Feeling like odd man out

Even though you're not naturally submissive it could be a role you play, like acting, or an extended BDSM scene. That might help with curbing cranky behaviour by trying staying in your agreed role. Frustration is always going to be part of chastity, but for many it's not just about wearing the cage it's also an exchange of power.

 

Probably not. Many men jerk off to what they see in porn and then want to duplicate it in their lives. The problem is that with porn it is all fantasy stuff. You are not feeling anything but arousal. You do not feel the sting of the whip or the orgasm denial. You are turned on to the porn fantasy which is not real life. I used to love porn where you watch your wife with another man. We tried it and it did not arouse me or my wife at all despite masturbating to it on porn. Same with chastity. You watch it or read about it and get aroused but lack the real feelings you will have when you do it in real life.

We tried every fetish we could find and only stayed with chastity but do it our way. All that bullshit stuff you read that guys think they should feel is just a list to get men horny. You do not magically become submissive just because your penis is locked up. That is crazy to think that putting something on your cock is going to make you go from alpha to submissive. Life is not like that. You can pay at it or be submissive during sex play but to be submissive full time is not something many men can do for long,

 

Hmmm I agree in part - you won’t “go submissive” because of being in chastity. But I question the idea there are “alphas” and “submissives” in two separate categories and that these are hardwired character types. I’ve always been an “alpha” type, very dominant in general life but at the same time extremely masochistic sexually. And I don’t think one is the “real” me with the other as a compensation.
What I’ve found after a year without any orgasms is that I am less domineering in life and less masochistic sexually. The elimination of the sexual dopamine rush and its replacement by just a continuous low-level arousal has mellowed me out all round. Sure, there was what psychologists call an “extinction burst” when I really sought out masochistic stimulation but eventually the lack of any orgasmic climax ever meant the fire died down. So I’d say just keep going, and eventually the whole orgasm fixation will whither away and become a non-issue.

 

I get that way sometimes but feel bad cause I asked to get caged. So think about it and be happy

 

This is beautiful. I, too, am trying to learn to fulfill my wife's needs. And "sex" wasn't her need -- or at least not one of the top ones. It's a process, and I'm slowly learning. But she has me by the balls, and I am being happily led.

 

I used to just fuck other women when I didn't get enough at home. In my position, that was all too easy to do. Women love to be desired, and I could easily have my pick when I was in the mood, which was most of the time.

But I am a changed man. I no longer think that I have a right to do as I please. Just the opposite, in fact. I view all people (and of course this includes women) as deserving of my true respect (until they prove otherwise), and not objects for my own use. Even if I could "get away with it", without any repercussions, I would not cheat on her. Even if my wife didn't care, I would not cheat on her. And of course she does care, and doesn't want me cheating on her -- or even thinking about it.

My wife is molding me into a better person. Chastity is a huge help, but it's not the only one. I do like the changes, and I do have some regrets for the previous me, but I'm trying to live in a way now that both I and she can be proud of.

And I've gotten quite addicted to the submissive role in our relationship. She still wants me to "take charge" of things, but there is never a moment when she's not completely in charge. I not only obey her completely, but I have learned to love obeying her completely, and now I don't think I could enjoy life without it.

 

Do you think that the idea of chastity may have appealed to you because of this? Wankers remorse?

 

I never would have believed that this would be part of your story…

 

I certainly have always felt very guilty about masturbating - especially when fantasising about women without their knowledge, which I always felt to be a kind of theft or invasion. Since being locked and permanently forbidden to cum I have at last been freed from that oppressive guilt.

 

We each want to be the hero in our own story, but for a period of time, I was the opposite of the hero, and that is hard to come to terms with. I'm not proud of my actions then, and it's taken years for us to rebuild our relationship from the damage that I caused. We're in a good place now, but there is no "undo" in life, and I did cause pain to people whom I love, and I can never take any of that hurt back.

 

I can’t very much relate to that

 

I meant I CAN relate! That was a typo

 

I can relate to that, I could easily orgasm 7-10 times per day, thats almost 3000 per year prior to chastity.

Now its more like probably about 40ish for 2023 (by the end of I mean)

One of my new years objectives this year was for my partner to have more orgasms than me, not really on track for that but I did go 5 weeks where she had 5 I had none, usually she lets me cum once with her and once in the morning after by my own hand looking at her bottom. She is very generous

Its that second one I need to give up lol if I were to reach that objective. But she seems to like to empty me, its her choice to leave me out for the night, and I am not going to argue lol. On one had I wish she would put me straight back in but I also really look forward to the morning one, not as good as the night before but I love wanking looking at her bottom, it just looks sooooo good Sometimes she will let me put it in but i never ask.

But yep horny all the time.