Do you have to be submissive to want to be in chastity?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Jah Rubbings, Jul 24, 2021.

?

Do you have to be submissive to want to be in chastity?

  1. Yes! Stop kidding yourself subbie

  2. No! You are just expressing different sides of yourself

  3. Tied to the fence (Don't know)

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  1. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    I don't think I am a particularly submissive person, but I now want my orgasms controlled, and obviously enjoy the addictive feeling of the build up from days of denial. Does this mean that I am submissive? Well that is what most may think from the outside. But the reason I first put on a cage was not to be submissive, it was because I realised that my masturbation habit was out of my control and I needed something to help me to stop and show my wife the respect she deserved. She had expressed annoyance that I sometimes took too long, and knew, though never really vocalised that it was caused by my addiction. So saving myself for her is the goal. I'm still her bull.
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    If you now want your orgasms controlled, that does suggest some degree of willingness to submit. I can see that at the start you had a different aspiration, but it may have shifted over time.
     
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  3. CumSlut
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    CumSlut Active member

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    very submissive myself but I can imagine that each individual's reason differ significantly.

    There are those who use it to curb their masturbation habit, those who do it because their partner suggested it, those for whom chastity in itself is a fetish independent of any Ds dynamic, and then there's those like me who crave to be owned and controlled.
     
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  4. Guest 2939
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    Guest 2939 Member

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    i do believe that desiring or being in chastity and giving the keys to a keyholder does indicate that there is something submissive there
     
  5. MistressS
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    Verified Female

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    Don't kid yourself being put into chastity show you are submissive. You realized that you masturbate way too much, so you submitted to be locked & Her your KH.

    MistressS
     
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  6. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    You do show some submission, but don't act like it is bad. If you want to please your partner, and make it all about them, being submissive is a good way. Just be honest about your feelings and let your relationship evolve.
     
  7. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Active member

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    Dunno, didnt think I was submissive at all before she caged me. I did like bondage play, does that mean I am submissive in general? FWIW used to think bondage play always involved switching roles each time.

    No question Im a subbie once locked but even my Queen says it will be difficult getting me locked back up if I ever get free for any length of time (which she assures me wont happen).
     
  8. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    Ah...but is a willingness to submit mean you are completely submissive? Like sexuality, I think there is a sliding scale perhaps. Very few are 0% or 100%, most are somewhere inbetween. Yes, over time the feeling of being denied is addictive, and shifting.
     
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  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i think that it dose usual mean that but i have seen some men that have been put in a cage and they was not very sublike when i was there anyways. and one of them shouted at me and maked me drop my tray and i got in trouble cos of him.
     
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  10. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    I certainly don't see submissiveness as a negative thing, I'm very comfortable with who we both are. However, there are many grey areas when it comes to D/s relationships. We aren't all necessarily naturally dominant or submissive, as a couple learning and experiencing things along the journey they are things we choose to embrace and enhance in ourselves for the betterment of our bond together. I submit because I want to honour Mrs Jah and make her happy. Not because I'm submissive by nature. If my wife liked being tied up I would enjoy that and find it very erotic, but she doesn't, and I am not turned on by someone doing something they don't like. I'm turned on by turning her on.
     
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  11. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Exactly, please your mate and it will be fine.
     
  12. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Based on our history I would say that for chastity to have any meaningful impact on a relationship there has to be at least a degree of submissiveness. But it doesn't have to be about domination. Allow me to explain.


    When we married I was the dominant one in the bedroom and insisted on having sex and for Missy, as many are aware, sex elicited thoughts of fear and shame. Still does but she is making progress. We got into chastity as a way of providing me with sex weekly and she could sort of live with that but we fought a lot over sex. I was still mostly the dominant one in the bedroom. When we joined this site we found we were able to use it to talk to each other about sex and with the support of some here we were able to find a way to have programed sex and I was able to make her feel loved and okay after. No one was in control. it was preprogramed. It was still duty sex and eventually stopped being a satisfactory solution.


    We have moved on to an agreement where she will determine if and when we will ever have orgasmic sex. So I have finally submitted to her needs in the bedroom. Everything else in our lives remains the same. We share chores and are attentive to each other and work together in everything we do. It works for us because we have found a way to be intimate without orgasms. Though she may not be able to let me orgasm, the loving moments we share in the bedroom make both of us feel loved and I do not feel like I have submitted. That morning when she put me inside her but we didn’t move or have an orgasm and we laid there for a few minutes that way was more intimate than any of our programed, duty sex encounters.


    So yes, I am submissive in the bedroom but when you find intimate ways to share your love with each other it does not feel like submission. It feels like love and two people are much happier than before.
     
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  13. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    Submission without (or with little) dominance. My submission comes from devotion and the need to honour her rhythms and not put pressure on to have sex when Mrs Jah is not in the mood. I love the perspective you guys bring to the conversation, I always seem to learn from you. Thank you
     
  14. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Oh yes, I think that's undoubtedly true.
     
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  15. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Thank you @Jah Rubbings. We have found this site is very much about learning. Even though are journey is very different from most here the advice and support we have gotten has helped us both to grow emotionally and to understand each other better.
     
  16. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    You guys are the perfect example of my philosophy "We have more to learn from those we differ from".
     
  17. Crowned
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    This is exactly how my wife has described this to me. Once I accepted the cage, she only sees me as sexually submissive, regardless of anything else. I have been told that caged men simply do not deserve blowjobs...even if granted one time to time.

    Once the cage generally stays on and orgasms are limited...how could she see it any other way? Once the cage is on regularly, it is hard to see how that would stop. My wife loves caging me...I am less enthusiastic about it; but I accept it. It would be a major (and unwanted by her) change for me stop being locked now.
     
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  18. Jack In A Cage
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    Jack In A Cage Member is caged

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    My story is much like yours. For several reasons, I became addicted to porn and masturbation, made it difficult to cum after a while. We (@Destiny103181) thought it would be a good idea to lock me up and have her control my releases. Before I never really thought of myself as submissive, but after a week or so, I was calling her Mistress and wanting her to control more and more of me, not just her cock. It is an amazing thing, giving yourself up to a strong woman, it really is better and longer lasting than any orgasm.

    Long story short, I just think it is a different side to me, but to be willing to lock yourself up and give control to a woman, yeah, you have to be submissive to lock up.
     
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  19. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    I'm voting for the submissive side. I submit to my wife; it is just that simple. She no longer needs the chastity belt to force it, but it certainly helps.
     
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