There is a thread on FetLife titled “Should a submissve make their dominant's life easier?” I rarely post on FetLife since a high percentage of threads spin out of control quickly. It did touch on a subject I have been pondering for some time now. I am a service sub. My natural inclination is to do as much as possible for her. I have learned that while it satisfies my inclination, it is not the best approach for her. I was originally attracted to this woman because she is smart, capable, decisive, and confident. She is pretty too, but I really didn’t notice at the time. I now think trying to make her life easier, could be encroaching on the things that she enjoys doing - because they are challenging. I now think that rather than making her life easier, a better approach is to make her life more enjoyable. I think making her life more enjoyable will be the more difficult of the two approaches. We will be talking about this over a glass of wine. Do you have thoughts on this? Which approach has worked well in your relationship? If you are the dominant member, which do you prefer?
Good point. My GF is a do-er, she doesnt want to transfer chores. She does like using chastity to make me do more/other things, and to reward and pamper her.
I also identify as a service sub to a strong Woman, @MistressAMA. She likes that i take care of the cleaning, finances, laundry, etc. This makes Her life easier and She's able to focus Her energies on the things She enjoys--Her career, cooking, friendships, etc. I suppose this may double to make Her life happier, too. She's happy that the house is as She desires it and She definitely is happy to let Friends know that i ironed Her blouse or did Her nails. So maybe i don't really understand your question or is it slicing too thinly? asa
Possibly, but I think there can be a distinction. It is possible that as a relationship progresses, we may all reach the point you have of making her life easier. It sounds like you are treating her very well.
Through making my life easier, my sub also makes it more enjoyable. So I think it's a natural progression, if you make my life easier it also becomes more enjoyable. If you make it more enjoyable, it also becomes easier. So I believe they are basically the same thing. Because my sub takes on the harder chores in the house, works, and assists me with my disablities he makes my life more enjoyable because I can focus more on energy on what gives me joy, and because I have more energy for things that give me joy I have more energy in general and thus an easier life. And with an easier life for me, my sub gets more rewards. It makes his life more enjoyable too. It really comes full circle.
Interesting concept. I get what you are saying however my BR is not at all a service submissive and I would say he doesn't at all make my life easier in fact he makes it more complicated. He does however make my life more enjoyable. I am a capable controling woman and I like things done a certain way so generally do things myself. I take care of the kids the finances the house I run a tight ship, my way. BR works long hours so I have no expectation of him doing the household chores when I only work part time. BR does however make life more enjoyable. We are rarely separated when home, we follow each other around the house. Often responding to threads on the mansion as we chat about recent posts. We do everything together as we live in the country and chores mount up. He's out cutting trees and I'm splitting wood, I'm cutting grass and he's wippersnipping always together. BR wakes me on a weekend morning to a foot rub that often progresses to my legs and beyond. He always has my tea ready when I come in the door, he tucks the hot water bottle under the blanket at 5am when he leaves for work. It's all the little things. We often joke about how terrible he is at servicing me, he will be horrified that I'm telling everyone. This is however exactly how I want it.
For example: Easier (they save time and effort): House cleaning Cooking Laundry Yard work Shopping Enjoyable (no real practical value, they just make life nicer - pampering): Massages Foot rubs Car detailing Warm bed at night Pedicures I think you are on to something about there being a transition. When new to a FLR, she may not be ready to freely accept things that make her life easier. She wants to help and feels guilty if she doesn't do her part. After all, most relationships go through a period of figuring out a balance of work. She may not be able to give it up yet. This is where we seem to be. In our relationship, she loves the things I do that she will enjoy. Often these things are new and don't upset the existing balance in the relationship. I mean, who turns down a back rub at 2AM when you cant go back to sleep? Given time, and a sense that this new aspect of our relationship is durable, I suspect she will begin to release her hands on involvement some of the things that I can do to make her life easier. She may accept a supervisory role instead. In fact, I am seeing some of that now. Have others experienced MRS.Lilith's concept of progression?
My wife doesn't like me doing everything, but I definitely get some task she does not enjoy doing at all. I think the dynamic of being a KH/Wife and much different then just being a KH... Just my guess though.
Interesting thread. I guess I try and relieve stress points from Mrs Sen. Things like if I get home from work before her, I make sure dinner is at least underway, the kitchen tidy, clothes / washing is dry (or in the drier), next day lunches are underway that sort of thing. She likes to be busy, couldn't spend a day on the couch if her life depended on it (well..... you get the idea) so having "nothing to do" would be stressful too, but I try and make it so she can do the things she wants to do (potter in the garden, spend time scrap booking, do study for her health & safety course etc) rather than the mundane house hold stuff. There are still tasks/jobs that she does (washing bathrooms and folding laundry) as she likes things done her way. Does me doing these things make her life easier or more enjoyable? Not really sure, probably a bit of both. She is seeming "less tired" than normal and is sleeping better. I wouldn't say its because of what I am doing directly, but if she doesn't have to constantly keep thinking of what else needs doing, then it certainly can't be hurting.
I dont think it's an either/or situation exactly. As a service sub also I'd say that once you have the easier part down pat and humming along then I would devote time to the happier side with the time I've surely shaved off my chores by now, plus whatever else it needs - and then you finish your chores on your time. You'll find a balance I'm really glad you're doing so well. It makes me proud and inspires me as an SS.
Thank you Miss, for essentially confirming my own personal thesis. That's basically the way I always assumed the arrangement would work out but I have not been in a relationship long enough yet to prove it.
I hope you will find the right person for you. As for my own experience, I can recommend not only searching with kink as a priority. If you match as friends, you can always slowly figure out if there is interest in kink. That's how me and my sub got together anyway.
For me it is important that a sub do as the Domme wants. So if she wants you to make life easier, more enjoyable, both, or neither, you should do as directed. It really isn't your needs or wants that are more important but hers. I crave serving my Mistress in so many ways, but have to be content to provide Her with what She desires, even if it doesn't satisfy all of my wants.
My wife/Mistress/Keyholder is a doer, I am too. Sometimes I have to take the initiative to drive us to do things but in a slightly dominant way. Lady C sees her role to push me to make things happen. Almost like a manager delegating to a charge hand / shift leader.
Thank you Mrs Lilith, I am trying both ways. I'm on a vanilla dating board too but I'm not sure how to explain what it is we do. Right from the beginning I put in my profile that I'm kinky and "can be very sexually submissive" to the right woman. I have gotten several interested parties, but no meet ups yet. Which of you was the initiator of D/s in your relationship?