Extra-marital Keyholders and Infidelity

Interesting topic, I guess in my opinion it comes down to what that person believes is cheating. I was chatting with someone at work once about him having an old high school frien(female) on Facebook that he continued to chat with. His wife was upset, and he told me he didn’t know why because it was purely online.

I told him if she feels like it is being unfaithful, and you continue to do it, that’s what it is. He explained that he doesn’t even talk about sex or anything, but I explained that she could feel emotionally cheated on. She could feel that the intimacy of a close relationship is something that takes away from the specialness of hers. It doesn’t have to be cybersex or nude photos, she can feel left out and ignored.

Chastity play can be similar in that it may not be sexual, but it is an intimate relationship. So in my opinion if a partner thinks it’s inappropriate, then it probably is. Doing it without her knowledge because she has no interest in it is risking trust for gratification.

 

Unless the couple live completely separate lives and separate beds etc I can't work out how an external keyholder can work without the partner knowing , or am I being too simplistic here ?.

I did have a chat with a gentleman a few years ago who lived totally separate life from his wife and slept in the spare room and that's how he managed to do it .

 

Three scenarios I know of:

1) As you describe, a marriage that has become sexless and semi-separate.

2) A situation in which both the wife and the KH are told half-truths. His wife is OK with him self-locking, but she doesn't know he has found a virtual KH online. The KH may or may not know about the wife, but believes she has him locked securely. Meanwhile, he keeps a key easily available (without knowledge of his KH) should his wife ever want access and to maintain the illusion that it is a kink he is exploring on his own.

3) He finds a virtual KH to lock up with when he is traveling or his wife is out of town.

 

Well here my situation -
I married 30 years but my has no interest in kh or chastity really -
As long as I get her off when she wants - all she really cares about -
I involved in chastity for about 12 years- she has said if I have to go out side to do my kinks as long as I always love her and never leave.
Yes I online kh - I use a cable security seal through my lock so I can prove I not sneaking the key .
If my wife wants to get off she see my cage but as long as I focus on her - she says nothing - no grabbing no touching of my cage - when she reaches big O - she gets up happy gets dressed and I clean up the toys

 

Absolutely agree that wife must have precedence,but if she has no interest in chastity,the best possible scenario is getting her tolerance about technical aspects and concentrate in servicing and pampering her.
Zebra has shown a great example and I know one case in which a ProDom is the KH ( real life, not online)

 

I've seen the two first ones.
on scenario 1 can't blame nobody for a wanting to have chastity having a wife unknowingly of that situation, particularly if a Mistress is involved in an already failed marriage.
A helping hand sometimes can fix that, but it is touchy business, must be taken very carefully.
Scenarios 2 and 3 are more complicated, he is being unfaithful to the two women.

 

Finally, something I can speak to first had...

My girlfriend and I have been together for six years and for four and a half of those years we’ve had an open relationship. In every other department other than the bedroom, we are in simpatico. Sexually, the chemistry was never really there. Breaking up was one solution and we did talk about it, simply owning to the fact she was not happy sexually and I was not happy with her not being happy. I put the option of an open relationship on the table, which she immediately poo-poo’d. In the days and weeks that followed, she continued to bring up the subject, asking questions and eventually warming to the idea.

When she finally did decide to given an open relationship a try she told me it ought to be good for me as well, seeing as I “had a number of itches she couldn’t scratch” (referring to my bi-sexuality, affinity for panties and cross dressing, and a few other kinks she thought were “weird”). Rules and limits were set and we both abide by them.

So far as my KH is concerned, she is a friend first and KH second. Our relationship is virtual and she respects my limits. She has full disclosure.

Is it conventional? No. But it’s been working for quite awhile. Is it perfect? No. But neither are we.

 

Speaking from experience.....
I have been married for over 20 years and have not had sex for over 20 years....l still love my wife and I believe she still loves me....we have both accepted this, spoken about it on a few occasions but pressure of work, children etc have just made it this way. It's OK.....
I now have 2 women in my life, my wife and my long distance Mistress.....I am devoted to both. My wife doesn't know I am locked or my Mistress....but my Mistress is actually trying to make things better in my marriage.
I now have such a respect and high regard for Mistresses, and for what they do and try to do.
Ideally my wife would be my kh but this would never happen.......but I am becoming closer and I am so much more attentive for my wife since I met my Mistress and found Chastity.
I don't consider myself as cheating but I am in therapy and hopefully my wife and I will discover sex again....but then, and I have been asking myself this.....is it me?

 

This is my life.....I just didn't realise how common it is.

 

I can assure you, that is very common, shouldn't be, but life is all but perfect.

 

This would be funny,

A married man's not getting sex from his wife, so he finds another woman and starts an affair. One night, the other woman decides his penis is Her Property, so she puts a lock on it. This goes on a while until one night, the wife decides she's going to surprise her husband with sex. She pulls down his pants only to see............

 

separate rooms for me and my partner too, for probably about 18 years now. We are very close and I love her very much and do everything I can for her, but it's a brother-sister relationship now, and always will be.

I want to pursue a chastity lifestyle and stop my porn/masturbation habit, but it won't be my partner who supports me, so I seek that support elsewhere.

I can't see it as being unfaithful because a. I'm not and b. chastity makes me a better person for her.

 

I feel like the thread is blending unfaithful and untruthful. I don’t have any experiance in the topic, just searching for clarity in the points.

First, if you are honest with your partner and they are accepting, anything goes.

Second, if you are enjoying the connection with others without sex and don’t tell your wife you are untruthful.

Lastly, if you enjoy the connection of others and it becomes physically intimate and you don’t tell your wife, it is unfaithful.

The nuance doesn’t help how upset or wounded your wife may feel, but it may differentiate your chances of repair if discovered.

I think this is why some internet indiscretions are sometimes forgiven, while the affairs are not.

 

I believe untruthful fits, but doesn’t encompass the depth of betrayal. I think an online connection can be considered even worse than a physical affair. Picture this

Honey, I’ve been talking with a woman online every day. We talk about intimate details, fantasies, secrets I tell no one else, she knows me on a level I’ve stopped or have never known with you.

Or

Honey, I got drunk, a woman hit on me and I agreed to go back to her place, and we had sex.

I think an emotional betrayal is just as bad if not worse than a physical one. Untruthful, I think is a component, but that kind of betrayal is more than telling lies or omitting the truth.