First, some setup: While I didn’t masturbate 2-3 times per day (tried it occasionally) I did about once per week. My wife knew about this and didn’t have any concern as long as it wasn’t more frequently. My wife has always been very vanilla while I’ve been very adventurous. We did try pegging, but it wasn’t really her thing. Forward to about 6 months ago when I confessed to her that I had some infantilism leanings and was secretly sleeping with a stuffed animal. It was difficult to admit, but it felt good to tell her about something that I’ve had since I was 6 or 7. After telling her, she has the courage to tell me about some Dom fantasies she’s had but been afraid of (mostly due to abuse as a child). I told her that I loved her and that she didn’t need to be afraid of these feelings. After a little time I told her we could explore them if she’s like and she was excited to try. That’s when I suggested chastity. We played around for a couple of months but only lightly and she enjoyed it. Just before Locktober, I was in the middle of a week long locked period and out of curiosity I tried to see if I could orgasm in my cage using a vibrator. As I’m sure you are all aware, the answer is yes. I felt guilty for having an unapproved orgasm and told her about it. Now, when I told her, she was very upset and I received quite a paddling. The interesting thing is that she was surprised how upset she was and didn’t know why. She knew I used to masturbate occasionally and it didn’t bother her, but this time it really upset her. I don’t know if you’ve seen this type of behavior in you KH or if you’re a KH, seen this in yourselves, but it was exciting to me. She went from being ambivalent about my occasional masturbation to feeling almost like I’d cheated on her. I’m also feeling a weight I hadn’t felt before that I must be 100% faithful in letting her decide if and when I get a release and the “game” aspect is fading away. TL/DR: Wife didn’t mind masturbation and now that we started chastity, she very much minds and was even surprised by how much she cares.
Yes, I went through this emotional turmoil too. It's that the secret agreement that bonded you that was broken. It was something you shared that made her feel safe, and she put her trust in you. Sometimes we dont know what we want until we've lost it. And she just discovered that it was more precious to her than it was to you, at the same moment she realised she wanted it. It's a very confusing experience.
it wasn't the masturbation that upset her so much as the fact you broke your agreement with her. And she's right to be upset, really. Good luck to you both.
Sounds like you realized your mistake and confessed, That shows how important communication is in a relationship. Although she was upset at you breaking the agreement, i think in the long run this will strengthen the bond between the two of you. Good luck.
We talked about this and she came to the same conclusion as @QueenOfSwords and @LesterBallard. Before I gave her control, she was OK with my weekly masturbation, but when I gave her control, any unapproved orgasm is a break in the trust. I’m welcome to stop chastity anytime I want and we can go back to how it was, but I no longer want that. I want the closer bond we now have. She is demanding total control of my orgasms if we go forward and I am committed to that. What a wonderful journey I am on!
Same, my husband is not allowed to masturbate or watch porn at all. He's not even allowed to try to stimulate himself in his cage. His orgasms and pleasure are mine alone. And he is very happy about it.
I also saw a change in my madam after being locked, she was and always is a true Domme, in every way. But after we started with chastity, it became her view very quickly that it was mandatory for me to be locked, and she soon became angry at me asking when I would be let out, and it wasn’t long that madam told me it would be 24/7 or I could stop being her sub.
I’m currently on a 3 day stint where I’m unlocked and it has been made clear that all the Sam orgasm restrictions are still in place. This is a chance to show my DKH that I can stay chaste even when I’m not locked up and follow her directions. She hasn’t said when I’ll be locked up again, but I find that I’m missing the security I felt when locked up. Mental chastity is like going to the candy store when you’re starving. You can look, lick, and feel, but you can’t chew or swallow.
If it helps at all to get through this without that familiar comfort, consider how lucky you are to be trusted like this by your keyholder. There are precious few men in your position who are trusted -- many can only dream of it. I have received DMs about this issue from subs wishing they could have even one cage-free day just to show what they are made of. She is not only testing you, but also the dynamic.
That's the crux of it, isn't it. There's fear and exhilaration combined. I've been faithful to my wife/DKH for almost 22 years, literally from the day we met. During that time, I have been through bouts of pornography and masturbation, but never in excess. Even when watching porn, I never wanted the women I saw, I wanted to do with my wife the things I was watching. When we first started chastity as a game to spice of our love life, it was great. The sex was awesome and she was more interested than she'd been in years. As we've progressed, I found comfort in knowing that I was caged and if I had a desire to quickly 'rub one out', the cage was a physical reminder of what I was changing and giving freely to my wife. In spite of that, I still had a moment of weakness, and after my punishment, my DKH forgave me. Now uncaged, I don't have the physical reminder, but the stakes are much higher as demonstrated by the changes in her attitude to my chastity. I do NOT want to take my gift back, but I'm scared of having another moment of weakness. I'm also exhilarated to know that if I strong during this time, it will re-enforce my dedication to her and my willingness to submit to her desires over my own. She deserves my complete and total commitment and nothing less. It is strange to be thrilled that she is trusting me, but at the same time, wishing to be caged again.
Our dynamic is SO much different than most here (Chastity was her idea and presented, even still, as a game), but exactly the same changes noticed. Tried the vibrator thing early and her reaction was simply to lock up any such device. She left one out last week and I played with it - did NOT cum, but told her about it (have always been 100% honest). Much to both our surprise she blew up this time. Loctober will end after New Years and my points can only be used for an edging now. She admitted yesterday she doesnt know why the strong reaction but intends to follow through. Im quite sure you guys are right: there is an assumed promise (whether spoken or not). It doesnt take long with hormones flowing for a game to turn real. And while my old "self" still wants to think this a game, there is the new "me" that geniunely feels sorry for dissapointing her. THAT makes her smile.
I am very upset with myself right now. I didn't make it. My wife/DKH had talked about caging me back up, but it hadn't happened yet. Yesterday, while I was home alone, I started edging and I let it go to far and had an unauthorized orgasm. When I felt myself passing the point of no return, I tried to stop it and ended up having a ruined orgasm. I felt horrible afterwards and it took until today for me to tell her about it. She was obviously disappointed, but she loves me and considers this training. I received a fairly hefty paddling and sitting down will be difficult for a while, but that is the least of my concerns. I'm back in my cage and I don't know when I'll be let out again. My biggest concern is the damage to the trust she had in me. She knows that I prefer to have my cage on so that I have a physical reminder of what I've given her, but she also wants to know that if the cage is off, I can still honor our agreement. For me, the cage is a gentle reminder during difficult times. Even though I could get out of the cage, I don't want that. It seems that right now, I just need that little bit of extra reminder to help my self control. I'm so disappointed right now.