Feeling like odd man out

This works.

 

Here’s my situation: a lifetime of being an extreme masochist, letting my desire to be dominated, humiliated and punished pretty much rule me. I persuaded every partner I had to become my fantasy dominatrix with various levels of temporary success but always eventually to the detriment of everything else in the relationship. Also seeking out opportunities for bdsm experiences outside my relationships, and sometimes acting as the dominant but with the hope of “flipping” the dynamic. Basically “topping from the bottom” a hell of a lot, seeking the fulfilment of MY fantasies in an essentially selfish fashion.
Now, something very different. I am caged for life, by a much younger female friend of mine. I’ve not had an orgasm for a whole year and she’s going to keep me like this forever. Plus she does nothing else - no sexual contact at all, no role play, no punishment. I’m in love with this girl, she knows that. She enjoys my attention, my servile desperation to please her and the fact that I’ll do anything she asks. Her attitude when I suggested she keep me locked up was “sure, whatever”, and since then a sort of ruthless determination to fulfil my initial request without in any way indulging me. She’s never going to change, never going to give my key back. I’m not even allowed to fantasise about her without permission, and when I do, the content of my fantasy has to be “respectful”, by which she means it can only be thoughts of her fully clothed, laughing at my predicament. She knows I obey her, knows it’s very frustrating for me, and she likes that. It’s the deal we made, there’s no going back, and at last I’m properly and radically submitting to a woman’s will. Most of the time we don’t even mention my containment, because she finds it quite boring to talk about. I can’t imagine anything more humiliating. I’m her sexless pet, nothing more.

 

She did a good job.

 

You are not alone. Within a few days I am willing to do anything for a bit of release. The tenderness of my balls is difficult to deal with but any acknowledgement on her part immediately makes me melt for her. I will say that without any emptying, be it a ruined or some sort of draining I am extremly tender and feel a but cranky about my predicament.

 

When we first started I genuinely thought I was going to go insanse. I was snappy, short tempered, impatient, angry.

My experience is that around 60-75 days after my last ejaculation I experience calm and focus, and my productivity jumps. Also, looking back through my journals suggests around day 30 the constant horny-horny-horny-horny feelings and thoughts begins to subside and instead become a constant background hum - which I suspect is just my mind aclimating.

 

Thank you She is the best. I am a very lucky man.

 

@Caged for life
I think this is just something you’ll get past in time. Just like @true42 said, when he was “broken” those bad, angry feelings subsided. Being “broken” is just accepting that your wife controls all your orgasms. It’s not only accepting that but it’s also embracing that fact and reminding yourself often what you like about your wife holding your key.

 

You are definitely not alone. Even though i am one of the people who mellows at some point i won’t stay that way if Goddess is not active in my chastity. It sounds like topping-from-the-bottom or being manipulative i know, but in order to reach a plateau where i am comfortable for a long-term lockup, i need frequent teasing or the opportunity to please Goddess. When life gets very busy and Goddess and i do not have much time to connect, it can be a week or more between times that W/we can enjoy each other. After 2 or 3 days i am climbing the walls and will start getting agitated. When that happens, Goddess recognizes it and mercifully will do something to help. It may be as quick as putting my cage in Her mouth or stuffing Her panties in my mouth but that bit of attention is enough to snap me back to that plateau.

 

I used to get so irritable and not sleep if my Wife didn’t want to have sex for some incredibly rare reason over our first 28 years of marriage, it was just expected that every day we’d have sex at least once. Then we started playing with the cage and I went from somewhere around 40 piv sessions a month pre chastity to now 2-5 a month and my Wife can’t believe I’m the same man she married. No pouting, no grumpiness.
I was the dominant one sexually for 28 years, now for the last 4 I’m submissive, I guess I have the “switch” personality. It hasn’t always been easy and it wasn’t an immediate drop from daily piv to almost none. It was many discussions and planning and slowly my Wife took over total control and I got into being submissive for her. I stopped watching the porn that used to arouse me of men dominating women, and started watching women dominating men, tried to overhaul my whole way of thinking so denial was arousing. Now I crave ruins more than a full orgasm, but through our trials and experimentation, we’ve found that one full orgasm and even a ruin or two the following day or two, I have almost zero drop.
I do have a very interactive Wife, M-Thurs she usually doesn’t do a thing to her caged property other than maybe some ball rubs, but she allows me to touch, kiss, caress, and usually give her head every night. And then weekends she’ll usually do something fun with my body on at least one of those weekend nights or more.
I’m sure if she wasn’t into playing much, I’d lose interest in living like this and it would be a struggle to not get irritated and frustrated and not the frustration we usually crave.

 

This is so true for me as well! Being able to give her frequent orgasms makes it easier to stay chaste during those long stretches. My wife teases me frequently in the mornings and many times she allows me to please her when she's done working on me or simultaneous to her teasing me. But when she teases me and doesn't allow me to pleasure her like she did this morning, I'm left rock hard, in pain from the tightness of the cage biting into my little man. It gives "tease and denial" a new meaning!

 

How much physical, non sexual intimacy is there between you two?

We sit in the couch in the evenings watching TV and inevitably we are touching each other, legs, arms, hands. We go to bed together, sleep naked, and cuddle, hug, spoon, etc a little before sleep and a lot when we wake up. Often, or get or legs are touching each other thru the night. This produces a lot of serotonin and oxytocin that mellow us out and make everything about life more pleasurable. I've had to learn not to get carried away and turn that touch into sexual intimacy too often. It takes control.

 

I didn’t read all the responses, so I’m not sure if this has been said, but I would suggest that the crankiness, agitation is not all all linked to the distance from orgasm.
I think the problem may be with the length of time since you felt intimate with your partner.
i would happily go without orgasms entirely, as long as my wife allowed me to be close to her and pleasure her frequently.

 

Because my wife is disabled, I can’t do non-sexual touching/cuddling. She is in a lift chair and isolated from me most of the time.

I miss it so much.

We are working towards her being able to lie in a regular bed partially so we can be intimate again. Not have sex, but cuddle.

 

I disagree. We're in a similar situation. I'm not submissive she is not dominant. We do see the benefits of my denial though. Kink made me try chastity, increasing love and respect for my wife makes me stay.

 

Exactly!

 

I feel your pain. When you've had that and then it goes missing, the longing for it again is deep! I hope she gets the therapy / healing she needs to improve her situation for both of you!

 

Agreed! We were not either but chastity has balanced out the control and power in our relationship to where it should be.

 

I read an interesting article - "Managing your mans release".

https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2018/11/18/managing-your-mans-release/

The lady writing the article defines sperm production and mood at different durations and found that around 7 days of denial days got the best result in terms of behaviour, stating that men start to get cranky beyond around 10 days of denial.

Personally I'm mellow at first but get cranky around day 3, then I sort of settle down. I have a hidden submissive side that only my Wife gets to see, once we get to about a week my submissive takes over. I occasionally feel a bit cranky, but my submissive desires override my behaviour.

 

I concur with this statement. I tried to put my finger on what makes me cranky (outside of my wife’s ignorance towards me) and it’s only then. On day 3 post orgasm. That’s my drop day.
Day +1 I enjoy the blissful relaxation.
Day +2 I’m wondering whether I should be more active in my support to my wife.
Day +3, she asks me to do something and I’ll happily punch her in the face (metaphorically)

 

You have to pick the right things to do - the annoying things - like always picking up all your and the kids crap that’s laying around (if you have kids) or making sure all the broken things are taken care of quickly. Unless you’re some kind of God I’m sure there are things you do that irritate her (use up the last bit of toilet paper and not refilling, not putting your dishes in the sink/dishwasher) - when you start doing all the things she wishes you would do she’ll appreciate it!

 

I think he gets cranky around day 3 because she gives him a release every 7 days. If she used longer lockups, he wouldn't use up all his banked hormones in the one release. And if she continued to tease him frequently, he wouldn't lose interest and get depressed after 2 weeks. She's having to deal with his crankiness every week and he doesn't start to exhibit the positive behavior she wants until about day 4. But I guess there are other ways to deal with that. Can you say "punishment"?

 

It sometimes gets tough to gauge because each relationship is different. Before I started on this journey I already did the vast majority of the work around the house plus I am the sole BW. When I tried to take on more responsibilities my wife got upset. She felt marginalized, like she wasn't doing anything anymore. She didn't like getting daily foot massages because she felt she wasn't pulling her weight. When we have fun in the bedroom she doesn't want the focus only on her. Where are these mythical women who want to be pampered, in charge and confident? Please have them give a buzz to my wife

 

Arlentia wasn't saying do everything around the house but rather the things that would be difficult for her to do.

My wife felt marginalized also because she wasn't feeling appreciated for the things she does. She didn't feel needed. You hear a lot about doing more around the house on this site because there is the mistress / slave undercurrent here. But all women want to be loved, and to feel loved & desired. At least in my world, they do. And there are many ways to demonstrate that. The Five Love Languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation (Compliments)
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Companionship
5. Physical Touch

My wife's primary is #1. I had to learn to affirm her (it was very hard for me to do & some days I struggle to come up with a new compliment, but it has gotten easier) and demonstrate humility (I was arrogant & prideful and would project superiority, sometimes without really realizing it). The combination of those two helped her realize her value. Communication has been key. She had always felt under appreciated. This left her feeling insignificant, doubting herself around friends & family, unwanted, etc. Getting this right was critical.

The hard part about figuring out your spouse's love language is to think in terms of what they would appreciate, not what you would like. That can be hard also... my daughter really appreciates companionship and my son-in-law is always finding concerts & music fests to take her to. She likes music but also likes to do other things; he always picks music that he likes, not things that she is into.

If you're going to buy her a gift, it can be really hard to pick out something she would appreciate. I know that my wife is into clothes and I would never try to buy something for her to wear on my own. So if she expresses a need or desire for something, if I offer to go with her to shop for it, she loves it; then I'm in a place where I can compliment her taste & appearance.

 

Well said