Effort / Reward curve observation/question

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by skD, Apr 23, 2017.

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  1. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    At this risk over generalizing. I have noted two tracks on the dynamic of male chastity coupled with FLM. The first is where the Key Holder makes it very clear that her husband/partner is to serve her needs, obey her commands, and never expect anything. This gets some chaste submissives extremely excited lauding the strictness of it all. Great for them where this works. The other scenario is where the wife successfully leverages her effort she invests in the 3 Ts (tease, touch, & thongs) to keep her locked man on the delicious sexual edge that has him doing back flips to make her happy.

    Again, in general, it appears that the brilliant idea to lock one's penis up 'forever' comes from the man. There seem to be many reasons. Curbing the habit of masturbation, re-introducing sexual intimacy in the relationship, keeping a man faithful, heightening the build up of sexual energy are just a few.

    I will quote my own journey with my KH and our exploration of a FLM after almost a decade of me being a Dom and her my obedient submissive. I masturbated too much for my own liking. I wanted to rekindle our sexual spark (after our child we were head on into parenting mode), and I sought to turn her diminished interest in sex into a turn on to be quite candid. I presented the notion of MC and FLM to my wife. She graciously but cautiously entertained and embraced it. We discussed it a lot. I liked the way it affected my brain. I wanted to dote on her, serve her, and make her happy. Without any doubt, in my mind, this loyal and obedient service would (and has been) be equally rewarded by regular, daily does of 3Ts.

    Perhaps other couples began as we did. But some dynamics evolve. The chaste submissive man is told in no uncertain terms after a while that he is to have zero expectation on any level when it comes to teasing or sexual intimacy. Many men may well love this strict development. I suspect others, like me, would find that a tough spot to be in. We asked our loving and supportive wives to entertain something that in today’s world could be viewed as pretty radical. They gradually embrace it and the 3Ts go out of the window. What is a chaste and obedient husband to do. He asked for her to be his Key Holder.

    I have certainly made it very clear to my Key Holder that I wish to commit, serve, and obey her and in short, make her happy. Period. I also shared in the beginning that I would want the 3Ts to be evident in our lives. She delivers this at her own pace, in her own way and will not put up with any passive aggressive ‘suggestions’ from her cuck. To some this is a contradiction of FLM/MC…surely I am now topping from the bottom if I made the deal that she could hold my key in return for 3Ts.

    Having been her Dominant for a decade (a full 24/7/365 lifestyle), I was very aware there is a major difference between taking on the responsibility (gift) of being her Dom as opposed to simply being domineering. In the typical D/s world, domineering men are shunned. Domineering takes little effort, no finesse, and is a course instrument that mostly does not end well for the submissive. To be a true Dom one has to practice the art of balancing forcefulness with consideration for your submissive. It is striking to observe others in the MC/FLM dynamic some of who lean heavily to the domineering side of things with their wives while others artfully balance.

    I am curious what the thoughts of others are CM. Did yours journey evolve or was it clearer at the get go which path you would follow?

    Please note, my observations are not in any way meant to be a critique of any choices made. I am a naturally curious HausCuck :)

    Happy Saturday evening to all.
     
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  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Physically, things have changed a bit since we started. She doesn't take it out to play as often as she used to, probably because she has learned that she doesn't need to.

    That being said, I go down on her or help her orgasm almost daily and that alone is enough to keep me pretty revved up. She does other things as well but it's not some constant show. I doubt she has it on her mind as much as I do, but then again, I'm the one that's locked and horny.

    Her being my kh does come with some expectations from me, but was all communicated before we began. She promised to take control, tell me what she needed and to keep me in a state of submissive bliss. I promised her that I would give up sexual control, give her what she needs, and to communicate my feelings so she is aware of any slipping out of submission.

    So, if I wasn't invited to participate in her sexuality, was ignored, and locked up...we would have an issue. Maybe she's not as dominant as others, but she isn't like that. She cherishes me and my sacrifice. She's proud of me and our dynamic. She would never jeopardize it by taking advantage of my needs or take me for granted.

    Some here have a different set up, but in my opinion, this is still a relationship, and in any relationship both parties give. If I wanted a totally sexless relationship, be ignored, and taken for granted, I could have stayed with my ex wife. I've never claimed that chastity was a selfless act, for me both need to give attention and put in the effort. But hey, most good things require work and are worth the effort.
     
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  3. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    @Nicoftime, thanks so much for your thoughts! You made me chuckle a bit. I too was in a previous marriage for 14 years that was devoid of intimacy and sex. It was awful. I think you and I echo one another's outlook in that both partners invest energy in the relationship. Like all other kinks, there is always a spectrum and so I realize that this dynamic may not appeal to all. It sounds like you guys have a lovely balance that works well for you and serves to keep you in submissive bliss, nicely done!

    Keen to hear from others on their thoughts.

    Happy Sunday to you Nic
     
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