Femdom, FLR and Chastity an ongoing saga

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  1. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    Hey everyone I thought I'd start a blog to keep track of the changes in our lives through our chastity experience. We've been living the lifestyle for 2 years and it's been great, there has also been a lot of bumps along the way as well but there is always a learning curve. We live in a FLR/ Chastity relationship, one kind of followed the other, it wasn't really planned to live a FLR but that's just the ways things naturally progressed.

    I had confessed to my wife my porn/masturbation problem and after asking her to lock me up that's how we ended where we are at. Things had taken a bit more of a change than I'd expected though. My wife has never been much for teasing so at times things can get a little boring between lockups. She allows me to look at Tumblr as long as it's only femdom or chastity related content.

    I'm now being pushed further than I have before. My lockups have gone from 1 week to 2 weeks and now she is pushing me for 3 weeks. I don't mind the orgasm denial at all but the lack of teasing in between can be hard to deal with. To be clear it's not like it's a lack of total teasing, she flaunts her naked body and voluptuous breasts in front of me all the time. Shows me her pussy every time she shaves. I'm just not allowed to touch and she won't touch me until she's ready to play. The other difficulty I have is that my wife also likes to wait to be pleasured, when we first started out I figured/hoped I'd be pleasing her all the time but she only orgasms as often as I do. Sometimes she'll get horny and have me please her or just get her vibrator and take care of herself depending on her mood or if I'm not home.

    I asked her about her lack of letting me please her. She said part of it is because it's a better orgasm for her the longer she waits and she doesn't mind waiting. The other part is my punishment for all the years that I masturbated secretly and deprived her of the attention I could've been giving her. So now I'm looking at 3 week lockups with no touch and only visual stimulation. She might let me kiss her breasts if I'm lucky and let me go down on her a couple of times during those 3 week intervals I have to look forward too. My guess is she'll allow me to please her at least once a week as that's what we're used to. On the other hand she might just pleasure herself and leave me out of it altogether. We did discuss strapon play and she is going to start pegging me. I'm used to a little anal play as I really do enjoy that, I'm not sure what she's got planned yet but I am excited. I guess the further away we get from conventional play the more enticing things like pegging and whatever else become. Actually I'm really looking forward to it and I hope we start soon.

    Our version of chastity is definitely bittersweet for me, I had so many ideas of how things would go when we started and it hasn't turned out that way at all. To say the least I didn't think she'd deny me the way she has been denying me. Part of me hates it but there is another part of me, a growing part of me really likes it! I'm very conflicted with my feelings on her near total denial at the moment.

    I think I'm going through some mental changes where my true submissive side is really coming out. My wife and I will lay in bed together looking at cute clothes and accessories for her discussing each outfit in detail and what goes best with what. At times I feel like her best girlfriend more than her husband. I buy her gifts with every paycheck whether it be outfits, boots, shoes or some kind of present and love spoiling the hell out of her and she loves it too. She joked with me last night that I'm only one more pair of boots away from being allowed to have sex with her.

    We don't use any contracts and she rarely has chore lists for me. I do take care of the majority of the household chores but by no means do I do them all. My wife keeps me in line if there is something I forget to do, she will paddle or whip me for discipline if she disapproves of anything I do. Sometimes she'll redden my ass just for fun and I do not mind that either because I like the attention. Her dominant personality has really come out in the last couple months, I'm not sure what has changed within here but she seems to be taking things much more serious than before and following through on what she says she's gonna do.

    It's hard to say exactly what direction our new life is taking us. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it but the further we go the harder it is to turn back in fact I really don't think there is any turning back. At this point if I chose to not be in chastity and to disregard our lifestyle I think it would do some serious harm to our relationship. As the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Further down the rabbit hole I go...
     
  2. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    I can't even begin to think about going back now, especially at a point when for the first time I am being encouraged and made to have no Orgasms and stay denied for longer indefinite periods of time. The physical and psychological feelings are very strong. The ongoing denial I want so much is a small part of my need to surrender much more fully each and every day to my KH . If and when I get to be released and may be allowed to orgasm, it will have a whole new meaning and relevance than previously known or appreciated. Previously, orgasm was something I took for granted. Not so much anymore. No doubt, a number of preconceived ideas and notions I had of chastity were more fantasy than reality. However, I am very much a realist, and as realist I am very ready to receive and enjoy getting "what I asked for."
     
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  3. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    Well said, I agree all of us start this with preconceived notions and a lot of times they are very much false. We push our key holders to do the things we want and not necessarily what they want. It's fair to say there needs to be some common ground to start on but then the ball is in her court to take things wherever she wants and needs. I certainly took orgasms for granted now that I'm looking at 3 weeks and I don't even know if I'll get one then. I feel similar to you in regards to myself needing to feel her total control over that aspect of my life. Initially I hated the notion of near total denial. My need to mentally feel her power over me has grown stronger than many things that are physically sexual and this is where the conflict for me is. The physical need is losing the battle to my emotional needs to feel submissive. It's quite a strange feeling...
     
  4. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    (I originally posted this in the foyer in my intro on accident, I apologize if you're seeing this post twice but I did add more too it)

    I finally got to use this chin strap dildo I bought a little while back on my wife. She was so hesitant because the damn thing looks so ugly/funny when you wear it. She wasn't laughing when we got down to business though :). I don't know if I've ever heard her make noises like that. I doubt I'll be going down on her anytime soon where I won't be wearing that thing! So fun and dirty! She granted me PIV too and it had been16 days which is my longest lockup without the device coming off at all. My entire body shuddered when I started to orgasm, such a wonderful gift from my wife. It was quite a surprise too, I was in our garage last weekend changing out my radiator in my SUV. I get a text from my wife that says "come finish me off". I practically ran inside, I opened our bedroom door and she was on the bed playing with her vibrator. She looked at me and repeated what she texted to me "finish me off". I undressed, unlocked and dove into the sheets, I said "may I" and she nodded allowing me to go down on her. As things got hotter she wanted me to put my finger in while I was licking her, that's when I asked if I could use the chin strap dildo. She said I could do whatever I wanted so I quickly found the toy and put it on. She giggled but not for long when I started using it. Seriously has to be both our favorite toy now, I really want her to straddle my face and bounce up and down on it. She allowed me PIV, she flipped because she wanted doggy style. I licked her ass and then gently pushed my cock into her. I was sure I was going to orgasm right away but I managed to last a few minutes. I grabbed her hair and pounded her, she was wiggling her hips around and gyrating trying to make me cum quickly. I'm very grateful because I know she was being a sweetheart and letting me have PIV, at this point I can't last long enough to make it worth her while.

    She really always likes my submissiveness after a week of chastity but she really was liking my behavior at the two week mark. I wouldn't be surprised if we start going longer and longer from here. It's been such a thrill so far but knowing my orgasms are becoming less often leaves me with scared and excited feelings of what's to come. I did really enjoy my level of desire for my wife after that many days chaste and between that and the toe curling orgasm I had it was definitely worth the wait. I am understanding more and more the longer lock ups and I think my wife is too.
     
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  5. Happy wifes matter
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    Happy wifes matter Long term member

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    The longer the lock up the bigger the buzz is for me . My will power falls short when I'm unlocked past the two week mark. That's where my wife has to be strong for me and give me the denial I crave. If left up to me by that point there is no holding back. I love her for that !!
     
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  6. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Just went through a similar experience this weekend. After more than two weeks locked up, she gave me an elongated hand job that left me with an orgasm for quite a few minutes. She laughed at how wet I was herself, and I could see that she loved every minute of it too.
     
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  7. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    I've always wanted a cleaning outfit while doing chores around the house. I'm not really interested in crossdressing as far as wearing panties under my regular clothes or being dressed in femme for long periods even in our own house. However, I do have a desire to be my wife's housemaid, i have always wanted to dress in a satin or pvc maids outfit when doing household chores. I confessed this to my wife but she doesn't want to hear it. She said she doesn't find crossdressing me as something she wants to do and is a turn off for her. I can understand that, besides it's not like I'd look cute all dressed up, I'm very masculine looking. What we did agree on was me finding a very short and tight pair of leather shorts and nice black collard shirt. She loves seeing my ass in tight boxer briefs so the leather shorts were a good compromise. I found a company on eBay that custom makes them from lambskin leather. I ordered the shorts in my size, now I just need to find a nice black collard shirt and I can pick that up just about anywhere. I'm looking forward to lots of being over for my wife and being spanked hard in those shorts :).
     
  8. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    I'm sure I couldn't make it past a week unlocked without playing with myself even if I didn't intend to give myself an O. My intentions are good and I'd want to remain chaste but I'm sure I'd blow it if it was left up to my will power. I know ball trap devices are beatable and I'm currently in the most secure ball trap device I've ever had. It would be painful to pull out which I'm grateful for. I'm hooked on the "buzz" too, I think based on my last release I'm looking at 2 week minimum lockups now.
     
  9. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    IMG_0782.JPG These are the shorts! I can't wait!!!
     
  10. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    Got my leather shorts today, Ma'am and I love them! Shout out to KozaLeather on eBay, they custom made me a pair of lambskin leather shorts for $88 and they are a perfect fit and well crafted. My wife couldn't stop staring at my ass, she said she even liked the sound it made when I walked. I only got to wear them for a half hour as I was on my lunch break, it's just enough time to make ma'am her lunch and then I had to head back to work. I hope she lets me where them tonight when we're alone, I love the way they feel! I may ask for my wife's permission to buy more leather shorts in different styles so I can change throughout the week or wear the ones she tells me too.

    I had a nice weekend this last week, we had a lot of family time and then some alone time at night for my wife and I. My wife must've been feeling generous, It had only been a little over a week since she gave me an orgasm. She invited me into the shower with her Friday night and I knew what that meant for me. I stepped in and she immediately presented me with the keys. I unlocked and it felt good to be free, I became hard instantly under the running water. I bathed my beautiful wife with her pink luffa from head toe paying particular attention to her breasts :). I stepped out from under the shower to allow her rinse her body. As she finished rinsing she turned towards me and we embraced and kissed. I ran my hands over her butt and squeezed her cheeks while we kissed. In the past this would have been fine, she would've liked it but now me showing any signs of dominance over her is a big no no. She asked me if she gave me permission to touch her, I said no ma'am. She firmly told me to turn around, I turned and put my hands on the shower wall. She slapped my ass hard enough it stung. Then she gently ran a finger up and down my ass crack, teasing me, making me believe she was going to stick a few of her fingers in me. She stopped her gentle tease and reached for the bottle of body wash and squeezed some into her hand. She put her hips right against my butt and wrapped her other arm around my chest. With her right hand she grabbed my cock hard and started stroking me roughly. This was all on purpose because I touched her inappropriately. She brought me to a hard orgasm very quickly but the skin between the end of my shaft and behind the glans started to burn like you wouldn't believe. I'd been locked with so little play lately my skin in that area was very soft and fragile. It really hurt and I could tell she felt bad about it, I could see little cuts from where the skin was pulled to hard. I got out and dried off and put neosporin on it right away, that took away the burn.

    The next morning I was up making her breakfast in the kitchen. She joined me putting her arms around me, I could tell she still felt bad about hurting me the night before. I kept telling her it wasn't her fault but she just shushed me. She reached down to the front of my boxer briefs to my uncaged cock. She reached into the front opening and pulled the head of my cock out. I was a little apprehensive but didn't say a word. As gently as ever she started just rubbing the head of my cock and then started kissing my neck. In moments she had me spurting into a kitchen towel she grabbed right before it happened. She ran her hand up and down my back as my orgasm subsided. I came so much into that towel I was shocked there was that much left even after the night before. As soon as I regained my composure she sent me to the laundry room with the towel. I walked back into the kitchen to thank her and she told me I was welcome and then popped my penis back into my underwear. I had forgot it was still sticking out. It was super dirty and so sweet of a moment. It's the domme yet caring mistress in her that are intertwined.

    Speaking of caring, she does care about discipline. I introduced her to my desire for real spanking as a punishment for disobedience or anything she finds unsavory a while back. She'd been slow on the uptake with exercising her power over me but finds she really enjoys the dominant acts she's tried with me so she continues to dive a little deeper with my encouragement and her growing interest. My spankings have gone from light little playful slaps on my butt to full on hit you as hard as I can with a crop, leather paddle whip etc. I can see the excitement and exhilaration in her face after a good spanking session. Luckily for me she doesn't draw out the spankings but I've been hit hard, enough times that it's making me a little uncomfortable and really think twice about doing anything that will make her want to spank me. If she hit me just 3 or 4 more times than she usually does I'm sure it will bring on the tears. The ways things are going I'm sure we'll escalate to that point. I know we're going to start pegging soon and can't wait to see how she goes about that. She's been a little apprehensive about it but is really wanting to try. I really want to do it, I haven't been pushy about it, letting her take it at her own pace but I'm ready whenever she is.
     
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  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Wonderful reading, I really enjoyed that. In particular the way you describe how an orgasm for you is a wonderful gift from your wife. Isn't that a brilliant way to feel about sex? So happy, so in tune with each other.

    I also understand how your wife had feelings of guilt the morning after. My Wife went through similar issues when we first started, and I would tell her that she had nothing to worry about, nothing she had done had gone too far. If I had been disciplined she never did it without reason and, if anything, I felt she was a bit soft on me.

    The description of using the chin strap dildo and the shower sex was... stimulating!
     
  12. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    Thanks, I'm glad you like!
     
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  13. DazedandConfused
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    I wore my new shorts last night and fell asleep spooning my wife in them but not before I served my wife dessert and drinks in bed. They are very comfortable and we both love them, I imagine I'm going to be wearing them a lot which is what I hoped. I was blown away at how much my wife really likes them, I think she was just as surprised at her own reaction. She wanted me to leave them on the rest of the night and I happily obliged. She couldn't get enough, which made me feel really good and sexy. She made the comment that she was sad it wasn't really fashionable for men to go out wearing shorts like these because I looked so damn good in them and wanted to show my ass off.

    I told her that if we ever went on vacation to a city where you saw more of that I would gladly wear them. I got butterflies in my stomach for just a moment when I thought about the fact that she could just demand I wear them for a day on one of my days off regardless what I'm out doing. It'll never happen though, we live in a smaller city and I know she wouldn't want to run the risk of running into someone we know and them wondering why I'm wearing tight, very short leather shorts.

    I'm looking forward to being able to wear them tonight, she wants me to wear only those while building a book case she just bought. Sounds like fun to me, I'm looking forward to it!
     
  14. DazedandConfused
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    My wife has me so deprived in many different aspects of chastity. Of course she has me denied in the standard way of no orgasms until permission is given. She also denies me her body too, a lot of people in chastity relationships are allowed to please their KH's often, I don't get to. My wife is a very content woman that doesn't need a lot of sexual satisfaction unfortunately for me. I wish I would be allowed to pleasure her orally or however she wanted and on a daily basis. Instead she waits to have me pleasure her when she's ready to allow me a release. This has driven me insane from the beginning, not only am I so so very horny I crave her scent and want to taste her pussy. Embarrassingly enough I'm more frequently finding myself with a pair of her worn panties and breathing her scent in. It's like a drug, like that first drag of that cigarette of the day. What the hell is wrong with me, I swear I'm no pervert but the longer she keeps me denied the way she does the more I find myself doing things like that, I even want to suck and lick her toes after she's been in a pair of her boots all day!

    She lets me see her naked all the time but she rarely lets me touch her in "that way". Occasionally she lets me kiss her breasts and nipples if I've been good during lockups. I'm amazed at how much more sensitive my lips have become, her soft breasts feel so good on my lips. I feel genuine pleasure from using my lips and tongue on her, it's truly a heightened sensitivity that that starts with my lips and tongue I feel in my whole body. I want her so bad and she knows it but loves to torture me with absolute denial. She and I can both tell how much I've changed just over the last year, I'm so pussy whipped and so much more submissive to her than I ever was. I was unsure how things were going to go after I realized how much denial she was going to put me through. But how do you back down from promising her complete respect and obedience then after living that life for quite some time try to tell her you're not into it anymore. Luckily that's now how things panned out for me as far as my feelings and desires are concerned. Her measures of denying me had the opposite effect. Sure it's still a love and hate battle with the overbearing total denial but I'm so much more content and I love and respect her authority when she orders me around. How I appreciate her taking the time and attention to discipline me when she feels I deserve it. I actually get a little upset when she forgets to paddle me because it's special attention she pays to me. We all say "it's all about her" and even though we say it I don't think a lot of us in chastity fully encompass that meaning. It's finally struck home with me that my pleasure really doesn't matter and that I will get my pleasure through doing what I'm told by my wife and keyholder.

    The moment I understood that the more I fell in love with our new lives. It's still scares me to think I handed so much control over that I really can't get back without suffering relationship consequences. Good thing is I don't want that control back, I don't want to be selfish like I'd been for so many years. I want my energy purely focused on my goddess. When she allows me to be with her and touch and pleasure her it's the greatest gift ever, I didn't realize how much I'd changed mentally and been conditioned exactly to my wife's liking. That's where the battle begins, I miss the freedom I once had but I love the way she makes me feel and just the way I feel in general. I guess the question is, how much more subdued am I going to become, to what lengths will we go with our new lives because I know my goddess will not give up the power and control she has now gained.
     
  15. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    Not much has happened to our marriage dynamic in the 4 years I have been locked in chastity. Of course the big change is being locked up and my wife determines my orgasm schedule but I still can complain and discuss it with her. We spent most of our 44 years of marriage in all sorts of fetishes but mostly BDSM. All fetish stuff ends at the bedroom door but chastity is the exception since I do not leave my chastity cage at the bedroom door. I wear it every minute I am home and most times when we go out unless it is for a physical activity. My wife does not tell me what to do or use sex as a currency. I cannot get released early or late due to what happens outside of the bedroom. Of course if I piss her off too much I am sure that it will affect her decision at times but most times I know about when I will have an orgasm. I will know at least the month.
     
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  16. DazedandConfused
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    DazedandConfused Active member

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    I was given a great Sunday night when we went to bed. The weekend had passed and my hopes for a release were now focused on the next weekend. As my goddess was getting herself ready for bed i turned down the bed, getting her side ready and setting her glass of ice water on her nightstand as usual.
    From our master bathroom I hear her addressing me. I came to door and said "yes miss". She told me that if I watched our DVD of Beauty and the Beast with her she'll unlock me and play with my cock. I said of course I'll put in the movie. The funny thing was she was making it sound like I had a choice. She knows I can't/won't say no to her and her word is the final word. So I said of course I will with a smile. I was so horny, it had only been a week and a half but every time I sat down I could feel myself leaking cum, it was ridiculous... but enjoyable....

    We got half way through the movie and she told me where the key was. I quickly found it and had my device off very fast. I'm always amazed at how soft and shiny the skin on my cock is after it's been locked up for while. My wife loves the way it looks and feels, she started gently stroking me to feel the the soft smoothness. I was hard right away and she began to tease me under our sheets. She was rubbing my cock against our fleece blanket and I was having a hell of a time refraining from cuming. I moved my hand over to between her legs and started playing with her lips, then gently toying at her clit. She kept touching me softly while I started to perform my magic on her clitoris. She was breathing hard and cuming within a few minutes. I'd been raging hard the whole time so as soon as my mistress regained her composure she leaned over and took my entire cock into her mouth. It felt like heaven and the best part is I was hoping she would go down on me. She used to do it all the time and I really took it for granted. Now that I'm locked I give move head than she does :) which is totally awesome but I didn't realize how much I'd miss it. She toyed and played with me, so many times I fought back the urge to cum. Miss wanted my cock to explode, she wanted to see that cum shoot out all over us. She made her mouth super wet and pulled off of my cock, she started rubbing it hard and fast while laid a very wet cock kiss on my lips. We kissed and licked the wet off of her lips. Mistress started to verbally dominate me demanding i cum. That sent me over the edge and all the pressure I felt building all exploded and I shot spurt after spurt all over us. Her arm and breasts were covered as well as my cock and stomach, we were both amazed at how much there actually was, it was incredibly hot. I love seeing her with my cum on her, it's about the only sexually masculine thing she allows me.

    I got us a towel to clean up, my wife wanted to do it again but I was in such an orgasm stupor I didn't quite pick up on that and lost an opportunity. She probably would've allowed me PIV and I'm kicking myself now because who knows when the next time will be. A wonderful night!
     
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  17. DazedandConfused
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    I got lucky this last weekend! My queen has been very generous lately. We planned ahead and were able to have Friday morning all the way up to 5pm for ourselves! Of course it wasn't all fun and games because we moved our child's room upstairs and turned his old bedroom into my wife's new office. She told me to put on nothing but my tight leather shorts and get to work. I moved all kinds of heavy things for her while she enjoyed the view. Now for me whenever my wife would wear a sexy outfit or something just for the bedroom it would always drive me crazy. I don't think she understood how powerful that was when she'd dress like that for me until I started wearing these shorts for her. Not to brag but I have a very nice ass and legs and she enjoys seeing me get hot and sweaty in my leather while doing things for her. She even commented on the scent the leather has as body heat enhances the smell of the leather. I told her she now finally understands how it made me feel when she'd wear naughty things for me.

    After I'd move some things around I heard my wife call for me from the bedroom. I walked into the room to find her laying in bed with the covers on. She pulled the covers back to reveal her naked body. She nodded towards her shaved pussy and told me to get to it. She also told me to put the covers back over me and her legs because she was cold. I covered us both up and placed my head between her legs. I took just a moment to enjoy everything that was happening, being dominated and being allowed to go down on her. As I've mentioned before she doesn't always allow me to orally pleasure her as she likes to keep me deprived of her body until I'm really charged up and I perform my absolute best. It's drives me crazy and she knows it. I lay my head between her legs and breathe in the scent of her wonderful feminine aromas. I was liking my shorts even more at this point because it kept my cage nice and flat and to one side. Usually I'm trying to figure me a comfortable way to adjust my cage when I'm laying on my stomach going down on her.

    I started pleasing her from under the covers as she pulled my head into her warm wet mound. She was gyrating her hips and loving all of what I was doing but it just wasn't enough. I quickly got our chin strap dildo and put it in while she was yelling at me to hurry up. I was back between her legs in no time switching between fucking her with the chin strapon and licking her each time I went in for a thrust. I could tell she was in heaven and I could feel myself leaking cum from all the excitement. Again it just wasn't enough for her and she told me to get her hitachi wand and unlock myself which of course I did in a hurry. I pulled the dildo off my face and plugged in her vibrator. I placed it on her soaking wet pussy and she instantly went into a beyond blissful state. She let me use it on her for a few minutes and she started to squirt. I love that, I was wishing my face was down there when she squirted I would have licked it all up.
    After she squirted she grabbed the vibrator and told me to straddle her and cum on her tits and stomach. I put my leg over her and started rubbing my cock, we were both moaning and I heard her squirt again which made me cum instantly. I once again converted her entire midsection in my cum. She had a 1/2 out of it look on her face, she loves to be cummed on I guess that's her last submissive inkling that she enjoys.

    We both were catching our breath when she snapped at me to hurry and get a towel to clean her up. I rushed to get one and wiped all of my cum off of her. She pulled the blankets back over her, told me to put my shorts back on and finish cleaning the kitchen.
     
  18. DazedandConfused
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    I've had an interesting turn of events. I fucked up pretty big and I'm still trying to figure things out from the fallout. My wife and I have been fairly stressed out over the last few months, she was waiting to hear on getting in to graduates school and I've been trying to keep things calm on the household front plus work 40hrs a week. My wife has considerably more free time than I do even though she's in school and works a very part time job. I don't have any free time to my self hardly ever. My weekends consist of taking care of our 3 year old and that's pretty much about it. It's fine, I love that little guy but I need some alone time now and then. My wife is only taking 2 classes this semester and only works a day or two a week so most of her afternoons are free unless she has homework which is not that often.

    We've found that I've placed my mental release/freedom in chastity. It's my game that takes me away from real life and allows me to focus on one thing, my wife and what she tells me to do. It was working great fot a long while but then things just lost there luster over night. A few weeks back she let me cum just like normal I think I waited just shy of 2 weeks. Only thing was, was that I lost all my inhibitions to be a sub to her and to go the extra mile for her, I just didn't give a shit. I figured maybe it was post o blues but it didn't go away. I tried to get back into the right headspace but couldn't. I was moody and irritable with her not being very attentive or helpful either.

    She noticed it and I couldn't hide it, she kept saying she wanted her sweet submissive man back but I just couldn't get there. Something in my head clicked and I started to blame my wife for my mood. I felt that she wasn't doing enough towards our lifestyle to help keep me submissive.

    I made this clear to her in a long message I sent her. It ended up being more of an ultimatum and I didn't intend on that. I basically was asking her to put in more effort than she had and to be willing to try things differently for a trial period. Long story short I asked her if she'd would be willing to supply me with a chores list, be stricter with punishments/spankings and to attempt more anal play with me.

    Well under better conditions this might have been received a little better but the poor girl was so stressed out things blew up and it got ugly. The good news was we both got a chance to vent and get things off of our chest which was nice and needed. She now knows how I feel and I know how she feels. She thinks I push for to much and I'm always judging her. I think she doesn't communicate with me well enough what she wants or how she feels. I flat out told her that i didn't want to do this anymore because I was bored. We don't try anything new and it's just not that fun for me anymore. That understandably hurt her feelings.

    She shocked me when she told me that I couldn't have the key. I didn't know how to respond back to her but I felt a new and different respect for her because this was so unexpected. I couldn't believe she wouldn't let me have the key. Oddly enough it was the kind of devotion and commitment I really felt that I needed from her. She eased me back into my place as her submissive over the last couple of weeks. I now feel content and happy again, I still wish she was more exploratory with me. I really wish she had as kinky of a mind as I do but we are all wired different. Don't get me wrong, she has tried many things with me but for some reason, the things I want most she tends to not want to try. I want to keep telling myself that's it's all about her and it really should be that way but i also can't help feeling that she needs to step out of her comfort zone. Perhaps I'm being selfish and I'm sure some of you will think so. Hell there's probably a lot of you on this forum that get a lot less than me. I suppose the grass is always greener eh. It's hard to read posts by @Lady S and @Thatgirl and not be a bit envious of their open minded and willingness to explore with their partners. But like I said we're all wired differently.

    Surprisingly, my queen a few days after my episode allowed me to have PIV sex with her. I kinda thought she'd keep me locked up for longer given my behavior but I think she wanted makeup sex. She let me be in control and I fucked her really good. Amazingly I last like a half hour as to before it's like a half minute. There was something in me that needed to get that "aggressive fuck" out. I ended up being able to give her a few good orgasms while fucking her from behind. It felt good, maybe I just needed to feel manly for a little bit or something. Well after that I seemed to come back down and get into the right headspace. We are now back on track and I'm serving her like a good sub. I wouldn't have thought that getting released was going to help but it did, it was like a reset.

    This was a couple of weeks ago now and I'm glad to have that argument behind us. In that time I've realized that I was blaming her for our lack of time together when it had nothing to do with her. We both work hard raising our child and that where 90% of our energy goes during the day so we don't always/ rarely have time to play. I know if we continue down this path, things will change and grow just as it's done for the last two years. I just need to remember that and be patient.
     
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  19. DazedandConfused
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    Things are rounding back to normal for us since my fuck up a couple of weeks ago. Even though my mistress showed a strong resolve when I asked for the key to quit chastity she still has been pretty low key I think just testing the waters herself. There hasn't been much "femdom", other than just giving me directions and a general bitchy demeanor when I do something that irritates her or if she just feels like being a bitch to me.

    It's hard to know where we're going next with this. She's easing back into her role but I wonder if she has something more sinister planned for me. The only problem is that's she's really good at making things not fun if she doesn't want them to be fun. She can actually be rather cruel without really trying, she purposely does things just enough differently that she knows I won't enjoy it the same or at all. She'll take any suggestions I have and either alter them or completely disregard them. This really bugged me in the beginning and still does to a point but now I'm finding myself turned on by her desire to have total control. Even when she's just being a bitch to me I find myself liking it whether it's on purpose or not! I like the way she makes me feel inferior sometimes. I really hadn't anticipated that I'd like this kind of behavior from her and like I said I didn't at first. Whether she intended this or not she has trained me to accept and like her way of chastity. My mental need/desire to feel dominated and inferior to my partner has become the forefront exciter for me in our chastity lifestyle. Only because mistress is too vanilla for some of the other acts I would like to try, she's taking the part about it being solely for her pleasure to heart. I think a lot of us say "it's all about her" but in the end expect some sort of compromise between what she wants and what he wants.

    I was expecting that compromise and more willingness from her to attempt some of my deepest desires. My biggest desire is to be pegged by her on a regular basis. I love anal sex, I love the way it makes me feel physically and mentally. She tried it once with me, admitted she loved it but then never attempted it again. I asked a few times over the last year and half why she hadn't wanted to do that again and I never seem to get a real answer. Part of me thinks it's because I like it to much and it's to much work for her and she doesn't get enough out of it to make it worthwhile for herself. My thinking on that topic is that the more she pegged me the more submissive I become due to the nature of the act itself. I wish I could figure her out but she keeps me guessing.

    A big part to the mystery unraveled itself last night. I came home for lunch on my lunch break and we ended up having a little luncheon interlude. It'd been roughly two weeks since I had any sexual attention. She was laying on our bed napping, it was about 2ish in the afternoon. I laid next to her and started rubbing on her and soon she was putty in my hands. Long story short she allowed me PIV, of course o got off in no time which she's always okay with and then I brought her to a mind numbing orgasm with her vibrator. I went back to work s happy boy. That night we were talking about this afternoon and my two week lockup. She says she likes to make me wait for anything including pleasuring her because when she finally allows it to happen it's like the first time we ever had sex all over again. Okay that totally makes sense to me and I get why she'd want that and it's very enjoyable for me too but I hate the wait in between. I think if she'd just try a little T&D and actually follow through on punishments we'd probably get more out of this lifestyle. How do you convince someone who is so headstrong, to try something that may be to their benefit?

    Either way she is happy with how things are going but just like my last blow up I'm worried I'm starting to harbor a little resentment for our lifestyle. I don't think she realizes there needs to be a little more give and take to this. Or maybe she does and just really doesn't care and is going to do what she wants to do. Now that she knows she's in grad school I know she's calmed down a bit and maybe we can discuss what direction she wants us to go so I at least have some better expectations. Probably not, she knows she's mostly got me trained. Especially with the things that turn me on that she does that I never used to like.
     
  20. DazedandConfused
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    Okay so I'm not really allowed to cross dress according to mistress because she really doesn't like it. Which is fine because it's not really my thing either but I was home alone today and chores needed to get done. I have a special place in my heart for French maids and vinyl outfits ;) so I went for it and had fun scrubbing the toilets in my vinyl French maid outfit. I tried to upload a photo but it was to large and I need to figure out how to make them smaller!
     
  21. DazedandConfused
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    Thoughts on our chastity lifestyle:

    For the last so many months chastity hadn't really been the same for me. I haven't been as interested in it, I used to be obsessed with coming to the mansion and reading/ posting with others. I think at that point I had a more optimistic view of my Mistress and my chastity endgame. What I mean by endgame is that I have an imagined place that I want to be "x" amount of years down the road in regards to chastity and bdsm. The further down the path I've traveled I've become sadly disappointed. Everyone I spoke to says that patience is the key with chastity and bringing out your wife or gf's inner domme. I couldn't agree more with that statement, the further down the road we get she takes just a few steps further towards dominance herself. She's at the point where she doesn't feel guilty to ask me to do certain things for her and I hardly get a thank you because my compliance is expected. I've come to really appreciate and respect this side of her. She is exuding a superior presence to me that I find I both like and dislike. I asked her to take control over me and thats exactly what she's done and she won't give they control back. This has created a complex situation for me and there's not many options other than to forge ahead.

    Let me explain myself and why I sound like I'm somewhat discontent. When I asked my wife to lock me up it was for several reasons. I knew I had a porn and masturbation problem and it wasn't making me feel very good about myself. I felt pathetic for sneaking around just trying to get a jerkoff anytime I could. I happened across chastity in the search for ever weirder porn to curb my sexual appetite. There was something about the chastity lifestyle and my personality that really clicked, it was like what I'd been missing out on my entire adult life. The fact that my wife agreed to lock me made feel like everything was in its right place and we slowly started our journey.

    After I was finally able to wear a device long term that's when my real chastity started, it took a good four months of figuring sizing out. At that point I started to realize that my wife isn't as sexually explorative as I hoped she'd be. In my head I was hoping to actually live some of the fantasy and desires I had and being her into that. Mostly just being femdommed and all of the things I've come to regard as chastity related I.e. Orgasm denial, oral serving, pegging, actual servitude and acts done to me to make me feel more submissive to her.

    The reality is I was wrong about what to expect. She definitely dommes me and enjoys being in charge. My promise to not masturbate has helped instill more confidence in her because of the power that gave her. She loves being able to make me cum in a moments notice. She loves how the littlest things that she does get me hard for her. She loves that I leak cum while I wait for my release. She loves the endless massages and the instant servitude at any time of the day or night, all she has to do is ask.

    We are now two years in, there have been ups and there have been downs. Mostly the downs have to do with me complaining about her lack of willingness to try anything new. I feel like I've tried really hard to be her good sub boy. I don't feel like she has tried very hard for me but she still reaps the benefits of my submissiveness. If you've been reading my posts then you'll already know this came to a head a few weeks back. I finally called her out on it but my timing couldn't have been worse. There was so much going on in our lives at that time that was making both her and my stress flare. That's probably why I blew up in the first place to much stress, I probably could've kept my cool but as I said there was a lot going on. So I was sure after my blow up that we were done with chastity, she asked me if I wanted to stop and I said yes. I wasn't just being a brat, I was ready to be done with it, I was bored, nothing new was happening and quite frankly I felt like I'd rather go back to jerking off.

    Well after things calmed down I asked for my key. She just looked at me defiantly and told me no. I was surprised by her response, I was sure she'd give me the key. Then I said no seriously let's be done with this. No, she said again. I asked why and she said she wasn't going to give me back control. Although I was calm I was still a little testy but I didn't react but my cock betrayed me by getting hard in my damn device. After all that ranting and venting that went on I was still ready to be done with the cage. However, her simple act of defiance completely knocked down my defenses and made me vulnerable and she knew it. At that moments I knew I had no real control with her. I promised her a chastity lifestyle and she wasn't going to let me off the hook and give that up so easily. So now if I try to bring it up again I have to have a damn good reason to want to give up the chastity lifestyle. She is not going to allow me to "just quit" because I'm bored with it. I made her a promise and she is going to make sure I keep it.

    Since the blow up I have admitted that my problem is that we're too vanilla and I'm bored with what we are doing. I need more commitment and effort from her to make me feel like her submissive and to really motivate me to go above and beyond for her. I am her husband, of course I'm going to go above and beyond anyway because I love her. Chastity helps push me that extra mile for her, it's the cherry on top. What I really wanted to convey to her was that I didn't feel that she was trying as hard for me as I had been for her. Although this type of relationship is geared around the sub doing everything for his mistress there is a fair amount of effort the mistress needs to put in to keep the sub in the proper head space. Once we got all that cleared in so many words we got to do a kind of restart.

    At the moment I feel like I'm teetering in the edge of like and dislike with chastity. She knows she's got me wrapped around her finger, she knows that I have to be on my best behavior if I remotely want to see any of the things I wish for her to do. So in reality not much has changed for us in the last 3 weeks except that she has slowly ramped up her domme attitude. Last night was the first time in a couple of months that she whipped me with her riding crop, she was very assertive towards me too. I believe we are both going in the right direction but what her endgame is I have no idea.

    What I find amazing is the more controlling she is with me when it's not something I want, the more of a turn on I find it to be. Perhaps she understands this and is exploiting her knowledge that.
     
  25. skD
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    While I cannot specifically relate personally to your situation (you are further down the MC road than we are) I wrote a post on this very thing (effort/reward) on CM just last week questioning whether others found themselves similar to you feeling that they committed to the bargain, worked hard, only to find their KH offering lackluster effort. I really hope that your reset serves you well! The fact that you could both share where you were and what you guys both needed is excellent. Good for her for standing her KH ground too! Keep us posted please.
     
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