Hi all, I originally posted this to my fetlife profile but nobody really seems to care because it didn't go in any groups, so I'd like to see if I can get more feedback here. The erotic story collection I'm referred to is called "Servitude and Cornish Seas", it can be accessed through my username (same as this one) over there but if you don't have a fetlife account, don't worry I'll be posting down below anyway. I'll begin with a self-critique of the work as a whole before I post "part 1" and attempt to critique that individually, the idea is to come up with something stronger. Uh, this overview is something I've already written by the way I'm just reposting it here. I've removed all links because I'm not sure if posting them is in the site rules or not but everything I've written is easy to find: Servitude and Cornish Seas: A Self-Writing Critique So, I plan to write a "book two" at some stage but also potentially not if I don't cultivate any interest in book one. Frankly the writing so far is mediocre but it's not because I am bad at writing, only because I am bad at writing erotica for reasons I outlined in a femdom group. These were difficulty balancing what I believe to typically interest women compared to what I would personally be aroused by myself: Anyway, maybe I can change some of this as it comes across in my series I wrote. I'll try to complete a part by part analysis at some point but to begin with I'll just do an overview. So firstly, the title paints a nice picture in many ways. But I kind of rushed the title without much thought so I feel like there may be something wrong however I can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps part of the issue is that the theme of "Cornish seas" doesn't really relate back to the story line much except for in Part 1. In fact, the theme of "Servitude and Cornish Seas" in general - yes, it is poetic but it's not something that can be the subject theme of a story and what even is the subject theme? Dog walkers have a confrontation on the beach and they hate each other so the woman decides to use her position as supervisor which is established in part two to exert psychological control over the man? The whole idea of "hate fucking" in many ways is probably more sexually arousing for men like me than female viewers of this kind of work. So it seems questionable if I really wanted to attract a female audience that this would be the right kind of strategy to employ. Also I don't want to comment too much on the "strength of story writing" aspect since it is subjective. But it could certainly to be argued to weaken the whole plot and character development that this is how a "romance" entails. That brings me to the whole thing about complimenting romance with sex scenes and story development. I decided to write a lot of sex scenes because I knew it would help motivate my writing from the male perspective and because a woman on the forum where I requested advice also said that she too would like to have a good proportion of sex scenes to story development. I was writing erotica after all. But when we have the whole issue with poor relationship development between the main characters - Brian and Emily - in parts 1 & 2, where the main theme seems to be how Emily is frustrated/irritated by Brian and therefore wants to sexually dominate him as "revenge" - there is essentially no romantic development and the story itself is thin to begin with. This essentially means we have two parts where there is story development and then the remaining two thirds (parts 3 - 6) is just erotic content. I mean, I don't currently have ideas about developing the story in parts 1 & 2 to set a more realistic precedent for Brian and Emily to develop a sexually charged female dominated relationship. I certainly don't know if I can make the "hate fucking" element work. But I could certainly write parts in between the 4 erotic scenes so that the sexualised activity is not so condensed. The paragraph writing is also inconsistent. I began writing very short paragraphs as part of my "internet format" so readers would initially be enticed into reading something that is not very difficult to visually process, especially as parts 1 and even 2 are not particularly sexual. However, the paragraphs gradually got longer and longer, especially from Part 4 and not just the paragraphs but the writing itself is longest in Part 6. On the flip side, yes this is inconsistent but readers have had a chance to delve deep as the writing gets longer and the writing gets more and more sexual as it progresses so it is perhaps more exciting for sexually inclined readers from this point. So should I be overly preoccupied by form? Perhaps, perhaps not. Descriptions of nature and architecture are vivid and capture the imagination however, they are also brief and cut short at the beginning of each writing. Most of the sexualised descriptions are of women's physiques even though I am trying to arouse female interest in my writing and only include (mostly poor quality) shots of myself pretending to be "Brian". And these shots are difficult to fit into the whole narrative of the story. However, on the subject of the sexualised descriptions, I noticed that the best scene description I did was of Lily's yoga performance and that was because I used an online yoga clip as my inspiration. So perhaps I need to do more of this kind of thing but with clips that are not so unilaterally female focused. Obviously, this is hard to do though because of my sexual orientation. Also, I did not try writing any sexual content when I was unaroused because I felt I needed the inspiration. However, when I come to make writing edits, it could be a good idea to attempt this. I think that covers all the main points, however if there is anything I missed, I'll be able to come back to it as I dive into each individual part with more depth and consider writing alternatives.