Do you ever poke the bear?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ilikebond, May 15, 2019.

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  1. Ilikebond
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    Ilikebond Long term member

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    I do sometimes. Sometimes it goes over funny and sometimes not so much.

    So one of my rules when I am enslaved is I have to sleep naked.

    Last night she was already asleep so I slept with my underwear.

    I got up first so she never noticed. Today I texted her with a funny emoji teasing that I slept with underwear last night.

    Well her only reply was I was now in a pickle about that and something else I did earlier.

    I have a feeling she is going to make a statement about my insubordination.



    In addition, i won’t know for about a month as her mom is coming to stay starting tonight. I doubt there will be much play while she is here. Which also means this lockup season is going to be relatively long for us. Without much fun time. :-(
     
  2. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    I think that you have poked the bear and at the worst possible time. Say goodby to freedom for the next month or maybe even longer!
     
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  3. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    People detail attention seeking behavior all the time here. There is a reason why the advice we often given to key holders regarding punishments is to suspend the game.
     
  4. Changeable
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    Changeable Long term member

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    Wow that doesn't seem very fun at all..
     
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  5. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    Having to deal with someone acting out like a child because they are feeling neglected doesn't seem very fun at all either.
     
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  6. Changeable
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    Changeable Long term member

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    That's dark. It seems like he was just being playful to me...
     
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  7. Ilikebond
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    Ilikebond Long term member

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    Yeah, some people take themselves to seriously. I don’t think I’d like a dom that couldn’t be teased back a little or allow a small bit of innocent rebellion once in a while.

    Anyway, I know when to shut up and do what my wife tells me. Her mom is coming in tonight and she told me to get the dishes taken care of and straighten up. I got up and did it.
     
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  8. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    I prefer to sleep naked! My wife agreed to Chastity but required that I wear underwear to bed. Worried the kids might see something they shouldnt if I slept naked.
     
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  9. Locked4Her999
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    Locked4Her999 Member

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    I think it is sometimes tempting to "Poke the Bear" as well. I also think it is between you and your partner to decide for yourselves the hows and whys of making chastity work for you. Don't listen to anybody here telling you "you aren't doing it right".
     
  10. Fuhr84
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    Fuhr84 Active member

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    I wish my wife would suspend the game for me poking the bear :(
     
  11. sissy_christine
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    sissy_christine Long term member

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    I

    I try my best not to poke the bear as you say, Over the years I have learned that lesson the hard way good luck.
     
  12. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    My wife is very slowly acclimating to (embracing?) the idea of being "in charge". She doesn't really take charge though, if you know what I mean. So my internal argument is between poking the bear to instigate a reaction vs just doing as she says. I'm not sure which is the shorter path to her taking charge. So I poke the bear all the time, which I'm sure must be somewhat confusing for someone who has been told that they are in charge, but if she won't take charge....
     
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  13. Changeable
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    I am ashamed to admit I have told her she needs to do something about my behaviour more than once. I am sure I will be criticized for that by some people here. I am really the worst sub ever sometimes.
     
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  14. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Those who criticize are in a different relationship. They just might have greater wisdom in this area (I'm open to that possibility). Topping from the bottom is a bad idea with an experienced dom, but with a green mistress? I dunno.

    I just don't know how else to demonstrate just how much abuse I'll tolerate (crave, actually) from her without telling her, and giving her reasons to flex her new powers. She hasn't said she doesn't want to do this, so I feel that until she says otherwise, I'll assume that she is just afraid of hurting me.

    Isn't it my responsibility to let her know that she isn't even close to that yet? I get topping from the bottom is generally bad. I'm guilty of it. But I feel that while "slaves" need training, so do new mistresses. And if she doesn't have a friend who can show her the ropes, it's up to us to help as well as we can (which is, I admit, not ideal).

    Anyone who has gone from vanilla to D/s from either perspective who can share thoughts on this?
     
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  15. Giveitup
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    Following-up on this, and post #12: If you've seen my posts on another channel (thread) I have a similar challenge. We're earlier in the getting her on-board with the keyholder process, and my biggest problem is that I don't think I am a sub. Her taking charge of my my erections and orgasms thrills me to no end - and I want our newfound chastity interactions to bring us closer, and raise the level of sexual engagement with each other to the next (any?) level - but boy, oh boy do I struggle to roll at her pace!
     
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  16. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Poke the bear? Me? Never. :rolleyes: Every once in awhile I'd say I sort of do more like the three stooges on the bear. Whoop, whoop, whoop, nyuk, nyuk. :D

    I agree whole heartily with what you wrote and while I think we're still on this journey we might be further down the path than some. It's a fine line between providing feedback or making a request and trying to direct an outcome. The first two are OK, but the last is not. It's also tricky because most of us are doing this with a long term partner we get to know pretty well. My wife is incredibly easy to sneak up on and then overly startled to find me there. I snuck up behind her when she was in the garage and goosed her. I got a hard face slap and 5 strokes on my punishment list, but it was worth it.

    I think getting overly obsessed with rules and who can or should do what can suck the joy out of this experience. So if poking the bear works for you, poke away. For me there is a darker side to it though. When things are going well I rarely act out or try to provoke a reaction. When she drifts away and just ignores or forgets me and the cage starts to chafe emotionally, I poke the bear out of anger and resentment, not fun. I'm trying to learn to stop this.
     
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  17. Sissy_Denise
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    Sissy_Denise Active Sissylander

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    "Poking the Bear"? I always thought it was "poking the beaver". Maybe that's why I'm locked up :oops: When locked, there is no unauthorized poking :)
     
  18. johnjames55
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    johnjames55 Long term member

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    It depends on the Mistress, I'm playful and can be a bit cheeky, but careful not to push too far or the results not pleasant, but I served an American Domme who was very strict and had no sense of humour, with her I just obeyed as required as thats how she wanted me..........But I prefer a bit of fun now and then.
     
  19. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    whats poking the bear mean. I have never hear of that.
     
  20. Changeable
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    Changeable Long term member

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    Basically its agitating or your kh on purpose.
     
  21. b_quark
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    b_quark Long term member

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    So, last week she came home from work and the sink was full of dishes. She was rightfully angry at me and proceeded to open the drawer, take out a heavy wooden spatula, and demand that I bend over and pull down my pants and panties. She paddled me good and hard right there in the kitchen with all of the windows open to the outside so any nosy neighbor might see and hear my punishment.

    Well, needless to say, this kind of excited me after the fact even though it was quite painful at the time. So two days ago I kind of accidentally on purpose left the dishes in the sink. She came home and didn't say anything about it, so I started to draw her attention to it... "Oh, sorry, I just couldn't find time to do these dishes here or take the trash out. Just so busy...." [hint hint]... Anyway, she just looked at me and said "You just want me to paddle you again, don't you?" I lied and said, "Oh, no, no. Not that. I was just saying." She let that go for a second and then resumed what she was doing. In the meantime I got cold feet about the whole punishment thing because I remembered that she really likes to lay into me and make it hurt. So I was glad that she seemed to be letting it go. I wonder if she picked up on that too, because next thing I knew she had the wooden spatula in her hand again and an angry look on her face, and she said "Pull down your pants and panties and bend over that counter NOW!!!" I hesitated and begged her no and said that I had changed my mind, and of course that just made her more determined and angry. "NOW!!!!!!" she said. So I moved to the counter and pulled off my shorts so she could see my cute panties. She told me to remove those too, and then WHACK!!!! she hit my ass so hard before I could even get into position. And hit it again, and again, and again...
     
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  22. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    @b_quark that is a classic poke the bear story. My wife gets mad when I put her laundry away inside out. I deliberately turned all of her panties inside out one day when I felt she had been ignoring me for weeks. She got mad at me and I confessed I did it on purpose. That cost me 50 strokes and she warned me not to intentionally test her again. Since then I haven't, but I'm getting squirly as she ignored last weeks punishment list and so far this weeks as well. Is it bear poking time? Deep breaths PPL, deep breaths....
     
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  23. SweetnessRules
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    From my perspective as a Mistress/Kh - I will say this role does not always fit my personality. Mostly, I am an easy going, people pleaser, but do have some dominant traits. Sometimes it is easier to let punishment go. Right now, we are doing a daily score and based on weekly average - he can earn an orgasm or not. We bank them for future use, and they can also be taken away for punishment. This is working for us right now. For me, it is easier than checking that all the chores are done and such.
    Regarding poking the bear - I understand the feelings behind it, but will say when I am at work, I am unlikely to respond to texts in a way my slave wants. For me, it is hard to change hats and come up with clever, sexy, dominating texts. But maybe that is just me :)
     
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  24. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    For my wife, it's all about completely empty threats. Shennever extends cage time, and never does any sort of corporal punishment. It's very early in the game yet. Perhaps she just doesn't want to do any of this, though she keeps saying she does...
     
  25. Changeable
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    Changeable Long term member

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    In that scenario and if they were with my kh i might want use those orgasm credits before they got away.
    That's an interesting game. It really puts a different spin on things.
     
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