Myself and my partner have an active interest in BDSM and have incorporated male chastity play within our sexual play. This fits in with myself (the male in the relationship) being generally the submissive and the chastity then is dealt with as a denial and sits well in the context of a submissive state. Recently, we have been interested in the concept also of female chastity. However, I am faced with the challenge of not only finding natural dominance difficult, but moreover, how to excite her through chastity. She is equally as keen in the introduction of the belt, but I’m finding it hard to gain a true understanding of what buttons I must press to enter her head of the excitement of chastity. In my world, it’s a very different turn on, and one that fits with the usual things that you read on here of submission, cruelty, humiliation, 24/7 bondage etc etc. Hence the tease/denial and penalties are of interest. Her mindset is clearly very different when it comes to thinking of her own chastity. In her mind the wearing of the belt is very much about feeling owned by me. She shows no interest at all in the denial of sexual pleasure. In her view, that would simply lead to her switching off, rather than gaining increased frustration. Clearly I want to maintain an excitement and arousal, and not lock her up only for her to quickly tire and switch off that part of her brain. I struggle to gain this understanding as the focus of my chastity is so intrinsically linked to denial, to the point that it’s easy to play with that denial to work me to arousal. Subtracting the denial, the wearing of a locked device seems rather different, almost pointless in my eyes. So, the question remains how I go about keeping her hot in the belt. Yes, verbally I can reinforce the ownership that she craves. Other than that, I can only see the ritual of unlocking before gaining access as being a turn on for her, together with the constant reminder as she feels it under her clothes. Do I simply leave it as that or can I enhance the experience for her in any way? Anyone with any experience that could offer some helpful tips or insights?
I tried female chastity for a very short time and with limited success. At the time it was a turn on because it was a novelty, but it's something I don't think can really be achieved without a full steel belt for women. It was too easy to defeat the leather one I had. (Having said that, there is someone here who is into female chastity and has bought a belt that looks promising) I think, as with male chastity, there has to be a lot of teasing. Figuring out what turns her on, maybe bondage, maybe massage, maybe reading her stories, tieing her up and making her watch the type of porn she likes. It's such a personal thing, it's very difficult to advise. Good luck, and keep us informed.
Mistress Watchful, thank you for your reply. I think it will be a slow burn approach as against the instant ability to bring chastity into the female lead side of our games. Early experiments have also proven to be hindered by clothes/belt dilemmas so we are yet to give it a proper go. I shall vow to update this in due course though to see if we can crack it.
If it is the dominance that she craves, I think you'd leave it at that. You don't want to try to tease and deny her if she's saying that she feels it might turn her off. We all find different aspects of chastity interesting, and if the dominance aspect is what she's into, focus on that. I can't give you advice on the best way to dominate her (I'm sure we have plenty of Doms who will be happy to though). Also, I don't know what the rest of your sex life is like, but if you are already well experienced kinky people then you might consider taking out a personals ad as a submissive couple and trying to meet a third person who could hold both your keys.
Ah the joys and complexities of our lives. Women are generally wired different from men on many levels. While some are highly sexual, others are not. I have a member of my leather family that is so sexual that if she were belted, the blood curdling screams would rip the planet apart. My wife has agreed to being belted but is terrified she will not be let out. Of course she will. She is very sexual and prefers to have sex at least once a day or becomes very frustrated. Edging here is a lot of fun. It does not take long for her to call me nasty names when edged after about 20 minutes. The slave is not too keen on being locked in a belt either but she has no choice. Well she won't come November. She too is quite sexual and the idea of that much power exchange is a turn on for her. I like the idea of her being reminded that she is kept. Which comes to my point of view on female chastity; It is about control and ownership. Most women can have orgasms when belted. Mr. Hitachi can generally deliver the pleasure. So what does the belt do when on a women if she can still orgasm? The keyholder controls entry, and touching. If her sex is safely locked away, I decide when, what and where something touches or enters her. For that matter, I can install an egg or dildo and lock it in place. She can not remove it. It's being a gate keeper. It's about authority and control. The physical feeling of a chastity device is a constant reminder that someone else has control of your sex at that time. FWIW - I am a firm believer in Goose/Gander, but that is another conversation. Being a guy and at times a visual creature - Women in chastity belts look HOT! F