At what point do you realise or acknowledge you are in a FLR.? We are 6 weeks Into our chastity journey and have had our first proper discussion about our feelings on the matter. It was me who introduced chastity to our relationship. So my wife has told me that she likes the changes she has seen in me and feels like she has a new husband. I have said that I have been blown away by her dominance and love being subservient to her. So it is agreed that I am to continue wearing the cage, she will continue to hold the key. We have also agreed She will not release me from the device unless an emergency. I am to self release daily to wash but must not cum as she controls my orgasms. A more suitable long term 24/7 device will be used. (Already purchased but requires new base ring) If I ask to be released I will be refused. I am to address her as Mrs followed by Surname and to continue with my tasks/chores. So this is what we have agreed so far. She is not familiar with the term FLR so have we just evolved or wandered into one or is there more to do?
Yes, I’m absolutely sure you can ‘evolve’ into a Female Led Relationship. I’m a typical Alpha male and now I’m currently in a FLR with my beautiful Mistress. Before this, she was my slave in a BDSM sense as well as my partner, lover and soulmate. But she saw this inside me, this desire to submit, that even I didn’t really know was there — but she knows me better than anyone else ever has. So now, we’ve resolved to live in a sort of quasi vanilla/male dominant/female led relationship. Most of the time, in vanilla situations I’m in charge, as she has no interest in taking charge of the boring everyday stuff of life and trusts me to get on with it. I’m also still a dominant kind of guy and occasionally I love to play rough with her etc. But at my core is a deep desire to submit to her and devote myself to her absolutely ... so underlying our whole relationship is her control. Happy boy.
You are certainly progressing into a FLR. You both seem to like and benefit from it. Best of all you are still communicating. So if you hit a snag the channels are open to resolve it. Hope this is what you were seeking.
You could say that simple female key holder male chastised is a form of FLR, it just doesn't cover as many areas as a full FLR
I suppose time will tell. In the meantime I will let things run there course and we will see where it leads, looking back the ingredients have always been there. She is naturally more dominant in vanilla life and our private life where as I have always been submissive to her. We have come a long way in a short period of time but I accept we are still "Learners".
When I say I will let things run there course I mean I will not push my ideas onto her but she will discover herself at her pace.
Evolution is the right term for it. FLR does not appear from nowhere fully formed. It is a journey, albeit a planned one. I'm not sure that you ever reach the destination, there is always something else to aim for.
IMHO, as long as there is good communication going on, which seems to be the case here, the natural evolution to an FLR will likely occur. After all, the term "FLR" means different things to each couple and is defined by your joint interests and how well you communicate.
Madam and I were already in a 24/7 bdsm lifestyle before we started full time chastity. So I also feel that a FLR was the natural progression for us. I am sure that chastity has had the same effect for a lot of people.
I surrendered to completely submit/serve my wife on 22 Sep, I did not use any particular terms aka submission or FLR although an FLR is clearly what I desire. In the weeks since, I serve her any way, every way possible primarily by cleaning, doing dishes, rubbing her feet, head and shoulders. I have mentioned to her how fulfilling it is to be submitted to her and under her authority. Her replies have been very measured to date. I believe she LOVES how attentive I am to her personally and the housework I am doing but she is very cautious. I believe because prior I was very much the alpha-male and what we are doing now is so different. The point of being so wordy, I can see us evolving over time.
Even if couples don't evolve into a full on FLR, there is I believe, just by the nature of being in chastity, a certain exchange of power. And also there's more than one type of FLR. But however you do it, enjoy!
There are lots of little things happening that would suggest we are going down that road it's just and for want of a better way of putting it. Not official, if that even matters. I have found some good material that I plan on showing her so there is understanding and meaning behind it all. In the meantime I am still in chastity and she still has the key.
Communication, trust, honesty, and respect are KEY in a wife led marriage. If that is what you desire, you need to tell her everything. Bare your soul. Even your deepest darkest secrets. Having said that -don't focus so much on the sex stuff. FLR's aren't about whips and boots and strap-ons. No one can step in and just become your fantasy dominatrix- it's just too high a bar. If that's your focus it won't work well, if at all. In the end a FLR is more about washing dishes and rubbing feet and helping to take care of the kids. It's a very rewarding relationship but the reality isn't all fetish. It's two people helping and caring for each other. Once you get that, often kink will follow. But as many people say, be careful what you wish for . ;-)
That was the case for us. We started with chastity with her identifying as my Key Holder. over time that evolved into an FLM with M'Lady becoming more Domme as time goes by.
Evolution over revolution! Yes, you can and should evolve into an FLR if that is what you both want. I didn't even know the term FLR. I discovered it and realized that was where we were going. At first we just followed one rule and that was I do what she says. We went into a phase where we started getting into contracts and frankly it was a disaster for us. We've since evolved into a more nuanced relationship that is built around expectations. Essentially the I do what she says is the heart of it, but she doesn't want to have to tell me to do everything. So I am expected to be focused on doing everything and anything to make her life easier and more pleasant. If she feels I'm not doing enough or I fail to meet expectations I am punished for it. I am allowed some simple expectations too, but she can override those at will. She knows though that if she goes too far in ignoring those things it will eventually undermine our FLR dynamic.
In my case it did. We started out switching and it was great , but over the years things changed . I don't know when it happened , but I have not been in charge for some years. Locktober changed something in her. She really liked the way I became during Locktober and now she is hooked . I just know there is no going back now .
When I asked to be locked I also asked for us to be in an FLR. We both didn’t really understand it all that well she she was unsure about that extra dynamic and initially declined. Almost 6 years later we definitely live in an FLR and it’s been that way for quite a while now. Personally I believe if your chastity lifestyle goes beyond the bedroom than it’s going to eventually evolve into an FLR. I don’t think mistress really realized it until she could see the benefits of chastity and the scope of her control and then things just kept heading in the direction of an FLR. We live it 24/7, she loves it and I love it. It’s just something I’m your partner will eventually become more comfortable with as time progresses and as she understands her role more and more.
I remember a time at the start of all this about 6 months into playing with chastity and the first long term lock up. By long term them I mean over 2 weeks. The one phrase that keep coming out of her was, I was not making it easy for her to unlock me and give me an orgasm. I was working so hard to please her in every way. I thought i was doing something wrong. Turns out it was the first time she realize what she had and did not want to give it up by letting to me out to have an orgasm. That was our real start to FLR and it being led by her with no input from me.
It is your relationship. You reminded me of this. I saw it on Fet You are in a relationship your wife (a female) seems interested in taking the lead That's your Female Led Relationship.. Your's and no-one else's What works for you and where youtake it is your business. All I offer is don't forget communicate , even schedule a time for it..and stick to it, you can change the frequency of that when and if you both agree to do so Good Luck
I really like this description. A sort of slippery slope concept, you don't know quite when you reached the point of no return, but it happened, she has taken control, and as you say, "there is no going back now." Very exciting.
As I'm reading this thread, I get the sense that y'all are referring to an FLR like there’s general agreement as to what that is. I mean, is there a single definition you’re work from? I remember reading a website that defined FLR's in terms of the "four food groups " which, if I remember correctly, was stages of female control of sex, money, free time and life direction. Is that what you mean?