Dom is Mono, Sub is Poly

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Freaky Rabbit, Feb 27, 2020.

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  1. Freaky Rabbit
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    Freaky Rabbit Member

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    NOTE: I am for last six months in chastity without a device, no touching, and quite enjoying it. Our relationship was in crisis three years ago, but now is much stronger.
    ....

    So, I have to ask you this, since it seems different from most posts here. While I have a great fantasy about my wife being a hot wife, me being a cuckold, us being swingers etc. something she doesn't want to do, I also have a desires to be a poly myself. She is definitely traditional christian monogamy raised, where women are serving man and raising family, while males provide finances and go around and cheat, or have don't ask don't tell agreement. In my family, both of my parents were cheating on each other. Also part of my culture.

    So these are the social/family programs we carry with us.

    It is paradox, because she likes to be dominant and in control, yet in her programming she is subservient, something she hates. While I enjoy being submissive to her, I also want to enjoy playing and having sex with others, and she really doesn't want that.

    How can this work?

    One Idea is that she is willing to control the whole situation, and let me do only what she feels comfortable with at the moment, and I go with it because I like her control. Now she said she is OK I play BDSM with others, but not sexually.

    The tricky part of that, is that I get too frustrated being too controlled, and enjoy my time with other people, without restrictions. If I repress myself too much, I can act out in a way that is not healthy, or maybe even build up resentments. It may not even be fair to the other person who starts to have feeling towards me.

    I wonder who else is dealing with frustrating situation like this. I have been looking up Mono+Poly groups and seems that there are ways people bridge this incompatibility. What are your suggestions or experiences? Thanks.
     
  2. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Active member

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    I think whatever you and your wife agree to is fine as long as it involves consenting adults. I wouldn't get too hung up on labels. I do think that if you want to honor the D/S dynamic with your wife your experience with other has to be on her terms. That being said even if you're not in a D/S relationship with your wife she would need to accept your involvement with other people. If you're going to proceed without her consent or worse yet without her knowledge, you risk destroying your marriage.

    I have had two sexual experiences outside my marriage that were both done with wife's consent. These occurred before chastity and FLR. Since starting down this road I brought up the idea of a third such event and she shut me down. She doesn't want to share me. I don't think she ever did, however I think in those prior occurrences she felt obligated(?) to provide consent. Now with this new found power and confidence she doesn't.

    I understand the frustration in that there is a desire for these other things. Still we are not slaves to our desires. There is a peace and fulfillment in denial along with frustration. I'd suggest embracing these is the best course of action.
     
    Divine67 likes this.
  3. madams-sissysub
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    I agree,
     
  4. sissydavenport
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    sissydavenport Locked sissy sub / spouse of Mistress Davenport

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    Part of this question falls on you. Are you wanting to be a submissive where you need Mistress in charge above all else or a kinky bottom? Nothing wrong with either of them, just very different paths.

    As per that cultural programming you reference, it is very real and takes a true conscious effort to modify. It's an uphill climb, but suggesting that your Wife correspond with other verified Women on the site could be a very positive experience to gain perspective.
     
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  5. Freaky Rabbit
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    Freaky Rabbit Member

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    Thank you for your perspective. I feel the route of being is submissive is appealing, yet not easy to do. I feel like I am loosing something, while gaining maybe even more.
     
    bondinchas likes this.
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