock me whenever she wants, no questions asked. As time went on, she must have either consciously or subconsciously recognized how locking me up for longer and longer benefitted her. Keyword "her". Good luck ineverknew, I hope you successfully reintroduce chastity into your relationship before the year is up!
sounds good, I'll keep everyone in the know but its tough to say when this will happen as her job is very demanding right now. Hopefully when things cool down we can discuss it. I don't think she will be against starting again as she seemed upset when I ended it. The reality is that my fantasies were not lining up with what was happening. My wife also wanted PIV all the time. What a mistake lol. Oh well, I look forward to how your relationship grows. I think your wife is realizing that she is now your fantasy and you can't get enough of her. What woman wouldn't like that and protect that?
@Bob Statesman Great intro!! and thanks for sharing I wonder how many people lump together being locked up and orgasm denial or PIV denial or any type of intimacy denial together into the same thing? Seems like alot? Curious, not just for you but everybody else here as well ......what is it that drives you to want the 7 day straight lock up? is it the denial aspect of it? or is it just the losing control of your manhood aspect? or is it something else? Maybe a submissive act? or Maybe trying to sop masturbating? or taking away some possibilities of cheating on your SO? The list could be quite long here. Personally for me I love the feeling of being all bowed up and on that never ending edge of orgasm .. just trembling and dribbling all over the place. But in reality, that is a pretty hard place to stay in. Like you, my wife loves sex, and she also loves it when I take control too. We try to do the "switch" thing .... but with a 3 year old and life's curveballs ...... it ain't always easy to do. Fortunately, for us, we have wives that entertain and are willing to check out and try out this amazing concept of chastity and all the cool stuff that can happen with it.
I went with 7 days for hygiene reasons. The consensus online seems to be that the cage should be removed for cleaning about once a week. Correct me if I'm wrong though. If it turns out that going for 14 days is still hygienic enough, I'll aim for that instead. In terms of the denial aspect of it, that's harder to explain. Being in a constant state of arousal is pretty fun. It turns me on knowing that no matter how horny I get, there's nothing I can do for relief unless my very attractive wife allows it. I'm also turned on by the inherent unfairness of it - my keyholder gets to have all the orgasms she wants, but I don't. The list goes on. I'm trying to slowly encourage her to be the one to initiate teasing. Simple things when we're hanging out in the bedroom, such as "accidentally" bending over in front of me to pick something up, saying things like "you want some of this? Too bad you can't have any", etc. She's already gotten pretty good at talking dirty once we do get going though, now that she actually enjoys chastity play. I'd appreciate any tips you guys might have on how to suggest to her that she initiates more often. With regards to increasing my lockup time, of course it's all up to her, but I've (not so successfully) tried to satisfy her need for PIV using strap-on dildos. I've tried a few dildos but they all seem to be too stiff for her. The few I've tried were flexible and had some give, but I suppose they're still a bit stiffer than the real thing. Anyone have any suggestions on super ultra soft dildos? This might warrant a thread all on its own.
I've tried a dildo that's slightly smaller than me, but she says it feels too stiff. I figured it's not (necessarily) that it's too big, just not soft/flexible enough.
I would look into vixen creations, vixskin dildos. They are silicone soft but have a harder inner core that keeps it from being floppy.
Is there anything out there that actually is slightly floppy? We have a cyberskin one that's actually very soft and feels realistic, but it's still too stiff. I'm guessing it's that harder inner core that makes it feel too stiff.
not sure. I'm not exactly a dildo expert lol. I only know the vixskin since I bought my wife one. If you wanna really knock her socks off I would recommend a hitachi magic wand. She'll never look back.
Hi Bob! And thank you so much for the mention, it's most appreciated! I love the King Cock range of dildos as just the right amount of floppiness... just make sure to warm it up in bed or in a sink of hot water first. We use the 9" one but there are smaller sizes you might want to start with as that's, BIG But it's such fun to compare Hubby to. We even gave it a name, 'Adonis' to really add impact. 'I want Adonis in me tonight, darling' kind of thing. My friend got the same one and called hers Geronimo!
Thank you @keephimcaged, your advice is always much appreciated. You made us discover how fun size teasing is. It's what originally inspired me to buy a large dildo (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B008RBKOL4/ similar in size to the King Cock). Last night I used a cheap Chinese dildo on her (about the same size as me) while she was blindfolded, and she was surprised when I later told her it was a dildo! She enjoyed it so much she thought it was me, but she said that she could still tell something was a bit off. So I suppose a lot of it might just be a mental aversion she had to toys because of earlier experiences with a hard plastic one. @ineverknew, I have to use the lowest setting when we use the small bullet vibrator, so I figure the Hitachi magic wand might be too much. Am I correct? Is the wand just a more powerful vibration than a bullet vibrator, or is it a different type of vibration? I've heard things online about "buzzy" vs "rumbly" vibrations.
yes the magic wand is just another vibrator but I have yet to hear a woman complain about it lol. I've heard of some women saying direct contact with the clitoris is sometimes too much and some say wearing panties is helpful. My wife never liked vibrators much but she said the wand feels like it literally sucks the orgasm right out of you whether you want to or not, theres no stopping it. So yeah she loves hers . Also there is 2 settings on it, she has never used the second one. I think she's afraid ha ha.