Dommes - born or discovery by chance?

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Celtic Queen, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hello all,

    I have been posting regularly but thought it might be of interest to post how I got to this point - so here's my potted story.


    As a relative newcomer to the scene, Ive often considered the path that brought me here and the chance encounters that informed my choices. This has left me pondering some rather large questions about how women arrive at FemDomme when mainstream society view it as so incongruent with traditional views and values.
    There have been a few posts Ive followed with interest that have come from guys desperate to be controlled by their wives, be locked up and commanded by Female Authority but what of their wives' perspective? If any of you read the more vanilla relationship forums out there, often there is a surprising amount real antagonism towards this way of life. Terms like unnatural and cruel are bandied about and this got me thinking about how I came to be a lifestyle Domme.
    As a strong, independent female working successfully in male dominated environments, I have never entertained any notion that I am somehow less important or competent than my male counterparts. Working in a macho environment also has led to me eschewing a lot of more natural female nurturing, empathic traits (believe me, you get stood on VERY quickly as this is seen as a sign of vulnerability) and my career has allowed me to enjoy financial freedom that many women lack. I have never had much time for girly submissive behaviour and found that my thirties meant even greater freedom when maturity brought the view that I could only ever be myself and measuring my worth by attractiveness to males just brought misery and insecurity. The downside of this is that I spent an awful lot of time single as I found relationships to bring a level of confrontation and power struggle that, after a hard day in the office, I just couldnt be arsed with. I also resented weak, needy males that I could easily boss round so doomed to relationship disappointment, I put my energies into career advancement, travelling and all sorts of other great things in life but I did them alone or with friends. Increasingly, my friends paired off, settled down and babied up and I reached the conclusion that that was for them but I was different and was happy in myself and by myself. I did foray into internet dating and I really hated it. I usually got quickly dumped when it was clear that I wasnt going to jump into bed after a mediocre dinner and a crap movie 
    When I met my husband-to-be through work, the main thing between us was a really advanced level of communication and friendship. He was in the early stages of a new relationship that he didnt sound that keen on and I told him that I was a content singleton with loads of plans to quit the corporate life as soon as money allowed and go off and do my own thing. He never judged me, felt threatened by me (we earn the same) and I very much enjoyed his company. I think we were both surprised by the feelings that developed between us and soon enough, the girlfriend was history and we started the first relationship that I had had in years. He proposed 4 months later and we started to plan our big day. So far, so vanilla.
    It wasnt long after we got engaged that, over a pint in the pub, he told me that he wanted to serve me and be controlled by me. Up to this point, we had enjoyed a very equal relationship sexually and I must confess that I was thrown a bit by this. We started to look at all the information out there on Female Authority and FLRs and, aided by some amusing role play, we started on the path to FemDomme initially to resolve conflict. Today, he is in 24/7 chastity with regular CP for both discipline and punishment and although we did try the odd switch, these are in increasingly rare play sessions that I do as a gift to him. We are both very much in love and enjoying our life together discovering D/s as we go along.
    So, thats my brief story. Prior to us meeting, he had been in vanilla relationships as a dominant high earning provider with submissive women and had never entertained any thoughts of his own submission to a woman. For my part, I have managed men most of my career and have always had my own money, my own life and have never seen sex as a way to get what I want (unless its more sex ofcourse!). So heres my observation - had my husband and I never met and been the personalities we are, I believe that it is extremely unlikely that either of us would have entered any kind of D/s relationship and carried on unhappy, unresolved and in conflict.
     
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