Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by vengash, Sep 8, 2021.
Are you done or just taking a break?
I just found this thread and omg I want to read more
I want this to be done to me:
This guy's performance is fairly close to my performances - just swap out painful electricity and Icy Hot with Post Orgasm Torture. This is probably the best video of his. Amber Rayne (RIP) did an excellent job verbally.
It just so happens it has been about 36 hours since I've last masturbated. I remember it well - I used my fleshlight equivalent (FatBoy Sheath) and fucked it hard while in bed - while watching a video a Kyaa chastity/domination video. Hmmm.... so delightful.
Before I run into the rabbit hole - I remind myself that I don't indulge often for good reason. I could get lost after all. I consider my games a form of masturbation (or freakish masturbation as Rachel once called it). Like many things in life, moderation. Right? But, for years it's been in the back of my head how powerful, exciting and frightening it would be to live this life for real, to wake up every morning locked in a cage and made to endure long periods of genital focused pain and frustration.
Yes, I'm getting pervy again. Let the games begin.
I feel like touching myself.
A bottle of Astroglide (personal lubricant) could be seen during a Zoom meeting. This is why the masturbation room and work room should be in two separate places.
I’ve been vacillating between my version of chastity and having a wonderful orgasm.
Chastity for me is really orgasm delay - kinky foreplay. And, if you ask me, nearly all forms of chastity in the BDSM/FLR context are exactly that - some complex method of foreplay. Well, perhaps I’m just projecting a bit here - but, I don’t believe I’m that far off either.
So, yeah, let’s talk about this more. Lately, I’ve been having false starts with my version of chastity. I’ll get in the mood, tease myself with the intention of completing some chastity period - then I don’t follow through.
Part of this has to do with accountability - or lack of - and another part is the day-to-day responsibilities - that is, I have trouble focusing on my day job if I’m leaking between my legs. For that reason, in the distant past, I would schedule a paid vacation from work then quickly jump into chastity. Wee! Once, I even scheduled time with Natasha Strange (Princess with a Whip). She was in San Francisco back then - around 2003.
Reading some of the posts here on ChastityMansion regarding authenticity got me thinking. It brought back memories from when I was young and had first stumbled upon an internet site about chastity - and cock cages. (Back in 1995 - Remember The Altar Boy / TPE site?). At the time it all seemed so extreme to me - shocking even. Yet, I was interested. I evolved at my own pace - eventually bumping into the infamous MilkMaiden. It was then I became a pain slut. Yeah, I totally did not know that was even there. Thank You.
As of late, I’ve been writing an erotic script - having to do with incarceration involving chastity, edging sessions with spurts of pain. I’m a huge fan of institutionalized sessions involving restraints for the purpose of genital-focused torment.
Writings such as this have the potential to germinate into reality.
So, is there ever such a thing as too much fantasy? No, I don’t think so. I think what irks others is lying about it - especially if you include others in your fantasy without their knowledge and/or consent. That’s a bit shady if you ask me.
So, what’s on my mind right now?
I masturbated Saturday night on March 12, 2022 - and it was an awesome feeling. First, I teased myself for thirty minutes with a vibrator while watching some of my favorite images. And, although, I had the intention of putting myself away for the night to begin day one of chastity - on a knife edge I suddenly flipped the other way. In an instant, I removed the collection dish, and grabbed my cock sheath. I placed the sheath between two pillows. Using my own slippery precum as lube I fucked it good and hard while grunting like an animal. Oh. My. Fucking. God. That was good.
The feeling was so wonderful that by the next morning I awoke with lovely tingly feelings down there - as my stiff cock created a tent through the silky soft fabric of my thong underwear. It was 7AM and in that moment with a smile on my face I caressed the outline of my tight cock and balls through my silky underwear. What a feeling it was - for both my cock and my fingers - feeling a thrusting, veiny, hot & eager sex organ trapped beneath my thong. I didn’t go beyond that moment - opting to suppress the feeling instead.
So, is this a good place to start anew? Maybe.
Recently I've begun a romance. She bought me a cock cage last weekend - and I showed her the infamous sexecution video. We talked about Milkmaiden (Rachel S.) as well. Then we fucked like mad. That was five days ago - I woke up horny this morning. It occurred to me that I should text her for permission before touching myself. I didn't go to far though - I just watched bikini videos while holding my penis as it dribbled precum - as I wished I could dive in.
I need help with not masturbating
I want to play a new game of edging. The rules are really simple - if I fill a tiny jar with the purist precum then I get to have a normal orgasm. If the jar has the slightest milky color to it (when edging has gone just a little too far) then the contents of the jar are thrown out and I start over.
My problem is accountability. When edging I get so worked up that I cannot control myself. I feel that if someone is watching then I'll strive to suffer longer.
I've never filled the jar.
I'm self-reporting sexual activity. Today, I viewed a smidgeon of soft porn - consisting of young attractive women wearing underwear or bikini outfits. That's pretty much my favorite outside of watching judicial punishment videos. Yeah, so, anyway, I believe I did masturbate to orgasm yesterday on Aug. 3, 2022. So, it's only been about 24 hours since doing the deed. But, can I stop? Can I rekindle the dram jar game? Will Milkmaiden/DeniedDrips/Rachel S ever come back or have I been banished forever?
I can't remember if I fucked my Fat Boy Ultra Fat Girth Penis Sheath (see link) on Saturday or Sunday (Aug. 6 or 7). But, I do remember what video I was watching and where I was (my bed - early morning).
I also remember having thoughts of being tied up in such a way that I couldn't thrust - while milked (either painfully or frustratingly) - I remember (imagining) MilkMaiden telling me that I wouldn't have the pleasure to thrust any longer. That aggressive male behavior had been taken away from me.
I still haven't masturbated - so that's good. I am looking at my normal softcore erotica - giving me a tingling feeling down there. But, this isn't why I'm posting right now.
So, about my fling earlier this summer. I called her up last night and the game is on if I want it. But, I don't. In fact about one month ago I told her in an email that I don't believe I can give her what she wants. All I want is companionship and talking a lot - either on the phone or in person. She is very attractive and I enjoy sex with her - but, at the same time I will freak out if I had to have sex with her every day. Maybe once a week or once month would be ideal for me? I'm really not sure. I don't want to go into too much detail - but, by calling her last night I've invited her back. Despite feeling that we're not actually compatible.
Is it really bad to say I prefer my 'sex' exclusive to my freak form of masturbation? (The Machine)
During the early 2000s (around 2000 to 2003) I remember taking a one week paid vacation from work and using all of that time for chastity play - which, back then, was only “edging” teases. This was during my early years of posting a lot on the Orgasm Denial forum. It was also shortly before capturing the attention of the infamous Milk Maiden - and then feeling her bend of penile agony. I was new to pain at the time - but, to my surprise, it really turned me on - to this day. I’ve said it before - I find it sexually exciting before and after pain - but, not during.
Anyway, the point being made here is captured by a single word in my first sentence above - it’s the word “vacation.” It describes a lot - aside from the act of visiting a far away place. A Vacation typically requires resources. Vacation implies how busy somebody might be as, say, a corporate worker-bee - especially in the tech industry. Video production of tasty bondage CBT scenes is an all consuming process for the perfectionist - and draining for the driven.
Sadly, and put simply, I have little time to indulge in the time consuming process needed to produce a delicious video. But, I often think about those videos - and sometimes watch the videos I’ve produced.
No mater how long the pause (which can be years for me) I always circle back in some form. It could be just thoughts in my head - while masturbating (the normal way) all the way to a sexecution type video - where I’m tied up, exposed and vulnerable to The Machine (a.k.a. Rachel’s Punishment Pussy). Good times!
It’s been about five years since the Sexecution video was created and although I’m not quite up to that level of complexity and effort right now - I have found myself perusing Chaster.app and the related Discord account. There are locks available - that include various forms of monitoring - such as verification photos. I get drippy horny browsing the locks - oddly. I’ve masturbated to the thought of being controlled - many times. I can’t help but think of ways to modify the Chaster lock to include genitorture sessions. For example, during hygiene openings - normally used for cleaning could instead be used for CBT or edging sessions. I like the idea of control through monitoring - having to video cage removal followed by genitorture - and returning to the cage again - just as would be done in a special type of prison.
I don’t know - in a way I feel another short spurt of some crazy dystopian judicial punishment session coming my way - and I’m just looking for that nudge.
Yeah, that’s probably it.
Well, it's been a year. Should I give it another go?
Alright, here's my offering to the ether. It took me about 30 minutes to produce 1 gram of pure precum. Now, I would have preferred to be tied up during the procedure - but, I don't have a method for precum extraction while restrained. The upshot is less complication though.
Precum produced this session: 1.5g
Well, it seems that the perv gods have finally touched me. Today’s session began with a picture of Rachel S on the beach (a favorite). I wanted that dominance in the air - to set the tone/mood. Next I started the timer for 1 hour. Perhaps a little lofty for edging continuously - however I was careful not to over do it - out of fear of forfeiting this session - along with all of the contents stored in the dram jar thus far (see rules at top of this blog/thread).
So, I began the slow torture by running my Hitachi Magic Wand up and down my penis while laying horizontal on my bed. I lightly contacted the vibrator onto various points of my penis - from the edges at the tip and along the shaft - while my cock gently weeped into a tiny flat saucer collection dish beneath.
Things were going good for the first half of the session - but I ran into a bit of trouble about 30 minutes in. The vibrator began to hurt the skin of my penis. This can happen when you’re very tightly erect. The vibrator will abrade the skin. Yeah, that’s a bit gross. But, this is when things got interesting.
Usually, anything having to do with anal grosses me out - but, I had a flash thought of how Rachel would proceed. She’d say that my penis should never feel any pleasure - only pain or nothing at all. I’m sure Rachel would approve of pegging as a sexual outlet for me. So, that’s exactly what I did. I grabbed a small dildo and slowly penetrated myself - while imagining I was penetrating one of the bikini girls in the video that I was watching. This was enough to keep me hard for the next 30 minutes.
When the timer finished I decided to stroke myself - being so worked up and all - but, I didn’t make it through more than a few strokes - partly because of the pain from my raw skin and partly because I didn’t want one of those accidents. I almost considered wearing my chastity device for an hour or two to cool down. I didn’t need to though - I just showered instead. I didn’t touch my (still erect) penis while cleaning up - but the water felt great.
Yeah, so that’s about it.
I did estimate the number of hours needed to fill the Dram jar with clear precum - based on what I have expelled thus far - which was 2.5 grams over 90 cumulative minutes - so that roughly works out to be about about 7.5 hours total to fill the jar. I'd have to edge myself for 7.5 hours without getting too excited and forfeiting all sessions - then starting over from the beginning.
This is so fascinating, I keep coming back to see what this Rachel has you doing each time you start up again
When I woke up this morning I really wanted to touch myself before getting out of bed. I didn't. Why? Well, that'd be wasting precum to fill the dram jar with. I hadn't really thought of this before and I like the simplicity of it.
never come across this form of chastity/edging before, it's kind of ingenious how simple it is, but how difficult too if you get like one drop of real cum in the jar and cloud it up
I gotta find more of this Rachel who has you milking yourself in spite of your anal hangups
Whoopsie . . .
Well, on the flip side regular masturbation, as needed, is better - because you don't waste all your time thinking about your dick. I've made many references to this before - but, they were probably too subtle. But, yeah, if you play the chastity game one never stops thinking about their cock - all your focus goes down there. Now, don't get me wrong - I love that - but, I have to remain focused at work, as well as other obligations with actual humans in real life.
So, maybe I'll start again tomorrow - or, maybe I won't . . . =P
A punishment considered is no touching for seven days - then the use of electricity for rapid ejaculation (as quick as 30 seconds). After that - it's back to filling the dram jar from empty until full - at which point I can have a proper orgasm. All of this ought to be extremely maddening.
So, for now, the sexecution date is September 27, 2022.
While working I've got women's sports playing - but, I haven't touched myself in anyway shape or form. Mentally I feel like I'm rutting.
My new scale came in yesterday. These are the photos (below). I got this scale because it can measure mass down to a 100th of a gram. My older scale had a resolution of a 10th of a gram. For minute amounts of precum the extra precision will be convenient.
I like the ritual of all of this - preparing. The general idea, for punishment, is total depravation - then electricity for a rapid expelling of my semen - all performed in an unfeeling, cold, and clinical way. After that - back to edging. This should be torturous. Edging has never worked for me - that is - successful edging (i.e. filling that dram jar to the top with crystal clear precum).
Aside, this will be an excellent time to gather data.
Now, if only I could get a proper restraining system in order. More on that later.