Hi, My wife and I have only been exploring an FLR over the last month. I am caged 24/7, and finding my constant focus is on my beloved wife and pleasing her. I have been trying to encourage her to become the more dominant partner; we were pretty vanilla before we started this. I have been taking her tea in bed each morning, naked to show my inferiority to her. I have started offering and giving her feet rubs. Washing up. Lots of cuddles and kissing- that she really loves. are there any recommended next steps? Or should I avoid going too fast? I want her to make decisions and get me to do things; I don’t want to think I am driving things, ‘topping from the bottom’. And advice welcome for this pretty novice couple?
You answered your own question. Take it steady. Leave her to decide what she wants and when. Good luck.
One thing that seemed to work well in our situation (which is, like all situations, unique), is that I always tried to show her appreciation for whatever she did, so that she wouldn't have to worry that it was somehow something that I was only doing grudgingly. I will always thank her for asking (or telling) me to run her feet, for example. Or for asking (or telling) me to do some chore.
Absolutely avoid going too fast. Firstly, enjoying the frustration is part of your journey. You want her to be in charge, so leave her to make the decisions. She won't think you're driving things if you don't drive anything. If there is something you'd like her to do, if you really have to ask, then don't make it a direct request, just make it a suggestion, or even better, just refer to it in a third party way... e.g. "Oh I read that this couple did this... what do you think?". And if you only suggest things by turning them into a question, then you naturally hand over all the decision making to her. And be submissive, because unless you are, you don't create the space for her to become your dominant.
Ahh this age old question. If a woman doesn't want to be more dominant, take the lead, ect. Is a true FLR one where you honor her wish to not have a FLR? That is the question.
As we embarked on our journey a couple things came into play. Here they are in no particular order: -convincing my Wife I wanted this as a life journey and that it wasn't just a temporary thing. This took at least 2 years in my case. She wasn't going to Domme me unless I proved over a long time that I would never want 'my place' again. This takes time and devotion. Do you have it? -finding a way to 24/7 chastity. For me my Wife permitted me to get a piercing and in this way I could wear her devices without issues for as long as she desired. Staying chaste for her and allowing her to see the changes it brings in you. Allowing YOU to see the changes it brings in you. The changes in hormones are subtle but she needs to understand and see them and you need to be comfortable with them. Over time she will learn the value of keeping you chaste, and so will you. -understanding that submission means that you can never, ever, top or guide your Wife. It's her way or the highway. A FLR isn't a buffet you get to pick from. She chooses the dishes and you either enjoy them...or you don't. I found that my wife likes impact play. Like serious, beat your ass and leave marks for days impact play. Guess what? You better like it or at least endure it. In my case, I absolutely love the way she drives me to sub space but I fucking hate pain. She has to gag me and tie me down or otherwise I scream and squirm too much... But I love doing it because I'm a sub and I live to serve Her. Here is what that last bit about beating me means for a married couple: She learned that that is what she likes -and she loves me- and doesn't want to hurt me but I've submitted to her and damn it I serve Her so she's gonna *enjoy* beating my ass. Yeah, getting all this together as a loving couple takes time. -taking on and using domestic discipline. You are going to have bad days, and she has to be willing to correct your behavior and not worry about hurting you. And you have to be willing to take that punishment without complaint even if you disagree or don't want to endure it. -communication. You must be able to hold nothing back. Tell her every last secret, every last dirty thought, every hidden fantasy. This will bare you. Remove your armor. Give you peace. Then do it on a schedule every week. If She sees you have absolute trust in her, have shared your absolute soul with Her, she will be able to do that with you. These conversations will massively improve your journey to a fun and fulfilling life together, even its not the FLR of your fantasies. I stress NO SECRETS WHATSOEVER. -developing habits. Develop a few routines to show your submission and routine them everyday. It could be a daily foot rub, it could be hand washing her lingerie, it could be any number of things. Here are some habits we do: -I kneel before her and recite a pledge acknowledging her ownership and my submission. I wrote it myself and recite it from memory. This pledge is done every day without fail. -I kneel and ask permission to join her in Her bed. I can never enter it without her express permission. -We shower together every day, and I wash her head to toe. -We live in a massive house, and Her space is the Owner's Suite, which consists of a number of rooms. A study, Her bedroom, and the baths and closet areas. Within that space I have zero rights and I'm Her slave. Outside of that area I'm only subordinate to her and can act 'normally', but no one would ever think that I 'wear the pants' in the house lol. -I absolutely never, ever, orgasm without her permission. This is probably one of the worst offenses I could do but I've never found out what the punishment might be if I masturbated without permission.
My wife had a ex husband and 2 ex live in boyfriends before me. When she sensed I was a sub , she took over. She had the discipline equipment. She had a cb3000 used by her last 2 boyfriends, so we got right into it. 7 years later still together.