Over the last few weeks I've been reflecting on my Wife's motivations, which lead to her wants and desires. My thinking is, if I can understand what the attractions are to her as a Dominatrix, I can better please her as a submissive. At the core it's understanding what she likes best about our FLR. For her it's Control, followed by Independence, followed by Enjoying the hurt. Let me explore each in detail. Control: She insists on having everything in order, no surprises, all running smoothly and according to plan. With respect to me, she wants me demure, calm, and compliant. She openly uses chastity to keep my hormones in check, keeping me in this quiet and calm state. For her, this is a tool that she will never ever give up. For me, it means 24/7 chastity with 1-2 releases per month. The only outlet I get is that she does enjoys providing ruined orgasms, which keeps the hormones up for me while allowing her to enjoy inflicting pain (point 3). For better or worse, in her care I will be locked in chastity forever. While I fret at the frustration, I enjoy the emotional calm and accept that perpetual chastity is the path she has chosen for me and that path will not change. I am used 3-4 times a week for her sexual pleasure, but my penis is not part of this activity. If I sound bittersweet, well... I love making love to my Mistress. I have learned to enjoy and cherish the few minutes she allows me. (She only allows me penetration for my benefit. As such I am expected to enter her and enjoy a release, clean her up, and thank her.) Independence: She doesn't need men, or a husband. She calls me a luxury, not a necessity. Included in that is a desire to enjoy other lovers (not necessarily male). She had a very controlling childhood- to the point she ran away when she was 16. She started dating me at 19 and married me at 23. Since then we've had kids. Time to herself, time to run her life her way, has not been plentiful for her. She craves that ability to run her life her way. That leads me to Enjoying the hurt: Since we embarked on this journey of FLR, she has found she loves to hurt me. It makes her drippy wet and she grins from ear to ear. We are hopelessly in love with each other, so she is conflicted with this, often holding back because she feels guilty for enjoying it. As a sub, I want to give her every pleasure I can, so I desire enduring pain play for her. It's taken a lot of after-care for my Domme, and lots of talks, to get her to where she is open with this side of herself. She has a complete lack of empathy for others, so she compensates on the side of kindness to cover for that. That adds just another stumbling block for her. But this is where all the really juiciest parts of D/s play comes from! It's the S/M part of BDSM. The rough pegging, the vocal humiliation, the spanking, the cropping, and the whipping. When she gets going with impact play, her goal is to mark me up. Stripes. She wants me to feel it for DAYS. Then there are the pointed reminders that I must shop at Victoria Secret if I expect to be permitted any clothes in her bed. Your penis is retired. You can't even touch yourself with permission.... and you definitely don't have rights to this pussy. And ultimately even the desire to cuckold. She doesn't just want to enjoy other men by herself. Oh no! That has no appeal at all for her! Instead she wants to enjoy them in front of me, staring at her caged husband who is prohibited from touching her while she enjoys other men... It's the ultimate pain, is it not? So that's my thumbnail sketch of my Dominatrix, and that gives me some of the insights I need to please her. -Always cede control to her. Always be calm and compliant. Do as I'm told without complaint. She doesn't really seek or care about service submission, but if I'm told to do something I'm expected to do it immediately. -Always look for things that let her be independent. For example, this weekend she is taking a long weekend vacation trip to another state, without me. I will remain behind to run her company and her household. I'll be along in a sense....she will have the Key displayed on a chain around her neck. I have no spare. -Understand that she enjoys humiliating and whipping me, and that these activities in no way mean she hates me or doesn't treasure me. She indeed loves me with all of her being, and I must insure that she understands that I accept her play without judgement and without resentment. -The final thought is when she tells me often. "You are loved, protected, and owned." I must always remember I am her treasure so I must take care of myself, mentally and physically, so that she can fully enjoy my submission to her. Sorry for the long read. This is as much for me to read and understand as anyone else. I of course welcome any comments or insights, but please don't be judgmental. My life isn't for everyone and it won't make sense to some.