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Engaged to be wed

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by Nicoftime, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. As I posted on my thread “evolution of mistress Amante”, I have asked @Mistress Amanté@Mistress Amanté to marry me and she excepted.


    So starting a new thread about the feelings I (or we) are having.

    It is a strange feeling now. I am not any more in love, or any more serious about this being forever, yet I feel different. Maybe it’s some of the reality of marriage, maybe it’s the finality of our lifestyle joining the former.

    Maybe deep down I always knew I could quit. Knew that this was something I started and something I could change my mind about without upsetting the apple cart too much. Now once we are married, this will all be an expectation.

    You see we aren’t quite like other couples here where they have this long relationship prior to introducing this to it. I expressed my interest in all this very early, and she expressed her enjoyment of it just as early, so basically our entire relationship is based on expectations of chastity, punishments, and service both sexual and domestic. When we are married we are doing it with a specific lifestyle and expectation already in place.

    I don’t know why I feel that it’s different but I do. It’s like once we are married with our current expectations, it isn’t just a promise we made, it is our obligation to the other to continue. Our whole relationship is based on our current lifestyle so it would be a legitimate act of betrayal to change our dynamic after marriage.

    With all that being said, there are certain realities and possibilities that are starting to hit.
    1. I may never masturbate again. It’s already been almost 2 years and I don’t see her changing her attitude towards it anytime soon.
    2. My masculinity will be hers to take away. I have agreed to maid service occasionally, but her desire for a more permanent, submissive, and doting partner, could lead to a loss of my masculine self.
    3. We were already under the impression that I would remain caged, but she could deem it necessary to remain caged at all times, and the loose suggestions could would become strict obligations.
    4. Our problem solving could escalate to corporeal punishment only. Currently we argue, talk, and occasionally she has used punishment. It was playful and not about anything too serious. That could escalate to “my way or a sore bottom with wet cheeks” if she chose.
    5. She could push my boundaries farther than comfortable. She would never do anything to hurt me, but my role in our marriage is to please her, and I would never deny her.

    These are just some examples, and I am not “worried” about any of them. The truth is, I am probably a better partner with her taking advantage of all of them to extremes, maybe it’s just reality setting in on my commitment, not just knowing what I promised, but knowing that it’s her decision. She has no reason to hold anything back. As much as I try to be what she deserves, she knows to get the me that she loves, she will take all of those things to the level she needs to.

    Anyway, just ramblings from a crazy person. Plus have been thinking of some interesting stuff about the ceremony and or small honeymoon. And they say only ladies think about that kind of stuff!
     
  2. congratulations :).
     
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  3. I was in chastity for 5 years but I am 66. I would never do it in my younger days. I am too masculine and alpha to be anyone's maid. Our chastity was merely control over my orgasms and nothing else. There is a fine line between a fetish and psychological issue. Is it normal for men to want to give up their masculinity or be maids? No, it is not normal. What is normal some say but it is usually those that are not normal that tend to redefine things like it takes a real man to be a cuckold, etc.. Normal is what the overwhelming majority of people do or the biological/psychological behavior that we are genetically disposed to. I am not normal in various areas of my life so I am not judging anyone. Just pointing out that sometimes we use fetishes to hide deeper problems. For instance I used BDSM to cover my depression and once my depression was treated, my desire for BDSM went away.

    My experience and that of many professionals is that letting a sexual fetish bleed into your non sexual life is not a good idea. I have not seen anyone make it work. You would be hard pressed to find a married couple who live their marriages in a fetish lifestyle, that have been married for a very long time, in real life that is. As someone who tried, one day you will wake up and not feel like being a maid or subservient to a woman who is using you to make her own life easier. You may even finally realize that the woman is taking advantage of your sexual weaknesses to benefit herself like a stripper or prostitute does. I have been through all of this myself which is why I mention it.

    My advice is to find other couples living the proposed lifestyle you suggest and find out how they made it work and for how long they have been married. Best advice is simply to keep your fetish confined to the bedroom. That is much healthier. Every marriage that was lived in a D/s relationship that I knew of, failed after a few years. I spoke to my niece at my dad's funeral and brought up the fact that twice she married submissive men and twice she divorced them in 3 years. She said something interesting. She said that she was attracted to them because they did as she said. That drew her to them. However being married to a guy like that made her resent them for being weak and she ended up cheating with dominant men. She is finally happy on her third marriage to a dominant self defense instructor who is very alpha and muscular. She is still an alpha female but she is happier with an equal as a husband and not a submissive man who lets her walk all over him. I have seen the same with our girlfriend who married a submissive man thinking that is what she wanted but three times asked us if she could come back to live with us full time if she divorced him.

    Honestly what you propose is bordering on fantasy land stuff that you read about and see in porn but very rarely in real life. Most people here do not personally know a person into chastity or D/s in real life. They think others are doing it because they read about it but never saw it in their lives. I would try to find a real life couple you can meet for dinner and discuss how they made it work before proceeding. If you cannot find such a couple that is your answer right there.
     
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  4. Mistress Jules
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    Congratulations on your engagement. It is a wonderful thing to have found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I wish you much happiness in your future life together x
     
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  5. I’m sorry if my post was misleading...I wasn’t asking for advice, simply describing my feelings on something most people can’t relate to.

    I am not living a 24/7 - D/s relationship, any couple is first and foremost a couple first before anything else. I wasn’t proposing anything, I was merely thinking out loud of scary possibilities, whether for the greater good or not.

    Believe it or not, I don’t think of this as a sexual fetish. A fetish is a no sexual object or act that causes arrousal, and depend on for arrousal. I find many things hot, being controlled is just one of them. I understand that you believe this is all just a sex game, you are calling the shots, and ya know what? If I was planning my relationship centered around a sex game, you are absolutely right, there might be issues. But for us it’s not a sex game I trick, cajole, or manipulate her into participating in. This is a lifestyle that we have grown into. It changes it grows and it evolves, and that evolution I believe is what I was venting about.

    Although I have never been in a polytriad, having thousands of threesomes, I believe we will manage to live happily ever after regardless.
     
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  6. Congratulations. I can understand that formalizing this life in a marriage can be scary but it likely will be calming. As a condition of staying married after my years of risky oral and anal sex with men my wife demanded a female-controlled marriage in which she has absolute authority. I have signed over all of my financial assets to her and all control over spending. Our sex life is limited to cuddling and my wife has the option of cuckolding me with as many men as she wishes (she has not yet and she says she may never.) Most important, she has slowly but irrevocably been feminizing me from the inside out. I humbly and happily have agreed to this new life and have discovered the deep joy that comes with submission and obedience to a dominant, and benevolent female. Best of luck to you both. Will eagerly read your dispatches.
     
  7. uuuum ok, thanks? I can guarantee we will not be going down the rabbit hole quite as far as that. I still don't understand how your wife responded to your infidelity many many times with "lets lock you down and dress you up". I am pretty sure she would respond to lying and cheating with walking papers. To each their own. Will definitely keep cm updated on our highs and lows.
     
  8. Congratulations to you both! I've always enjoyed reading your posts and it's clear through your writing how much you truly love your @Mistress Amanté@Mistress Amanté

    You are both fortunate to have found each other with interests so aligned. Good luck to you both and hopefully we'll get details of the wedding and honeymoon when they take place ;)
     
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  9. Congratulations to both of you :) :)
     
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  10. Thanks!
     
    lockit likes this.
  11. My congratulations too.
    I can give my testimony that a firm commitment will arouse expectations and a chill on the stomach, doesn't matter if we had a long story of knowing each other or not.
    Even when we are true and believe on our other half a commitment for life is not so easy to contemplate with easiness.
    I'm so happy when a couple makes its vows, be happy, you deserve it!
     
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  12. As I said before and mean wholeheartedly, congratulations. You and @Mistress Amanté@Mistress Amanté seem quite well suited for each other and you have a relationship built on healthy emotional open communication. I did want to reply on the portion of your thread I copied. You don't need to feel pressure that the dynamic will change. Count on the fact that it will. Life changes us all and the dynamic for all couples shifts with time. As long as the changes are evolutionary as opposed to revolutionary and accompanied by good communication, most couples end up evolving together quite well. As you pointed out many people ended up here after long relationships without any thought of chastity. I had been married for 16.5 years before I locked up the first time. Maybe you'll still be doing maid service with your junk in a cage a decade from now, or maybe you won't. What matters is you love each other and you know how to talk to each other. That's a winning combination.
     
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  13. Congratulations! By serving, pleasing, respecting and obeying your future wife--now and always--you are, and will be, aiming for a higher purpose in your life, and you will be the better man for it. Make sure you regularly thank her for it, and enjoy.
     
  14. Congratulations. Its fantastic when you find that special person in your life that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    I won't give you any advice I just hope you can stay married as long as my Mistress and I have. It's been 32 years. It's a good thing that your still both so young.
     
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  15. In my opinion, THIS is the BEST approach of this - life style - kinky play - fetish play we are into, i have read the last year. I ask for your permition to repost it in my Tumbl account as many times as I can.
     
  16. Yes, your tumblr account would be a great place for it, might fit better there than this thread lol!
     
  17. Congratulations, from what I have read you two seen very compatible. I met my wife when we were very young, 15 years old. That was 1976. We
    been married for 37 years. We have to great boys, 30 and 22. We have only been doing this since 2012. Not sure how a gesture that I had of showing
    Her that she was my everything became what it is now. I hope you have a hundred years together and grow closer to one another as your journey goes
    forth. Love,respect and communication will always bring you closer together. Be who you want to be and share all that you have with each other. I
    have been very blessed with a wonderful women and I hope you find that you two complete each other.

    Allen
     
  18. What a brilliant thing! Well done for asking, and to her for saying yes! Congrats to both!
     
    Nicoftime likes this.
  19. Congratulations! Very happy for the two of you! :)
     
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  20. I have droughts as well..I don't think we could go back after being married 31 years. Sometimes I really want to go back to regular alpha male sex, in control. Most of the time though the sexual desire and tension.is worth the sacrifice of a few moments of pleasure.
    So I say go for it and congratulations! YES we both miss masturbation, but over all happier and from your posts I think you are making the right choice!
     
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  21. Congratulations! The only advice I can give is to communicate with your future wife. If you have these concerns, it's best to address them now. Chastity doesn't need to lead to a full FLR or D/S relationship. Chastity, like any BDSM activity, requires consent, and consent is an ongoing process not a onetime guarantee.
     
  22. Thanks for the well wishes. Regarding the rest, I am not having concerns or having consent issues. I am all in and look forward to whatever the future brings. This post was merely to discuss feelings and being able to share them. I am sure a lot of different things will run through my mind before we are married. We have no problem talking to each other, both of our needs and desires are expressed quite often.
     
  23. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
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  24. Joroincharge
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    Ace. For ceremony you could use the traditional one in reverse, i.e. it's you makes the promise to obey. And maybe she has 'best woman' instead of you having best man. Keeps the keys sealed till the ceremony. And maybe she also gives you a good caning before and after. And no bridesmaids - you have page boys or whatever. Full role reversal so she's the 'husband' and you're the 'wife'.
    Honeymoon: could be a week or so of CP for you and locked throughout assuming she wants to take away your masculinity and won't want you sexually herself.