Fifth year in

So I’m starting a new thread and journal due to now having had four full years with my now wife and mistress. Year 5 is starting and who knows what that will entail.

2020 started without an O, erection, or physical contact for nearly 2 months. The hiatus ended rather toe curlingly last night. I am currently uncaged...was told to lock up right away, but I have been playing hooky a little hahaha.

For those unfamiliar with me, and our story, feel free to read some of my other journals “uh oh I think she likes it” and “the evolution of mistress amante”. I will recap briefly here in case you don’t want to read four years of fun, struggle, whining, and venting.

We started as a normal couple dating. I was coming out of a nasty divorce, and to be honest, wanted this relationship to be different. I told her of my submissive sexual preference, need for chastity and to lose control of that part of my life, my feminine nature, and within a few months that I am intersex.

All in all she handled it pretty well. She didn’t really understand why someone would want to lock their privates up or give that power to someone else. She agreed to try it, and didn’t really look back since.

We started with her unlocking me every night, usually ending in an O, then came ruined O’s, lots of teasing. One day I mentioned that I didn’t have a hard time grooming because I could just pull it out the back. She was visibly upset. She didn’t know that I could always pull it out the back. I casually mentioned that a piercing is the only way to fix that, she told me to make the appointment. We went shortly after and she watched me get pierced.

It took awhile to heal all the way, I bought a cage that I could wear my piercing without hurting it while it healed. In the coming months is when she really came into her own about being in charge of sex and being guilt free about it. You see while I healed I still ended up pleasuring her. That really set up our situation that she could have sex whenever she wanted and not worry about reciprocation...since I physically would get hurt if she did.

When I did heal, her taking what she wanted and not giving me anything unless she felt like it continued. With that, we communicated some of her kinks as well as mine. We started experimenting with her kinks like physical punishment, spankings, paddling, and even maid service.

Unlocking went from almost every night to about once a month or so. Somehow we kind of naturally went into what would be called female led, or maybe service oriented. I started doing more acts of service such as starting her car, making her lunch, coffee, dishes, laundry, foot rubs, and cleaning the house in general. Of course the maid service was more sexualized but didn’t involve sex. Painting her nails, washing her hair, and massages.

I was born intersex, I’ve always known, but at my age my body just isn’t keeping up on the male end and is sliding more female. This comes with certain physical changes over the last few years, breast and feminine figure being most prevalent. I mention this because this worried me and our future, but she handled it great and stuck with me...boobs and all.

As time went by, we have settled down into a very loving, D/s life but doesn’t focus everyday around our kinks. We have played around with the idea of being in a cuckold marriage, there are some roadblocks for her that have basically kept it to just fantasy. One she doesn’t feel comfortable with it becoming public knowledge and discretion would need to be total. Two, it would be odd for her to just go on a stranger and get busy...huge cock or not. Three, she and I both want it to be with me there...the guy would have to be ok with that. Four, if the guy is up to all this, he still has to be ok with not being in a romantic relationship and just a fuck toy. And five, safety as far as disease and all that. With all that, finding the perfect guy and scenario would be like finding a unicorn...so we are leaving it open and if the perfect thing happens to happen we may just do it. We are open but with a very picky set up.

I have about 10 orgasms a year, use toys and wand on her I don’t know how many times lol. We now don’t do much punishment or teases, ruined orgasms have kind of went away too. I am physically not very big so sex with me is mostly something just for me. When she wants me to have one she’ll give me one.

Will update on this thread from here on out.

 

I’m sorry to hear about your hormone issues. As far as handling some of the changes, it’s not the life altering mind bending new crazy ideas that may be hitting you...I’ve always known physically that I was different. Knowing I had this my whole life reduced the shock, and it’s been somewhat gradual. I didn’t wake up with boobs, that certainly would be odd. It has been gradual for the last few years. Although I have always privately been ok with my feminine side, I wasn’t raised as one, so that has been the most off putting...not being very comfortable as I start looking more gender neutral. So long story short ...I hide them. Vests in the cooler months, Hawaiian shirts in the summer. Sports bras if you need to hide them more...I don’t wear them anymore.

 

Thanks, it truly is. It’s not quite the whirlwind of activity it used to be, but it certainly keeps us happy.

 

Not real often, and I would not be comfortable transitioning socially

 

I hate to type twice so will just copy a link to my blog.

https://suddenlysubbie.wordpress.com/2020/03/13/dreams-reflecting-my-reading/

Actually I blogged there yesterday as well, so read the day before as well if you want context.

ahhh so wrapped up in her, I seem torn in every direction lol

 

The books were all “nonfiction” but I’m sure some liberties were taken. Dream was kind of a mix of both books

 

A tiff with my wife leaves me questioning my submission
https://suddenlysubbie.wordpress.co...d-the-appeal-of-domestic-discipline-in-a-flr/

 

Saving paper lol
https://suddenlysubbie.wordpress.com/2020/03/24/wonderful-life/

 

So, this isn’t relationship related but found it odd.

I have a ball trap device (rigid chastity model 05), and its secured with a piercing. Obliviously the steel device has not changed dimensions, yet yesterday I noticed one of my balls had slipped through the gap and was nestled inside my body cavity. I had not noticed it happening, but I was busy doing a lot of physical work outside and maybe I didn’t notice. Then before my wife returned to unlock me to fix it, I was sitting to pee as is the norm, and it popped back in. It didn’t hurt and the only reason I really noticed was I felt a little squeeze, no pain.

Upon further inspection, my balls seem a bit small now. I wonder if it’s hormonal or an age thing, but they are definitely smaller.

As far as the journal goes, nothing new to report, haven’t been doing much, which I’m a bit disappointed by, but I think it’s the covid weight gain that has us both feeling yucky about ourselves. I think we both gained about 30 pounds since getting off our diet and feel kind of crappy about ourselves physically.

She even bought an exercise bike to try to lose some weight. That really doesn’t work for me, need to change what and how I eat, not enough time in the day to exercise away all the calories I take in.

So it’s diet time again, 220 next stop 160!

 

Just a small update in our journey.

Without a formal discussion about it, we had taken a break from most of our kink and sexual escapades. Don’t get me wrong, I have still stayed locked, and that is still important to her (I had even procrastinated locking back up occasionally only to be told that it was time). The other stuff has fallen away though.

She had a parent lose a long battle with cancer, she also needed to spend more time with family, then the pandemic hit and it kind of brought on a sense of malaise.

Not to fear, our toy drawer is still full, we still love each other, and I’m sure at some point our mojo and free time together will return.

For the most part, I still give foot rubs, clean, cook, and take care of the house, and I’m sure at some point the typical FLR stuff will return when we are ready. Until then, I probably don’t have much to update and report.

 

Wow, it’s been awhile since I updated my journal here. I’m a bit more active on my blog https://suddenlysubbie.wordpress.com/
So I tend to let it lapse here.

A year in review as it were, covid has come and gone, (everyone is ok), schedule changes, cancelled plans, home school, working from home, and a few diet fails...kinda made this year a kink free home.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ll get our mojo back, we will just have to wait till things are smoother. My orgasms have certainly dipped. Last year I had 10 and this year will be 7, unless we suddenly have a flurry of action in the next few days. Sadly I think her orgasms have fell off the table as well. I think we are both gaining weight and not feeling all that sexy. We are planning on going on a diet again soon and gulp exercising.

With a lot of the kink on hold, most of my sub stuff was limited to small gestures, daily foot rubs, cleaning, and just being there. She has shown her view of me being uncaged....there isn’t a reason for it lol. Tried getting away with being unlocked, but didn’t take her long to put her foot down “lock up or next time it may never come off”. Technically I don’t really do anything bad when I am unlocked, sometimes I just like to test who she’s locking me up for, me or her.

So other than our kink drought, we are doing well. Looking forward to shedding some weight, and is both feeling better about getting frisky again.

 

For those that are interested, we are still around, I’m still locked, orgasms infrequent, and no indication that any of that will change.

December 7th was my last spill, so right at 3 months right now. I have a more detailed blog
https://suddenlysubbie.wordpress.com/
If interested in more detailed rambling