Does your past look different, now you've embraced your D/s orientation?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Giles_English, Apr 10, 2019.

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  1. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    As I approach 8 months in "permanent" chastity, I've found myself reassessing a lot of my past. In particular, I would once have said that I come from a very controlling family, that my past girlfriends have tended to be controlling, and that people in general are judgemental and pushy (blog post). Now I realise that really I'm just sensitive because on a deep level I'm easy to push around and control. It wasn't them, it was me!

    So, have you experienced the same change in perspective? For example, of you are dominant perhaps you used to think of the world as being full of frustratingly incompetent people? And if you are submissive, perhaps - like me - you felt pushed around by everybody and became quite defensive?

    I'd really like to know your experiences...
     
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  2. Consensus
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    Consensus Long term member

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    Yes. In short.

    I have long noted that I was relatively easy to push around and that I work better as a flunky rather than the boss. I have said elsewhere that my second girlfriend said she couldn't be the domme she thought I needed and I just didn't get what she meant until my recent adventure in chastity.

    So, yeah, I totally get what you mean. Looks rare though. Maybe most people know before they start?
     
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  3. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I don't think we're necessarily doormats: we're great at championing causes and organisations. However, we tend to be happiest orbiting other people.
     
  4. johnjames55
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    johnjames55 Long term member

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    I've always since pre puberty had feeling of submission to Females, and all my initial vanilla relationships were assertive women. But having experienced the D/s lifestyle and BDSM I couldn't go back to just a vanilla relationship. When collared and locked in chastity it makes me even more submissive and desparate to please in the hope of some release.
     
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  5. Penney
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    Penney Long term member

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    An interesting topic, and curious how we each come to being in a cage. I only discovered chastity and CM about a year and a half ago, but had been in a mostly FLM for a long time. For me the cage and chastity takes the FLM to another level. Looking back I can see the little steps that over the course of our marriage that have lead us to this place.

    I never would have imagined it happening, since I never saw myself as submissive; nor would anyone think of my wife as a dominant. Perhaps I should have seen it coming, since she proposed to me, and on our wedding night took charge. I asked her were "that" came from and she said, "your mine now, so I can," I wasn't complaining, just surprised.

    After some therapy, her therapist suggested she talk to me about being in charge in the bedroom. The alpha in me resisted, but I was willing to try. Oh my, what we discovered when I gave up control. There was a female part of me waiting, wanting to be released. She threw out my maleness with my underwear, and had me in panties full time--there was no going back. I was embracing the new person she had helped free. My penis was no longer important and we were happier for it.

    Not long afterwards on a surprise anniversary trip that she had planned, she became my Mistress. We had taken turns planning trips each year, this was her year to make the plan. I was told where to drive, she never did like driving, and I was directed to a near by city. I was told were to park, and I still remember the shock of discovering we were soon heading into a tattoo shop. I was shocked that the artist knew her! They had been planing what he would be tattooing on my bottom for some time. She had emailed him a drawing of what would now become a permanent mark of ownership. Later that night in our lovely hotel room she had arranged, I was bound and taken anally for the first time by her strapon.
     
  6. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    That's what I'm asking about! When you look back knowing what you now know, do you read your past differently?
     
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  7. Penney
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    Penney Long term member

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    Yes, totally! All of those events are now part of the connected narrative.
     
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  8. Consensus
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    Consensus Long term member

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    Sorry, yes. Didn't mean to imply I was a doormat, I'm not. Quite pushy, and my job requires a fair amount of being 'firm but fair' which I am arguably good at. Furthermore, I can hold my own in an argument and push back on things that I care about (and do). However, I did mean to imply that in relationships, without realising it at the time, I tended to take the submissive position therein. I've only had three relationships, hence the importance placed on my second girlfriend's comment as we were breaking up.

    It was only recently, indeed, on these very forums, that I realised I was a submissive.

    And when I said 'flunky' - yes, someone else's orbit is a much better way to express that!
     
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  9. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    When I look at my past in hindsight, I was always a bit put off and disliked Alpha males and drawn to powerful 'bad girls'. I didn't know all about female domination as I do now, but it was calling to me like a magnet until I finally found what I was looking for. Some people say 'God has a plan'. For me, it's a whole bunch of little clues that when put together, shows that I was wired to respond to powerful females from when I was a little boy.
     
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  10. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    When you were younger, did you by any chance dominant acting women in the hope of getting a roasting?
     
  11. Kate Donald
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    Kate Donald Member

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    I completely understand your view about feeling like the world is full of pushy and judgemental people My history with men is I guess you could say were dominate ..And I submissive I have been described as a people pleaser and the type of person that if I had a dollar to my name but someone else needed it it would be there's and that's from my parents and even my partner now so it's been a lifetime thing and in relationships i guess men have seen this in me and more so in my last marriage it was taken advantage of to the point I completely lost who I was I became no more to him but housewife and venting post both verbal and physical i was nothing more than an imagine for him the house the wife the white picket fence while outside of the home as I found once we seperated he would tell everyone how shit I was I understand now it was his way of ensuring no one would be interested and he could sustain his image and it has made me stronger through trying to understand but because of it however I find now being in chastity relationship with a man who wants and needs me to be dominate I still struggle to not be submissive and actually take charge of how I'm feeling and what I want and need I constantly question myself ....I admire you for finding your fit and hope to eventally find mine :)
     
  12. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    I'm not sure what your question is. I treated my girlfriends in a dominant way because that's what I knew from my Dad. But when it came to private moments I was ALWAYS 100% into pleasing them. I was really into practicing kissing, and giving oral (including facesitting) and even kissing feet and sucking toes. I had one girlfriend that I just LOVED sucking her toes. I did back rubs and practiced massages. All classic subtle clues that I was the 'want to please my woman' type.

    I never tried to 'push' a girl into dominating me though. I was always like 'let me live out a fantasy for you' trying to get them to share kink with me.

    I had two dominate girlfriends in my teens and early 20's.

    One was a biter. She got off on inflicting pain and she would leave marks everywhere. I really liked it but I couldn't get her to dial back a bit and reduce the pain, so I had to break up with her.

    The other was a bisexual, full-on domme. She was about 5 years older than me but introduced me to swinging and groups. Unfortunately she was a bit too much too fast and I was relieved when she went back to college in the fall. We had a crazy summer. I still remember being tied to the bed, giant mirror on the ceiling. She'd put multiple condoms on me to dull the sensation. Then ride me cowgirl and reverse cowgirl for what seemed like forever with nothing but a short school-girl skirt and a crop. She'd masturbate on my chest and spray all over me. Fantasy stuff but at the time I didn't really know about that world.
     
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  13. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Long term member

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    I've always been attracted to aggressive women, and I also was shy and not aggressive with women. I think that colors who I pursued and who pursued me. I had a lot of anxiety about women, even though my attraction to them has always been clear in my head. A big fear of rejection.

    We live a pretty conventional life most of the time, and can be ambivalent about the fact that we have mostly conventional gender roles.

    Sometimes, my wife has suggested that I am too sexually passive. She also suggested that that over the long run, that's probably made her feel safe and she would not want to be controlled. Occasionally, she has a need to be submissive, and I am happy to switch, but that's also where we get into the idea of cuckolding......
     
  14. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    OMG I missed a word. That question should have been:

    When you were younger, did you by any chance tease dominant acting women in the hope of getting a roasting?
    As in act or banter just outrageously enough that she'd get delightfully outraged?
     
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  15. Kylara
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    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

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    I found that the castity and FLR life is a lot easier, she asks, you do, all is clear with her orders.
    On another way I receive a frien this week, he stays on the sofa, didn't help to put the table or the kitchen and so, I was irritated of his attitude.
    My wife says he was like I was before she mold me into a houseman who care about this details (because I will clean after this time).
     
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  16. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    no
     
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