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Feminization and how to explain it?

Discussion in 'The Powder Room' started by ssendam, Apr 3, 2016.

  1. My Mistress and I have been together for a few years and we have a loving female led relationship. We've been in more of a down time lately but are going to start acclimation more towards trying to do a 24/7 dynamic over time.

    One area of exploration I have never been really able to act on in past relationships has been the fantasy of being a girl. She already knew this early on from when we started dating and has always been accepting of whatever thoughts I share with her.

    We had a little bit more of an in depth conversation yesterday evening about feminization. I had wanted to know if she had ever fantasized about a guy (or me) being feminized (she hasn't ).

    We talked about feminization a bit but I think it's more of a desire on my end than hers. She's always been of the opinion that two people that love each other share these desires and fulfill things for each other even if they're not necessarily into it. Here's where things are a bit of a twist.

    For me part of the desire from feminization is the "forced" part. I don't necessarily get into the idea of frilly dresses and have a latex fetish pretty hardcore. But I've had some intense fantasies of rubber maid outfits, heels, makeup and wigs, behavior modification, bisexuality and voice training among other things. The problem is its different to explore these aspects when it's not someone pushing to transform me in this way as part of the excitement is desiring someone to strip my masculinity and making me more emasculated and I guess for lack of a better term "slutty".

    She really wants to emasculate and objectify me and we've talked about Humiliation and forced bi play. She currently cuckolds me and and I'm in chastity full time.

    Her problem with it is that she feels if there's a Humiliation aspect to it that it's degrading to women to want to have a guy be "humiliated" by being a woman. I tried to explain that the Humiliation is more about the emasculated and have my masculinity stripped away and replaced with femininity. She replied that she didn't see why feminization needed to be a component when emasculation and Humiliation can happen without it.

    She brings up a valid point and I don't have a great response to it. She is open to other Dommes fulfilling that desire for me but naturally I wish I could experience this with Mistress. She did say never say never and that these sorts of things may change based on others she meets as she's not one to say no to anything in terms of trying.

    I guess I'm just wondering if others have had similar situations and if this is something that I should just out on the back burner of my mind. It's difficult to suppress it at times although I have to admit I sometimes think if I even explored it I'd look silly and probably want to just walk away from it since I'm not naturally effeminate.
  2. Hi
    Completely agree with your wife being a woman has absolutely nothing to do with degradation.

    Obviously you have a lot going on in your head about how you feel and how you start to sort it all out .

    Probably need to see how things go and maybe a little time may help to see how you want things to go.

    Xx Wendy
    Living Curious and TA'sPet like this.
  3. My wife/Mistress has, over the past 5 years, slowly but surely, feminized me and I have come to enjoy it - A lot! I am subservient to Her on all matters, but that doesn't stop me from being humiliated in front of others or when She has me "assume the position" for a milking. The humiliation is my reaction to my reversal of roles from being the tough, macho male that I once was to having become a gentle and soft sissy! (for the male role that I was raised and trained to become, being such a sissy is considered very degrading, after all!) This is about breaking out of those pre-cast roles and recognizing the reality of my strong feminine side. Mistresses is helping me make this adjustment.

    Mistress knows how embarrassed and humiliated I get when my femininity is exposed to others and She has been sending me on various little "predicaments" to help me overcome the humiliation. In the beginning, when I was sent to a lingerie store to ask for a bra fitting, I sat out in the parking lot for about 45 minutes to get up my nerve. Later, going into a nail salon for a pedicure (with bright red polish) or into an Ulta store for a makeup match, were other adventures which have, in retrospect, helped me to overcome my embarrassment. In each case, those exposures of my feminine side were difficult initially for me to do, but now have become commonplace. We have discussed this and I applaud Her for helping me to overcome my embarrassment and to become a better sissy as a result.
    Kidkrippler, SoumisCH and Jasmic68 like this.
  4. That's the thing though. I don't look at feminization as being degrading or humiliating to the female gender. Mistress was the one that said if there is Humiliation associated with feminization that it seems counter intuitive since it implies that I am humiliated for being a eoman. Therefore in her mind that means I view being a woman as humiliating and by proxy that means it promotes women as not being strong/makes fun of the gender.
  5. I guess I don't know how to make the case that feminization is not a means of ridiculing women. I know that this was a part of me early on to some aspect. When I started hitting puberty I would come across lingerie and wear it even at a young age. It was only occasionally but it was before I even learned about BDSM.
  6. To my way of thinking, it's exactly the opposite. Feminization actually glorifies women and places them on an even higher pedestal! I think that femininity is so wonderful that I am constantly striving to be, think and act feminine! The fact that I am humiliated is only because it goes against the macho male standards that I had come to expect or that society has adopted.
  7. It's definitely not easy to unpick it till it stands up as completely ethical to say the least.

    I think stripping away masculinity is the humiliation aspects. However once you cross that line to developing your feminine personality then it's a very powerful and positive thing .
    Especially once you really get into developing all the skills that goes into something like full time .
    Xx Wendy
  8. I respect the transgender and those that desire to cross-dress, even though it isn't one of my "things"; however, another view on it is that if the goal of FLR and other aspects of it is to hold the female sex to be higher then the male sex, wouldn't it be disrespectful to the women for a man to pretend to be "evolved". So if she feels superior and is deeming the female sex to be superior to male, it may make more sense that she focuses on the humiliation and objectification.

    Just food for thought ....
  9. This is getting complicated !!

    Definitely beginning to cross boundaries and dragging stuff in from all over the sexual and gender spectrum.

    Where one starts and stops and the next joins or takes things off on another path lol very hard to say.

    However love how people are trying to explain it .
    . Xx Wendy
  10. Isn't it more of an attack on the male ego than anything else? Basically saying you are not as macho as you think you are. Suggesting that he a a stereotypical weak and frail female.
  11. This is a really interesting discussion that touches on an area I have been thinking about as I start cross dressing. I had a day where I was given lots of cleaning tasks around our house and to do them I wore the dress and leggings that are in my current avatar. It was while I was having a rest that I started worrying that my desire to wear women's clothes as I did the jobs was disrespectful, that somehow I was saying that the jobs I was doing should be done by a woman. To be honest I never managed to fully think this issue through.

    I know that I am starting this because my Wife is encouraging it, but that she has done so as she has somehow recognized a latent desire that I was not fully aware of. I know that doing the tasks wearing my dress made me really happy. I also know that I hugely admire the people that do this full time as mentioned by @Wendygirl@Wendygirl, but know that I am not strong enough to do this myself.

    I don't suffer from gender or body dysmorphia but I am beginning to wish my figure looked more feminine. I am in awe of people like @Andrew K@Andrew K and @jemima@jemima who look utterly incredible and amazingly feminine, both in very different but in equally inspirational ways. This is my main motivation to lose weight, a journey that I started right at the beginning of the year and I am only just beginning to see results.

    I do not pretend to have the answers to this very complex issue, I just thought I would add some of my experiences and thoughts. I would like to finish on this. I am not in any way wearing feminine clothes as part of a humiliation exercise. I also know if I was caught by a neighbour or even a complete stranger that it would be quite a humiliating event. This thought troubles me. I find myself looking at the clothes women wear, that I like so much, that I think look amazing. Then I think about how society in general would react to me wearing those clothes and feel sad at how negative my expectations are.
  12. @Jasmic68@Jasmic68

    From what you write even in just this last post , er if you don't have some degree of gender dysphoria then I would be very surprised indeed.

    Several things you say are pointers to a much deeper need . In time I expect you will come to reconcile .

    How society will accept you very much better than you may realise at the moment.

    Xx Wendy
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  13. @Jasmic68@Jasmic68
    From what you have written in just your last post I very much expect you have some degree of gender dysphoria.

    Whilst it may take time I think you will get used to the idea.

    As far as being accepted as a woman . Society is far more accepting than you think at the moment .

    Xx Wendy
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  14. @Wendygirl@Wendygirl you may be right. If I do have any body dysmorphia then it is moderate, mostly based around how unhappy I have been with my weight but not enough to actually do anything about it. After that I have discussed before the process I went through to modify my penis that upset my Wife so much and was the main instigator into the chastity lifestyle. I am really happy living like this but I wish something else had been that trigger to get things started.

    There is no going back though. My Wife still occasionally enjoys me making love to her and she likes me having an orgasm, but she doesn't like the way my penis looks. I hate the way what I have done has effected her. Conversely she looks so happy when she is choosing clothes for me and when I am able to wear them for her, and that is feeding my desires for more feminization to happen. If I was 20 years younger I would probably be seeking something a little more permanent. If that is down to body dysmorphia then I am guilty as charged.
  15. I don't like the idea of "feminization" - to me, the idea seems to be that it is somehow worse to be a Lady.
  16. In that case you have completely missed the point.
    im283 likes this.
  17. Dear @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 thank you ever so much for saying lovley things bout me. mwah xxx. i just loves wearing pretty clothes and i have done for a long time now. i have been a girl for ages and before i meet my Mistress. i haven't gone to a hospital to have anything done to me cos i don't like them. i think that its very silly for folks to say that Ladys am weak and i know they aint cos i have met lots and lots. They migt not be able to do thing like a strong man can but they very strong inside. i love Ladies and everthing about them.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  18. My take on this situation is different, but accomodates quite well.
    I am masculine as all get out inside and out. I am, to quote one of our members, "as kinky as a $2.00 garden hose".
    Now to the point: My fantasy revolves around suffering for beauth as women do. Women have long had to wear tight girdles, sleep in rollers, wear high heels, exercise for a beautiful figure, get harnessed up in a bra, and traditionally endure tight hot stockings even in the summertime. They have had to endure menstrual cramps and the mess of sanitary napkins. Traditional beauty treatments like sitting under a hot hairdryer or having to wear a facial mask are confining and quite similar to bondage.
    I was born in '52 and grew up with a beauty parlor right there. The beautiful customers would tell me how lucky I was not to be a woman and have to endure the discomforts of beauty treatments. I experienced sympathetic titillation long before puberty. This developed into a foundational fetish. When the Sears, MW and Speigal catalogs came in I turned directly to the girdle section. Later I climaxed while viewing pictures of women in lace-up and otherwise tight girdles while imagining how they suffered for beauty. I also loved seeing their images sitting under hairdryers confined to a chair and being uncomfortable and having to listen to white noise.
    My fetish concept doesn't degrade women, but honors them.
    I leveled with my wife at the start of our relationship and she embraced the concept.
    As her salon slave I am able to serve her, honor her and all women while serving as the maintenance man for her salon. I also am the resident "head" when wigs are dried.
    Our sexuality is our secret and a wink and a nod from my wife sends my heart soaring. She really does love to be deeply plowed and has always used my fetishes to her advantage.
    So what I am saying is that I am feminized, but my humiliation is not in any way a threat to women or their place.
    As a young Catholic boy I was often told by the nuns to offer up my pains to God. In my fetish world I offer my pain to women. It is a win win, believe me!
    Dianna1395, lockedup66 and Jasmic68 like this.
  19. Omg !!

    Yep girls do suffer having their legs waxed or nails done .
    Lovely fresh coffee soft music smelly candles and get pampered and feel like a $100,000 .

    You boys get a hair cut have to talk about foot ball or the women you will never ever sleep with .
    Tell me who suffered the most !!!!

    Xx Wendy
  20. Yes it hurts to have your legs waxed.
    I had mine done at my wife's insistance one time. It took over a year to all come back.
    Another thing that ladies used to complain about is garter tabs digging in to their upper thighs. My wife says that she used to hate that.
    I think I will start a thread a out the pain ladies must endure for beauty.
    I hope evget good response.
    lockedup66 likes this.
  21. Lol the thing is that you feel and look better afterwards so it's not really a big deal looking after yourself.
    Xx Wendy
  22. I truly thank my wife / Mistress / princess dally for introducing me
    to the pleasure and pain that women experience...
    it has made me a better person
    a much more sensitive and emotional and submissive person.
    Teaching me to respect and understand the women from the inside.
    She has had me experience the sexual pleasures making me a much better lover for her
    And has made me experience the not so pleasuring aspects,,
    that has made me understand everything a woman goes through on a daily basis

    danijean001 and Brianna27 like this.
  23. It seems like you're experiencing some GD issues. I literally just went through this last week and ended up finally coming to grips with (and telling my wife) the fact that I was transgender. It took years of failed relationships and depression and all sorts of issues to come to that conclusion.

    The wife and I have worked through those issues and came to some agreements as far as how to approach it in the context of our relationship. Being that we were already a d/s couple, it made it fairly simple to just incorporate my dysphoria into our lives in both sexuality and around the house.

    There's a difference between dressing like the female you feel you are and being humiliated by wearing a ridiculous outfit no one outside of a convention or kink club would even dare to be seen in.

    Explore your feelings thoroughly, I hid mine behind the curtain of sexual fetishism and never dealt with the root cause for years. Pushing those emotions to the side and not addressing them will only lead to a worse backlash when it all comes to a head.

    Just be honest with yourself and with her about your feelings and identity. Perhaps even seek professional counseling. As much as I hate to, I've agreed to see someone at the Lady's request, it shouldn't be a scary thing

    If you really feel the way you do, it will never go away until it's addressed.

    I might suggest you take this quiz, it's really good and is designed for gender dysphoric males to have an idea of where to start in their self exploration. answer it honestly, don't purposely lead the exam and you might learn something and know where to start dealing with those crazy emotions we all have to deal with.

    Jasmic68 likes this.
  24. @TA'sPet@TA'sPet all that link does is take you to somebody selling diet pills.
  25. It took me to a gender quiz. I came out with a score of -5, which puts me in the category 3, androgyne, neither male or female. That is spooky! I answered as honestly as I could and I feel it got me absolutely spot on. I don't feel much like a man much of the time, definitely not an alpha male, but I also do not feel much like a woman. I do know that if I could be a woman easily then I would, but only if it didnt upset my two sons.

    I love Iain M Banks Culture books. They are science fiction and in them if you want to change from a man to a woman or vice versa you can, just by thinking it. It takes a few months to make the transition but it is complete.
    Tombow, TA'sPet and lockedup66 like this.