Do you want someone to lead you....

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by L-u-c-y, Oct 21, 2018.

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  1. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    ...or are you looking for someone to provide fetishes for you?

    Many times I've seen men complaining that their wives are not telling them what to do, but maybe there is nothing for them to do at that time. There is no point conjuring things up just to please men.

    I've found this with online subs as well, as soon as they are accepted as a sub they are eagerly waiting to be told to do something and they get impatient when it doesn't happen. I tell people to do things when I want them done, not when they want to do it.
     
  2. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    There is no point conjuring up tasks just to please random men, but there is a point trying to do things to make your partner happy.

    When guys on this site complain about that, it is usually either because their wife refuses to get involved in an FLR or because they are being denied orgasms, the ability to service their wife, and the ability to serve in a meaningful way. In the latter case, they are just trying to find an outlet to their frustration.
     
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  3. smash363636
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    smash363636 Member

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    I live an very busy lifestyle, and don’t always have time for tasks. When some people demand them to be done right there and then it’s not always possible for me to do. One of my least favorite ones are when they have me do the write for me website. I’m not the greatest typer and it gets very frustrating for me. One last tasks I have been asked to do is write someone’s name with gps. That was challenging for me to do because I live in the country. So I had to figure out what roads nearby I could use. But I found that an good challenge because I had to think and map it out then go out and do it.
    Some tasks I have been asked to do we’re way over the top and I told them it was an hard limit and they did care and wanted them done. An stopped talking to me when I refused. Was accused of topping from the bottom.
    No means no in my book and an limit is an limit. If people can’t respect that then they have no business giving out tasks.
    I just think if you give an task think about an reasonable timeframe you want it done by. I usually can complete within a few days not hours
     
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  4. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Kept by BK Wife

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    L-U-C-Y
    The short answer for me is Both!
    Let me Start by saying I love your thought provoking posts. Also I would love to be the type of sub you are looking for. I want to be that guy, I tried to be that guy, I even forced myself to be that guy. Unfortunately I am not that guy. I do need something in return and since I have been with the same person BK Wife and we have spent a lifetime together and love each other she will indulge my wants and fantasy’s. I try not to make her be on the clock as we call it, waiting for something to happen. I know we subs can be a needy bunch. Years of watching porn and Femdom porn has really ruined a lot of thing for me, If I only I knew that 40 years ago I think I would be a happier person.
     
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  5. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    I agree. Subs should have only two mind state. The first is in the mind of doing things as being told, the second is to wait to do things as to be told. True slaves should have zero expectations.
     
  6. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Or we could set realistic standards for humans. Unreasonable expectations are a huge cause of problems and this is just another flavor of that.
     
  7. corsac
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    corsac Active member

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    My reply is only sparked by your message, then just my perspective from there.

    Being submissive and being a slave is not the same. If someone wants a slave, all the best of luck, to each their own. Being a submissive takes the right Dominant who enjoys all the aspects that a submissive brings to the table. They can be needy of course. But with time and patience they can become an amazing partner. Relationships are partnerships. Anyone who believes that one party should have no desire is expecting a monk like service. Is the Dominant then replacing a “God”? Slightly an egotistical position to take if you ask me. Not that anyone did. I much prefer my loving wife that is interested in helping me enjoy some of what I like while I provide her with everything she wants.
     
  8. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    What I referred to is a pure perfection of D/S relationship. In reality few can achieve perfection.

    The relationship between your wife and you is also a D/S relationship. But it's less pure and less perfect. There is nothing wrong wit it and I am not blaming you for anything. In fact, it still proves superiority your wife has over you because of what you like her to do to you. True, you still have expectation of her. But what you like actually gives chance for her to make use of you for her own benefit. For example, you like to kiss her feet. But she might not enjoy it. To build this D/S relationship, she could choose to bend to your will to allow you kiss her feet. What will happen next? 3 possibilities. The first is that she really hates it and your D/S relationship broke up. Second, she might grow into liking you kissing her feet since you kissing her feet is a form of submission to her psychologically. Third possibility, she still doesn't like it after many attempts. But she just treat it as part of her effort to tame you into what she wants. After she gets what she wants, she tells you that you are no longer allowed to physically kiss her feet. You are only allowed to kiss her feet in your fantasy. You will be rewarded to kiss her feet ONLY if you did exceptionally good work in pleasing her in the way she likes.

    I think most people's situation might be the second.
     
  9. corsac
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    corsac Active member

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    Your view of perfection is not the view of everyone. Knowing nothing of my relationship also doesn’t help that reply, long winded as it is, be any more accurate. Though I wish you luck in the the quest for your “perfection “.
     
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  10. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    In fact "a monk like" service is not impossible in a Femdom relationship.

    Most Femdom fetishes come from one single source: the need for the male to submit to female. Think about it. foot fetish, golden shower, ass worship. They are all about using male's highest body part to worship female's lowest body part. This clearly indicate males' ingrained thought of female being better than male. Nothing else can explain. A lot of males are brainwashed by the "normal world education". They just refused to accept what they truly love is a proof of female being better than male.

    So, why a Dom can NOT be a Goddess of the sub?
     
  11. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    I admit I know nothing about your relationship. I am sorry if I caused any confusion in your side. The example in my reply is just something I made up for my reasoning process. It's not really talking about you!
     
  12. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    I disagree. I'd argue that those fetishes are fueled more by the taboo or the humiliation than legitimate worship or feelings of superiority.
     
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  13. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    I don't get this. I have feet fetish, but I worship only female feet, I have no interest in male feet. Why? Humiliation or taboo can't explain this.
     
  14. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    That's called sexual orientation. Most vanilla guys like breasts, legs, and asses. Men have those as well, but straight men aren't generally attracted to those when they are on a man.
     
  15. slave_sim
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    The result of liking being humiliated by female is liking being under female. When a male kiss a female's ass, what would the female think of the male? Low! Kissing ass is a psychological form of surrender, is a form of worship which is given by the low to the high.
     
  16. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    This is literally the humiliation that fuels the fetish that I mentioned.
     
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  17. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    Well, the end result is the female thinks the male as low, the male himself thinks him as low. This becomes worship!
     
  18. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    It really doesn't. Worship focuses on the one being worshiped, not the one "worshiping" getting off on their humiliation.
     
  19. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    There are some for whom chastity is a game through which to gain gratification. For them, the need for attention is greater and they will seek constant tasks and activity. For others, it's more of a state of mind, and for them the situation is enough.
     
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  20. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    Liking being humiliated due to something like this strikes me as fetishistic. "Kissing ass", as you put it is not always seen in a positive light by those who receive it. I think that it needs to be negotiated beforehand.
     
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  21. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    To answer the original post, I seek to be led in a relationship. As to what relationship stuff comes along with that, that would need to be negotiated.
     
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  22. Breathe
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    Breathe Wife, Owner, Dom/me, and KH of _and_smile

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    I suppose this depends on what kind of lip service you're talking about.

    I love anilingus and often have him please Me this way. Not for a specific purpose, usually - other than it feels great. Yes, he's My submissive husband but I don't view this as something he's doing because he's 'low'.

    Conversely, I don't love when someone is being a kiss-ass. A mindlessly subservient attitude seems very similar to a typical brown-noser in the office... In My experience, the only people that enjoy those types are the ones who need others to vocalize their 'superiority' over and over in order to believe it, or to perpetuate a certain image to others they don't know.

    The latter is pretty unattractive and empty, in My eyes. Doesn't reflect well on either party as far as mental health and self-image are concerned...
     
  23. Breathe
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    Breathe Wife, Owner, Dom/me, and KH of _and_smile

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    Anyway, in regards to the OP, those choices are not mutually exclusive. A leader can indulge in 'fetishes' as a part of the toolbox or simply because one enjoys them.

    If I had to give him 'tasks' or tell him every little thing to do, sexual or not, I'd feel more like a mother or warden than a partner. My womb has remained empty and I've avoided jail for many reasons. ;) Although, I do hold a key so perhaps there are some similarities with that last one - but I digress.

    Micromanagement works well for some but as with all pairings, it depends on the individual components at play. I personally don't indulge in this as it's not something I enjoy.

    There's always something to do when you're still breathing. Being 'bored' is a symptom of inaction. If pet didn't understand that, I wouldn't bother having him as a submissive... let alone a partner.
     
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  24. Sub2wife
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    Sub2wife New member

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    I agree you should not do things just to please your subs (although, every now and then would be great..esp if your sub is your partner..) but i know that i do expect some effort from my wife in our FLR. It shows she is really into it and not just enjoying not having to do house chores etc...So it's nice, actually it's amazing when she comes up with tasks or orders out of the blue for me and when these are clearly thought out. Not just "go clean the dishes". For example, i still remember the first time it happened, she went out with her friends and texted me telling me to go clean each of her shoes and organize them neatly. It didnt take much effort from her, and there was no real need to do it, but she did it without me asking or even thinking about it..
     
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  25. slave_sim
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    slave_sim New member

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    Madam, what particular good do you feel good about? Comfort, smooth, proud, thrill, high in cloud? Would you ever return the same favor for your sub?
     
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