Dominatrix will help my marriage

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by wizardpa, Apr 21, 2018.

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  1. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    My wife and I are both 67 years old with no medical problems. We are both a little overweight, but are working on that. We have been married for 43 years.
    We are happily married, rarely argue, both retired, totally compatible, and love each other.
    I guess we do have one problem. My wife’s sex drive has declined more and more over the years, due to the ravages of time. Also my once reliable penis has also let me down. Sure, ED medications have helped me get and keep an erection, but my ability to cum was unpredictable. My wife has always needed me to cum first before she could cum. This started to mess with my head. While having sex, she would be wondering when would I cum. We had gotten to sex maybe twice a year, and then just once a year.
    Another thing that happened, was that we found out we both slept better alone. She slept in the master bedroom, while I slept in one of the other bedrooms.
    Now we resolved to ourselves that we would have a sexless marriage, but we loved each other, probably more then we have ever loved each other. We are together, with no money problems, kids on their own, and we enjoy each other’s company.
    But, I have always loved porn, and I love to masturbate. While alone in my bedroom at night, I might masturbate for hours and not cum, or I might cum 2-3 times during the night.
    I have no desire to have an affair, especially since I would still have to wonder if I could cum or not.
    I did try to get my wife to put me in chastity about 10 years ago, due to my porn and masturbation addiction. I tried on 2 occasions, but my wife really did not care for it.
    Then about 2 weeks ago I contacted a dominatrix. I pretty much told her everything about myself. I had a bucket list of fetishes I wanted to fulfill.
    I never said anything about being put in chastity, but I did tell her about trying to get my wife to do that many years ago.
    Much to my shock, on the morning of the day of my afternoon session, my dom. e-mailed me to bring my chastity device if I still had it, and if not I had to buy one from a sex toy store in New Orleans. That is what I did.
    Once at my doms., she had me put the device I just bought on. It turned out to be a waste of $85.
    After my severe ass beating while pampering my dom., she told me she would be my key holder. As soon as I left her apartment, I went to get a PA piercing.
    When I got home, I ordered an escape proof Mistress Lori’s chastity device.
    Of course I will have to wait 120 days before I can use my device, so that my piercing fully heals.
    I truly believe that my marriage will even be stronger thanks to Mistress Wolfgang.
     
  2. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    At my next session planned for May 16th., my Mistress will cane me 2 times for each jerk off try. Let’s see, 4 jerk offs in 3 days so far, which equates to 8 cane strokes. Does not look good for my ass.
     
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  3. Juan.
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    Juan. Long term member

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    I doubt, in fact if she doesnt agree when discover it she will be very angry and with very good reasons to be

    Talk to her as soon as you can because it will broke what you have, if you wait more both will separate further away and can be too late. I dont know what you have to tell her but she has to know, if she doesnt want to take part is a thing but hdidding is another and only will cause damage to her and pain for you

    The ideal is that she take part so after you tell her you can bring to watch as you are punished or do anything together that makes she want to try. Is common sense, imagine how you will feel if you discover that your wife loves to do X thing and has been hidding for you, she will feel the same which it is bad and angry
     
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  4. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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    Hi @wizardpa
    From what you say in your post, it isn't obvious to me how seeing a dominatrix will help your marriage. Is it so that you have an outlet to play out your fetishes and don't have to bother your wife about it?

    Does your wife know about the dominatrix, and if so, does your wife approve of you seeing the dominatrix? If the answer to either of those questions in 'no' and your wife finds out, there could be significant consequences. As @Juan. suggests, communication is important - sooner rather than later.
     
  5. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    EBCAA20E-2ED8-4FAA-A226-2034579AAD9A.jpeg I am very careful that she will not find out! Here is a picture of my Dominatrix.
     
  6. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    does she know you've posted that?
     
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  7. Chris2Katz
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    Chris2Katz Member

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    Verry sad!
    It seems for me that you never had or acceped a FLR in your impressive long relationship.
    No trust, no honestly, no obedience ... only: my needs, my wishlist, my dreams.
    Perhaps there is a reason why your wife rejected to be your keyholder and let you do whatever you like in your own bedroom.
    If you are really interested in having a FLR you should immediately confess to your wife and subjugate her judgement
     
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  8. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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    Mate, this is a very welcoming and supportive place. But, I am really not quite sure this is the place for you. I can only echo what @Chris2Katz said. I am not sure where to go from there.
     
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  9. Chris2Katz
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    Chris2Katz Member

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    Mate, I didn’t wanted to bo offensive but dishonesty gets me angry. I was not honest a few times and paid the bitter price of loosing trust which you never get back.
    My wife asked me 28 years ago when we were together for a few months how long I think that our relationship last. I answered „Forever and for the rest of my life“. She said „Fine but do not expect exclusiveness. I like to have more experience in my life but I will always love you because you’re the perfect person for me.” So she got here experiences and I was happy for here. That made our FLR relationship so strong- honestly.
    I don’t now your relationship but as you wrote I can imagine that she will understand you needs.
    “Darling I will always love you but I have this needs that I what to explore...” This sounds cute, honest and very strong.
    My wife always says “to be submissive needs a lot of strength, more than to be dominant.”
    Perhaps she didn’t want to put you into chastity because she expected that you didn’t need a device to dedicate your sexual activities to her. If you aren’t happy with a none sexual relationship in your golden years talk to here. If you like to explore your kinks, talk to her. As you write she always wanted you to have your orgasm first This sounds like she wanted to be sure that you are happy. Why to you think that changed?
    I know that this feels risky but the risk to lose her trust in you is much higher.

    Regards Katz
     
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  10. Braddogg4345
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    Braddogg4345 Happily Owned by a Goddess

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    From what you describe, it sounds like your masturbation is what is causing your marital problems. You are in a sexless marriage? Yet you masturbate for hours a day?

    What do you tell your wife when she notices you are wearing the chastity cage that your dom locked you in? Do you tell her you lock yourself up?

    With your masturbation, i would say the chastity cage will definitely help your relationship with your wife. Seeing a dominatrix behind her back, definitely wont help. So i would put the dom on the back burner for now, and try to get your wife onboard with chastity. See if you can get her to be your KH. If she agrees, show her just how adventageous the chastity lifestyle would be for her. And if she accepts it, then make the move to an FLR.

    I dont know your wife, so i dont know how open she is to trying new things. But my wife was hesitant about chastity at first. But once she realized all the benefits, she was all in. And now she loves it just as much, if not more, than i do!

    I wouldnt recommend seeing a dom behind your wifes back. If everything works ideally for you, maybe a session where you and your wife go together to see the dom would pan out.

    If your wife is not receptive to what your needs are...then you gotta do what you gotta do. But you should at least give her the opportunity to get involved.
     
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  11. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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  12. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    We have now been married 43 years. 28 years ago when we were 39, and very much in love with 2 kids ages 6 & 8, she had an affair. Hey, it was not just me finding out about it, but her saying it was tough, and she had no intention of giving her boyfriend up. I was left to care for our kids and we foreclosed on our house of 10 years, because I could not afford the note by myself. Her affair lasted 2 years with that guy and she began another affair with a drugged out boyfriend for another 9 months.
    During that time, I just waited like a good cuckold, because she knew just what to say to keep me hanging on.
     
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  13. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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  14. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    We have not had sex in 2 years. We sleep in separate bedrooms. Her interest waned at least 8 years ago.
    What would you do, if your wife no longer wanted sex?
     
  15. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    There are a lot more to stories then anyone knows on this site.
    Oh, and yes, I did try to have her be my keyholder on occasions 10 & 9 years ago.
     
  16. Chris2Katz
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    Chris2Katz Member

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    Hi,
    the basic question: „how do you define your relationship with yor wife“ in the past, currently and what do you seek for the future. FLR? (You are posting in the FLR section). Is cuckholding one of your kinks or hers? What do consent mean to you both?
    I see „revenge“, anger and a feeling of liberation from a unhealthy relationship in your words. But perhaps I‘m wrong.
    In our case consent is the main base of our relationship and should/must be in every relationship even vanilla. So honestly is essential.
    You wrote that your relationship with a pro Dom “helped yor marriage” but I don’t see how this works. I only see you finding a way to deal with your needs secretly what could be ok depending how you ser your relationship.
     
  17. Chris2Katz
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    Chris2Katz Member

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    I made the effort to read some older posts from you. Sorry, this is too much for me i think I can’t help you. I take back everything I wrote and wish you all the best on your way.
     
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  18. Braddogg4345
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    Braddogg4345 Happily Owned by a Goddess

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    It sounds like a tough situation. Does your wife see other men? I dont know your whole story, but judging from what i know here, i would say to just leave her. I dont see how I, or any man could stay in a sexless marriage.
     
  19. Juan.
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    Juan. Long term member

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    Uff, it is tougher than i though, i dont know what to do but i will try to talk to her and if nothing changes after hard work from both of you i will left her, i think it is the best, both of you would live happier

    And sex is not the only thing in a relatition, do you still love her? do you enjoy the time you spend together? Thats whats matters

    PD Instead of taking a hidden photo to your domme you should ask for it, in fact you should confess the next time you go, she can see you, look the mirror and see for yourself, she can guess for herself so be a good boy and tell that nasty thing you did before it is more late and painful
     
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  20. wizardpa
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    wizardpa Junior Member

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    When you get older you will understand.
     
  21. Braddogg4345
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    Braddogg4345 Happily Owned by a Goddess

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    I can see how it is a difficult situation. And there is a lot more to it than "just leave her". I also dont pass any judgement on you for getting your needs fulfilled by another woman when your wife refuses to fulfill them. I have actually been in that situation before.

    Long story short: i have a fetish that my wife refused to fulfill at first, so i would see professional women behind her back that would fulfill my fetish.
    I was really fortunate though, because my wife is very opn-minded. Not only did she eventually open up and start taking part in my fetish, but now she actually goes with me for these sessions with other women!

    I think that would be the ideal situation for you too if you clould somehow work it out that way. Being dominated by a professional woman is fun, but being dominated by your wife takes it to a different level.
     
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  22. Chris2Katz
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    Chris2Katz Member

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    So honesty pays off for you in the end. Secrets have often - if not alleways - a bitter ending.
     
  23. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    you remind me of someone else that used to comment on here.
     
  24. adamjc1161
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    adamjc1161 Active member

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  25. adamjc1161
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    adamjc1161 Active member

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    My wife, my keyholder, and I are in separate bedrooms. A real sexual thrn on for me. I hope you like it, too, and hope chastity helps your marriage I've lost, I reckon, 4000 (?) Climaxes since first licked 09/22/2010. So ve it. Good luck.
     
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