Do you want someone to lead you....

Neither and maybe both?

I want a partner who is understanding of my desire to lock my dick up in a cage and hand them the key. To help me figure out why and what we would want to make of it. I’m not looking for someone to dominate my life outside of my work. Nor to beat me into submission or turn me into a girl.

I want a partner in life.

This response is to the original question being posed by @L-u-c-y and not the commentary that followed.

 

Lead.
Guidance & perspective mostly.

For the most part, I dont need my wife to tell me what she needs me to do.

We have been together for 25 years. She knows I need to be kinetic to burn off energy and so will do whatever I see that needs to get done. I cook, clean, do the laundry, do the shopping, do house projects ... not because she tells me, but because I want to.

I want her to relax - because thats what she needs to let the day's stress-energy go.
I fix her baths. I pick or buy her flowers. We are both tactile so touching is more or less a given. We 'real-talk' constantly so are on the same frequency.

 

Not ashamed to say it's mainly the latter for me.

I'm not an alpha male type (I'm my opinion anyone calling themselves an alpha just seems to be a loud dick head in all honesty), I'm happy enough to follow. I don't need to be led though.

I think between work, kids, and over a decade of being together we had fallen into the rutt sexually. Chastity and her having more control seems to put that spark back into the relationship.

 

Liked the term "leading" in your headline, Lucy!
As there is no neon sign on my forehead reading: "disrespect me" or "I am low" (just checked it in my mirror! ) it won't be enough to just close a lock and let it be!
And: I am a strong believer in the fact, that leadership isn't given by nature like red hair - it has to be "earned" (yes) everywhere on this (and maybe not only on this) planet.
As much as it's not the way to be done by "ordering from below" it's neither "i will ignore you !"
Think in most of the "cases" I'm witnessing here it's a relationship-thing and should be handled like that!

 

I heard something once that fit my situation pretty well. All dog packs require there is an alpha, so when you have a pet dog that is not naturally alpha but you don't take the position of the alpha, the dog will assume that position, and to very bad results. They will be aggressive, act out, unruly, etc. They don't know how to properly handle that role, but when you handle it, not only are they better behaved, they are happier.

I'm so much more comfortable with my wife being the alpha and much happier than when I've tried to assume that role in the past. I guess I like being her obedient pet