Enforce the no discrimination rule

So many members have gotten away with hateful words lately.

This environment isn't safe. It isn't relaxed. And it's because of a few members who are breaking the rules, and yet getting away with it unscathed even under the admin's eyes. This website should not be the place where people get to debate whether someone deserves to be respected or acknowledged. Because all people deserve it. It isn't simply a debate to say that trans people are not their gender, or are lesser than those who align with their birth sex, and attack them over it, it is discrimination.

For the world to be a better place we need to prevent hateful people from having a platform until they can learn to respect others. If they don't like transgender people I don't really give a shit as long as they recognize that they should be respecting them. And respecting them isn't just saying "i respect you," it's actually acting like it.

 

If you feel like you're losing rights just because someone else is gaining them, you need to do some introspection and probably go to therapy.

 

If you think what I'm saying is hateful, then you need to go therapy.

 

See here's the thing, you can't be tolerant of everything. What you should be tolerant of is those things which people have no control over. Their race for example. Their sexuality. Their gender even if it doesn't align with their birth sex. But actions? Those are something we do have control over. You can think something bad and you've done nothing wrong, until you've done something bad. The words we say are an action.

Yes you might say we don't always have 100% full perfect control over our actions. We don't control our emotions and those influence our actions. But it's our job to do the introspection to understand that and take the steps necessary to avoid it becoming a problem. I isolate myself from others and don't talk when I'm upset because I know that nothing I say will be productive. I found an issue and I found a way to deal with it so that my problems have minimal negative effects on other people. In the same way you can hate or disagree with something, but choose not to talk about it. Which I do with plenty of things as well, because I realize there are things that regardless of my opinions on them deserve to be respected.

When it comes to a space like bathrooms... a simple rule would solve it. Don't separate bathrooms by claimed gender, separate them by gender presentation. Transgender people deal with immense dread when it comes to public bathrooms because while they want to fit in, they also don't want to make anyone else feel uneasy. And so that's why many transgender people keep using the bathroom of their birth sex even years into transition. But with this rule you're not gonna have guys dressed and acting like guys being allowed to enter the woman's bathroom.

But most importantly of all, don't put words in my mouth. Don't change the context. I'm not saying every person who said something that wasn't straight positive should be banned. I'm saying comments like "if you were born a man you will always be a man." or "there are only two genders and you're stuck with the one you're born as." or "We need to segregate transgender people from cis people" (or actually saying biological women or whatever which ignores the fact that you aren't simply "biological <sex you were born as>" because in the process of hormone treatments you are CHANGING the biology of your body) are unacceptable and discrimination. I'm talking about comments made ABOUT this forum by people on this forum.

Again this is you putting words in my mouth. I didn't pick people or say "go after these people." I said there's a rule that's clearly not being enforced and explained why it needs to be. I didn't say everyone who disagrees with me is hateful.

And I certainly never said I speak for all trans people. In fact something I've commonly said throughout my lifetime is that the ratio of people acting shitty to those who don't largely doesn't change with any factor. People into kink? Just as many people being shitty as people not into kink. Transgender people? Just as many people being shitty as cis people. You see the difference is that normally I'm having to point this out in LGBTQ spaces in trying to stop the hate that some of those people direct towards cis/het people. Because yeah, there is a lot of it and it's not okay either.

I suppose you enjoy when people say that about your interest in kink, huh? This is absolutely inappropriate behavior for a moderator, admin, and especially owner of a website. Especially one they claim to be a safe-haven.

And when I talk about therapy I don't do it lightly. I've been going to therapy for over 3 years now. I needed it. I'm not convinced that I'm done with it either, because it takes a long time to deal with shit. In fact when faced with the prospect that I might not be able to see my therapist again late last year I was absolutely devastated and overwhelmed. But you know what a good therapist won't do? Ever shit talk any of your harmless interests. My therapist knows all about my interest in furries, art, and kink and is fully supportive of it all because there's nothing wrong with any of it.

 

Again, you're making assumptions. I had time to sit on it, and think about it before saying anything. And I never wanted an argument. I never do. I hate arguing. I don't think that it's possible to get away without ever doing it, and avoiding all conflict left me in a depressive suicidal state while everything kept getting worse. So sometimes I try to advocate for making things better. Not nearly as much as I need to, because it's so difficult, but sometimes I try.

I said nothing about passing. But if say a trans woman is not even going to ATTEMPT to look like a woman, then they'll be using the men's bathroom already. This rule isn't going to change what bathroom they go for, this is essentially the rule that the vast majority of transgender people already operate under. And while there are stereotypes, they can also be broken. With long hair and painted nails no one was ever confused when I was presenting as a man. At the same time a woman can rock short hair and pants and t-shirts and still clearly present themselves as a woman.

If you think that then warn or ban me. Don't get into personal attacks. You are the example that other people look up to as proper behavior because you're in the position of authority.

 

I'm serious about it. You've said on multiple occasions that I am doing things that are not okay here, and said you would ban me for it. If you think that what I'm doing is not only not helpful, but actively harmful set an example. That's what I've been asking for, don't allow users to to be a detriment to this forum. I don't control the site, I can't decide what happens. I ultimately don't get to pick and choose what the administration considers okay or not okay.

Let everyone know for sure what is and isn't okay here. And let the users here act accordingly.

 

We have a fundamental disagreement on who is "purposefully stirring up arguments."

From my perspective, it's you.

 

And as I will point out right now, the person you banned didn't start a thread. Meaning you can stir up an argument without being the thread starter.

 

Honestly this thread has a lot less to do with that thread than you think, and a lot more to do with a previous one and the behavior of several posters in there who were never punished despite doing even worse things than the one who did get banned did.