Fantasy to Reality

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by MistressQS, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    So I have been training 2 sissy subs online now for several months and have real time meetings with them on occasion. They are kept chaste in CB-6000 and feminized with panties, hose and bra to be worn under "regular" clothing at all times.

    I had previously posted about a locking bra or way to enforce this. Several wonderful suggestions were made about use of camera/cell phone to provided proof of compliance.

    Both of my male subs are now having issues when faced with the "reality" of enforcement/compliance. This has led me to believe that they have both been cheating all along and have been remiss in their training.

    Their fantasy of being chaste and feminized is now facing the fact that this may be a new reality for them. I have been playing with one or two options - either a schedule of verification (pics to be sent every 2 hours without fail) or randomization (I text them and they have 1 minute to respond with picture). Both leave them trapped to comply or face consequences.

    It is amazing the protests that this has drawn. So I guess they will be getting the option of complying or being dismissed. But one does have to question their initial motives. Or is it that men simply can not handle when fantasy becomes reality?
     
  2. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    Do I make them face their fears or cut them loose? Should I insist on enforcement of my rules?
     
  3. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Good question!

    I think it's things like this that show the wannabes from those that really do. The problem with wannabes is they drain your time and energy... which is very valuable, but those that really WANT to submit will surely reward you in every way you desire?

    I guess only time will tell the wannabes from the realists, I think they will weed themselves out as you progressively push them further.

    From what I can gather this is not the same as being in a relationship where there is give and take and compromise required. They have (presumably) come to you to ask you to Domme them... if they can't handle it, they shouldn't have asked in the first place!

    I think those that want to serve you will relish your putting down rules and being strict, and those that don't will just have to say their farewells!
     
  4. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    Thank you Mistress Watchful for your valuable input and advice!

    I guess this goes the same for so many who are drawn to chastity on the net. They want it, try it and then plot on how many ways they can work around the device. Or they only stay for sample (few days) and then when faced with long term enforcement, simply can not handle it and want out.

    I am always faced with the fine line of whether they are testing the waters and if I should enforce it regardless of their protests.
     
  5. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    oh my, if i "protested" an order from my Mistress i would be in deep trouble. Mistress would blister my ass.

    imho, these subs are frauds. real subs do not have "issues", they exist but to serve and obey. they have no will of their own.

    because of O/our living situation W/we sometimes have to wait weeks for a punishment session...W/we live with Mistresses 3 "young adults". Mistress has me record my transgressions in a book that is kept with me at all times. at punishment time Mistress reviews the book and bases my punishment on the severity of my transgressions. willfulness is a major offense and i would be taking cane, paddle and crop for a long session.
     
  6. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    MistressQS,

    I'm reminded of a situation that happened in the past, please don't take this as a personal slight at you. It's not intended to be one... I'm just relating a story of a very naughty "Domme".

    Once upon a time, in the #Chastitybelt IRC channel, there was a Domme called "Winterheart". She was VERY into chastity for her sub/fiancee, and also had a flock of eager email-wearers at her beck and call. I chatted with her, myself, quite a few times. My own personal opinion was that she wasn't particularly stable, and very passive aggressive. I enjoyed polite chat with her, but always kept my distance. I would never have considered entering into a KH relationship with her. We ended up arguing at some point, and parting ways.

    Some months later, it was revealed that "Winterheart" was, in fact, a middle aged dude who got his rocks off pretending to be a Domme. There were a LOT of very pissed off people. I wasn't terribly surprised.

    I guess my point is that these relationships are based on trust, but trust without verification is not a very safe thing to do. If your subs aren't willing to prove themselves, then they're just playing with you. Unless you enjoy erotic fantasy writing back and forth, it probably makes sense to cut them loose.

    On the flip side, if you wish to earn the trust of potential subs for these kinds of relationships, you'll need to find ways to let them know that YOU are real, too. I don't know any particulars of your situation. I only know what I see on the Mansion site, which is one avatar of some booted legs. If I might make a suggestion, you might try putting up some more pictures.

    I suspect the Mansion is FULL of people who would cherish a virtual relationship with a real Domme. Heck, Mistress Michelle is building quite the harem for herself! I'm sure you can recruit a few too! :)

    Best of luck to you!
    mikecb
     
  7. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    MikeCB you say not to take offense but that is exactly what I do to your post. My subs have seen me in person for occasional real time sessions. I do not feel I need to reveal myself to you or anyone else to prove who I am. Nor am I seeking to "recruit". I was conveying a situation I have encountered to see if any other might have advice or insight. It was what I believed this board to be about.

    Did not know posting pictures was a requirement to participate here. Perhaps I am in the wrong place. I was under the impression that this site was suppose to be different, apparently not.
     
  8. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Dear MistressQS,

    i am a bit amazed about Your harsh reaction on mikecb's post. I agree that he obviously he did not read Your initial post properly, but You should not blame the whole community for a minor fault of a member that surely turns out to be a silly misunderstanding.

    As for Your question about wannabes and seriously devoted slaves i generally would agree with Mistress Watchful.
    However the step from fantasy to reality can be quite a hard one and sometimes can not be taken over night. Facing the fact that their feminization becomes real might seriously frighten them and they do not have a clue on what to expect, they fear discovery and are lacking of, what i would like to call, submissive confidence.
    It is just a suggestion, may be You can start with one day per week to let them time to recover from their inner tension while under Your control for a whole day. From there You can start to increase the control.
    Sometimes it can be helpful to throw Your subs in at the deep end but in other situations You might achieve the exactly opposite ...

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  9. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Knowing mike as well as I do, I can vouch that his suggestion was definitely not meant to be offensive!

    Given that we had little information to start with (I don't think we knew you'd met any of these in person) then assumptions are made...

    Of course no-one *has* to post pictures. I ask for a display pic for anyone to be my friend... but it doesn't have to be of "them", it could be a dildo or a whip or anything!

    I think that mike was trying to explain from his point of view that sometimes not everything is as it appears. I'm sure if he knew you'd met them in person, his response would have been entirely different!

    You are right - this site is different, and it is highly unlikely that when someone responds to any of your posts, it will be in any way malicious!
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Ok - I eat humble pie... I completely missed that you had visited them in person! I wonder how both mike and myself missed that?! :heart:
     
  11. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    Thank you Katrin for your useful advice. To clarify, I did not mean to condemn a whole community but really take offense to Mike's post. If he wishes to accuse someone as being fake, then just come out and say it. But to play this passive aggressive game of "It's not you" but "let me tell you a story" which will imply you are a fake really pushes my buttons. And then he flips around saying that it will all be ok if I would just post some more pictures for him to prove everything. That is a BS in my opinion.

    But back to the issue I was having. Perhaps you are correct that it is a lack of submissive confidence as you put it. It could also be a lack of trust. While I might try to push boundaries, I would never jeopardize any of my subs positions in life. So while keeping them chaste and feminized may make them extremely self-conscious, wearing panties and a bra under one's clothes is not really revealing them to the public at large. But perhaps I have underestimate their fear of discovery. Will make for an interesting conversation at our next meeting.
     
  12. MistressQS
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    MistressQS Junior Member

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    Mistress Watchful no need to apologize at all or eat humble pie as you put it. I appreciate that you have created this space. PS - just figured out how to activate my avatar, so perhaps that will help :)
     
  13. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Dear MistressQS,

    i think You mentioned the keyword - trust! Yes, they fear discovery and they might even built up some kind of paranoia - they feel the panties and bra the whole day and can not imagine that people can not discover, they might even fear to behave differently when wearing their sissy underwear. True or not, they definitely do.
    You need to find a way to make them feel that You are not only demanding but protective as well.
    It is not always easy to master this art but i am sure You will.

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  14. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    MistressQS,

    I do apologize for offending you. As I stated at the beginning, that was not my intent. Not knowing that you had met your subs face to face, I was offering a potential option about building mutual trust, in what I presumed was a predominately cyberspace relationship. Reading back, I should have probably found a different way to make my point better. For that, I apologize.

    Trust me, I don't play passive aggressive games. If I had any doubts about you, I would have voiced them privately and clearly.

    I find Chastity Mansion to be a refreshing site, with lots of real people sharing their real lives. I think you'll enjoy it too. I do hope you will let one poorly worded posting pass, and enjoy the site for what it is. :love0028:

    Peace,
    mikecb
     
  15. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active member

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    mike, I understood what you were saying but maybe the fact that MistressQS initially interpreted what you said differently than what you meant and what I understood should make us aware that there are degrees between strickly real life in person BDSM and online BDSM. Maybe we need to consider the middle ground a Hybrid BDSM. Now I'm sure it won't catch on termonology wise, it might give us a reference point to look at things.

    Anyway, just my two cents. And if it does catch on you know where it started!!!
     
  16. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Thank you MistressQS.

    Now that we are back on topic... I think maid katrin is right, it is an incredibly fine balancing act, even when you have known your SO for a long time and think you know what makes them tick! I also think that she is correct on the protection issue, and that is a real piece of ammunition... once you have pushed their buttons AND kept them safe, they will be putty in your hands!
     
  17. richard
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    richard Just me

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    For the chaste part, on your next meet, cant you replace their padlock with a new one that you know only you have the key.

    The feminizing part - 1 min to comply sounds difficult as it depends on where they are when you ask. Even pics every 2 hours - cant they just prepare the pics before hand and cheat your verification.

    Maybe you can enforce your rules by threatening to out them as a chastity device wearer. Make contact with a friend of theirs. And threaten to email ful frontal photos of them in chastity to their friend for non-compliance.

    It may be a bit harsh - it's just an idea to explore/change/adapt.

    Welcome to the site.

    rich.
     
  18. Sissy_Aline
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    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Ms. QS,

    You have several solutions and they are both current for the times - this way you will know - who is doing what you expect and who is not. You are using the available technology in the right sense and spirit. Curtsy to you Ma'am, for Your solutions.

    i had the experience of training to serve a Mistress from afar and we had cam sessions nearly every night. If i failed i was punished and understood the consequences well.

    The entire thought of fantasy to reality is the crux of the matter. Your wanting instant feedback will confirm if they are doing what is expected.

    Cheers,

    Aline
     
  19. Cape Cod Richie
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    Cape Cod Richie Senior Member

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    It would seem to me that if a sub cheats then he doesn't really want to be chaste. Doesn't that seem like it's not worth playing the game?

    In my schedule I have the opportunity to cheat. When I get home from work I am unlocked. I clean the belt and lock up. I do not have the keys. Sometimes I edge. If it starts going too far I cool that thing down and lock up. I don't want to ruin all my chaste time for 1 minute of orgasm. The point is to let it build up and smolder and that's where the real fun is.

    I had decades to masturbate whenever I wanted and now that I have a secure device and a keyholder once locked the temptation is gone. That was the whole point and when I have my monthly release all that pent up lust makes it great. I enjoy the smoldering and lust more than the orgasm since they last much longer.

    Maybe a more secure device or unique locks would help but the proper sub mindset I think is key. Having a keyholder is a great privelage and should be appreciated.

    That's my feelings on this subject. :sex021:
     
  20. iwearpanties
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    iwearpanties Member

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    MistressQs

    im sorry i caught this thread so late. Im not sure how long its been goin on ? but i can understand there being scared too be found out in public there wearing bras and panties under male clothes but that said i think many subbys secretly have hidden wants too caught and wonder what mght be said about them as well as scared realy scare too be caught . and im sure this is also common for many married subs / cucks ?

    they may fear being sene by other men . and or might be married and just playing at this ? but this also brings up this question you pass over 25 to 30 on the street or ata shopping mall ever wonder how many might be wearing a panty or evena bra under there clothes .
     
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