Dominant or submisive, which one is more complicated?

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "is complicated a desirable trait."

It sounds like perhaps you and she both have some unstated expectations -- you're not always quite sure what she wants, and perhaps she's not always quite sure what you're thinking. Some people function just fine without a routine, but some people need it.

Or maybe part of her dominance is keeping you in the dark about what's coming next and not allowing you to see the bigger picture or the long-term plan. Some D-types enjoying asserting this type of control and some s-types enjoy just being "carried along" within the dominant's will at the moment.

As to which role is more complex, I think they can both be challenging in some ways. One of the analogies that works for me is boss and employee. Which role is more complex in an office? The employee doesn't have to make a lot of the huge decisions, but may struggle with knowing whether the work will meet the boss' standards, and may sometimes question whether the boss is making the right decisions. The boss has more freedom to act according to their own will and desires, but is also in charge of seeing that the employees are well-treated and bears more responsibility if the business suffers due to their poor direction/choices.

 

That is a good analogy. Overall, i would think that the Dom has the more complicated role, especially at the beginning of the relationship.

But as the relationship progresses, and the Sub becomes better trained, the Dom's role becomes less complicated. If both the Dom and the Sub are doing their respective jobs well, the relationship should eventually run smoothly with very little complications for anybody.

 

I think both have their complications that can be equally challenging in their own ways. I believe @LadyMoon nailed it in her description, I think the boss/employee example is perfect. Mistress is the "I'm going to keep you in the dark" type which drives me absolutely insane and always keeps me guessing. The only problem with her style is she is incredibly busy and doesn't have much time and that leaves me craving more from her. She likes to see me desperate but I think she doesn't realize the level of frustration I reach. Or maybe she does but there's nothing she can do about it... anyway you can see how many directions "being complicated" can go. Ultimately I think the dominant has a harder job, even though the sub is at the whim of the dominant the dominant still needs to make things interesting and be able to know how to push their sub as well as when to back off too. Anyway, just my thought.

 

This is where I struggle the most too.

 

That's been a problem of mine as well, I think my wife has had a hard time figuring me out because I had to much sexual expectation in our first couple of years where I should've been more service focused. I think most couples tend to be on either side of the fence, it's either more about the sex or more about the service but also many fall right in the middle, we just happened to land on the service side lol. I was initially hoping for more kink but my mistress enjoys the servitude and me being a devoted gentleman to her more than anything. The romance and connection means more to her than the sex, don't get me wrong our sex is amazing but far less often for the both of us that what is thought it'd be. That's taken me some time to wrap my head around but now I understand the importance of the devotional aspects of this type of relationship and that those aspect are what's important to my wife. I think this is where most of us men go wrong and get frustrated with these types relationships but it's an ongoing process where we're always learning. Seems like whenever I learn something new or have an epiphany I'm reinvigorated and try even harder for my mistress.

 

The changing environment of your relationship is one thing that keeps it exciting for both the Dom and the sub. Theirs nothing saying that it has to always be the same way. What ever is the perfect blend for each couple is what's important. And no it's not always easy but what in life that's worthwhile is Easy

 

They're two sides of the same coin and equally complex. And bringing them together increases the complexity even further. A D/s relationship is a strange thing indeed. Beautiful, but strange.

 

as far as I*m told the answer is: me!

 

I think the dominant is. My wife is really good and coming up with stuff to dominate me and maintain her interest and mine. I just have to follow her commands.

 

I really like the boss and employee analogy. I think it's different in each relationship though, just as it's different with each employer. For us I think it's much harder for the dominant. It just isn't something that comes naturally to her. The parts she likes and enjoys or sees the benefit from, she embraces. Sometimes she is just confused by it and gets frustrated. She loves it when I'm submissive, but as she gets what she wants she starts to become less and less dominant. When I feel like I'm not being dominated, I grow less submissive. She gets angry and confused and wheel goes around again. I would guess over time it will be easier for her and the level of difficulty for me will remain. So eventually I would answer the other way.

 

Interesting. I definitely answered from the point of view of people who are already comfortable in their chosen role of dominant or submissive. But you bring up a whole new concept -- that there can be difficulty in even getting to a place where one feels comfortable in the role they're trying to explore. It's a good point to remember.

And I think, when you're already in a relationship, the roles can and must develop in harmony with each other (or they won't last very long!) She learns how to get into your head and stir your submission; you learn how to appreciate and submit to her type of dominance.

 

None of the Roles is complicated. Every Role should be "you'r" role. So if you're sub - no Problem to be a sub - if you're top no problem to be top

 

There isn't an "I couldn't agree more button", so I just hit like. I get put off at times from the black and white crowd on CM. Almost everything is shades of gray for us.

 

The fantasy of the "ideal" is fun -- total dominance that evokes total submission.

If you are single and can look for that perfect dominant or submissive to complete your fantasy, that's one thing. (Though, I mean, good luck with that.) But when you're already partnered, it's even more important to be willing to meet each other "where you are" and figure out how to make it work for both of you.

 

Sometimes when things are going right I feel that the service *is* the sex. And the romance and connection is the *goal*, so she's right there. But I feel your need, too: it's the great submissive sex that fuels our service tank. It's still a relationship after all and both parties' needs have to be met.