Easier to submit when denied?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Kiye, Oct 23, 2021.

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  1. Kiye
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    Kiye subslut of Vylette

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    So I have to admit it's been a long time (probably about a year) since I was locked up. We shelled out quite a bit for a cage quite a while ago and it wasn't as good as we were hoping. Not terribly comfortable, but I won't go too much into the reasons behind that.

    Mistress and I have gotten into playing a lot more without chastity and I'd say for the first time recently I've felt really intense subspace.

    We would build up our anticipation for a week or so and focus on our D/s dynamic and rituals. Things were going great, then we'd have amazing play and I'd be allowed to cum. In the days afterwards, I'd stop feeling that intense euphoria of being submissive. I'd go back to a comfortable normal where I basically feel vanilla and lack any excitement around submitting. Going through the motions but not really feeling how I felt before.

    It's really hard to reconcile that difference in headspace. It's like I feel I'm not a very good sub because my desire to submit pretty much disappears when I've stopped being horny.

    After experiencing that intense subspace, I want more than anything to return there- it's like the pinnacle of human experience as far as I'm concerned. I would say it feels better than orgasms and is spread out over time.

    I'm wondering if members here have found that longer term chastity and orgasm denial improves their ability to maintain subspace. Or whether they find it easy to submit regardless of whether they have had an orgasm recently or not.
     
  2. Cur1ous1
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    Cur1ous1 Member

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    I’m completely aligned with you. I remember when I came, I would lose everything and become the a-hole guy that I was… I hated it. And although I tried to stay conscious on my behaviour, it was never the same as after about the 3rd day and on of being caged. Being a sub to my wife is important to me… and I cringe everytime I screw it up when I’m not caged.

    we just got my evotion Orion and have decided to try it 24/7 now. It’s much more comfortable than anything I’ve had before. In fact, the last time we had a play session, I used a strap-on on her to pleasure her while remaining caged. It was intoxicating… for both of us and I’m still the obedient sub in “subspace” as you call it.
     
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  3. Kiye
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    Kiye subslut of Vylette

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    Thanks for the response. Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm an a-hole after I've had an orgasm. Just for a few days afterwards I'm no longer getting the same level of joy from the D/s dynamic.

    I find myself dropping titles and rituals and the whole dynamic just feels less intense/ more casual to me.

    It can be a bit jarring because when we do come back to a more intense dynamic it feels like we've simply "switched things on".

    I think the submissive headspace is really what powers the dynamic for me and unfortunately it may be very linked to my sexual arousal. So I'm thinking of potentially experimenting to see if I would enjoy going longer between orgasms.

    Orgasms are excellent, but they're a very temporary form of gratification. If I could get the experience of feeling submissive for longer, that trade-off might be worth it.
     
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  4. ChasteDaniel
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    ChasteDaniel Caged sub in Philadelphia/Area

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    Yes. The journey is much better than the destination. Everything that builds up in your mind and all the changes in behavior and attitude that all feels so much better than letting it go all at once because THAT feeling only lasts a short time before you feel empty (pardon the pun) and pretty much wish you didn’t cum in the first place. Like being a kid and going up a big slide. The thrill of the climb and knowing what’s at the top is more exciting than actually shooting down in almost no time at all.
     
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  5. Andy80
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    Andy80 Member

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    First of all, great post and question.

    Yes chastity makes a big difference to how submissive I feel and I've only (so far) entered anything close to subspace when locked and when the intensely pleasurable denial feelings have built over a prolonged period of time.

    I find all orgasms reset my interest in chastity and submission, though to varying degrees. It often depends whether my Mistress re-locks me immediately after orgasm, or if I have a couple of weeks break from the cage (when I am permitted to enjoy my freedom to the maximum!).

    I do sometimes feel I'm not 100% submissive, as I need the support of chastity and long-term arousal to get me fully into that mindset. But we are all somewhere on the vanilla-kink and D/s spectrum, and I don't think you need to be hard on yourself if the desires temporarily ease post-orgasm. That is part of how most men's natural sexual response and refractory cycles are wired.
     
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  6. madams-sissysub
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    very well put.
     
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  7. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    I'm submissive by nature, and it is usually my base behavior. But sometimes i feel like rebelling. Being caged sort of short circuits that feeling and helps me stay sub. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  8. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    "Long term" is relative. But I do find that "longer" often (but not always) means "faster return to sub space". I have had the "drop" last only a day a few times, which I can deal with ...

    The biggest drops come from when I have more than one orgasm in a short period of time, e.g. two days in a row. But since it's "whatever she wants, whenever she wants it", I'm trying to figure out better ways to recover faster.
     
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  9. thumper
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    thumper Junior Member

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    I just wrote a blog post about this very subject.

    Early on, I remember seeing someone say you weren't a real sub if you only wanted to sub when locked up and denied. I say BS. I am a sub but being denied and locked intensifies that inclination. I prefer myself that way as does my wife. So for the same reason I go to the gym and run (because I like how it changes me), I crave being locked and denied because I never want to feel "normal." For me, denied and submissive is just right.
     
  10. Turma
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    Turma Active member

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    Before my wife locked me up, I had sex with my hand more often. Since then, no more and since then it is also so that I am ready to try more. So it is easy to surrender? Yes it is!
     
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  11. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Active member

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    We were swingers, had some cuckold experiences before we knew they were cuckold experiences, and loved bdsm. Past of bdsm involved chastity in later years and more so after the kids were out of the house. We played on and off with chastity and when we got our first steel cage things took off. I don't think submissiveness played any part in our evolution, it was more my not being ready when she had the desire.

    My wife enjoys sex, sometimes with one of her girl friends or me. Her mood strikes out of the blue and she wants to go full bore. The problem with me, I liked rubbing one off by myself every now and then and that caught up with me. One night my wife went to bed and woke up horny and came looking for me. I was down in the playroom rubbing off to a hot porn movie. My being able to perform was a noticeable pattern and she decided one time when we were playing chastity not to unlock me until the next day. When I got out, I was willing to do anything and she had a real good time.

    As we started playing more, it was no time to extend my lockup time and when I reached a week, she loved the idea of keeping me ever ready. So when she became horny, i was ready willing and able to perform. Then she liked the idea of controlling my orgasms she kept the keys away from me. I get out whenever she decides and it works out great for both of us. I would not say I'm submissive in life, more of her having control of my cock.
     
  12. Cur1ous1
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    Cur1ous1 Member

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    When my wife gets horny, I put on a strap on and fuck her with it. Haven’t had myself inside her in a while… but she’s happy, that’s what’s important.
     
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  13. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    I dont get the sub thing at all. Im not subby.
    Even with my cock locked by my wife Im not her sub.
    I just want to please her.

    Bur when I have cum, yes Im back to being that a-hole guy...
     
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  14. LockedBoi23
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    LockedBoi23 Member

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    I couldn't agree more. For me when I'm not in the cage I lay in if my mistress is at work I will eventually get bored and watch porn. When I'm locked as well all I can think about is my mistress and how I can spoil her. Where as when I'm unlocked I just spend the money on myself and be selfish. We are relatively young so my mistress does still have sex with me probably once a week but chastity has definitely changed us both for the better.
     
  15. OscartheTurtle
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    OscartheTurtle Active member

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    Here is my cycle as a self locker
    - lock up put the key in a timed safe
    - as I go forward I get more rev’d up and extend my time.
    - as this goes on I become more willing to do things outside of my norm. An example: I’m hetero but if a man approached me wanting to use me I’d let him. I feel down for just about anything.
    - then I hit a wall and my libedo (sp?) drops
    - I unlock.
    - I have an orgasm
    - I stay unlocked for a week or so and the urges to be locked up return.
    - start the cycle over.
     
  16. Elfman
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    Elfman Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

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    I don't even get close to subspace until at least day 4 of edging without release. If no edging it takes at least a week.
     
  17. TonyDallas
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    TonyDallas New member

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    Oh God, yes
     
  18. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    Denial enhances submission for me, absolutely. Someone else said the journey is more fun than the destination. That can be so true.
     
  19. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Active member

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    For me it takes a long time locked and denied to even fathom subspace. I would prefer it be the other way so I could get more O's, but its not my luck nor my choice.
     
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